“Lizzie. Let me help you,” she said, jumping up when she saw me struggling in the door carrying three boxes of files.
“No! I’m fine thank you. I don’t need your help. You’ve done enough for me already, thanks very much.”
“Lizzie, please don’t be like that. Let’s go somewhere and talk.” She almost seemed to be pleading with me.
“There’s nothing I want to say to you, Belinda,” I said, turning away from her.
That was a total lie. I had heaps I wanted to say, none of which was polite, so I thought keeping it to myself was probably the better option. Dumping the boxes on her desk, I was about to walk out of the room when Scott’s office door opened and out he walked, completely unaware I was there.
For a couple of seconds the world stood still, none of us knowing what to do. I used the time to have a good look at them both. Looking at Scott through new eyes, I wondered what I’d ever seen in him. True, he wasn’t bad looking, and he did look good in a suit, but compared to Riley, he was downright ordinary. Add to that, he’d never treated me that well. Sure when we first started dating, he’d treated me like royalty but after we officially became an item, he never bothered about me much. At one point I thought I loved him though, and that he at least cared about me.
How stupid was I?
Scott was the first to move, turning around, walking back into his office and closing his door. Disgust rolled over my tongue. After nearly three years, I meant so little to him he couldn’t even say he was sorry. Turning away, I walked straight to Human Resources and quit my job.
I know, I know—I shouldn’t make hasty decisions when I’m emotional and about an hour later I started to panic a bit. But the thought of having to see him again required more strength than I had.
Walking aimlessly through the city, it didn’t take long before I realized I was at the shops. They held so much appeal today, I couldn’t resist. They contained absolutely everything I needed to be whoever the hell I felt like being. Scott had left me, Riley was leaving me and a bald-headed crazy freak was the only man attracted to me. I looked tired, dull and frizzy. I also felt about ten years older than I really was. Can you see my point?
Yeah, yeah, I know I really should have been saving my money. I was unemployed after all, but right now I didn’t like myself very much. At least I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. Maybe a complete transformation was what I needed. I’d worry about money next month. I still had a few savings, which I had originally kept to be spent on my kitchen, but hey, I’d just have to live with the old one until I got a new job. Surely it couldn’t be that hard.
* * * *
By the time I got home, it was getting dark. Riley’s truck was still in my driveway and the downstairs lights were on, so picking up my bags, I walked inside. I think I got carried away with all the shopping I’d done. It was one of those days where everything I tried on looked good. Maybe because it was all quite different to what I would usually buy and I was so open to change. I don’t know, but I wasn’t looking forward to the credit card bill next month.
Stepping into the kitchen, I looked at Riley sitting at the kitchen table, beer in hand, barely moving a muscle. Seeing me, a mixture of emotions passed over his face. If I had to list them, I would say the first was relief, the second was disbelief looking at my bags, and last was anger. Seeing this last one, I stopped not quite knowing what to do. He seemed to go from calm to angry in less than a second as he looked down at his beer, obviously trying to control his emotions. Slowly putting my bags on the floor, I walked into the room and sat silently at the table.
“Did you bother to think about anybody other than yourself today?” he asked, his voice quiet.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“I’ve been sitting here for the last three hours, trying to call you to see if you were okay.” His voice was now getting louder. “Thinking that asshole had caught up with you and was doing who the fuck knows what to you. And you were shopping!”
He was full on yelling by now, leaning over the table and looking down on me. From where I was sitting, it was a pretty scary place to be. In all honesty, I hadn’t given a single thought to the maniac following me. My whole day was consumed with Riley leaving, Scott cheating and my whole crappy self-esteem.
Pulling my phone out of my bag, I looked to see I had seventeen missed calls from Riley. I’d put my phone on silent when I was in HR filling out all the necessary paperwork it required to resign and had forgotten to switch it back again.
“I had no idea where to even start looking!” he yelled. “I phoned Belinda and she told me you had left hours ago. I asked to speak to Scott but he wasn’t in the office. I was just praying you were with him, can you believe that. Because if you were with him, at least you’d be safe!”
He paced around the room, eyes blazing. Actually, he had really amazing eyes when he was angry. The outside rim of them had gone that deep blue again. Not that I was noticing it, of course. I was actually feeling bad for worrying him so much.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have called to let you know I was okay. I put my phone on silent and forgot about it.”
He stopped pacing and ran his hands through his hair, as frustrated as hell. I hadn’t moved a muscle, too afraid of what would happen. The silence seemed to go on forever.
“I lost track of time. Riley, I’m really sorry. I had a crappy day and thought a bit of shopping would take my mind off of things. I didn’t mean to worry you,” I added quietly.
He turned his back and walked out of the room. I felt my stomach cramp as panic ran through me.
Oh my God. What have I done?
I could see him visibly shaking as he walked past me, so I got up and ran after him, ready to beg forgiveness. I don’t normally like upsetting people, but the thought that I had upset Riley almost broke my heart. He was the last person on earth I would want to hurt especially since it was my own self-pity that caused it.
“Riley, please,” I begged. “Please, don’t be mad at me.”
I grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. Panicking he would leave for good, I walked in front of him and forced him to look at me. It was then I saw the tears welling in his eyes.
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. I mean, I really couldn’t breathe. It felt like something was constricting my chest so tight I couldn’t get a breath in or out. What the hell had I done to him?
I gulped, trying to force air into my lungs, but I couldn’t get it in. I tried again, but still I was unable to breath. I could hear the loud wheezing coming out of my chest and let the tears I’d been holding back fall down my cheeks. Squeezing Riley’s arm tighter, I put my head down and dropped to my knees, fighting for breath.
Riley pushed my arm off his, turned and walked away.
“I’m sorr—” I wanted him to hear my apology and forgive me, but I couldn’t get any oxygen, so how I thought I could talk was beyond me. Right now though, coherent thoughts were not happening. I looked up and saw Riley’s back disappearing and felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces. If only I could turn back the clock, I would do it all completely differently. Please God, if you are listening, don’t let Riley leave me. Please, please.
Thankfully, God was listening. Riley quickly returned with a kitchen chair and with very little effort, lifted me into it.
“Put your head between your knees, Lizzie.”
What? What did he tell me to do? I could hear his voice, shaky with emotion, but I was still gasping for air and couldn’t understand what he was saying. The next thing I knew, Riley had pushed my head down between my knees and was holding it there, one hand pushing me down between my shoulder blades.
Slowly, I could feel the air return to my lungs and when I had calmed down enough and my breathing had started to even out, I sat back in the chair and cried. Riley sunk onto the floor next to me. Looking over at him, his head hanging low, I suddenly forgot about breathing at all. Sinking to the floor, I grabbed onto his arm as if my
life depended on it.
“Riley, please believe me. I’m sorry. Please don’t leave,” I begged. Looking back at me, all anger now gone, he just seemed tired.
“It’s okay, Lizzie. I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Riley had decided this week we would have Friday night get-together at his house. It didn’t feel odd at all that Riley had seamlessly slid into our group, everyone feeling like he belonged there. So after spending the morning finishing off some client files, I decided the least I could do for staying here was to clean his house for him.
I found the vacuum and mop, and set about my cleaning chores. Riley’s dad had called and he’d left me alone to go and help him on a construction job for the afternoon. He hadn’t mentioned anything else about the quote he’d done for the job in Loganville, and I for one, hadn’t brought it up. We were also silent on the subject of my meltdown, which I was thankful for. Looking back on it, it was pretty embarrassing.
I was in the bathroom, scrubbing the shower when I thought I heard a noise outside. I wondered if it was Cat getting into mischief, so putting down my cloth, I wandered out to investigate. Cat had adapted quite well to his new quarters and was behaving himself very nicely, which was a relief. When he first got here, I had visions of him tearing up Riley’s furniture with his claws, trying to fight boredom. Right now, he was sound asleep on the bed. I must be imagining things.
Walking back into the bathroom, I resumed my cleaning when I heard it again. Looking at the clock, I saw it was five-thirty. Riley would probably be home soon. It may even be him outside. I put my cloth down and moved to the stairs. As I did a shadow passed the colored window on the side of the house. If it was Riley, it was strange I hadn’t heard his truck pull up, but who knows, I was in the shower with the door shut.
I moved down the stairs and checked the lock on the front door. I hadn’t seen Sedan Man for a few days now, but the thought of him still creeped me out. I’d just stepped towards the back door, ready to check it, when I saw the doorknob slowly turn.
“Riley, is that you?” I called.
No answer.
From where I stood, I could see the deadlock was firmly in position. Riley had this really weird deadlock system on both his doors, so I waited to hear him inserting his key. No key.
As I stepped back into the shadow under the stairs, I heard someone walk around to the front of the house, and watched as the same thing happened on the front door. I searched my pockets for my phone and I realized I’d left it upstairs. Damn.
Creeping back up to get it, I waited and watched. Whoever it was went window by window, checking if they would open. My heart moved into my throat as Cat woke up, the hair on his back raised.
I grabbed my bag, my hands shaking, and pulled out everything but what I was looking for. I found a notebook, receipts, my credit card I’d thrown back into my bag in a hurry, tampons, I even found a half-eaten chocolate bar, but no phone. Damn. Where the hell had I left it?
With my eyes keeping watch on the windows and doors, I strained to hear what was going on out there, all the while racking my brain to think where Riley’s cordless phone would be. I know in my house it’s never where it’s supposed to be and I usually have to call it to find it.
I remembered seeing Riley with it last night in the kitchen, so I hoped against hope it was still there. I crept back down the stairs, trying my hardest to be silent. I would never have made a secret agent. I’m clumsy on a good day.
Yes. There it was, sitting on the bench, like a lifeline. With shaking hands, I dialed the numbers that would connect me to Riley.
Holding my breath, I listened to it ring.
Come on, come on, pick up. Finally.
“Hello, Lizzie?” I let out the breath I was holding.
“Riley. Where are you?” I whispered. I was hoping he was going to say the backyard and my overactive imagination was just at play.
“I’m still at Dad’s. Is everything okay?”
