by Wood, Lauren
“Do you know how crazy that is, Frank? I mean, we were together and you broke up with me and humiliated me in front of everybody. Why would you want to get together now? And why do you think that I want to get with you?”
He was quiet for a moment, looking out the window like he was going to find the answer he was looking for there.
“Let's just say that after ten years away from you, Lisa, you're the only girl that I can't get out of my mind. That has to mean something.”
I wish that I didn't want to hear the answer so badly. It was really rather tricky, because it was what he had done before. But for one reason or another, I really liked his answer. It was good to know that he was affected by me, because I was certainly affected by him. He had changed my life completely, twice now.
“It does, Frank, but I don’t know what.”
14
Frank
The meeting in Chicago went as planned. We had implemented a few changes to the factories and how they did business. Basically we were just there to make sure that everything was going the way it was supposed to. I didn't need Lisa to come with me, but when asked who I wanted to come, she was the first person that came to mind.
Things were a little more open between us and once we were done with the meeting, I asked her if she wanted to go out for some dinner. Every time before I had asked her, she had made an excuse and basically got out of it. This time I wanted to make sure that she said yes. I was getting very frustrated with the speed at which Lisa was taking forgiving me. It was time for her to hurry it along.
“Fine, we can go out. I am starving anyways. I haven't gotten anything since we left.”
“Do you want to go to the Thai place or Chinese?”
“You don't like any of those. Remember? You only liked meat and potatoes from what I remember.”
“A lot has changed, Lisa. I have broadened my horizons.”
That just made her smile and she just kind of shook her head in agreement.
“Well in that case, why don't we go out for some Thai. It's good to know that you have changed a little bit.”
“I've changed more than you think I have, Lisa. I've grown up from the guy that thought he had the world at his fingertips.”
“The world is at your fingertips though, isn't it?”
“It is, but like everything else, all the things that are really worth having, are a lot harder to get.”
Lisa looked down and then out her window when I was giving the driver new instructions. I didn't know any places in New York with that kind of cuisine, but he said that he did and within a few minutes we were at a restaurant. I told the driver that we would be a little while and I would give him a call when we're ready to leave. I figured that he wanted to have some dinner as well.
I took this as a good sign. Now at least she was going out with me. That was the first good news that I had had in a long time. At some point, I knew she had to forgive me, but I was hoping that it would be sooner rather than later. I had never been a patient man and when it came to Lisa, it was harder than I could've imagined. I just wanted her to see the potential.
When she’d asked me questions about her father earlier, I was maybe a little nervous, because I was just as curious about her father’s change of mind as she was. Her father had decided that he wanted me back in her life, for one reason or another. I had heard some stories about Lisa having trouble with getting married. I wanted to think that it was because of me, but I didn't want to be wrong.
“This place looks nice.”
I told the hosts to sit us in the back because I wanted a quiet place for the two of us to talk. I could have had a conversation with her anywhere, but Lisa had always been a lot more shy than I was. Or at least, the old Lisa was. She had changed quite a bit as well. Sometimes I couldn't even see the same nerdy girl that I remembered. It almost made me sad, because her weirdness was what made her unique.
When I got to the table, she looked around and I could tell that she was a little nervous. Did she know what my plans were? Could she tell somehow that I wanted to ravish her right here and now at the table?
“It's really dark back here.”
“I thought it would be good to give us a little privacy. I think we have a lot to talk about.”
“I don't know if I want to talk about it. It's been a long time, so what's the point of drudging it up? Maybe just not tonight.”
“Can we then forget about it and move on?”
Lisa agreed and smiled at me. I started to move towards her for a kiss and she stopped me.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought it was pretty obvious. You said that we could put it all behind us, so I would like to move forward.”
She giggled, but then she was shaking her hand.
“You really don't get it, do you? Just because I don't want to get into the past, and just because I say that I can look past it, doesn't mean that there is going to be any kind of future for me and you. You're my boss, and that's the end of it.”
I leaned a little closer to her. I could see that she was shivering. Lisa didn't move though. She wanted to prove to me that I wasn't bothering her, but I knew it was a lie. I could literally see her shaking and I just moved a little closer to her ear.
“If I am just your boss, then why are you trembling so much, Lisa?”
The heat from my breath made her shake with electricity from me and her breath then hitched in her throat. It was the sound, or the lack of sound, that may me close my eyes in pleasure. Lisa never really did get what she did to me. She made me a little crazy.
When I pulled back, her eyes were glistening a little bit and I could tell that she was trying her best to hold herself together. The waitress came through and took our drink order, giving us both a minute to catch our breath.
I had kissed a lot of girls and this time around, and in truth, the first time around, Lisa affected me more than all the rest. Why did it take me so long to realize that? The biggest mistake of my life was thinking that she could somehow be so easily replaced.
