Doing the math in her head, she realized it would only be for roughly a day in a half, but it would be worth it. She missed him, EJ missed him, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe without him around.
Let me see what I can do. I love you
The words were the easiest she’d ever said. She did love him, no matter what, and that’s what made every part of the situation they were in right now so difficult. What made her angrier than anything was knowing she could have prevented it – if she hadn’t decided to give it a go and stretch her boundaries.
I love you too, babe. You know I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. I’m sorry seeing that picture of us together got you upset, it was never my intention. And hey, next time I FaceTime, pick it up. I miss your face.
The laugh that bubbled up for her throat was watery at best.
I miss your face too.
In the background, she could hear the sound of EJ’s shoes stomping against the floor of the hallway, and she did her best to clean up the remnants of the tears. Putting on a happy face, she hoped neither he nor Shell could see she’d been upset.
“We’re sufficiently worn out now,” Shell heaved as she launched herself onto the couch, holding a hand across her stomach. “At least I am, I hope he is.”
Hannah discreetly wiped her eye and held her arms out for her son. “Did you have fun?”
EJ went into her arms, hugging her tightly. God, she’d needed that hug, but she wished desperately it had been his dad giving it to her. She tried her best to listen as he babbled on about what he and Shell had done at the park, but she realized for the first time in a while he’d gotten taller. The dimple in his cheek was deepening, and he was losing a lot of the baby fat he’d had. He was becoming more and more like Garrett every day, and Garrett was missing it.
Her heart broke.
They were all missing out on so much.
“Han, what’s wrong?” Shell asked, alarm in her voice.
Hannah realized tears were streaming down her face. When Shell removed EJ from her hold and called for one of the band members EJ was comfortable with, she didn’t try and hold him to her. Instead, she folded in on herself, trying to keep the sobs as quiet as possible.
“This is all wrong.” She shook her head, holding her hand across her stomach.
“What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
How did she tell another woman the things running through her head? She knew she was setting feminism back years, but it was her personal choice.
“Being here without Garrett, doing this without him at my side. I can’t do it. This has to be the end of it, at least until EJ and whatever kids we may have in the future are old enough to be on their own.” She toyed with her wedding ring. “I’m not strong enough, and he’s missing out on so much, but if EJ were with him, I’d be missing out. It’s not fair.” She shook her head.
“Honey.” Shell grabbed her around the neck and pulled her close. “You love your career and you love your family.”
“But something is going to have to give,” she argued. “And you know I’m right. We can’t both have what we want. It’s easier for me to give up a part of what I’m doing than it is for him.”
“You’ve said this before, Han. Are you serious this time?”
Faced with having her family versus not having her family, she knew she was as serious as she’d ever been.
“I am. This is it.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
* * *
Hannah stood outside the tour bus Shell and Jared had ridden on together, EJ in her arms as she knocked on the door. Today they had most of the day free, and she’d planned an excursion to a play center with EJ. Since she figured Shell was missing Jared as much as she was Garrett, she had decided to ask her to come with them.
“Yeah.” Shell answered the door, her face red.
“You okay?” Hannah hadn’t seen her friend this upset since the guys had left.
“I just miss him today, ya know?”
Hannah did know; it was one of the reasons she was making it a point to get out and about. “Well, EJ and I have a fun-filled day planned, and he wanted to know if Aunt Shell wanted to come with us.”
Shell looked for a few seconds like she wanted to say no, then she rethought the idea. “You know what? I’d love to. When are you leaving?”
“I have to change.” She indicated the workout clothes she was wearing. “Get him changed, and pack his bag. Thirty minutes to an hour?”
“Sounds good to me.”
As Hannah walked over to her tour bus, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up Jared’s number, composing a quick text.
Call your wife. She misses you.
* * *
Shell tried to get hold of her emotions as she went to the back of the tour bus she and Jared had shared while he was on tour with them. His being gone was hard for her and was one of the reasons she’d taken to spending more time on Hannah’s tour bus. Everywhere on this bus were reminders of Jared.
Instead, she spent most of her time working, and what time she wasn’t working, she usually switched busses. Today, though, she was going to get out with Hannah and EJ if it killed her.
Just as she started putting her hair up, she saw a FaceTime request from Jared. She’d missed his last one, so she grabbed hold of this one with both hands and had a seat.
“Hey.” She did her best to smile happily for him, but the smile fell when she saw the worried look on his face.
“Hey,” he answered back. “I miss you.”
The first words always out of his mouth. God, she missed him too, everything about him, and right now she hated his record label with everything she had. “I miss you too.” As she said the words her face crumbled and she gave into the tears.
“Sweetheart, don’t do this to me.” He got up from where he was sitting and she could hear him walking down a hallway, and then they were in a room alone. “God, you’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry.” She sniffed. “I’m so sorry, but I’m not used to this anymore. I’m not used to being without you. You always say I’m your rock, but J, you’re mine, and I’m lost right now.”
