Half an hour later Sam and Renee left Vivian’s, an implicit agreement between them all. The children would remain at their aunt’s house that evening, none of the adults wishing to disturb their slumber. The Aherns also requested one night to sleep on this decision, although neither could imagine going back on what had been decided. Vivian didn’t mind that caveat, but she asked Renee to call her first thing in the morning regardless if the Aherns had changed their minds. Renee had nodded, hugged her friend, then followed Sam to their car. The ride home was in silence, although the Aherns held hands. Sam tried stealing glances at his wife, but he paid attention to the road, although thoughts swirled. Sam and Renee were going to be parents in a manner neither had dreamed.
When reaching their street, Sam slowed considerably. He felt as though once he parked the Chevy in the driveway, their lives would restart, and part of it would be about selling this car. He smiled, then frowned, wondering if Renee would feel the same; they would need a bigger vehicle, or at least one with four doors. Then Sam winced; Eric had started the painting already, but when he returned, would he want Sam to pose again in front of whatever automobile the Aherns were driving? Then Sam shook his head, idling along the road, his house merely yards away.
Seeing where they were he quietly huffed, then put on the brakes, looking at Renee. “I didn’t mean anything by that, I was just….” The last thing Sam wanted was for Renee to think he was having second thoughts. The only questionable part was what car would replace this one? Then he smiled, gently hitting the accelerator, pulling into their driveway. He parked, killed the engine, then turned to his wife. “I was thinking about what kind of car to get, you know, to replace this one. Renee, I swear, that’s all I was….”
She leaned toward him, stroking his face. “Sam, it’s okay.” She smiled, then giggled. Then she moved as close as possible, kissing him. Sam closed his eyes, feeling as if they were in bed making love, making a…. But not just one child, and not twins either. When Renee ended the kiss, she giggled again, sounding so young. “Let’s go in. We can talk in bed.”
Sam nodded, then got out of the car, locking it. He followed his wife into the house, but let Renee lock up. Their abandoned dinner still waited in the kitchen, and Sam didn’t want to wake to split pea soup in the morning. He dumped it in the trash, then thought about that bear. Vivian never said what she did with it, other than it went into the washing machine. There was much to do, beds to buy in addition to another car, clothes for the kids, toys…. Then Sam turned around, finding Renee standing in the kitchen doorway. Her smile shone, her white-gray eyes wide, also free. She looked changed in some way, then he grew slightly embarrassed. Somehow she resembled Lynne right after that woman had given birth. Yet Renee didn’t look exhausted or sweaty. But her face held some newfound emotion just as powerful as what Lynne had earned through hours of labor. Sam hadn’t noticed a new feature upon Eric, only on Lynne. Did Renee see something different now, for she kept staring at her husband. “What?” Sam asked, then he huffed again. “Oh jeez,” he began, but before he could say anymore, Renee was at his side, her finger against his lips.
“It’s your eyes Samuel, they’re, oh my goodness, so blue. I’ve never seen them this blue.” Renee’s tone was gentle as if introducing herself. Maybe she was, for now she was a mother and he was a father and…. Sam nodded, although his eyes didn’t feel altered. He blinked a few times, which made Renee laugh. Then she kissed him again and he closed his eyes, lost in bliss and warmth and…. Fatherhood, which might be just as unsettling for them as those first couple of weeks were for the Snyders. Then Sam thought about Paul, his small voice blending alongside Sam’s as he read that story, one that Paul knew well enough to read along with, or recite what he knew from memory. Which parent had read that book to Paul, then Sam shivered. Those parents were dead; how were he and Renee supposed to go about replacing them?
“Sam, there’s lots we need to discuss. But first I wanna….” She whispered in his ear and he nodded without hesitation. Yes, there were many details to sort, but what she desired was equally what Sam needed, much to his surprise. Grasping Sam’s hand, Renee turned off the kitchen light, then led him to their bedroom. Tenderly they made love, then wrapped the other close. They fell asleep that way, not considering if it was their last night in that house as only the two of them.