Shit. It wasn’t him creeping around then. I suddenly became really unsure of what to tell him. I didn’t want to freak him out again and worry him.
“Yes, yes. All’s good.” I was going to have to get brave and sort this out on my own. “Just making sure you’d be back in time for tonight.”
“Yeah. I’ll be leaving shortly. I’ll stop at the bottle shop and pick up a few things and then I’ll be there.”
“No. Why don’t you come straight home? I can get Danny to pick up whatever you need. I’m sure you’ve had a hard day and just want to get home to put your feet up.”
I’d started to babble. That’s what happens when I’m nervous. After assuring me he would come straight home, I hung up the phone and contemplated my next move. I needed a weapon. I was not going to sit here and be scared any longer. Time to be proactive.
In the kitchen, I looked through the drawers and picked up a carving knife. It looked scary enough and would definitely cause some damage. When I was a kid, I did a little Jujitsu and I remembered my Sensei telling us to never pick a weapon we weren’t prepared to defend ourselves against. Could I defend myself against a carving knife? I didn’t think so. In fact, the thought of being faced with a knife terrified me.
Looking further, I found lots of things that would be totally useless but finally came up with the bug spray. A good squirt to the eyes and he’d be crying for weeks. Also, this didn’t terrify me anywhere near as much as the knife.
Okay, I was armed. I crept over to the front door, put my ear to it and listened. I had no idea whether or not anyone was still there. I’d been making quite a bit of noise searching for my weapon. After a few minutes, my ears adjusted and I could hear a faint voice.
“Lizzie, Lizzie. I know you’re in there,” a male voice taunted me. “Let me in. I know you want to.” I heard a soft chuckle.
Fear ran through me and my blood pumped at a million miles an hour. I slowly lowered myself to the floor for fear of my knees giving out on me. So much for bravery.
I don’t know how long I sat there—straining to hear, listening for the slightest sounds—but it felt like an eternity. I heard a car door and footsteps, and let out a God Almighty scream when someone pounded on the door I leaned against.
“What the hell?” I heard from the other side of the door. “Lizzie, is that you?”
It was Danny. Thank God.
Standing up and looking through the peephole, I saw Danny and Andrew looking at each other, alarmed. Unlocking the door and opening it, I let them in.
“Geez, you scared me girl. What the hell was the scream for?” Danny looked annoyed as he walked in. That’s how he handles fear. He gets annoyed. Or cries. Whichever. “I nearly wet myself.”
“Sorry. I thought I saw a bug,” I said, holding up the can of spray, trying my hardest not to let them see my hand shaking.
I had a good look around outside before l closed and relocked the door.
* * * *
After getting us all a drink, I decided to have a quick shower. As I was drying myself I heard Riley knock on the door.
“Hey Lizzie. How long are you going to be? I really need the loo.”
I wrapped the towel tightly around myself and opened the door.
“You can have it now if you like. I can get dressed in the bedroom,” I said noticing how dirty he was. “I think you should use the shower while you’re there.” I smiled and stepped through the door, allowing Riley to pass.
“Thanks. I think I’d have to sit outside otherwise.”
Waiting until I heard the shower start, I thought I’d try some of my new clothes. They were a bit different from what I usually wore so it would be interesting to see everybody’s reaction.
I’d been talked into buying a new pair of jeans that sat low on my hips and gave everyone a good view of my new belly button ring. The top I’d chosen didn’t fit me as tightly as Molly’s fitted her. Instead it hung just low enough on my chest to give everyone a hint of my assets. These
, of course, were boosted with a beautiful new Elle McPherson bra. The top fell loose from beneath my breasts to my waist, with just a peek at my skin underneath.
I felt a little uncomfortable, but hid behind lots of make-up and fluffed up hair. As I walked into the lounge room, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared.
“Do I look that bad?” I asked.
I was about to turn and run back upstairs to get changed when Danny let out a low whistle.
“Right now, I may consider going straight for you,” said Andrew, coming over and kissing me on the cheek. “You look absolutely incredible.”
I looked to Molly. It was funny, but out of everybody, her approval meant the most.
“Wow,” she said, walking towards me and pulling me into a big hug.
Holding tightly, not wanting to let go, I said, “I love you, Molly.”
“What’s going on?” I heard Riley’s voice behind us. Letting go of Molly and turning, I heard Danny say, “Lizzie’s been shopping, thank the good Lord above. She now has nice clothes.”
I saw Riley look from Danny to me and heard him let out a long sigh. Looking me up and down, sadness in his eyes, he silently walked past me into the kitchen. Not quite the reaction I was looking for, but really, what did I expect?
“Don’t think he’s impressed, Lizzie,” whispered Danny. “He obviously never understood just how awful your old wardrobe was.”
Picking up the nearest pillow, I threw it at him and laughed. “My clothes were not that bad.”
“Yes. They were.”
* * * *
After dinner, we sat around talking. I knew I would have to tell everybody about Scott, and now with a few drinks in me, I felt a whole lot stronger. Molly, bless her, gave me the perfect segue into it by asking me how Scott was and had I seen him much lately.
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