by Cari Z
Aaron pressed his palms against his eyes and dug them in until he saw stars. Shit, he was so tired he could feel it, making his blood move sluggishly in his veins and slowing his comprehension down. He was almost numb from it.
“Fine. Do what you want, but if either of them back out, I want to know about it.”
“You’ll know if Tommy contacts you, I’m sure.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“Let it be good enough for now.” Whit’s hands were gentle on Aaron’s shoulders. “Let him be an adult and take responsibility for himself. Let other people give him a hand. He’s going to have to figure out how to live on his own eventually.” Aaron opened his eyes and saw Whit giving him a sympathetic look. “You hate the whole idea of that, don’t you?”
Aaron couldn’t really articulate why the concept of solitude filled him with a profound sense of despair. It wasn’t like he’d never been alone before, and he’d managed okay. He’d hated it, but he’d gotten over it.
“Just let me see what I can come up with at work tomorrow morning, okay? Can you give me that long?”
“As long as he’s fit enough for it, I’m discharging Tommy at nine and pointing him toward Clarke’s.”
“I can have something for you before that.” Surely he could come up with a different place for Tommy, somewhere that wouldn’t expect him to give something he clearly wasn’t up to giving in exchange for the fundamentals of survival.
“If you do, fine. If not, you’ll know where to find him. Don’t stress too much about it.”
“Have you forgotten who you’re talking to?”
Whit smirked. “Not even close. It’s more a hope than an actual expectation. C’mere. I’m tired just looking at you and I’m the one pulling a double shift.” Aaron let Whit pull him in for a hug, which ended quickly as Whit’s name was called out over the intercom system.
“Doctor Aldridge to Trauma, Doctor Aldridge, we need you in Trauma.”
Whit sighed. “Duty calls. Go home and get some sleep, Aaron. It’s almost eleven,” he added before he jogged down the hall.
Almost eleven. And if Aaron wanted a decent shot at finding some resources to help Tommy before nine, he’d have to wake up by five at the latest. He sighed and headed for the exit. Monday wasn’t even there yet, and it was already shaping up to be a nightmare.
When his only other choice was failure, though, it was no real choice at all.
Chapter Three
“AARON. Aaron! Mr. McCoy!”
Aaron almost toppled out of his rolling chair as someone pulled it away from his desk, leaving him scrambling to keep his balance. He turned around ready to cuss, then abruptly bit his anger back when he realized the person slinging him around was his boss.
He coughed. “Pam. Hey.”
“Hey there.” She smiled pleasantly. It was the most frightening pleasant expression Aaron had ever seen, and he hated when it was turned on him. Pam was almost at his eye level now, even though Aaron was sitting and she was standing, but her tiny stature didn’t diminish her commanding presence a bit. If she’d been a choir director, there would have been more singers than there were seats. If she’d been a librarian, no books would ever have been past due. Instead she’d gone to work for the CPS, and her diminutive height, curled gray bob, and pleasant, knife-twisting smile were legend.
Aaron swallowed. “What’s up?”
“Well, I thought we might have lunch together today.”
“Like, a team lunch?” They happened occasionally, and Aaron tended to enjoy them even though they wasted time. It wasn’t that he didn’t like spending time with his coworkers. He did. He just didn’t like how long it took them to eat a damn sandwich and a bag of chips.
“Nope!” she said brightly. “Just you and me. How about the deli on the corner? My treat.”
Okay, now Aaron was genuinely worried. “I already packed a lunch….”
“Aaron. Get your rear out of that chair before it molds to your butt and come have lunch with me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He knew when he was beat. “Just let me save this court report first.”
“Is it the court report for the Smith case? That’s not due until next week.”
“No.” That report had been done for days.
“Then it’ll be fine. Let’s go!” She turned to lead the way, and Aaron hauled himself to his feet and followed her. His back popped a few steps in, and ow—maybe she had a point.