In the morning, Sam woke first, but Renee stirred right after he returned from the bathroom. He waited for her to come back, then they snuggled in bed together. It was only six, and while she had to work, they also needed to confirm what had occurred last night. Sam was even more sure about their decision, but was Renee still of the same mind?
He wanted to speak, but hesitated. He’d given this idea much attention, although in a roundabout way. But Renee had only considered it after Vivian brought it up. Sam cuddled his wife, aware that they wouldn’t make love again, but the intimacy was necessary. Then Renee pulled away. “Do you still wanna do this?” she asked.
He nodded. “Do you?”
She smiled, then traced his chest with her finger. “I feel sort of, well….”
“What?”
“Silly. You’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?”
He took a breath, then exhaled. “Yeah, but only a little.”
“That’s why you weren’t keen on looking through the dossiers.”
He nodded. “Renee, I know it seems….”
“It’s like Eric, you know? That’s how blue your eyes were last night, they’re still that blue now. The morning he left, the sky was so blue. When I took Jane into the house, I kept looking up, then we stood at the nursery window, he wanted to tell her goodbye, and the sky was so beautiful, just like your eyes.” Now she traced his eyes, and while he wanted to close them, he didn’t. He stared at hers, for both of them were altered.
“Sam, what you said last night, about selling the car, you’re right. We might need to sell another painting, not the boysenberries, though. I suppose we can sell the landscape. But there’s one other thing we need to know and if Vivian says no, well….”
“What?” Sam’s pulse raced. Selling the landscape had also popped into his head, but it was well down the list. “What else is there?”
“We need to ask if….”
As Renee spoke, Sam sighed. He hadn’t even considered that and felt ashamed. Then he nodded, gripping Renee’s hands. One issue could derail all of their plans.
Sam couldn’t speak, for his heart now pounded, how did they not think of asking about this last night? Renee got out of bed, put on her robe, then shoved her hands in her pockets. “She knows I need to be at the office early, but I don’t wanna disturb them. I’ll wait until a quarter to seven. Maybe she’ll call us first.”
Sam barely nodded, then he cleared his throat, but an ache made him flinch. “You think she’ll change her mind?”
Renee shrugged. “I gotta assume she’s thought about it, but who knows?” Renee sat next to Sam, then clutched his hands. “Let’s pray Sam, that’s all we can do.”
Before Sam could take another breath, Renee began The Lord’s Prayer. Sam joined her, but his voice quivered. Together they said Amen, then Renee stood from the mattress. She set out her hands, which Sam grasped. Then he stood, and they walked into the kitchen, both staring at the telephone.
Ten minutes later, the phone rang. It was Vivian, Renee mouthed to Sam. “I was just getting ready to call you,” Renee said as Sam came to her side.
He couldn’t hear Vivian’s response, but Renee nodded. “Oh that’s good. Well, we’re still on board, although we have a question, and we both feel somewhat, well, we should’ve asked last night. And please know that we’ll respect your decision, they’re your….” Renee paused and Sam’s stomach lurched. “Niece and nephew, and we’ll abide by whatever you decide.”
Sam wanted to hold his breath until he knew the answer, but inhalations were followed by exhalations as Renee posed their query. Then she was silent for what to Sam felt like
forever. Yet, it was an important question, probably the most meaningful request connected to this event. Sam took another breath, then felt Renee do the same as she began to speak. He closed his eyes, asking God for patience, for peace, for….
“Are you sure?” Renee’s tone was shaky and Sam winced. Then he exhaled as Renee’s voice grew teary. “Okay, that’s all we wanted to know. Uh-huh. Well, I guess we’ll proceed however you think’s best. Sure. Call me at work, or Sam’ll be here today.” Then Renee looked at her husband. “You’re home today, right?”
