by Nick Poff
“Thanks for the lesson, Mrs. Penfield, and more importantly for not judging. Some part of me knew you wouldn’t, so that’s why I felt I could be honest with you.”
“I’m glad of that, Ed. That means a great deal to me. Thank you for confiding in me. Perhaps Rick can accompany you on one of your jobs here. I’d like to meet him.”
“Sure, I have a feeling the two of you would really hit it off!”
Mrs. Penfield slowly brought herself to her feet. “Well, I need to let you get back to work. Since I’m still as nosy as I was in school, there’s a lot more I want to know, but we can save it for another time. I’m really very happy for you, Ed. And don’t ever doubt that you deserve it, because you do.”
* * * * *
Ed was stretched out on the sofa, already engrossed in the Anne Tyler book, when Rick arrived that evening. He burst through the back door, and Ed threw his book aside to meet him in the kitchen.
Rick was carrying a large paper bag. It looked slightly greasy, and it smelled delicious.
“I have solved our dinner problem,” he announced triumphantly.
“You did? What’s in there?” Ed leaned over the greasy bag to kiss him.
Rick put the bag on the table, then reached for Ed and a much closer, more substantial kiss.
“When I left work today, I noticed the Porterfield Jaycees were having a chicken barbecue fund-raiser,” Rick said when they’d had enough kisses for the moment. “I stopped by there on my way here and picked up two dinners for us. We’ve got barbecued chicken, baked potatoes, and everything else we could need, except the drinks, but I know my man always has plenty of cold Pepsi-Cola on hand.”
“You mean you don’t want a bottle of some fa-a-abulous white wine to go with it?”
“Oh, please. I’m sure you wouldn’t have an appropriate vintage,” Rick said in a prissy voice, making them both laugh, remembering the past evening.
They sat down to enjoy the chicken.
“I’ve got a surprise for you, too,” Ed said.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I’ll show you after dinner. I spent the afternoon at Mrs. Penfield’s, like I told you, and I brought home a little bonus. We had a great conversation, too. Were your ears burning?”
Rick looked pleased. “You mean you told her about us?”
“Yeah. I didn’t set out to, if you know what I mean, but Mrs. Penfield was always pretty good at getting me to talk in class. Anyway, she’s happy that we’re together, and she’d like to meet you someday.”
Rick shook his head, smiling. “Whadda ya know? Someone on our side. It’s nice to know that when the villagers come chasing after us, torches lit, that someone will be supporting us.”
“Mrs. Penfield talked about that, about how we need to be strong, and that our love will see us through if it’s real.”
“Really? She sounds like an amazing woman. I’d like to meet her, too.”
Ed was about to reply when he heard a knock at the back door. They looked questioningly at each other, then Ed shrugged and went to the door.
“Surprise!” Laurie called out when he opened the door.
Ed mock-glared at her, hands on hips. “Man, you just couldn’t wait, could you? Well, come on in.”
She followed him into the kitchen, carrying a paper bag of her own. “I have a legitimate reason for being here. I have brought your dessert.”
“I didn’t know we’d ordered dessert,” Ed said, as Rick got to his feet. “Rick, this is my supersnoop sister, Laurie, who cooked up an excuse to get her beady brown eyes on you.”
Rick chuckled. “Well, that’s okay. I’ve been wanting to meet her, too.”
Laurie smiled at him. “It’s good to meet you at last, Rick. Ed’s right. My curiosity got the better of me. I really do have dessert, though, some of Todd’s birthday cake.” She slid a plastic-wrapped plate with two pieces of chocolate cake out of the bag.
“Aw, crud. I forgot it was Todd’s birthday,” Ed said, ashamed.
“Well, you’ve been busy,” she said, glancing at Rick, who grinned rather sheepishly. “Anyway, rather than let my husband, who’s put on entirely too much weight recently, finish it off, I decided to farm some of it out. And, yes, it seemed like a good sisterly excuse to drop in.” She looked at the food spread out on the table. “Oh, the Jaycees. Is that any good? Todd brought home some tickets from the bank, but the kids insisted on dragging him to Fort Wayne for supper and the movies for his birthday, so I didn’t bother.”
“It’s not bad,” Ed said, taking the cake plate from her. “Thanks, though. This’ll finish it off right.”
“How’d you get out of going to the movies?” Rick wanted to know.
“Mommy decided that Daddy needed to spend some quality time with his children,” she said with a smile.
“Translation: She wanted the whole goddamned house to herself for an evening,” Ed said.
“You got that right! I’m going to go home, take a long, hot bubble bath, put some music I like on the stereo, and relax. Hell, I might even drink one of Todd’s beers.”
They all laughed.
“Well, I suppose I should ask you to sit down,” Ed said. “I’m sure you have about a zillion questions for poor Rick here.”
Laurie shook her head, smiling. “No, I don’t want to interrupt your dinner. I think I just wanted to make sure he really exists, that you didn’t make him up to fool me like you did when we were kids.”
