by London Casey
If I was going to lose everything, I was going to do it in style.
Chapter Forty-One
Maya
I walked out of the bedroom and went to go pee when I heard Bev singing.
She really couldn’t sing all that great. But that didn’t stop her. Kind of like her t-shirt ideas. They never were really that great, but she never gave up. That was something to be admired about her.
There was no such thing as holding a pregnancy pee, meaning I had to switch off the Bev is so brave emotions so I could handle personal business.
As I stood at the sink, washing my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror.
How can you feel this hurt? And sad? What did you think was going to happen? It’s Cole. It’s Cockhead Cole. And even if he turned out to be Elevator Guy, be real, Maya. The whole Elevator Guy routine was an act to get into your pants. The same tired routine he used hundreds of times before.
It was a little bit soul crushing.
Thinking that maybe I was something important to Cole.
But I wasn’t.
If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, what would have happened between us?
Nothing.
We probably would have gotten to work that Monday and Cole would have slid into my office to make up some corporate bullshit about what we did and how bad it could end up for him, me, and the company.
And of course, I would have been complacent enough to just go along with it.
The sex had been mind-blowing, so what did it matter?
I turned and opened the bathroom door and gasped.
There was a shirt in my face.
“Do you like it?” Bev asked.
“Uh…”
Bev lowered the shirt like she always did to explain what it meant.
“Look… it’s a giraffe, right? And it says… are you a giraffe or is your neck happy to see me?”
Bev smiled.
I snorted. I shook my head. “Bev… that’s… that’s cool.”
“Yeah? I have another one out here. Come here.”
I followed Bev to the living room.
There was another shirt with the same giraffe.
That one read I hope the dick matches the neck.
“Whoa,” I said.
“That one’s a little rougher,” she said. “But still funny.”
“Very funny,” I said.
“You should wear that one when you go into labor,” Bev said.
I laughed. A weak and very scared laugh.
Going into labor. Having the baby.
There was one question lingering around about it.
Was I going to be alone?
Bev stayed the night and slept next to me in the bed.
I did not want to be alone.
I woke up the next morning, got ready for work, and on my way there I had the same nervous butterfly sick feeling I had as though it were my first day there.
I had every reason to feel that way, and it only proved itself when I arrived and everyone stopped to look at me.
Janice behind the desk.
Steven with a binder open, pointing to something for Abigail to look at.
It was like time froze in place.
And they all looked at my stomach.
There wasn’t a shirt big enough to cover my stomach.
And the way they stared…
They all knew.
Of course they knew.
Cody had been screaming it as he left the office.
But that was Cody. He was a loser. Why would anyone listen to him?
Unless…
I walked by everyone as heat flooded my cheeks.
I felt their eyes following me.
From my front to my back.
I felt three times the size I actually was.
My feet were swollen and hurt. I felt myself gently beginning to waddle.
When I stood between my office and Cole’s, I wasn’t sure what to do. Where to go first.
I told myself to just hide in my office.
All day.
Keep busy.
Stay invisible.
Cole’s office door opened.
I looked at him and gasped.
So much for staying invisible.
He walked around the desk and looked at me.
His tie was loose and his hair messy. His eyes were dark, tired, with a touch of pissed off.
I stood with my hands at my sides.
My stomach protruding like some kind of flashing neon sign.
A reminder of what we had done together.
And for that… I hated him even more.
I hated that when I looked at my stomach or touched it, it came with this asterisk type feeling.
I was pregnant. We were having a baby. The circumstances didn’t mean a thing.
But to Cole they did.
“He told anyone that would listen,” Cole said. “Just so you know.”
“I had a feeling. They were out there looking at me with those eyes.”
“What eyes?”
“That I’m a whore,” I said. “The same eyes you’re giving me right now. That I’m some dumb, poor girl from some small town who came to the big city to be a famous writer. That I got lucky by landing the job I did. That I decided to sleep with my boss, knowing he’d get me pregnant. Because apparently now, I’m rich. You’re my lottery ticket, Cole, and all I had to do was scratch your dick hard enough to stuff it between my legs, right?”
Cole lowered his head and I heard him growl. “It’s more on me than you, Maya.”
“Oh?”
“I’m the boss,” he said. “I run the company top to bottom. I took this idea someone had and turned it into what it is. You’re just the secretary, okay? They want to call you a whore? Let them. They don’t know a thing. But for me… this touches every aspect of my life and what I do.”
“Right,” I said. “So, I’m not stealing your thunder?”
“I’m not in the mood for your attitude, Maya,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you everyone knows the truth. I’ve been getting phone calls since last night to talk about what’s going on.”
“Okay then.”
“There was a part of me that thought we could come forward and say we’ve been together all along, but I don’t want to do that to you. No more lying. No more favors. No more bullshit.”