“Wipe your eyes, please. I can’t see you cry.” He grasped his lip ring between his teeth, pulling on it.
He always did that when he was pensive, when he had too many thoughts running through his head.
“This sucks.” She breathed out deeply. “Like every part of it sucks, every single part of it. I love you and I wanna be with you, but Hannah’s my best friend and I love her too.”
“There’s no decision to be made here,” he assured her. “I know right now this feels bigger than the both of us, but it’s pretty simple, Shell. I miss you, you miss me, and eventually this will work out so we can be together full-time.”
“I hope so.” She bit her bottom lip. “I got way too used to having you around.”
“Gorgeous, I wake up every morning reaching for you. Don’t think for five seconds that this has been easy on me, or that I wouldn’t change our situation in a heartbeat if I could.”
At least they were on the same page. She wiped her eyes, breathing deeply again. “I’m going with Hannah and EJ this afternoon. We’re getting out and about. She hasn’t had a lot of time to spend with him, and frankly, I think we’re sick of being sad.”
“Good, I want you to. What are you doing?”
“Something about a play center. If it’s like the last one we took him to, it’s got slides and foam pits, and all kinds of fun stuff. He loves it, and to be honest, I kinda do too.” She laughed, letting a smile shine through.
“Keep doing that.” He grinned back at her. “Please keep smiling. If I know you’re not, it breaks my heart.”
“I’ll try.” She tilted her to the side and scrunched her nose. “It’s the most I can promise you right now.”
“Then I’ll take it.”
There was a knock at the door, and he glanced at the watch on his wrist. “I gotta g
o, but promise me you’ll have a good time today, and don’t forget to call me tonight. I know you’ve not been calling because it’s harder for you to hear my voice and then know I’m not gonna be there. But I need you as much as you need me.”
“I love you.” She blew a kiss into the phone. “And I’ll definitely remember that you wait for me as much as I wait for you.”
They disconnected, and she felt lighter than she had in days, but she still couldn’t wait until they could be together again.
* * *
“Lord, my legs hurt.” Hannah laughed as she watched Shell coming down the slide with EJ in her lap.
They’d climbed up and down the slide what felt like a million times, and Hannah had never been so happy she’d brought someone with her.
“Again!” EJ grabbed his mom’s hand and started pulling her up the stairs.
“One more time,” she told him. “Then we have to go because mama’s gotta go to work.”
“I’ll just sit down here and try to remember I’m not twenty-one anymore.” Shell breathed heavily as she walked over to a bench and took a load off.
“This is so going to hurt in the morning,” Hannah yelled back at her.
“It already hurts,” Shell answered.
It had been a long day, but Hannah was glad she’d gotten to spend some time with EJ. The only thing was she wished Garrett was there with them. He’d been looking for his dad all day, but he’d not made a scene, and for that she was happy. It was hard enough doing things on her own without having him break down when he realized Garrett wasn’t there.
“Are you ready?” she asked him as they had a seat on the slide. “This is the last time so let’s make it count.”
EJ held his hands up and squealed as she pushed them off, and they went flying down the inflatable slide. She had to admit, it was one of the more fun things they’d ever done. As they came to the bottom, Shell stood and took a picture of them.
“Here, you should send this to Garrett and let him know all the fun he missed.”
When she got the picture from Shell, she did that, but didn’t tell him about the fun he missed. She let him know how missed he was.
Had fun today, but we really missed you. Smiles hide a lot of loneliness.
She texted the picture to him before she put her phone in her back pocket and went about getting their shoes and paying for their fun day.
When they got out to the car they were using for the day, she had a text back from Garrett.
Babe, you’re killing me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to be there with you two right now. I hope you know that.
She knew he would with everything she had in her.
I know, believe me I know.
After strapping EJ in, she felt her phone vibrate again, and she checked the message, seeing a picture from the photo shoot they’d had for the album. It was the one Garret had made his lock screen the minute the picture had been texted to them.
This is the only thing getting me through right now.
She fought back tears, but told herself she wouldn’t be melancholy, not today.
It gets me through too. Just remember, Garrett. Together we’re strong, so if you’ve got me, I’ve got you.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
* * *
“Thanks for coming to pick us up.” Hannah held a sleeping EJ on her hip as she, Shell, and Stacey made their way through LAX.
“Not a problem, although I think you highly underestimated the amount of paparazzi being here at night once they heard you were coming.”
Hannah’s heart dropped as she saw the waiting throng of photographers. She never wanted to expose EJ to things like this, at least not until he was old enough to know what was going on. She worried he would be scared, but she knew they had to get through this madness to get to Garrett. Squaring her shoulders, she grabbed EJ tighter, and the three of them tried to make their way through.
“Harmony, how does it feel to be back on the West Coast? Have you missed Reaper?”
They were creeping in. “Please move,” she begged. EJ was starting to wake up. When he fully realized what was going on she could tell, because he tensed and let out an awful wail.
“Please move back,” she yelled louder this time.
