“Bah!” said she, “I shall have less remorse for his death; he is half dead as it is.”
With this paraphrase of her idea, she cast upon the said gentleman one of those warm little ogles that are only allowable in princesses and harlots, and the false love which her lovely eyes bore witness to, gave a pleasant pang to the gallant of the pillar. Who does not love the warm attack of life when it flows thus round the heart and engulfs everything?
Madame recognized with a pleasure, always fresh in the minds of women, the omnipotence of her magnificent regard by the answer which, without saying a word, the chevalier made to it. And in fact, the blushes which empurpled his cheeks spoke better than the best speeches of the Greek and Latin orators, and was also well understood. At this sweet sight, the countess, to make sure that it was not a freak of nature, took pleasure in experimentalizing how far the virtue of her eyes would go, and after having heated her slave more than thirty times, she was confirmed in her belief that he would bravely die for her. This idea so touched her, that from three repetitions between her orisons she was tickled with the desire to put into a lump all the joys of man, and to dissolve them for him in one single glance of love, in order that she should not one day be reproached with having not only dissipated the life, but also the happiness of this gentleman. When the officiating priest turned round to sing the Off you go to this fine gilded flock, the constable’s wife went out by the side of the pillar where her courtier was, passed in front of him and endeavoured to insinuate into his understanding by a speaking glance that he was to follow her, and to make positive the intelligence and significant interpretation of this gentle appeal, the artful jade turned round again a little after passing him to again request his company. She saw that he had moved a little from his place, and dared not advance, so modest was he, but upon this last sign, the gentleman, sure of not being over-credulous, mixed with the crowd with little and noiseless steps, like an innocent who is afraid of venturing in one of those good places people call bad ones. And whether he walked behind or in front, to the right or to the left, my lady bestowed upon him a glistening glance to allure him the more and the better to draw him to her, like a fisher who gently jerks the line in order to hook the gudgeon. To be brief: the countess practised so well the profession of the daughters of pleasure when they work to bring grist into their mills, that one would have said nothing resembled a harlot so much as a woman of high birth. And indeed, on arriving at the porch of her hotel the countess hesitated to enter therein, and again turned her face towards the poor chevalier to invite him to accompany her, discharging at him so diabolical a glance, that he ran to the queen of his heart, believing himself to be called by her. Thereupon she offered him her hand, and both boiling and trembling from contrary causes found themselves inside the house. At this wretched hour, Madame d’Armagnac was ashamed of having done all these harlotries to the profit of death, and of betraying Savoisy the better to save him; but this slight remorse was lame as the greater, and came tardily. Seeing everything ready, the countess leant heavily upon her vassal’s arm, and said to him—
“Come quickly to my room; it is necessary that I should speak with you.”
And he, now knowing that his life was in peril, found no voice wherewith to reply, so much did the hope of approaching happiness choke him.
When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked, “Ah!” said she, “these ladies of the court are the best at such work.” Then she honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which was depicted the ironical respect due to those who have the great courage to die for so little.
“Picard,” said the constable’s lady, drawing the laundress to her by the skirt, “I have not the courage to confess to him the reward with which I am about to pay his silent love and his charming belief in the loyalty of women.”
“Bah! Madame: why tell him? Send him away well contented by the postern. So many men die in war for nothing, cannot this one die for something? I’ll produce another like him if that will console you.”
“Come along,” cried the countess, “I will confess all to him. That shall be the punishment for my sin.”
Thinking that his lady was arranging with her servant certain trifling provisions and secret things in order not to be disturbed in the interview she had promised him, the unknown lover kept at a discreet distance, looking at the flies. Nevertheless, he thought that the countess was very bold, but also, as even a hunchback would have done, he found a thousand reasons to justify her, and thought himself quite worthy to inspire such recklessness. He was lost in these good thoughts when the constable’s wife opened the door of her chamber, and invited the chevalier to follow her in. There his noble lady cast aside all the apparel of her lofty fortune, and falling at the feet of this gentleman, became a simple woman.
“Alas, sweet sir!” said she, “I have acted vilely towards you. Listen. On your departure from this house, you will meet your death. The love which I feel for another has bewildered me, and without being able to hold his place here, you will have to take it before his murderers. This is the joy to which I have bidden you.”
“Ah!” replied Boys-Bourredon, interring in the depths of his heart a dark despair, “I am grateful to you for having made use of me as of something which belonged to you…. Yes, I love you so much that every day I have dreamed of offering you in imitation of the ladies, a thing that can be given but once. Take, then, my life!”
And the poor chevalier, in saying this, gave her one glance to suffice for all the time he would have been able to look at her through the long days. Hearing these brave and loving words, Bonne rose suddenly.
“Ah! were it not for Savoisy, how I would love thee!” said she.
“Alas! my fate is then accomplished,” replied Boys-Bourredon. “My horoscope predicted that I should die by the love of a great lady. Ah, God!” said he, clutching his good sword, “I will sell my life dearly, but I shall die content in thinking that my decease assures the happiness of her I love. I shall live better in her memory than in reality.” At the sight of the gesture and the beaming face of this courageous man, the constable’s wife was pierced to the heart. But soon she was wounded to the quick because he seemed to wish to leave her without even asking of her the smallest favour.
