That much was true; indifference as cold as ice had flowed off her all day long.
“You see, all I was going to do is threaten Jimmy with a scandal. You don’t know him. He’s like a dog with a bone—and not in a good way. Unless it was in his best interest to dump me, he would drag me along with him forever, just because he could. He doesn’t love me. I hear the girls in Italy revolve faster than a spinning door and that on a two-week hiatus from the film, a time he could’ve come home, he took the flavor of the week up to Lake Como. His career comes first, second, and third, so he’d do anything to save it. If I threaten to destroy his career with a baritone babe scandal, he will give me and his baby up.” Dawn tilted her head.
“What’s a baritone babe scandal?” Beth asked, her voice surprisingly monotone.
“You know. Us.” Dawn shrugged.
Beth chewed on her bottom lip. Dawn’s confession answered a lot of questions. Mostly why someone like Dawn could fall for a nobody like her. And why she had been so quick with the writing room on that first day and everything else later.
I can’t forget she is an actress. This whole thing could be a movie script; the story’s so tidy and romantic.
“So if you really fell for me, why not tell me? Why not let me in on the plan? Why keep it a secret?”
“To avoid a scene like this. I know I waited too long to tell you I love you. I don’t even know when it happened. Maybe when I heard ‘The Tarot Card’ for the first time…maybe when I see how you look at me… All I know is that when I thought I was pretending to fall in love, I really did.” A sad smile played at her lips. “Believe me, it surprised the hell out of me too.”
Did Dawn really love her? Beth’s heart had quickened with those three little words, I love you. Dawn had never said it out loud except for now, when it was in her best interest to do so.
“I don’t know.” Beth shook her head. “You’ve been in complete control since day one.”
“Sweetheart, look at me. This isn’t what complete control looks like.” A tear finally spilled over and slid down her cheek. “You think it’s easy to sit here and open up to you after a lifetime of protecting myself from everyone I’ve ever met?”
“No, of course not. If that’s true, I’m so sorry your life has been like that. But I can’t stop thinking that you always write the script. You told me what to say to my parents and exactly when to stop. How to act with Courtland…” Her voice turned shrill as all her emotion poured into her words.
“I’ve had to write my own scripts my whole life. Why do you think I’m so good at reading people and hiding who I am? Now that all this is out, we get to write our own script. Together, if you’ll have me.”
Beth took in a deep breath and held it until her lungs screamed for air. She shook her head uncertainly.
“Listen. We already have our first act.” Dawn raced from the room. “I’ll be right back.”
Here was her chance. To get into her truck and drive away for good. Dawn was trouble; that much was clear, and she, herself, was already in so far over her head that staying put would probably pull her completely under. She tried to get off the couch. Her legs were wobbly and wouldn’t hold her weight. She fell back into the cushions and into indecision.
Did she really want to leave? Dawn had said she loved her. But, surely as she was sitting here, there had to be another angle.
Dawn returned to the room, waving a white envelope. “Look, this came in yesterday. I wanted to wait until Courtland left before I showed it to you. Actually, I wanted to go back to the river with another picnic but… Oh well, you need to see it now.” She flapped the letter in the air.
Beth just sat up straight and lifted her hand, making Dawn walk all the way to the couch to give it to her. It looked official. Titanium Pages and a New York address were printed in silver in the upper left-hand side. Dawn’s name and her Steelhead address were typed across the front.
“Open it,” Dawn said.
Beth slid her finger under the back flap and then realized that it had already been opened. Whatever was inside, Dawn, of course, already knew. A thick piece of paper slid out easily. She unfolded it and took in the information all at once.
Unbelievably, Titanium Pages was very interested in publishing Heartwood by the unknown author Beth Walker.
“It’s a tiny publishing house, but they specialize in literature like this, and I think if they push it right… Oh Beth this is the beginning for you…and for us. Our new script together.”
Beth fell back into the cushions. Her whole body went numb. She didn’t know what to feel.
“This is good news,” Dawn said.
“When…When…?”
Dawn plopped beside her on the couch and let her leg brush against Beth’s. “I sent it in right after our day at the river. I knew you’d come round to submitting eventually, and I thought it would be a wonderful surprise if I could take you somewhere and whip the letter out.”
“So you did it all without telling me…or asking me?” Coming on the heels of the previous conversation, the miraculous appearance of this letter jabbed hard at her.
“Yes. I was trying to protect you. I mean, there was a chance that they’d reject it, and I didn’t want you to get hurt or lose your nerve. I know you’re going to be great someday. I’m sure of it in that way I know things. But if they didn’t accept it, I didn’t want you to quit before you even got started.”
Dawn always knew just when to pull out the writing card. Beth glanced down at the letter. She held it so tightly that the edge was crumpled, but the words leapt up at her. Far better than pulp fiction. Underground hit. A new, astonishing voice in the secret lives of women. She wanted what the letter promised with an almost visceral need, but it was addressed to Dawn, not to her. She was the contact person.
“Have you gotten back to them?”
“No. I was waiting for you.”
