‘And what’s up with yourself that you have to go to the doctor?’ Bonnie arched an eyebrow.
‘I’ve a touch of flu,’ Ellen lied.
‘He’ll probably tell you to go on a diet. You’ve put on a bit of weight. You wouldn’t want to get too stout at your age,’ Bonnie remarked with her usual tactlessness. ‘It puts men off. Is there any sign of a romance at all?’
Ellen had never liked Bonnie Daly at the best of times. She found her nosy, rude, opinionated and sanctimonious, despite her saccharine sweet air and coy genteel manner. She objected strongly to the way Bonnie felt free to ask rude and objectionable questions and to make personal comments which were extremely intrusive. She longed to turn around and say, ‘Mind your own goddamn business, you ignorant old bat.’
A mad impulse overcame Ellen. ‘As it happens,’ she said coolly, ‘I’ve been seeing someone for quite a while. Since Vincent’s wedding actually. I decided not to marry him. I think I prefer my independence. And I’m not putting on weight as such, or getting stout. I’m pregnant. In a couple of months time Mam’s going to have another little grandchild.’
It was worth it, Ellen thought with a sense of wild exhilaration, to see the look of utter stupefaction on Bonnie’s pinched little face. Her beady sly eyes almost popped out of their sockets. A deep purple flush ran from the base of her wrinkled neck to the top of her blue-rinsed hair. She opened and closed her mouth like a codfish.
‘Next please.’ Doctor Elliot came to the door.
Ellen stood up, smiled politely at the stricken Bonnie and followed the doctor into his surgery.
She took a deep breath. ‘You might have to resuscitate Bonnie Daly,’ she said dryly, ‘I’ve just told her I’m pregnant.’
Doctor Elliot raised a pair of bushy eyebrows.
‘Fifth or sixth month, I’d say,’ he said calmly.
‘Nearly six, Doctor,’ Ellen responded.
‘You should have come to see me sooner,’ he admonished. ‘Sit down, Ellen, and we’ll have a chat and then I’ll examine you.’ His matter-of-factness was balm to her soul. Another ordeal, but it hadn’t turned out as badly as she’d anticipated. And now Bonnie knew. In a couple of hours the rest of the town would know. Once she spoke to her cronies in the guild, it would be all out in the open and they could do their worst.
‘Are you and the father going to get married? Is he sticking by you?’
Ellen shook her head.
‘Have you told your parents?’
She nodded.
‘How are they taking it?’
‘Mam is very upset. She’s hardly talking to me. Dad’s not saying much one way or the other. But he’s being kind.’ Ellen fiddled with the fringe of her scarf. ‘Mam wants me to go to my aunt’s place in Navan and have the baby there. She wants me to put it up for adoption. So does the father.’
‘What do you want to do?’
‘I want to keep it, Doctor Elliot. It was conceived out of love. I love Chris. I don’t want to give our baby away. It’s all I have left of him. I want to keep it and bring it up myself.’ She started to cry. Great gulping sobs. ‘I’m sorry,’ she apologized, struggling to compose herself. ‘Chris never wants to see me again. Mam’s not speaking to me. Vincent’s not speaking to me. He says I’ve disgraced the family. My life is a shambles. Is it selfish of me not to give the baby up for adoption?’
Doctor Elliot handed her a tissue. ‘Ellen, that’s something you have to work out for yourself. You have to weigh up the pros and cons and decide what’s best for your baby and also what’s best for you. Whatever decision you make, you’re going to have to live with its consequences for the rest of your life. It wouldn’t be right for me to advise you one way or the other.’ He stood up and patted her shoulder. ‘You’ve a good head on your shoulders, Ellen. And it’s good to know that your father is standing by you. You’ll make the right decision. Now go behind the screen and get undressed and lie down on the couch and I’ll examine you.’
Ellen did as she was told. Why had he made that remark about her father standing by her? Was he encouraging her to keep her baby? Somehow she felt he was. He was a kind man, she reflected as he gently examined her. He had passed no judgement on her. If only others could have been like him, she thought bitterly, thinking of Vincent and her mother.
‘Everything seems to be fine,’ he said reassuringly when she was dressed and sitting in front of his desk again. ‘I want you to start taking iron immediately and increase your milk intake.’ He handed her a prescription. ‘Come back and see me in a month’s time. Or any time, if you feel the need. You know where I am.’