What if that’s what I wanted?
“Whatever you think is best,” I said. “You’re the boss, right?”
Cole stared at me.
He looked like hell.
That told me he had spent all night looking for his brother.
There was a sliver of me that wanted to know if he found Cody and how he was doing. But there was enough of me that didn’t care, so I didn’t ask.
Plus, it was apparent Cole and I were just boss and secretary again, right?
“Is there anything you need?” I asked. “Coffee? Paperwork?”
“No,” Cole said. “I’m just fielding phone calls left and right. Someone suggested I get a PR company involved to help manage the damage.”
“Damage,” I said as I touched my stomach. “Wow. So this is all just damage.”
“You know what I mean, Maya,” Cole said. “There’s a difference between work life and real life.”
“Just so you know, Cole, in real life, I’m really pregnant. And I’m really scared about it all. I don’t want to end up alone. I don’t want to be known as some secretary that fucked her boss and got pregnant.”
“Well, we can’t go back in time, can we?”
His words were cold enough to make me shiver.
I left his office, so he didn’t see me cry.
The phone didn’t stop ringing.
And most of the phone calls were for me.
“Is this Maya, the secretary? Listen, I’m Kate-”
“Is it true you set this up so Cole would pay your rent?”
“Are you certain the baby is your boss’s? Has he requested a paternity test?”
<
br /> “What happens after the baby is born?”
It was just call after call…
It was like being a celebrity caught up in a scandal.
I didn’t realize the business world was like that.
Then again, Cole was a cocky playboy. A lot of people knew his name and what he did. The deal with Mr. Pickle was probably known too. Which put Cole in the front of everyone’s minds. Not to mention that the idea of getting your secretary pregnant was probably a fantasy yet taboo at the same time.
More calls came through.
Asking if I was going to sue the company. Or sue Cole.
Asking if I was going to get lawyers involved in any capacity.
One person asked if I was taking the payoff.
I had no idea what that meant.
It got to the point where I tried to fake an accent and use a deep voice, hoping to sound like a man. That way I could just transfer the calls to Cole’s office.
Somehow the hours did manage to tick by.
I didn’t get anything done work wise.
And just when I was thinking about leaving a few minutes early, Cole came into my office.
The second I saw him, I felt anger.
I stood up and pointed. “Someone called me about a payoff. What’s that about?”
Cole shook his head. “My brother told a few people that I was paying for your silence. And that I was working on a single sum to get you to go away.”
“Great. So I’m a whore with a price tag.”
“It’s not the worst idea,” Cole said. “I mean, if you just laid low. You have the apartment. You can write your books. I’ll take care of everything for you and the baby.”
I laughed. “Wow. So there it is. The offer. To make me go away. I’m your secret, Cole. I’m your regret. Your brother wasn’t all that crazy after all.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Yes, it is,” I said. I took a deep breath. “Hey, Cole? I have something to say. I’ve been wanting to say it for a long time.”
“And what’s that?”
“Fuck off.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Cole
When Maya didn’t show up to work the next day, I bolted from the office to find her.
The phones were still ringing.
Everyone that worked there avoided eye contact with me, for fear that I’d fire their ass for looking at me a certain way.
Which was true.
I wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s bullshit.
I understood the way it all looked.
Big, bad boss makes the moves on his secretary and gets her pregnant.
I didn’t like that Maya was painted as some naive cliché who didn’t know left from right.
It wasn’t like that at all.
But I wasn’t going to speak to that.
Anything I said to anyone would have been twisted and used against me.
That was the hard part to explain to Maya.
I went to the apartment, I just needed to know she was there and she was safe.
Instead of just barging in, I knocked.
A first for me.
When the door opened, Maya’s roommate from the other apartment stood there.
“Bev,” I said.
“Cockhead Cole,” she said.
“Right,” I said. “I deserve that.”
“And then some. Mind if I make you a shirt that says that?”
“I’ll wear it.”
“What do you want?”
“What do you think I want?”
“She’s in the shower.”
“Then I’ll wait.”
“No,” Bev said.
“You know this is my apartment, right? I mean, technically I can call the police and ask them to remove you. And Maya.”
“Then do it. She’s pregnant, emotional, and hurt. And you want to kick her out? Go for it.”
I gritted my teeth.
Of course I would never do that to Maya.
This was her place as far as I was concerned. Last thing I wanted was for her to be stuck in Bev’s apartment with the smell of ink.
“Just tell her I was here,” I said. “I wanted to make sure she was okay. I have some meetings, then I want to talk to her.”
“I’ll pass the message along. And, hey, I have something for you. Stay right here.”
Bev disappeared for a few seconds and then threw a shirt at me.
I looked at it and nodded.
