As we climbed, the holy battle continued, shaking the house to its foundations. I tried not to rush, but I didn’t want the chimney to crumble while we were still in it, either.
Finally, I could taste the fresh air. The smoke stack was considerably smaller than our passageway, but we managed to slide out of it one at a time. The roof of Campbell Hall was big enough to land a helicopter on. And really, really high up. I searched for a ladder or fire escape or some other way down. There was nothing.
“What do we do now?” I asked my grandmother.
Jumping was out of the question; no one could survive the fall.
“We wait,” she said.
“For what?”
“A miracle.” She drew me close, and we stared out over the dark forest. It was a beautiful night. I wondered if it might be our last.
Please, God, I prayed, help us out of this mess. I’ll do anything, give anything . . .
A tremendous explosion rocked the entire area. We fell to our knees, and clung tighter to one another. I shut my eyes and braced for the worst. Patterns of red light flickered before my eyelids. For a brief second, I wondered if I was dead. Sirens pierced the cold night air.
The fire brigade was screaming up the drive.
My grandmother and I were safely back on the ground, tucked between two red and yellow fire trucks. Wrapped in a standard-issue emergency blanket I didn’t think we needed, we watched as Campbell Hall tried to survive its own war from within. Repeated explosions shook the ground. Fireballs jumped off the roof. The firemen knew they were helpless against such a blaze, so they too watched as, one by one, the walls crumbled. I gnawed the inside of my cheeks and waited.
Finally, a figure emerged from the smoke and rubble. He walked slowly, as if bruised but not beaten. I knew instantly from his silhouette who had won.
I ducked under the yellow police tape and ran toward him. Gavin was smudged with black sediment and a fair amount of blood, but otherwise, he seemed fine. I dove into his arms and covered him in kisses.
After a minute, he set me down. He was carrying something shiny in his hand, and held it out to me.
“I thought you might want this.” He smiled. It was my rose necklace.
He slipped it over my head and kissed the crown of my hair tenderly. I felt whole again.
“Graham’s dead, right?” I asked, startling as another blast reverberated across the lawn.
“For now,” Gavin said with a nod.
I didn’t want to know what that meant. I was done with demons. Forever.
CHAPTER 37
Gavin and I were sitting on the wooden swing in the backyard of my house, watching the forest turn purple and pink. It was almost dawn. My grandmother was safely inside. My grandfather was on his way back from St. Andrews. And in my world, everything was perfect. Finally perfect.
I leaned against Gavin, my head on his chest while he rocked us with his feet. I could hear his heartbeat, feel the warmth of his skin through his shirt. He stroked my hair lightly. I couldn’t get close enough to him.
“I love you, Maren,” he said. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I didn’t think I could feel this way.”
“You’ve never been in love before?” I asked. “Not in your two hundred eighty-three years? Not with all those hundreds of girls you’ve rescued?”
He looked wounded by my accusation. “No, never.” He shook his head. “Not even close. Angels are supposed to love everyone, all of humanity equally, but now I realize it’s a superficial love. What I feel for you is so much deeper. It’s like you’ve somehow planted roots inside me that are twisted around my heart. I’m not sure I can live without them now.” He paused. “Have you ever been in love before?” I thought I saw a hint of jealousy in his crystal-blue eyes.
“No,” I confessed. “I’ve never even been in serious like before. Unless you count Adam Cohnen . . .”
“Who’s that? I’ll kill him!” Gavin said playfully.
“My fourth-grade crush.”
“Did you kiss him?” Gavin asked, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded. “Yep. Behind the jungle gym. I chased him, and I kissed him on the cheek. But he didn’t kiss me back.”
Gavin moved his hands to the sides of my neck, under my ears, cradling my face. “Then Adam Cohnen is a fool,” he breathed.