‘Thanks, Doctor.’ Ellen was deeply grateful to have another ally. She didn’t feel quite so beleaguered and it was such a relief to have the first visit over and done with.
‘I better go and scrape Mrs Daly up off the floor.’ His dark eyes twinkled momentarily. ‘You do realize that the whole town will know before nightfall.’
‘I think that’s why I did it. I wanted to get it out in the open,’ Ellen said. ‘I better go home and tell Mam, so she’ll know what’s in store.’ She made a face.
‘Tell your mother to come in to me for a chat. She’s going to have a difficult time of it with the likes of herself out there. She might find it a help to come and talk about it.’
‘I don’t know,’ Ellen murmured. ‘I think she’ll be too mortified. She’s got a lot of pride and I’ve let her down.’
‘Time will cure all that, never you worry,’ Doctor Elliot said crisply. ‘Remember I’m here if you need me.’
Ellen walked down Main Street feeling as though some of the burden had been lifted. Doctor Elliot knew, Bonnie knew and soon the whole town would know. She didn’t have to put on a facade any longer. Sheila would have to handle it as best she could.
‘You told Bonnie you were pregnant, at Doctor Elliot’s?’ Sheila’s heart sank to her boots and a hollow feeling of dread overwhelmed her. If Ellen had told Bonnie, as she’d just said she had, the whole guild would know by tomorrow night’s meeting. The escape route to Lily’s in Navan, and the adoption after the secret birth, had been her only hope. A hope that was now well and truly dashed. Ellen might as well have announced it from the pulpit as tell it to Bonnie Daly.
‘What did she say?’ Sheila asked shakily.
‘Nothing.’ Ellen suddenly felt immensely sorry for her mother. Sheila looked shaken and defenceless as she stood at the kitchen table cleaning her brasses. Her spark was gone, her spirit quenched. Defeated was the word that came to mind as Ellen looked at her mother and felt thoroughly remorseful.
‘Doctor Elliot said you could go and have a chat with him if you wanted to,’ Ellen said, awkwardly.
‘What do I need to go to him for a chat for? I’m not pregnant,’ Sheila snapped. She felt very much alone. She knew she had two choices. She could go to that guild meeting tomorrow night with her head held high and brave it out, and ignore the whispers and gossip. Or she could withdraw from the social life of the town and keep to herself. Right now, that seemed like the better idea. Her nerve had gone.
‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ she heard Ellen ask. Resentment surged. It was all Ellen’s fault, tea wasn’t going to make things better.
‘If I want a cup of tea I’ll make it myself, thanks,’ Sheila said shortly. She saw the look of hurt on her daughter’s face and didn’t feel one bit sorry for her. Ellen had got them all into this mess. She could face the consequences. And one of the consequences was that Sheila would never forgive her. She resumed cleaning her brasses with vigour and didn’t speak another word to her daughter for the rest of the night.
The following evening, after listening to The Archers, Sheila picked up her knitting and began to knit. She was making a little cardigan for Julie Ann. She wasn’t mad about the name, Julie Ann. It wasn’t a normal sort of name. It was a bit film-starish. She’d secretly hoped that one of her granddaughters might be called Sheila. She’d love to have a grandchild called after her.
She threw a log on the fire and watched as the sparks flew upwards. The nights were drawing in and the evenings were chilly. In a way she was glad winter was coming. Winter gave you an excuse to stay in and hide.
‘You’ll be late for your guild if you don’t go and get ready,’ Mick remarked from his armchair at the other side of the hearth. He was smoking his pipe and doing his crossword.
‘I don’t think I’ll bother going tonight,’ she said diffidently. ‘I want to finish this cardigan for Julie Ann.’
‘Would this reluctance to go to your guild have anything to do with the fact that Bonnie Daly told half the parish about Ellen?’ Mick peered across at her over his reading glasses.
‘How did you know that?’ Sheila asked, miserably. She should have known. She could never hide anything from Mick.
‘I had the busiest day I’ve had in a long time,’ Mick said dryly. ‘Women who never buy meat from me came into the shop today to have a good gawk at Ellen. Bonnie included. She ignored Ellen completely and told me I was a good man to keep her working for me in her condition, and that I deserved better. She asked after you and said you’d hardly be at the guild meeting tonight.’