“Come, that I may arm you,” said she to him, making an attempt to kiss him.
“Ha! my lady-love,” replied he, moistening with a gentle tear the fire of her eyes, “would you render my death impossible by attaching too great a value to my life?”
“Come,” cried she, overcome by this intense love, “I do not know what the end of all this will be, but come—afterwards we will go and perish together at the postern.”
The same flame leaped in their hearts, the same harmony had struck for both, they embraced each other with rapture in the delicious access of that mad fever which you know well I hope; they fell into a profound forgetfulness of the dangers of Savoisy, of themselves, of the constable, of death, of life, of everything.
Meanwhile the watchmen at the porch had gone to inform the constable of the arrival of the gallant, and to tell him how the infatuated gentleman had taken no notice of the winks which, during Mass and on the road, the countess had given him in order to prevent his destruction. They met their master arriving in great haste at the postern, because on their side the archers of the quay had whistled to him afar off, saying to him—
“The Sire de Savoisy has passed in.”
And indeed Savoisy had come at the appointed hour, and like all the lovers, thinking only of his lady, he had not seen the count’s spies and had slipped in at the postern. This collision of lovers was the cause of the constable’s cutting short the words of those who came from the Rue St. Antoine, saying to them with a gesture of authority, that they did not think wise to disregard—
“I know that the animal is taken.”
Thereupon all rushed with a great noise through the said postern, crying, “Death to him! death to him!” an
d men-at-arms, archers, the constable, and the captains, all rushed full tilt upon Charles Savoisy, the king’s nephew, whom they attacked just under the countess’s window, where by a strange chance, the groans of the poor young man were dolorously exhaled, mingled with the yells of the soldiers, at the same time as passionate sighs and cries were given forth by the two lovers, who hastened up in great fear.
“Ah!” said the countess, turning pale from terror, “Savoisy is dying for me!”
“But I will live for you,” replied Boys-Bourredon, “and shall esteem it a joy to pay the same price for my happiness as he has done.”
“Hide yourself in the clothes chest,” cried the countess; “I hear the constable’s footsteps.”
And indeed M. d’Armagnac appeared very soon with a head in his hand, and putting it all bloody on the mantel-shelf, “Behold, Madame,” said he, “a picture which will enlighten you concerning the duties of a wife towards her husband.”
“You have killed an innocent man,” replied the countess, without changing colour. “Savoisy was not my lover.”
And with this speech she looked proudly at the constable with a face marked by so much dissimulation and feminine audacity, that the husband stood looking as foolish as a girl who has allowed a note to escape her below, before a numerous company, and he was afraid of having made a mistake.
“Of whom were you thinking this morning?” asked he.
“I was dreaming of the king,” said she.
“Then, my dear, why not have told me so?”
“Would you have believed me in the bestial passion you were in?”
The constable scratched his ear and replied—
“But how came Savoisy with the key of the postern?”
“I don’t know,” said she, curtly, “if you will have the goodness to believe what I have said to you.”
And his wife turned lightly on her heel like a weathercock turned by the wind, pretending to go and look after the household affairs. You can imagine that D’Armagnac was greatly embarrassed with the head of poor Savoisy, and that for his part Boys-Bourredon had no desire to cough while listening to the count, who was growling to himself all sorts of words. At length the constable struck two heavy blows over the table and said, “I’ll go and attack the inhabitants of Poissy.” Then he departed, and when the night was come Boys-Bourredon escaped from the house in some disguise or other.
Poor Savoisy was sorely lamented by his lady, who had done all that a woman could do to save her lover, and later he was more than wept, he was regretted; for the countess having related this adventure to Queen Isabella, her majesty seduced Boys-Bourredon from the service of her cousin and put him to her own, so much was she touched with the qualities and firm courage of this gentleman.
Boys-Bourredon was a man whom danger had well recommended to the ladies. In fact he comported himself so proudly in everything in the lofty fortune, which the queen had made for him, that having badly treated King Charles one day when the poor man was in his proper senses, the courtiers, jealous of favour, informed the king of his cuckoldom. Then Boys-Bourredon was in a moment sewn in a sack and thrown into the Seine, near the ferry at Charenton, as every one knows. I have no need to add, that since the day when the constable took it into his head to play thoughtlessly with knives, his good wife utilized so well the two deaths he had caused and threw them so often in his face, that she made him as soft as a cat’s paw and put him in the straight road of marriage; and he proclaimed her a modest and virtuous constable’s lady, as indeed she was. As this book should, according to the maxims of great ancient authors, join certain useful things to the good laughs which you will find therein and contains precepts of high taste, I beg to inform you that the quintessence of this story is this: That women need never lose their heads in serious cases, because the God of Love never abandons them, especially when they are beautiful, young, and of good family: and that gallants when going to keep an amorous assignation should never go there like giddy young men, but carefully, and keep a sharp look-out near the burrow, to avoid falling into certain traps and to preserve themselves; for after a good woman the most precious thing is, certes, a pretty gentleman.