I was overwhelmed with how much I adored him. I could barely stand how much I wanted to be with him. I lifted my arms up around his neck. We pulled closer to each other until our lips were touching. Even though I thought every kiss from him would end me, this, this was the most amazing kiss of my life. The whole world disappeared. I couldn’t feel anything but him.
“I love you,” he said again when we finally parted.
“I love you too,” I replied.
“Never forget that. No matter what happens, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, know that I love you. That I will always love you.”
I sat up. Something wasn’t right. “What do you mean, ‘no matter what happens’?” I asked. “It’s over. We won.”
“It’s not over,” he said, looking into the woods like he was waiting for something. “It’s never over. They’ll send more demons.”
“And you’ll kill them,” I said. “Because you’re awesome like that. You’re my strong, handsome, amazing, wonderful demon killer.” I traced his features with my fingertips. He had scrubbed off the soot and dried blood, and the wounds left behind were bright red, but they gave his beauty a fierce edge that excited me. I bent his head and gently kissed each of them, then kissed him on the mouth.
“Mmm-maren,” he said, muffled because my lips were over his.
“What?” I said between kisses, refusing to stop.
He put his hands on my shoulder and gently pushed me back a few inches.
“What?” I said, moving toward him again.
“I broke the rules, Maren. I’m sorry, and I knew better, but . . .”
“I know you broke the rules. I did too. So what?”
“Not those rules, Maren. It’s much more serious than that.”
“What’s more serious than falling in love with me?” I joked.
“Breaching sacred ground . . . or more like destroying it.”
“You mean Campbell Hall?” I asked. “Yeah, I thought angels couldn’t get into a demon’s lair like demons can’t go into churches. How did you manage that?”
“It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you’re forbidden from doing so. You can physically do it, but if you do, you’ve crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed. By going into the Campbell place, I’ve doomed an angel stronghold somewhere.”
“How?”
“By trespassing, I broke a Covenant and created a Vendetta. Now the demons will get to pick a sacred place of ours to invade.”
“That’s awful,” I said.
He drew me closer to him. “I know. But it doesn’t matter now. It’s done.”
He stopped talking and stared ahead. I followed his gaze and saw three smears of light, hovering like fireflies. Then I remembered there weren’t any fireflies in Scotland.
The lights got closer and larger, coming toward us. I strained to get a better look.
They were angels, although taller and much sterner looking than Gavin.
“What’s going on?” I asked nervously.
“I have to go,” he said flatly.
“Where?”
“I’m not sure. Wherever they decide. I told you, I broke the rules . . .”
“So you’re going to get punished? They’re going to take you away?” His silence confirmed it was true. The closer the angels got to us, the more my panic grew. I remembered what Gia said about angels who were “reassigned.” That they were never heard from again. I couldn’t lose Gavin. I couldn’t breathe without him. My chest was already tightening.
“Why did you break the rules then?” I practically screamed, jerking out of his embrace. “If you knew this would happen, you should have stayed outside! I’d already unl
ocked the sword. If you’d only waited a few more minutes before you busted in, I could have killed Graham, and we’d be together!”
I had been so close. But he couldn’t wait a few minutes, minutes that were now going to cost us an eternity. If only he had held off . . . The injustice of it was making me sick.
I looked at him and realized he wasn’t upset. He was calmly watching the angels approach, accepting his fate. Why isn’t he freaking out like I am?
“You can’t be with me,” he said quietly. “I love you too much to let you live this life. I won’t do this to you. This was the only way.”
My heart started racing. “What are you talking about?”
He turned and looked at me. His eyes were heavy with grief. “You’ve been through too much already. I saw how losing Jo crushed you. Loving me will put you in danger every day, will cause you unimaginable pain . . .” He trailed off, as if he couldn’t bear to continue.
I blinked in disbelief as his words sunk in. He hadn’t burst into Campbell Hall in a fit of passion. He had done it on purpose. He was deliberately sending himself into exile.