The local deli was a two-minute walk from the CPS office, which was nice, because there was no pressure for conversation in just two minutes. It was kind of bad too, though, because two minutes wasn’t long enough to suss out what Pam was going to ding him for. He’d filled in all his paperwork, was up to date on client visits, had filed all the necessary paperwork for his court dates….
“You look like you’re expecting the guillotine!” Pam chided him as she opened the door to the deli. It was cool inside and smelled overwhelmingly like pickles, but the food was good. “Don’t be so suspicious, Aaron.”
“Give me a reason not to.”
“Oh, honey, you’d try to bargain with the Devil himself, wouldn’t you?”
Aaron shook his head. “I’m not liking this metaphor, Pam.”
“Just don’t overthink it. You’ll be fine.” They ordered, took a number and a table in the back, and waited for their food to arrive.
“So,” Pam said. “Shall we start now, or should we wait for the food to get here?”
“Start what?”
“Your intervention. A minor one,” she clarified. “Just you and me and my concerns that you’re working too much lately, Aaron.”
Damn it. “Is this about me coming in to work last night?”
Pam frowned. “You came into work last night? On the weekend? Why on earth did you do that? Was there an emergency?”
Aaron shrugged. “Paperwork. It takes a lot of time to successfully put notes into the TFACTS system. It actually booted me once―we might want to mention that to IT.”
“Aaron.” Pam looked concerned, the wrinkles around her eyes deepening as she stared at him. “You can’t work on weekends. You’ll put in too many hours.”
“I’m not working more overtime than I’m allotted,” he assured her.
“But you’re not taking any of the vacation that you should be. When was the last time you had a day off that wasn’t a federal holiday?”
That was an easy one. “Three weeks ago today.”
Pam immediately shook her head. “Nope, calling in because your car broke down on the side of the road and you had to have it towed to a shop doesn’t count. When’s the last time you actually took a day off for fun? Just for the hell of it?”
“Do you kiss your grandchildren with that mouth?”
“Can you even remember the answer to my question?” she countered.
Aaron had to stop and think, really think, but eventually it came to him. “Last September, for Tyler’s birthday.” It had been surprisingly cold for Tennessee at the tail end of summer, but Aaron had still let Tyler talk him into inner tubing down the nearby creek. The water had been low but chilly, they’d each had more than a few beers, and by the end of it, they were doing more walking than floating, tugging the tubes over the rough spots. Aaron had managed to be cold and get sunburned at the same time. It had been a lot of fun, actually.
“Almost nine months ago.” Pam shook her head. “That’s not good, Aaron. That’s way too long to go without a day off, never mind a real vacation.”
“I’ve had vacations!” he defended himself. “I had one over Christmas, a real two-week vacation.”
“Uh-huh, I remember how that one worked out.” Pam’s tone was the equivalent of rolled eyes, full of sarcasm and disbelief. “You had pneumonia, Aaron. That’s the least vacation-like reason to take two weeks off from work that I’ve ever heard of. And I happen to know that you only spent the entire two weeks relaxing like you should have been doing because Diana gave me updates
via Tyler, who was the only person you could bring yourself to let take care of you.”
“I got over it pretty well.”
“You’d have been better if you’d taken a third week,” Pam corrected him as the girl who’d taken their order came over with their meals. “But your cases really couldn’t handle the time without you by that point. I still feel bad about that.” She picked up her tuna melt with relish and bit in, completely ignoring Aaron’s shocked look.
He’d been… okay—not fine, no one got over having pneumonia without some lingering aftereffects, but he’d been mobile. Able to drive himself from place to place, although he’d stayed with Tyler for a few days after he went back to work just for the convenience of it. Tyler worked from home, after all, as a database administrator for some aerospace firm that was trying to be the next Space X. It was a position that paid well and left him with plenty of time to cook, work on his house, and take care of Aaron, even though Aaron hadn’t needed looking after by then.