“Nice,” I said.
“Do you get it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “It says motherfucker.”
“But… it’s missing a letter,” Bev said.
“Yeah. The u.”
“Do you get it?” Bev asked again.
“You gave me a damaged shirt.”
“No. It’s missing the u on purpose. So, when someone points it out, you tell them you are the motherfucker… meaning you as u.”
I nodded. “Got it.”
Bev slammed the door shut.
For the record, it was the dumbest fucking shirt I had ever seen in my life.
At least I knew Maya was okay.
Now, I could go try to put out another fire.
Mr. Pickle ordered one drink.
For himself.
I nodded, knowing I was fucked.
He looked at me. “How long?”
“What?”
“How long were you fucking her?”
“Is that anyone’s business?”
“Might be mine.”
“You know what? I don’t give a shit anymore then. We slept together in the cabin. Okay? That was the first time we were together. Up to that point it was just normal. Were there feelings? Tension? Maybe. But that night, yeah, I slept with her. She got pregnant. It wasn’t planned. But I stood up and made sure to take care of her. Why didn’t I tell anyone? For this reason, right here. Maya deserves more than to be accused, talked about, and treated like this.”
“She got to you,” Mr. Pickle said. “I thought you were tougher than this.”
“Got to me?”
“Come on, Cole. She spread those nice legs of hers with one thing in mind. To get your baby batter in her womb. You should have had her sign documents in advance. You should have verified she was on birth control. You should have put a condom on.” He leaned toward me. “More than that, you should have showed some goddamn balls when shit hit the fan.”
“Meaning what?” I asked.
“You know exactly what I mean,” Mr. Pickle said through gritted teeth. “She gets pregnant unexpectedly? Take care of it.”
“Are you suggesting…”
“You take care of it,” he said. “Don’t be a fucking pussy.”
Mr. Pickle stood up and grabbed his glass.
Pussy.
He called me a pussy.
I thought about what he said and what it implied. Meaning, what, he got women pregnant before and took care of it?
I thought about Danielle.
The way she just dropped the front of her dress.
That’s who she was.
And I had been the guy who loved it.
“I thought you were different,” Mr. Pickle said. “I chose you for a reason, Cole.”
“So, because I love someone, that makes me unworthy of your time?”
Mr. Pickle laughed with his back to me. “No. You lied. You covered things up. You were fake. Who knows how far that goes, Cole. What’s waiting in those books of yours? I don’t have time to analyze every transaction you’ve ever made. I thought we were working on a lucrative deal between two businessmen. You’re hopeless and desperate. That’s the kind of person who knocks up their fucking secretary. That’s weak. You’re going to be too focused on the baby to be focused on me. I’ll take my money elsewhere. This was nothing but a waste of time.”
I nodded.
That much I agreed with.
“Fuck you too, Mr. Pickle,” I said. “You’re lonely. You’re not worth half of what you think you
are. You buy your attention and happiness.”
Mr. Pickle turned around. “Cole, save yourself. Nobody cares what you have to say.”
Maybe that much was true.
But I had another way of being heard.
I flexed my right fist and took a deep breath.
I swung and clocked Mr. Pickle so hard in the jaw, he dropped his glass, fell to his right into the bar, and then slowly slid down to the floor.
He sat on his ass, looking up at me, shock on his face.
“Your jaw is soft,” I said. “Didn’t even hurt my hand.”
I looked at the bartender.
I nodded and walked out of the bar.
So the deal with Mr. Pickle was obviously over.
Which meant I was slowly losing everything in my life.
Lincoln grabbed my shirt and walked me against a brick wall and slammed me against it.
“Asshole,” he spat in my face. “Stupid, fucking, asshole.”
He pushed away from me and ran a hand through his hair.
“Done?” I asked.
“No,” he said.
He lunged at me and punched me in the stomach.
His fist felt like a boulder, knocking the wind out of me and making me see stars.
I hunched forward and waited for my body to figure out how to breathe again.
I reached for Lincoln and he slammed his hand on my back.
“Now I’m done,” he said. “Stand up and look at me.”
When I was able to take a breath, I stood up and looked at Lincoln.
“Think about what you did,” he said. “Think, Cole. Think. You’re so fucking caught up in this title of boss. Who the fuck are you? Is it really that much about money? Are you jealous of Hudson? Because this is insane.”
I took the words like I took the punch.
In silence.
There was nothing I could say to fix what I had done.
I took another breath and looked to my right.
I saw Jackson and Callie. Jackson with his arm around Callie.
Then there was Liam and Emily. Holding hands.
“Well, well, well,” Callie said as she shook Jackson away.
He grabbed for her right hand, but she moved fast.
Her finger went right to my nose.
“You are an asshole,” Callie said.