“It’s okay,” she tried to soothe EJ who screamed in her ear.
“He’s scared! Please move back! I’ll answer any questions you have, but please give us some room.”
Shell was attempting to be her muscle as she tried to push the huge amount of people back. Keeping her head down, Hannah kept walking, hoping at some point they would get to a spot where they could make a break for it. EJ screamed and clung to her. It was at that point she told herself she’d never do this again. She’d never subject her child to being without his family again. If Garrett had been with them, this wouldn’t be happening right now.
“I brought back up. He’s just got to get to us,” Stacey was saying over the ruckus.
It was then she heard a loud male voice tell everyone to back up, and EJ reached out, yelling, “Papa!” Her father-in-law to the rescue. She could have cried as she felt Kevin’s big hands wrap around EJ and take him from her arms. It made it much easier for the group of them to get through the melee. Security arrived just in time too, allowing her to finally have some breathing room.
“Thanks for coming to the rescue again.” She smiled up at the guy who could be Garrett’s older brother as she wiped away the tear tracks on EJ’s face.
“I would have been there sooner, but I had to park the car. It’s so good to see all of you.”
She took a deep breath, smelling the difference between Tennessee and California. Both were familiar to her, but Tennessee would always be home. When they approached what they saw was both Stacey and Kevin’s cars, Shell and Hannah glanced around.
“I’m taking you two to the studio, and dad’s taking EJ for the night.”
Hannah’s heart sped up as she thought about what that meant – a night alone with just her husband. EJ would be taken care of. She’d left Havock back on the tour bus, and they would be completely and entirely alone.
“You can come get him in the morning, or whatever, but we’ve missed the little guy, and he needs time with us too.”
Understanding completely what he was saying, she reached over, kissing EJ on the cheek. “Be good for Mimi and Papa?”
He nodded, his eyes already starting to close. He was so tired, and she knew all he wanted was a bed to sleep in too. “I love you.” She pushed his hair back from his forehead. She laughed as he waved tiredly at her. They helped Kevin get EJ strapped in, and they all said their goodbye’ before Hannah turned to Stacey. An idea was forming in her brain, one she couldn’t wait to put into motion. “If you don’t care, take me home, I’d rather not go to the studio.”
* * *
Garrett couldn’t concentrate as he kept checking the time on his phone. He knew Stacey and his dad had been going to pick up the girls and EJ, but he figured they should be close by now. His hands itched to touch her, his lips wanted to capture hers, and his cock was ready to spend hours getting reacquainted with her.
They were putting the final touches on the song they were working on when the door opened, and Jared hopped up from his seat. “I fucking missed you,” they could hear him say as he grabbed Shell up in his arms.
Garrett glanced behind Shell and Stacey. “Where’s my wife?”
Stacey gave him a wink. “She had us take her home.”
“Then I’m out. See you all later.”
He grabbed his stuff and all but ran out the door. As he got to his SUV, a text message popped on his phone. It was a media message; he clicked the download button, and as he pulled himself into the driver’s seat, a moan ripped from his throat. It was Hannah, with a shot that obscured her face, pulling her shirt part of the way down over her chest. There was nothing indecent, but it was the tease he loved.
You know how you always get to be Reaper with me? Tonight
I get to be Harmony with you.
The text caught his attention, and he blew through every traffic law he knew getting home to her.
* * *
Garrett wasn’t sure where she would be as he pulled into the garage and turned the car off. His body was humming with need. It felt like years since he’d seen her—FaceTime and text weren’t the same as having her with him all the time. They’d known it would be difficult, but it was as if he’d forgotten how hard those early days of their relationship had been. Now with EJ, it’d been even worse. He’d seen a picture she’d posted on Instagram the other day and almost cried because of how different he looked. His son was growing up without him there.
Getting out, he went inside, calling out her name as he made it to the kitchen and through the living room. When he didn’t see her around, he decided to check the bedroom. Taking the stairs two at a time, he tried to calm down his racing heart. He felt like he was about to come out of his skin. His fingers needed to touch her, though. He needed to smell her shampoo, her perfume; he needed to fucking gorge on her mouth and her body. The bedroom door was open, and when he stepped over the threshold, he didn’t expect to see her sitting on the bed all demure with her legs crossed.
“Hey, handsome.” She grinned, not getting up.
She had on stage makeup, and her hair was done much like it was on stage, but he could tell she’d probably had a shower before they’d gotten on the plane. She wore a dress she sometimes brought out for one of the slower numbers that he always teased her about. It had a low-cut neckline that framed her tits perfectly, along with a short skirt that showed off the leg muscles she’d gotten from running around after EJ.
“Hey, Harmony.” He smiled back at her.
It felt foreign to call her that name, but her eyes lit with recognition when he did. He was down for whatever game she wanted to play. Tonight they were whatever they wanted to be to one another. They weren’t parents or multi-platinum artists with millions of followers and fans, tonight they were Reaper and Harmony, and he had a feeling things were about to get hot.
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