The waitress left and Lisa asked me what that was.
“I thought it was pretty clear.”
“It was, but why did you kiss me?”
“I've been wanting to do it since I saw you at the wedding and you ran away from me, Lisa. How do you not know this?”
“Because I don't understand you. One minute you want me, the next minute you're humiliating me and breaking up with me in front of everybody, and then the next minute you're popping back into my life years later and kissing me like that.”
“I made a mistake all those years ago and now that I know that I made this mistake, I want to fix it. I just want you to let me fix it, that's all.”
She wasn't certain if she believed me or not, while I could see that there was a softening of her features. Lisa may not be completely in my corner yet, but I was just so sure that it wouldn't take long at all. All I had to do, was figure out how to get past the last few bricks of her inner wall. I could see it crumbling, right in front of me.
That’s at least what my optimistic mind was thinking anyways.
15
Lisa
The kiss was too much. As soon as I felt his lips on mine, I knew I was in trouble. It was just like before. The world stopped and all that was left was Frank. Now he was talking and it looked like it was important, but I couldn't pay attention. I was just kind of out of it and all I could see was his lips moving.
“I feel like you're not even listening to me, Lisa.”
“I am, really I am.”
“Even now, you're not a very good liar.”
“That isn't true. I have been a very good liar in the past. Trust me on that one.”
“You don't seem to be so good at it now.”
“And why do you say that?”
“Because I know that you are trying to hold in your feelings for me, but you can't. You're sitting there shaking, and I'm not doing anything but sitting next to you.”
“That doesn't mean I'm lying. That just means that you are different. You always have been to me and for one reason or another, you seem to get under my skin more than anybody else.”
“Is that so?”
He had that smile back on his face and it was hard to look away. He was going to kiss me again, and for the life of me, I was unable to move. All of the desires and pleasure that he had given me before, were still involved. Even though Frank could be cocky about his skills in the bedroom, I would be the first to say that everything he said was true and more. That was a place that we had never had a problem.
The kiss was deepened and I’m not even sure who did it. It very well could have been me. I felt like I was outside of myself, watching someone else get touched and seeing Frank devour me.
I don't know what came over me, but a glass hitting the table pulled me out of the moment. I was able to get my bearings and remember that we were actually in a restaurant. This was the last place that we should be doing this.
My face was on fire and my heart was beating hard in my chest. There was tingling in most of my body and especially in places that I wasn't supposed to think about. He was doing exactly what I knew he would do. This was why I had to keep my distance from him. And it was also the reason that I didn't want to.
“When you kiss me, Lisa, I almost think that you want me just as badly as I want you.”
I didn't answer because there was really no point. My hand shook a little bit as I took a drink of the wine, but it's settled rather quickly. He was right that I used to not be a person that could deceive someone, but recent events in the past, showed me that obviously that wasn't the case. I had changed throughout the years and sometimes not in a good way. Why did Frank get to bother me so much and no one else could?
“So how long are we going to play this game?”
“What game?”
“The one where you pretend like you want to do anything besides get together?”
“Are you so sure that that's what's going to happen?”
“Are you telling me that you do not want it to be?”
I shook my head and stopped. It was just a bunch of questions and I didn't really have an answer to any of them.
“It was just a kiss, Frank. I think that you’re getting ahead of yourself.”
He agreed, but then kissed me again.
I stopped him.
“We are in a restaurant and there's people around us.”
“You never used to mind when there were people watching before. And like you said, it's just a kiss.”
Like so many times before, I found out he was using my words against me and this time I was going to do my best to not let it happen.
I was thankful that the waitress brought our lunch and even more happy that we had picked Thai. It was one of the faster to-order foods, so now we didn’t have to chat anymore.
If I could have moved my chair a little bit farther away from him so that he couldn’t get ahold of me, I would have done just that. But, I didn't want to show him how much I was bothered by it all.
By the end of the evening, I was coming to several conclusions in my mind. None of them were much different than what I had thought before. I had told myself so many times over the years that if I ever had a chance to see Frank again, I would give him a piece of my mind. And I had done that. But now what? Before, I thought I would just ignore him, but there was no ignoring Frank. And there was no ignoring the nagging need that came over me every time he was around.
I should have gone up to my room after we got out of the car and say goodnight. Nothing more. That's what I should have done, but instead I asked him to come over and have a nightcap with me. I wasn't quite ready to leave the evening behind. There was much to think about and after all the thoughts were through me, the only thing I could come up with to do was get the need out of my system.