‘And what did you say?’ Sheila hardly dared ask.
‘I told that sanctimonious old heifer that Ellen would work in my shop as long as she wanted to and that I didn’t deserve such a good and supportive daughter. And I told her that of course you’d be at the guild meeting tonight. And why wouldn’t you be?’
‘Oh you didn’t,’ Sheila said heavily.
‘I did, and you’re going, Sheila Munroe. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You get out there and hold your head high and don’t let that crowd of old craw-thumpers get to you.’ Mick was very firm.
‘Mick, I don’t want to go in there tonight.’
‘Sheila, if you don’t go tonight, you’ll never go again. Now come on and get your hat and coat on. I’ll drive you in. You can leave the bike at home tonight.’
With the greatest reluctance, Sheila went upstairs and slipped out of her skirt and jumper. She was flustered. She knew Mick was right, but she didn’t feel brave tonight. What would she wear? She took out her oatmeal tweed skirt. She could wear that with her pink twinset and pearls. Her gaze alighted on her new tartan skirt. It had glorious shades of purples and greens, like the heathers on the hills. She’d never worn it to a guild meeting. She had a lovely emerald blouse to go with it. She could wear her cameo brooch at the neck. It was much easier to make an entrance when you knew you were looking your best, she thought defiantly. Mick was right, she decided as she applied Max Factor powder to her face and dabbed some Avon scented cream on her wrists. The nerve of Bonnie Daly to assume that she wouldn’t go to the guild that night. She’d show her, Sheila thought crossly. Let anyone snub her tonight and they’d never get the chance again. She traced a coral lipstick across her lips. Nothing like warpaint for giving you courage, she thought as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Very smart.
Now that she had decided to go, her adrenalin was flowing.
‘I’m ready, Mick.’ Sheila marched downstairs and stood in front of her husband.
‘That’s my girl.’ Mick bent down and kissed her on the cheek. ‘After tonight it won’t be as bad,’ he encouraged. Mick was a stalwart man, Sheila reflected as he held her coat for her. She was very lucky to have him.
‘I’d be lost without you, Mick,’ she said quietly. They didn’t usually say things like that to each other.
‘And I’d be lost without you, pet. Don’t you worry. This will turn out all right in the end. Ellen’s a good girl, try not to be too hard on her.’
‘Where did I go wrong in the rearing of her?’ Sheila shook her head.
‘You didn’t go wrong anywhere. These things happen, Sheila. It’s just very unfair that the girl has to bear the brunt of it. You never hear anyone pointing the finger and saying, he’s an unmarried father. Look at Danny O’Leary. He’s fathered at least three children with three different girls and there’s not a word about it. He’s looked upon as a great fella by the young lads.’ Mick’s eyes flashed with anger.
‘That’s true.’ She hadn’t thought of it like that. Mick surprised her sometimes, the way he looked at things.
They set off down the road. Sheila felt tense with anxiety. ‘Let’s stop at Miriam’s for a minute. Maybe she might like to come.’
‘Now, Sheila, Miriam’s got a lot on her hands with three young children. Don’t be annoyed with her if she’s too tired to go,’ Mick warned.
‘I won’t,’ Sheila snapped. What was wrong with the women of today, she thought crossly as she got out of the car. Whingeing and moaning about how tired they were. That Emma one took the biscuit, the way she lolled back at her mother’s and let poor Vincent do all the running around. She wasn’t the only one to have had a hard birth. It wasn’t like in her day. She hadn’t had washing-machines and spin rinses. Sheila’s washing had all been done by hand. Women today didn’t know what hard work was, she thought scornfully as she rapped on her daughter-in-law’s door. If Miriam and Emma had to blacklead a range every day, as she’d had to, they’d have something to moan about.
Miriam opened the door. She was obviously surprised to see Sheila.
‘You look very nice, Mrs Munroe.’ She smiled.
She did look tired, Sheila observed. Her heart sank. If Miriam didn’t go with her she didn’t know if she’d have the nerve to go through with it. Imagine if everyone snubbed her and she had no-one to talk to.