“What about what I want?” I cried. “Don’t I get a say in this? I don’t care about the danger or the pain. I just want to be with you!”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know I didn’t give you a choice. But you have to understand, this is the only way. I knew you wouldn’t be able to let me go. And I couldn’t just walk away from you. I tried. I’m not strong enough. That’s why I did this. I had to. For you.”
Frustration mixed with anger to form a terrible hurricane inside me. “For me? How do you know what I would or wouldn’t be able to do? You had no right to choose for me! It was my choice! I chose you! I chose you!”
The angels were now in front of us. Gavin stood up. I jumped to my feet next to him.
“Gavin,” the middle angel intoned, “you are being called to Tribunal. Please come with us.” They placed their hands on his shoulders, and all four of them started to fade away. Gavin was disappearing right in front of my eyes.
I started screaming. “No! You can’t do this! You can’t do this! Gavin!”
Gavin stood motionless, held by invisible restraints. I could no longer feel him, as if he were made of air. He moved his mouth, but no sound came out. I read his lips: “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“Please, no!” I wailed. “Please, don’t do this! Don’t take him! Please, I can’t live without him! He’s everything to me! He’s all I have! Please! Please!”
He became more and more transparent, until he was completely gone. I fell face-first on the grass and howled.
I felt like my heart had been cut from my chest. In many ways, it had.
CHAPTER 38
I didn’t get out of bed for two weeks. Not for school. Not for finals. Not for anything.
This time, my grandparents left me alone. They didn’t pester me to eat or check to see how I was doing. They knew how I was doing. I was miserable, locked in a dark, dark place. You could see my depression from outer space.
I didn’t talk to anyone. I didn’t watch TV or listen to music. I didn’t read. I just laid on my bed and thought. I thought about how I’d come full circle in Scotland. I’d arrived with my life in pieces—and while I’d made friends and found love, I was heartbroken and alone once again. The funny thing about the human heart is that when it’s broken or shattered, it does grow back . . . only to be smashed again. And it hurts worse every time.
Missing Gavin made me miss my mom more than I had in months, which in turn made me miss Jo, which made me miss Hunter . . . Every day, I woke up and found that everything was exactly the same. The pain wasn’t going anywhere, and the facts were unchanged. My friends were still dead or gone. The love of my life was still exiled from me forever . . . I would have given anything to erase the pain of knowing, loving, and then losing Gavin.
I pictured him constantly, obsessively. I conjured up every detail of him from the slight dimple near the right side of his mouth to the way his hair fell across his eyebrows. I catalogued his different looks, recalled his every touch, relived every kiss and caress.
When I finally got out of bed, it was only to slump into the armchair by the window. The window where Gavin used to visit me. I stared at the solemn forest and prayed as hard as I could that somehow, someday, he would come back to me.
Then one day, my prayers were answered.
My phone rang with a tone I didn’t recognize. I had ignored everyone from school long enough that they’d stopped calling, but my ringtones were set by me, and none of them were classical. When my phone started playing a rousing piece by Beethoven—the only one I knew, the 9th Symphony with the full chorus that sounds like a musical battle between heaven and hell—I was curious. I walked over and looked at the screen. The caller ID said “Unknown,” but the ringtone didn’t stop. It kept playing for over five minutes, the full movement. Something stirred inside me. I picked it up to answer it.
“Hello?” I croaked.
“Maren!” a girl’s voice crackled. “Can you hear me?”
“Yes,” I said. “Who is this?”
“It’s Gia!” she exclaimed. “From Magnificat, remember? I need your help!”
I perked up instantly, like when someone in a movie is given smelling salts or a shot of adrenaline to the heart. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing you couldn’t fix if you joined me at the Abbey,” she answered cheerfully.
“What do you mean?” I recoiled a little inside at the mention of the organization I still blamed for killing my parents.
“A huge new case came up, and we need someone with your skills,” she explained.
“Yeah, right, because I’m so good at saving people,” I said sarcastically. “Pass. I’m sure they can find someone else.”