Pam nudged his plate a little closer. “Eat, honey. While it’s still hot.”
Aaron nodded mechanically and picked up his Reuben, grimacing a little as the grease from the sandwich dripped onto the table in front of him. He wiped it up with a napkin, managed a few more bites, and then put it back down, too bothered to stay silent.
“It’s not a problem,” he said, but his protest sounded weak even to his ears. “I don’t work too much. I’m fine.”
Pam washed down her bite with a sip of sweet tea and sighed. “Aaron. We wouldn’t be having this conversation if I didn’t think it was a problem. You know that, right? It is a problem, and I’m not just saying that as your boss. I’m saying it as a friend. The only person who can stir you from your ways is Tyler, and even he’s no good at arguing with you unless you’re almost ready for a trip to the ER. And yes, I do know about those calls you’re making about Tommy Ingram,” she added. “Your office is a cubicle, sound carries.”
“Then you know why I’ve got to keep at it,” Aaron insisted. “I haven’t found anything specific to his situation yet, but I know I’m close.”
“How do you have this kind of time to spend on someone who isn’t even in your active caseload anymore?”
“I got my paperwork done early!”
“Two weeks early. I know.” Pam reached out and patted his hand. “Which is good! Because right after this lunch, you’re going on a mandatory two-week leave of absence.” She rolled right over Aaron’s protestations. “You can call it a vacation if it makes you feel better, but the truth is, you’re not taking care of yourself right now. You’re verging on burnout, and that’s not something I’d wish on anyone, least of all my best social worker. I want you in this office for the long haul, Aaron.”
“I want to be there for the long haul, but I have cases that can’t wait, and my visits. I can’t just—”
“Already rescheduled or otherwise covered.”
“My court appearances….”
“The same,” Pam assured him. “You’re not the only one who can prepare things in advance. I’ve been working the details of this out for almost a month.”
Aaron couldn’t help feeling a little betrayed. “Then why didn’t you bring it up with me a month ago?”
“Because you wouldn’t have technically earned all of that vacation time, and I know how you love technicalities. And because I wanted to see if you’d take advantage of some of the other things the department has on offer first. Like the softball league.”
“I suck at softball. Why would I want to join a league?”
“To be together with your friends and coworkers in a non-work setting?” Pam suggested. “To relax and have a few drinks and enjoy the beautiful spring evenings instead of poring over files you already know by heart?”
“These kids need me!” How could he make her understand? “They’re not just cases, Pam, they’re people. Their lives are seriously affected by every move we make. If I don’t give them my all, what does that make me?” Aaron knew all too well how it felt to be ignored by your case worker. He’d used it in his favor until the day the system finally, terribly, noticed them. That was the beginning of the end.
“They do need you. They need you sharp and they need you focused and they need you to be with them for months and years and not work yourself into an early grave or burn out so bad that you have to go to Kathmandu to find yourself again,” Pam said. “I know it might not feel like it right now, Aaron, but I’m on your side. I really, truly am. And that’s why I’ve got to insist that you take the time off.”
Aaron knew better than to throw himself into the same fist over and over again. “Fine.” He pushed his plate away. “I’ll go back and shut things down.”
“You can finish your lunch first, honey. There’s no hurry.”
He laughed, and it sounded depressingly bitter. How out of it was he, to feel bitter about taking a vacation? A mandatory, choiceless vacation? On second thought…. “I’m not hungry anymore.”
“Then you can sit and wait for me to finish and walk me back to the office like a gentleman.”
Aaron sighed. “Fine.”
“Oh, honey.” Pam looked at him with eyes full of sympathy. “You’ll see. Having some time away from it all is going to feel like the best thing that ever happened to you.”
Chapter Four
IN the end, Aaron couldn’t just drive home from work. Not at two in the afternoon. He didn’t think he could face the plain white walls of his duplex that he’d idly considered repainting, or stare out at the weedy garden behind the house that he’d sworn he’d find the time to tend to at the beginning of spring. He hadn’t done either of those things, because he hadn’t had the time. And now that he had it….