‘I was wondering if you’d like to come to the guild meeting tonight. We’re having a talk about flower arranging,’ Sheila said hopefully.
‘I don’t think so, Mrs Munroe. Rebecca’s a bit fractious and Daniel’s got a cold on him. I wouldn’t like to leave them.’
‘Sure Ben can look after them. He’s a dab hand at it. You could do with a night out.’ Sheila was brisk. She knew Miriam wasn’t good at saying ‘no’.
‘I’m not ready or anything,’ Miriam said, flustered.
‘It won’t take you two seconds to put your coat on.’ Sheila sensed victory.
‘No, honestly. Thanks very much for asking me, Mrs Munroe. Maybe next week,’ Miriam murmured.
Sheila was annoyed. Next week was no use. Why couldn’t the girl just do as she was asked without all this palaver? It wasn’t as if Sheila was always at her to go to guild meetings.
‘I’d really prefer if you came tonight.’ She tried to keep the irritation out of her tone.
‘Why, Mrs Munroe?’ Miriam asked wearily.
Sheila looked down at the toes of her shining black patent shoes.
‘Well it’s like this, Miriam. Ellen told Bonnie Daly about being pregnant and aah . . . Bonnie told Mick that she didn’t think I’d be at tonight’s guild meeting. I don’t want to go but Mick thinks I should and I was hoping you might come with me.’ Sheila was cringing with embarrassment. She couldn’t look her daughter-in-law in the eye. How awful to be under a compliment to a girl you didn’t think was good enough for your son. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Miriam. She did. Miriam was an obliging girl. But Sheila had always felt superior to her. It wouldn’t be easy to feel superior after this. Ellen had a lot to answer for.
‘I’ll just get my coat,’ Miriam said quietly.
‘Thank you, dear,’ Sheila murmured, still unable to meet the younger woman’s eye. ‘I’ll wait for you in the car.’
As she walked back out to Mick, Sheila had the grace to feel ashamed. She knew that she was using Miriam. She used her quite a lot and never really gave her any credit for her quiet helpful ways. She didn’t deserve her support but it had been given unreservedly. In her own quiet way, Miriam was as stalwart as Mick.
Miriam stifled a yawn as she sat in the back seat of the car. She was dead tired and the last place she wanted to go was to a talk on flower arranging in the women’s guild. But Sheila was desperate. There was no doubt about that. Otherwise she would never have admitted t
o Miriam that she didn’t want to go to the guild meeting on her own.
For the first time in their relationship, Sheila had treated her as an equal. Miriam had had it in her power to refuse to go, to let Sheila face the music alone. It would have been good enough for her mother-in-law if she had refused to go. It would have made up for all the hurtful little snubs that Miriam had had to put up with over the years. She sighed. She’d gone running, as usual. But if she’d said no this time she would really have left Sheila in the lurch. The truth was she’d felt sorry for her mother-in-law. It was a hard thing to do, to face Bonnie Daly and Mona Cullen knowing that they were all talking behind her back. Maybe she was a fool, maybe she was too soft-hearted for her own good, but Miriam couldn’t let Sheila go to that meeting alone.
It would have to be the one night that was an open evening when anyone from the town could attend the talk, Sheila thought unhappily as they neared the school hall. Normally guild meetings were for members only.
‘Right, I’ll pick the pair of you up at eleven.’ Mick drew to a halt outside the school grounds. It was dusk, the sky was streaked with amber. Dark clouds encroached from the west. A sharp breeze tossed and swirled crisp red-gold leaves from the big gnarled oak trees around the yard. The yellow glow of light from the hall windows was warm and inviting and the sound of laughter and talk wafted out the door. Normally Sheila would have looked forward immensely to an evening like this.
‘Come on, Mrs Munroe,’ Miriam said kindly. ‘You don’t want to be late for your committee meeting.’
Sheila took a deep breath and stepped inside the hall. Most of the committee members were sitting at the big oblong baize-covered table on the stage. A sudden hush descended on the group. All eyes turned to Sheila. She almost faltered but Miriam’s steady hand at her back kept her on course. She saw Bonnie Daly in the secretary’s chair. Her chair. She’d been so sure that Sheila wouldn’t show, she was all ready to take over the secretary’s duties. The nerve of her, thought Sheila indignantly. It was just the spur she needed.
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