He nodded, although he wasn’t sure. If he was slated to counsel vets, he’d call the hospital and change his schedule. His schedule was flexible if indeed they were going to….
“Yeah, he’s home today. Okay Vivian, we’ll be in touch. Yup, okay, bye-bye.” Renee hung up the phone, but didn’t immediately release the receiver. She stared at her hand, then turned to face Sam, letting go of the phone in the process. Her smile was small, then it filled her face. “She said that of course we can raise them as Catholics. Said she thought about it after we left, that none of us had brought it up, but she’d already considered it. Beth and Roy weren’t religious but she doesn’t have any quarrel with it. Sam, Sam, Sam?”
He didn’t realize he was shaking until Renee had wrapped her arms around him, nor did he feel his tears until she was kissing them away. All he knew was the biggest sense of relief, more than what he’d felt when Eric’s eyes were fully human or when that man had turned up at St. Anne’s on Christmas Eve. Then Sam began to wail, inwardly praising God for…. For so many things: the woman keeping him in one piece, his faith, and children. Sam Ahern was going to be a father.
Right before Renee left for work, the couple decided to tell Lynne their news. They had vacillated about calling their parents, but would wait until they had more concrete details to share. Yet Sam mentioned Lynne’s comments about keeping an open mind, and Renee had smiled, then agreed with Sam’s desire to let at least one person in the loop. Sam walked Renee to the Chevy, kissed her, then hugged her once more. He remained on the driveway as she backed out, then he watched her come to a complete stop where last night he had nearly run the stop sign. He laughed as she quickly pulled away, then he walked back to his house, hands in his pockets, a spring in his step.
Once inside, he headed into the kitchen, gazed at the telephone, then he paused. Not that it was too early to call Lynne, but how to announce such news? He glanced at the clock; it was nearly eight, was she on her way to mass? They hadn’t talked about it, but Laurie was in Manhattan and Lynne had nothing else going on. Yet, Renee had told Vivian that Sam would be home all day. He tapped his foot, then huffed aloud. Then the phone rang. “Hello?” Sam said.
“Oh hi Sam.” Lynne’s tone was chipper. “I was just wondering if we were meeting for church this morning.”
“Oh hi Lynne. Um….” Of all days, Sam should go to mass, so much to celebrate. Yet, what if Vivian called, needing help with…. “Actually, I was gonna call you. Renee and I have something to tell you.”
Sam’s heart beat so hard, he wondered if Lynne could hear it over the phone. Yet, had enough transpired that his statement wouldn’t become erroneous? There were so many details to attend; they needed a lawyer, furniture, a new car, not to mention to sell the landscape and…. “Lynne, we’re gonna adopt the Hamilton kids.” Sam spoke quickly, then hoped he hadn’t sounded unduly distressed. “There’s so much to tell you and….”
“Oh Sam, oh my goodness, that’s wonderful!”
Happy tears could be discerned from Lynne’s end of the line, making Sam shake. “Yeah, it is. But I need to be here today, Vivian might call, needing help. Not sure when I’ll get to morning mass again, but….”
“Shall Jane and I come over?”
Sam closed his eyes, feeling a new world order emerge. Always before he had been there to assist Lynne. He smiled, nodding to himself. “That’d be fine. Not sure if I’ll get called away while you’re here, but I’d love to see you both.”
“Just sit tight. We’ll be over in about twenty minutes. I’ll bring some pie to celebrate.”
Sam laughed. “Sounds good. I’ll start some custard.”
“Wonderful. Oh Sam, I’m so happy for you all. See you soon!”
“Yeah, us too. See you in a bit. Bye.” Sam hung up the phone, then smiled widely. He turned to face his kitchen, then paused; did he have eggs? He opened the fridge, scanning the shelves. Then he gazed into the trash, where an empty egg carton sat on top. He and Renee had been starving that morning, and he’d used the last of the eggs for breakfast. He didn’t want to add to Lynne’s burden, but without eggs, there would be no custard. Picking up the phone, he called the Snyders. “Um, Lynne, do you have eggs?”