“Oh, I’m very real.” Rick tapped himself on the chest.
“I can see that,” she said, “and really cute, too, I might add.”
“Lau-au-aurie! Geez.” Ed’s eyes rolled heavenward, as Rick grinned in embarrassment.
“Oh, I’d better get out of here before I really get in trouble. He’s about ready to kill me,” she said to Rick, giggling. “Get him to tell you about the time I hid the needle from his record player and he pushed me down the stairs. Mom about killed us both over that one.”
“You pushed your sister down the stairs?” Rick tried to look horrified.
“Oh, he did a lot worse than that at one time or another. But he loves me, don’t you?” she asked, hugging her brother.
Ed looked at Rick, shrugging. “Linus and Lucy. That’s what Dad used to call us.”
“If Claire were here, she could tell you some good ones, too, believe me.”
Laurie let Ed go and looked appraisingly at Rick for a moment. She nodded. “Yeah, I think he’s okay. That’s what my female intuition tells me, anyway.” She smiled. “You take good care of my brother, you hear?”
“Laurie!”
Rick laughed. “That is my intention, ma’am, to take the very best care of him possible.”
Laurie reached out to give Rick a hug, too. “Welcome to the family then. And good luck. You’ll need it when you get the pleasure of meeting Mom.”
“Thanks,” Rick said, returning the hug.
“Isn’t it about time you went home?” Ed asked crankily.
“Ed!” Rick protested.
“No, he’s right. My mission here is done. My curiosity is satisfied, and I’ve got a bubble bath waiting. Really, though, Rick, it is good to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Rick said, smiling at her with the warm, tender smile that Ed so loved. “Thanks for the cake, too. It looks great.”
“You’re very welcome,” Laurie said, turning for the door. “Keep him around, you big dork. He could teach you some manners.” She scooted toward the back door before Ed could grab her. “Good night all,” she called as she fled out the back door, Ed in pursuit.
“I’ll get you later, Shortshit,” Ed hollered as she ran for her car.
“You can’t catch me, you can’t catch me,” she taunted as she slammed the car door.
Ed flipped her the bird, and giggling hysterically, she backed out of the driveway, then roared away on Grant Street.
Ed returned to the kitchen, where Rick was shaking his head over their performance.
“
Can you believe her?” Ed asked indignantly.
“Linus and Lucy indeed,” Rick said, pulling him in for a hug. “And here I thought I was dating a nice, mature man.”
“She can be such a pain in the ass.”
“It’s obvious she cares about you a lot. As a gay man, you can be damned grateful for that. And besides, all sisters are pains in the ass,” Rick said, with a playful slap on that part of Ed’s anatomy. He glanced at the cake. “How well does she bake?”
Ed snickered. “Well, if it’s Mom’s recipe, and I don’t doubt that it is, it should be pretty good, although Mom would be sure to find something wrong with it.”
“Man, I have fallen into a family of flakes. Where’s my ticket out of here?”
“You,” Ed said, locking Rick in his arms, “are not going anywhere.”
“You’re right,” Rick said, the warm and tender smile for Ed this time. “I’m not.”
Chapter Eight
After dinner, Rick adjourned to the living room to inspect the books Ed had brought him from Mrs. Penfield’s, while Ed settled in for KP duty in the kitchen. Ed carefully washed Laurie’s plate, torn between smashing it on the floor and taping a twenty-dollar bill on the back of it. He was annoyed with her for dropping in unexpectedly, but knew Rick was right: Her approval of their relationship was a great blessing.
Rick had put a stack of 45s on the stereo. Ed smiled, hearing the soft sounds of Lobo’s “Don’t Expect Me to Be Your Friend.” He had forgotten he had that one in his collection. Ed still couldn’t believe Rick enjoyed those old songs as much as he did. Plenty of people over the years had sneered at his taste in music, so Rick’s enjoyment of it meant almost as much to Ed as his love did.
Drying his hands, Ed walked into the living room. Rick was sprawled on the sofa, engrossed in one of Mrs. Penfield’s books. He looked up at Ed’s entrance.
“You really did good, baby. These will keep me busy for weeks. You’ll have to take me over there sometime so I can thank her myself.”
“I’m glad you like them.” Ed made room for himself on the sofa. “It occurred to me that since you read so much, maybe I should get back in the habit, so I’d have something to do when you’ve got your nose buried in some book.”
“It would be nice to share that with you. I’ll tell you, though,” he said, taking Ed’s hand, “I’m really impressed by your teacher. I can’t think of any teacher I ever had who I would confide in.”
“Mrs. Penfield is the best,” Ed said firmly. “I know what you mean, though. If any of my other teachers called for handyman work, I’d probably tell ’em to drop dead.”
“And your sister. Stopping by like that—”
“Barging in, you mean,” Ed interrupted.