“Fuck it.” Cosmetic improvements on his rental were the last thing he wanted to think about today. His home was sterile, a place where he lived in between working hours, a simple place he could go and just be in. He didn’t want to just be, though. He wanted a distraction, something or someone that would actually make him feel better about his current bullshit situation. That meant there was really only one place he could go.
Can I come over?
Right now? U sick? Dying? Bldng on fire?
If only. No. Kicked out of work.
Tyler instantly called. “What the hell? You were fired?” he exclaimed. “That’s fucking—you can’t be fired. You’re the best person they’ve got working there, they can’t—”
“I’m not fired,” Aaron said, feeling a little better just hearing the outrage in Tyler’s voice. “I’ve been forcibly vacationed.”
“What?” Tyler sounded confused. “Is that even a thing?”
“Apparently is it, at least for Pam. I’ve got to take two weeks off from work.”
“Wow. How will you survive?”
“That’s exactly what I said!” It took Aaron a moment to realize that Tyler was laughing at him. “Oh, fuck you.”
“No, don’t be mad! C’mon, don’t be mad at me,” he begged, a chuckle still resonating through his voice. “I’m not glad that they’re makin’ you do something you don’t wanna do, but damn, on the scale of things that you could be forced to do, takin’ a vacation is pretty sweet.”
“No, it isn’t.” Aaron resisted the urge to slam his head against the steering wheel.
“You’re still in the parking lot, aren’t you?”
“Um. No.”
“You are. Look, come over and we’ll work it out.” His laughter was gone now, but his voice was full of confidence. “I’m sure we can find some fun way for you to spend a couple of weeks.”
“I’m not going to force my company on you for two weeks just because you’re fun,” Aaron warned him even as he took off his parking brake.
Tyler was quiet for a long moment. “You’re always welcome here,” he said, sounding very serious. “You know that, right?”
“Yes.”
Tyler had never made him feel otherwise, but it had been bad enough
relying almost exclusively on his help when Aaron was sick. He didn’t want that feeling of welcome to become too strained.
“I’ll be there soon.”
“Good.” Tyler hung up and Aaron took a deep breath, then pulled out of the parking lot.
On the rare occasions when Aaron had turned up at Tyler’s place during the day before, Tyler had usually been working in his office, socked feet propped up on the front of his desk as he telecommuted. Aaron didn’t completely understand the ins and outs of Tyler’s job, but apart from the occasional meeting where he deigned to wear a button-down shirt and a tie so that at least his top half looked professional, he was entirely alone. He seemed to like it.
Aaron couldn’t imagine being so isolated, but then, work was where he got in almost all of his socializing, while Tyler actually did things with friends he’d kept from high school and college. Hence things like quiz night at the pub, which he’d invited Aaron to a dozen times. Aaron still hadn’t made it to even one. Was he ruining Tyler’s nights out?
By the time he got to Tyler’s house, Aaron was half-ready to just say, “Fuck it, I’ll catch up on my Netflix queue at home for two weeks.” He entered the front door and was ambushed by Clue, who meowed disconsolately and curled around his feet, demanding attention.
“Hey there,” Aaron said, bending over and lifting the cat up. She left white hair on his dark suit, but it wasn’t like that would matter for a while. He looked around, but Tyler was nowhere to be seen, not even in his office. “Ty?”
“Hey, c’mon in! Fuck, where’d I—” It sounded like he was in the kitchen. Aaron toed off his shoes and wandered that way, a bit listless with the prospect of so much nothingness stretching out in front of him. Maybe he’d let himself see Tyler every other day, if he could swing it. More than that would be too much, right? It had to be.
“There you are, fucker!” Aaron rounded the corner to see Tyler easing a stiff piece of paper out from under the pile of takeout menus stuck to his fridge. “Gotcha.”