She laughed. “I just bought a dozen. Shall I bring a few with me?”
“Just a couple,” Sam laughed. “Thanks Lynne.”
“You’re welcome Sam. Be over soon.”
He hung up, then inspected his cupboards. Several staples were low, or missing outright. He made a list, although he had no idea when he might get to the store. Then he thought about his work, checking his schedule. He didn’t have to be there today, but was slated for a few hours tomorrow morning. Would they miss him, Sam wondered. There was only one way to find out. Again going to the phone, Sam called the hospital, asking to speak to his supervisor. By the time Lynne arrived, not only had Sam freed up the rest of his week, he had called Renee at work, then the head nun at St. Francis’. Both Aherns agreed it was best to let that woman know as soon as possible. The nun had understood, only requesting that the Aherns return the dossiers at their earliest convenience. After closing that conversation, Sam packaged up those folders, then welcomed Lynne and Jane with coffee and milk. Lynne fell into tears, Sam shedding a few too. Jane laughed at them both, then asked for pie. Lynne administered that treat while Sam made custard, providing Lynne with an abridged version of last night’s events. Then he cleared his throat. “You might think this’s silly, but it wasn’t until this morning we wondered if Vivian might not want us to, you know….”
“What?” Lynne asked, looking Sam’s way.
He stirred the custard, then turned off the burner. “Raise them Catholic. It never came up, but Vivian said it was fine.”
Lynne smiled, then chuckled. “You had plenty to consider last night. So now what happens?”
Sam sat beside her, then clasped his hands together, putting them on the table. “Well, we need a lawyer, I guess. Then we need to tell them, and get some beds and….” He sighed, then stared around the room. “So much’s gonna change, makes me dizzy thinking about it all.”
Lynne nodded, then placed her hands on his. “But they’re good changes. And yeah, it’s a lot at first. But most important is what you did last night. Some parts will be, well, difficult. But Sam, God is with you and Renee, this’s meant to be.”
“Yeah, he is, and yeah, oh jeez.” Then Sam stared at the doorway. “I need to call Stanford, we’ll probably wanna sell the landscape.” Then Sam looked at Lynne. “Renee might need to quit work for a while, only until Ann’s feeling….” He sighed, but joy overwhelmed him. “Vivian said we’re the only ones who could hold them. Ann was squirming in Vivian’s arms when we got there, screaming her head off. And she kept crying in Renee’s arms, but I watched them, at least until Paul was quiet enough that I could read to him. Ann didn’t fight being in Renee’s arms, just laid her head on Renee’s shoulder and….” Then Sam stopped, for the image wouldn’t leave him. “Their hair Lynne, it’s the exact same color. I kept looking at the way Ann’s hair fell onto Renee’s shoulder like it was Renee’s hair, but I knew it wasn’t, Renee’s is so short now. And I like it short, it looks good on her, but it was as though she’d grown it out, the same exact shade of red.” Sam’s lip trembled, then he smiled. “Ann held onto Renee so tightly, didn’t stop crying until she fell asleep, but she didn’t let go either. Yeah, it’s gonna be rough, but that’s okay.” Then Sam gripped L
ynne’s hand. “They’re my kids Lynne, maybe that sounds strange, but I know they are.”
Lynne wore a knowing smile. “It’s not strange at all Sam, just different.”
“Yeah, different. Oh, better check the custard.” Sam stood, then looked at the stove. “Guess I did turn it off, jeez, I feel like if my head wasn’t screwed on, I’d lose it.”
“Welcome to parenthood,” Lynne giggled.
Sam glanced at her, chuckling as he did so. Then he laughed, joined by Lynne and Jane. Once all were calm, Sam dished up three bowls of custard. They ate in peaceful silence, only broken by Jane asking for more pie.
Chapter 142
The Hawk: Part Eight Page 6