THE MAID OF THILOUSE
THE lord of Valennes, a pleasant place, of which the castle is not far from the town of Thilouse, had taken a mean wife, who by reason of taste or antipathy, pleasure or displeasure, health or sickness, allowed her good husband to abstain from those pleasures stipulated for in all contracts of marriage. In order to be just, it should be stated that the above-mentioned lord was a dirty and ill-favoured person, always hunting wild animals and not more entertaining than is a room full of smoke. And what is more, the said sportsman was all sixty years of age, on which subject, however, he was as silent as an hempen widow on the subject of rope. But nature, which the crooked, the bandy-legged, the blind, and the ugly abuse so unmercifully here below, and have no more esteem for her than the well-favoured,—since, like workers of tapestry, they know not what they do,—gives the same appetite to all, and to all the same mouth for pudding. So every beast finds a mate, and from the same fact comes the proverb, “There is no pot, however ugly, that does not one day find a cover.” Now the lord of Valennes searched everywhere for nice little pots to cover, and often in addition to wild, he hunted tame animals; but this kind of game was scarce in the land, and it was an expensive affair to discover a maid. At length, however, by reason of much ferreting about and much inquiry, it happened that the lord of Valennes was informed that in Thilouse was the widow of a weaver who had a real treasure in the person of a little damsel of sixteen years, whom she had never allowed to leave her apronstrings, and whom, with great maternal forethought, she always accompanied when the calls of nature demanded her obedience; she had her to sleep with her in her own bed, watched over her, got her up in the morning, and put her to such work that between the twain they gained about eight pennies a day. On fête days she took her to the church, scarcely giving her a spare moment to exchange a merry word with the young people; above all was she strict in keeping hands off the maiden.
But the times were just then so hard that the widow and her daughter had only bread enough to save them from dying of hunger, and as they lodged with one of their poor relations, they often wanted wood in winter and clothes in summer, owing enough rent to frighten sergeants of justice, men who are not easily frightened at the debts of others; in short, while the daughter was increasing in beauty, the mother was increasing in poverty and ran into debt on account of her daughter’s virginity, as an alchemist will for the crucible in which his all is cast. As soon as his plans were arranged and perfect, one rainy day the said lord of Valennes by a mere chance came into the hovel of the two spinners, and in order to dry himself sent for some fagots to Plessis, close by. While waiting for them, he sat on a stool between the two poor women. By means of the grey shadows and half light of the cabin, he saw the sweet countenance of the Maid of Thilouse; her arms were red and firm, her breasts hard as bastions, which kept the cold from her heart, her waist round as a young oak, and all fresh and clean and pretty, like a first frost; green and tender as an April bud; in fact, she resembled all that is prettiest in the world. She had eyes of a modest and virtuous blue, with a look more coy than that of the Virgin, for she was less forward, never having had a child.
Had any one said to her, “Come, let us make love,” she would have said, “Love! what is that?” she was so innocent and so little open to the comprehension of the thing.
The good old lord twisted about upon his stool, eyeing the maid and stretching his neck like a monkey trying to catch nuts, which the mother noticed, but said not a word, being in fear of the lord to whom the whole of the country belonged. When the fagot was put into the grate and flared up, the good hunter said to the old woman, “Ah, ah! that warms one almost as much as your daughter’s eyes.”
“But alas, my lord,” said she, “we have nothing to cook on that fire.”
“Oh, yes,” replied h
e.
“What?”
“Ah, my good woman, lend your daughter to my wife, who has need of a good handmaiden: we will give you two fagots every day.”
“Oh, my lord, what could I cook at such a good fire?”
“Why,” replied the old rascal, “good broth, for I will give you a measure of corn in season.”
“Then,” replied the old hag, “where shall I put it?”
“In your dish,” answered the purchaser of innocence.
“But I have neither dish nor flour-bins, nor anything.”
“Well, I will give you dishes and flour-bins, saucepans, flagons, a good bed with curtains, and everything.”
“Yes,” replied the good widow, “but the rain would spoil them, I have no house.”
“You can see from here,” replied the lord, “the house of La Tourbellière, where lived my poor huntsman Pillegrain, who was ripped up by a boar?”
“Yes,” said the old woman.
“Well, you can make yourself at home there for the rest of your days.”
“By my faith!” cried the mother, letting fall her distaff, “do you mean what you say?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then, what will you give my daughter?”
“All that she is willing to gain in my service.”
“Oh! my lord, you are joking.”
“No,” said he.
“Yes,” said she.
“By St. Gatien, St. Eleuther, and by the thousand million saints who move in heaven, I swear that——”
“Ah! well; if you are not jesting I should like those fagots to pass through the hands of the notary.”
“By the blood of Christ and the charms of your daughter am I not a gentleman? is not my word good enough?”
“Ah! well, I don’t say that it is not; but as true as I am a poor spinner I love my child too much to leave her; she is too young and weak at present, she would break down in service. Yesterday, in his sermon, the vicar said that we should have to answer to God for our children.”
Droll Stories Page 13