“Pass?” she said. “Really?” I guessed Gia couldn’t read minds over the phone, or she wouldn’t have sounded so shocked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Why would I possibly want anything to do with the Abbey?”
“I thought you’d want to get Gavin back,” she said simply. A rush of heat ran through my body.
“How did you know Gavin was gone?” I asked.
“Everyone knows. The angel-human world is pretty small. People talk. Well, the humans, anyway . . .”
“What are they saying?” I interrupted.
“There’s a lot of debate in Tribunal because he obviously broke the Covenant for a girl, but they say maybe it was worth it if she has special powers.”
My cheeks started tingling. “Me?” I gasped. “They think I have special powers?”
“Don’t you?”
My mind started racing. “I don’t know. Do you really think I could free Gavin?”
“I know you’re special, Maren, and you can’t lie to me, you know it too. Do I think you could get Gavin back? Possibly. But you’re going to have to prove to them that you’re worth it.”
“You mean, like bargain with them?” I breathed.
“Why not?” she said. “It’s what I would do. If I really loved the guy, that is. If you don’t . . .”
“No,” I practically shouted. I could feel myself coming back to life, piece by piece. “I do. I do. I love him.”
“Then you’d better get ready to fight.”
I made my decision, and Gia made all the arrangements. I was going to enter the Abbey.
It was time to go. I was going to miss Scotland, but I couldn’t be there without Gavin. Everything reminded me of him: the trees, the moon, the mist, the thunder . . .
I’d already said good-bye to my grandparents. My grandmother tried to stop me, of course, tried to tell me how dangerous it was. She’d already lost her son and daughter-in-law to the dreaded agency. She didn’t know what it really was, how much danger I was really going to be in, and I didn’t tell her.
I had to go, and nothing was going to stop me. I had to fix some of the damage I’d caused. I had to avenge Jo’s death.
I had to stop the demons from killing one more person. But most importantly, I had to get Gavin back.
Maybe if I was good enough, strong enough, smart enough . . . maybe if I helped them take down a demon seat or two, they’d let me have all I’d ever wanted: Gavin.
I had to try. I’d been stripped bare. I’d lost my mom, my best friend, and my eternal love.
I had nothing left but time.
I knew there would be risks. I’d seen enough blood and death in the last few weeks to know it was only the beginning. I would be tested and twisted and pushed to my limits. But I was ready. I had already been baptized by fire. I was broken inside, but I wasn’t going to stay that way. My life wasn’t mine anymore. I had finally accepted my destiny.
EPILOGUE
Everywhere I go, I leave a trail of dead bodies. My father, my mother, my best friend, my classmates . . . I can’t escape it. I even dream about death. Not the kind of dreams you want to come true. But it is true. Evil is real.
My parents died fighting to stop the darkness. I’ll keep fighting too, even if it means I have to die. Dying’s not half as hard as being left behind, anyway . . .
We are at war. Anyone who tells you differently is lying.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Toward a Secret Sky was born in 2008, the night my best friend and I took our daughters to see the movie Twilight. Our kids adored it so much, they decided I needed to write a new fantasy adventure starring them. Their demands were simple: it must take place in my husband’s homeland of Scotland; it must feature an everyday, relatable heroine who wasn’t gifted with impossible beauty or superhero strength; and the heroine’s best friend had to die. I’ll be forever grateful to you, Mary Jo, Rielly, Hunter, and Hadley, for inspiring me to spread my own literary wings. You are all my angels.
A beautiful idea for a book doesn’t automatically a masterpiece make, however. Thank heavens I have the most remarkable literary agent, who also happens to be an amazing editor: the indomitable and utterly brilliant Susan Ginsburg. Susan, your guidance and wisdom, patience and perseverance are unparalleled in this universe. I adore you and will be forever grateful to you. I am humbled and honored to be represented by Writers House, and owe buckets of gratitude to everyone there, especially Stacy Testa, an incredible agent and editor in her own right.
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