A hundred thoughts swirled in her brain and crashed into each other. Did Dawn only stay to control Heartwood? Or had she thrown away her own future for one they could share? Would she ever know what Dawn’s real rationale was? She clenched her fists on her lap as the rush of emotions from the whole day threatened to overwhelm her.
“You’re happy about this, right?” Dawn’s voice was husky with feeling.
When she looked at Dawn, it was as if the veil had been rent. Beth saw her as if for the first time. She was still lovely beyond measure, but a wariness sat at the edges of her eyes. It had probably always been there; Beth just hadn’t noticed until now. At some point since they had walked downstairs, the power had shifted, and now she held some of it in her own hands.
Her fists uncurled on her lap. The palms held angry red marks from her nails digging into them.
She had sold her novel!
A calmness like heavy water spread over her. If she had to grow up and sell her soul a little to grab success, where was the harm? Especially since the price bought her a front seat in this relationship.
“Well, are you happy?” Dawn asked.
“Yes. I am.” The answer felt right rolling off her tongue; her voice carried with it a new maturity.
Dawn dropped her head on Beth’s shoulder. “We should write back to Titanium Pages in the morning. Let them know and start this ball rolling.”
“Okay,” Beth said. Exhaustion spread through her. Suddenly, she was tired beyond words. “Come on.” She got up from the couch. “We should go to bed. It’s been a long day…for both of us.”
Later that night, Beth woke up shivering and searched for the covers. She found them at the foot of the bed and pulled them up to her chin only to realize that she and Dawn were on opposite sides of the mattress. Normally, she snuggled up to Dawn, her front to Dawn’s back. The warmth that their togetherness generated was enough to keep them toasty all night long. But tonight there was at least a foot of space between them.
Dawn reached out and interlaced her fingers with Beth’s. Even in sleep, she seemed to know what
Beth was thinking. Dawn’s hand was soft and warm, and despite the dark thoughts that still swirled in her mind, Beth squeezed it before she drifted back to sleep.
In the morning, Beth was the first one up. She slid from the bed as not to wake Dawn and headed downstairs. The letter still sat on the coffee table, and she read it again, this time savoring the praise and letting the excitement finally take root. This could be the beginning for her. She had so many stories in her head, and who knew what might happen?
Dawn moved around in the bedroom upstairs, and Beth made her way into the kitchen to put the kettle on for coffee.
A shrill ring pierced the air. The phone in the den echoed all the way into the kitchen. It could only be Jimmy this early; Dawn’s footsteps took the stairs two at a time to catch the call.
“Hello?” Dawn’s voice was breathless from the trot down the steps.
Yesterday, Beth would’ve hurriedly made the coffee, run a cup in to Dawn, and hung out by the door so she could eavesdrop. Today that story had changed. She pulled out two mugs as well as the milk and sugar for Dawn and escaped to the back porch while the water boiled.
A cool morning breeze drifted through the trees, and she turned toward it, letting the air dance around her face as she waited.
Dawn eventually slid the screen door open and joined her on the porch. “That was Jimmy.”
“I gathered.” The space between them was at least a couple of feet. Lovers or strangers who didn’t really know each other? It was still unclear.
“They’ve three weeks left on set, and then he’s coming back.”
“That’s two weeks shy of when the baby’s due.”
“Yes, he says he wants to be here when his son is born.”
“And if it’s a girl?” The baby rose up before her for the first time as an actual future person.
“I’m not sure if that would be better or worse.” Dawn drummed her fingers on the porch railing. “Look, we need to talk.”
“Yeah, we do,” Beth said.
“If we want to stay together, we should figure out a plan.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I do, Beth. You got to believe me.” Dawn slid toward her.
Beth fought the urge to slide even closer. “Why?”
“A thousand reasons, no reasons at all. I just do.” Another one of her non-answers.
“We can’t just take off. There’s the baby.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m too recognizable to have a baby in some out-of-the-way hospital, and Jimmy will have the law and public opinion on his side if he wants to take the baby after it’s born.” Dawn’s fingers flicked restlessly on the railing.
“I’m not moving down to LA to hide as your assistant, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Beth said. “I hated it yesterday, and we can’t weather any more secrets, I don’t think.”
“Oh…okay.” Dawn wrapped her arms around her chest, either to protect herself from the chill or the conversation; Beth couldn’t tell.
They both stared out into the forest for a moment.
“I just thought… Maybe…” Dawn started slowly, clearly thinking out loud. “You could take all that money upstairs. Move somewhere as a writer. That should keep you going for a while. I could come visit you.”
“On what? Quickie vacations when you don’t have a movie or press tour?” Beth asked.
“Or even better I could come with you.”
“To live? With the baby?”
“I have to get away from Jimmy. You have a better idea?” Dawn looked at her for a real answer. This wouldn’t have happened twenty-four hours ago. Everything had changed.
“Where were you going to go with the passport upstairs?”
“Somewhere in South America, Brazil maybe. Where it would be easier to hide. But that ship has sailed now that I am so close to delivery.”