I had convinced myself that it was only physical. Obviously all I had to do was have sex with him. It was no big deal. It's not like we haven't done it before. But then I would be able to get my mind back and I wouldn't have all of these crazy reactions every time he was near. How was I supposed to work with Frank, if I couldn't even be in the same room with him without shaking? I just needed to get him out of my system. That's all it was.
As I had become a good liar to others, I had also become a good liar to myself. I had actually convinced myself that I would be able to control my feelings for Frank. The truth is I should have known better. I hadn't been able to control him before and that's why I had left the way I had. What made me think that I was any stronger than before?
Even while I thought that though, all of the doubts that whirled around in my mind, I knew what was going to happen when he came up to my room. It's what I wanted to happen. All I had to do was get him out of my system and I could go back to the way things were. I could go back to not feeling again. I really, really missed it.
16
Frank
There was definitely something different in the air. I wanted to think that it was because of the kiss, but it was becoming clear that it had nothing to do with me. Lisa had decided that she wanted to be with me. It was just that simple and I could see it in her face. I could also see it in the way that her body moved towards me. Lisa always had this hold over me. That's why I was here, and she was there.
She handed me a drink and I took a step, before I took a bigger drink.
“You remembered that I like whiskey.”
“I remember a lot of things, Frank. I remember the things you do when you're on whiskey. That is more what I have in mind.”
There had been a thing with us and for some reason, every time I started to drink, all I wanted to do was please her. The drunker I got, the more I wanted to make her scream and I used to take my time with it. I would go as long as I possibly could, licking and tasting her, before I would finally slide inside of her to finish us both off. It was all I could think about right now and I finished the glass.
“You know what whiskey does to me.”
“I do.”
“Are you telling me that's what you want?”
Inside I was begging her to make that the reason. I don't know what was going on with me. I really didn't. But I did know that she was finally coming to terms with it. We were meant to be together. I had figured it out years ago and now it was her turn.
“Maybe it is what I want.”
“All you have to do is ask, Lisa. Hell, all you have to do is tell me I can and I would be more than happy to make you scream till your hoarse like old times. I still remember the way you change after the third or fourth one. You become a wild woman. I don't need whiskey to push me over the edge.”
She looked away for a moment and I could tell that my words were a bit too forward. I was so used to women that liked it that way. They wanted me to talk dirty to them and call them names that I would never want to call them.
But not Lisa. She was more delicate and I had to keep reminding myself of that. She had always been my delicate little butterfly and nothing had changed. I don't care what anybody said and I certainly didn't care to hear about all the rumors. Lisa was always going to be Lisa to me. I would always see her as perfect, because there's no other way to see her.
“I see that you still have hesitations.”
“You have a power over me, Frank, that scares me. I just don't want to be hurt again.”
I saw her bite her lip and she turned away again quickly. I don't think that she had expected to say that, because it certainly looked like she wasn't wanting to. Had it just poured out of her, like my words before had poured out of me? Where there was no reason to say it, but only because of a need inside of me that I didn't understand? Something inside wanted me to get it out or it was going to leak out somewhere else.
“I'm never going to hurt you again, Lisa. You just have to believe me this time.”
“I believed you before and it didn’t work out. Even though you promised not to hurt me, you d
id. You know that I still play that day over and over again in my head? It's something that I can't stop thinking about. I don't know if I will ever be able to forget about it.”
She paused. “I want to forget about it. I know that you used to be able to chase all of my worries away. Can you do that again?
“Yes.”
Just like that, I realized that talking wasn't helping the situation. We had a lot between us and maybe the only way that we were going to be able to work it out, was the way that we used to. Just because we were older now, did not mean that we had to work things out any differently. I was so convinced if she would just give me a chance, I would be able to erase all the worries. I had been able to do it before.
I moved closer and touched her cheek lightly, letting my fingers run down to her chin and then down her neck. I stopped for a moment at her shoulders and moved so that she was in front of me. I rubbed her shoulders lightly, focusing the long digits on the back of her arms. It had always been one of those things that Lisa liked. It was so simple, but I could see goosebumps going over her flesh. The lightest touch had always done it for her.
Finally she looked up at me and her eyes held more emotions than I think I had ever felt in my whole life. Save for her.
“Are you just saying all of this so that you could get in my pants?”
“Well technically, it's your skirt, and I will admit that I will do close to anything to get there, Lisa. I don't think you quite realize how much I have missed you. If you want to know the truth about why I got the job, I went for it. It didn't just land on my lap, but it took a while to even get an interview with your father. He had been a lot more open to the idea then I would have thought. I figured that was the universe's way of telling me that I was on the right path.”
I was so close to kissing her, but there was still some sort of hesitation in her face. It was one of the expressions that I had seen before, the one was desire and need that was pouring out of her. I didn't want to see the doubt anymore.