“I know. I was just wondering. I’m not sure there’s a good answer.”
“You don’t want to call it quits, do you?”
Dawn had finally been brave enough to say it out loud. They had been circling around the simplest answer since the moment Beth had found Dawn’s stash upstairs. Now that the question had been thrown in Beth’s court, a weight lifted from her shoulders. It would be so much easier to go their separate ways. Not deal with a baby or a relationship that was as much pain as pleasure.
She could run away to New York and Titanium Pages and truly find herself there. There had to be real estate offices in the Big Apple. She could plod along in a day job and write at night. It actually sounded romantic in a starving artist kind of way.
“No.” The answer surprised her. It came from her heart, not her head. “There has got to be some other way.”
Dawn’s deep sigh was better than any answer she could’ve actually voiced. Or maybe it was an answer Beth could read what she wanted into. Most, though not all, of the doubt melted away, and she draped an arm around Dawn’s shoulders. She was freezing.
“Let’s go back inside. I’m sure the water’s boiling by now.” She turned Dawn back into the house. It felt good to be driving the relationship even in this small way.
They spent all morning at the kitchen table. The answer they finally came up with was the one that had already been in play. They would hold their relationship over Jimmy’s head. Threaten to go public as a couple if he didn’t give Dawn her freedom, at least behind the scenes.
“That’s a big chance to take,” Beth said. “What if it backfires? What if he says no?”
“If we play it right, it shouldn’t.” Dawn sat clutching her coffee mug, but the sparkle had crept back into her eyes. “Jimmy’s public image is as a man’s man, an all-around beefcake. What if it comes out that he can’t even keep his wife satisfied? Or maybe…we can threaten to tell the press that this really is a marriage of convenience. And that he likes men…and we’re married to keep each other’s secrets.” She tapped the empty mug against the table. “Oh yes. That’s better. We should go with that.”
“Are you sure? I don’t think we should go that far. There’s an awful lot that can go wrong with just the first part. I mean, this relationship is true after all. And what would this truth do to your career?”
“We wouldn’t have to worry about this. Not if we play it right!” Dawn nodded as she revved up. “Jimmy is a terrified little kid inside. All we’ve got to do is get the jump on him. He’s only any good when he’s in control. All we got to do is make him think we’re going to do it. Acting 101.”
“I don’t know if I can—”
Dawn slapped her hand on the table, oddly reminiscent of Jimmy that first night. “What if we both move to New York? You would be closer to your publishing house, and I could pursue Broadway. No, wait. Live television. You know how many shows they film out there? I could totally reinvent myself.” She looked at Beth and added quickly, “And you could write. Not as my assistant. As an artist in your own right.”
Despite herself, Beth got caught up in Dawn’s excitement. “That I could do. If I really want to be someone, I would have to write a different type of book, not about the secret lives of women.” God, was she really considering this?
“You could absolutely do that! Publish Heartwood under a different name, and write more mainstream books on the side under your real name.” Dawn’s whole face lit up as if the plan had already proven to be a wild success.
“Like what?” Beth took in a quick breath. For goodness’s sake. She was considering it.
“Whatever you want. What about those kids’ books you’re always going on about with the tiger and the magic cabinet?”
“It’s a lion and a wardrobe.”
“Whatever. It’s all make-believe anyway. You could make up whatever world you want.”
“I do like fantasy. But I can’t compete with those books.”
“Then don’t. Go for a younger age group. Before they reach those books.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Beth nodded as the notion sank in.
Beth reached across the table to grab her hand. “I’d rather live it than write it.”
“We’d still have to be careful. And we’d have to get the studio to create a new story. Maybe a love affair on the set for Jimmy—like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. He could ride it all the way to the bank. Oh yes, Beth. I’d rather live it too!”
Dawn got up from the kitchen table and pulled Beth with her. “Come on, then. Let’s go call Titanium and tell them the good news. It’s nearly noon in New York, and we have a lot of work to do.”
The phone was practically glued to Dawn’s ear for the next week. She made calls first to Titanium Pages, then her agent and finally her friends in New York. Things fell into place surprisingly fast. Within days, a contract for Elizabeth T. Rusco came from Titanium Pages. Just for show, Beth took Dawn out to the beach at the river where they first made love to sign it. Beth insisted on a name that combined all their various names, real and imaginary, and even made Dawn sign the T onto the contract herself.
Dawn somehow found an available sublet on the Upper East Side of Manhattan with three bedrooms—one for each of them, to keep the story kosher—and wired money for the deposit. Her agent had a lead on a new comedy for NBC that shot at Uptown Studios. The role was another zany housewife with a heart of gold. Now that advertisers were coming out of the woodwork to get her to sponsor diapers and baby bottles, he was sure it would be perfect for her. Dawn told Beth about each offer with increasing confidence. Beth completely fell into Dawn’s mood, kicking away that little voice that was telling her to still watch out.
They made one last trip into San Francisco to the baby doctor, throwing out baby names the whole way.
Heartwood Page 17