“Politely stopping by,” Rick said, giving Ed a look, “not only with cake, but with her seal of approval for us. I’m guessing there are a lot of sisters out there, who, if they bothered to stop by their gay brothers’ houses with cake, would lace it with arsenic.” Rick sighed, sitting up so he could put his arms around Ed. “I worry, and I know you worry, about what people around here will think about us, so it means a lot to me to know we have people we can count on.”
“Two down, eight thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight to go,” Ed said, referring to Porterfield’s population. “You’re right, though. It’s like Mrs. Penfield said: We gotta be strong, and I guess we should be grateful for all the outside help we can get.”
“Being with you, baby, makes me strong,” Rick said softly. “I feel as though I could take on the world when I’m with you. I don’t care what anyone says. Finding you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m not going to let anyone interfere with that.”
Ed thought about that as another record dropped onto the turntable. Skylark’s mournful “Wildflower” began to play. Oh, the girl in the song may have faced some hard times, but so had every man who’d ever loved another man.
“I know. I can’t believe that anyone would hate us for loving each other, but they do. It isn’t fair.”
“Baby, I remember reading somewhere that life isn’t fair, even, or equal. As long as we know we’re right, that’s all that matters. And if I haven’t told you yet today, I love you very much.”
Ed let go of the disturbing thoughts and allowed himself to relax inside Rick’s arms. “I love you, too. Thanks for loving me. I think it’s about the best present I ever got.”
They spent the evening piling records on the turntable and leafing through the books. Ed thought a lot of gay guys would be horrified, Glen included, to know how they were spending a Saturday night so early in their relationship, but he was completely content. He understood that Rick’s early morning work hours left him unenthusiastic for more glamorous nightlife activities, and as for himself, Ed was simply happy to spend a quiet evening in his own home—the home where he’d spent so many lonely nights—with the man he loved.
Ed glanced at Rick, who was snickering at Philip Roth’s Portnoy’sComplaint. Rick had exchanged his contacts for glasses shortly after dinner, Ed was pleased to note, glad that Rick no longer worried about wearing them around him.
Rick laughed out loud, closing the book. “Man, and I thought I was neurotic. Thanks again, baby. I meant to read this years ago, but never got around to it. How’s your Anne Tyler?”
“Great. These people are so . . . I don’t know. It all kind of reminds me of Porterfield, so I’m really liking it.”
“A man who appreciates a good book,” Rick said, and sighed. “I didn’t know they existed. I’m glad, though. I’ve always thought you could learn a lot about how to deal with the haters out there if you read what other people had to say. But now,” he said, standing up and stretching, “I’d like some serious face-to-face time with my handyman.”
“Face time. Does that have anything to do with kissing?”
“You bet it does,” Rick said, making no move toward Ed. He stood over Ed, studying him.
“What?”
“Oh, I was just thinking. I’m just amazed at how sexy you are, just sprawled out on the couch like that. I’ve seen tons of pictures of naked men trying to look like studs, but I don’t think any of them ever turned me on the way you do, fully clothed, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours.”
Ed, thinking similar thoughts about Rick, moved to the back of the sofa, inviting Rick to lie next to him, which he did. Arms tightly around each other on the narrow cushions, their lips came together gently and tentatively. The passion they both felt began to smolder, and the kiss grew stronger, the embrace tighter. Joe Simon’s “Drowning in the Sea of Love” was playing on the stereo.
Rick came up for air long enough to mutter, “Baby, I am drowning. Drowning in you.”
“Rick,” Ed whispered, staring into Rick’s eyes.
“What, baby?”
“I . . . I just love you . . . that’s all. Just love you so damned much.”
“Oh, Ed,” Rick whispered, kissing Ed, caressing his face. “I love you so much it almost hurts. Like this couch. It’s killing me. Can we go in the other room?”
They both laughed, relieved to take the edge away from the powerful emotion sweeping over them.
Once in the bedroom, though, bare skin to bare skin, it returned. The desire they’d had for one another since that first kiss, weeks ago, rolled over them unchecked—an ocean at a stormy high tide. Their mutual love revealed and expressed, they no longer had any doubt or uncertainty, only the wonder and joy of each other.
Every touch, every kiss was savored as they allowed themselves to explore, feeling boundless in their love. Rick rolled over to Ed’s side, putting his arms around him, pulling Ed tight against him, kissing his neck, his hand reaching to stroke Ed’s chest, his belly. Ed felt Rick’s passion and his desire, amazed that it matched his own in intensity.
“Oh, baby,” Rick whispered against Ed’s neck. “I want to be inside you, want to be as close as we can be together.”
Ed’s body w
ent rigid, his desire melting. His mind immediately flashed back to a painful experience with a selfish, aggressive man several years earlier. It had been frightening, even humiliating, and Ed had vowed never to go there again. He had shared the story with no one, only telling himself privately that he was no one’s bitch, and that no man would ever have that access to him ever again.
“Ed?” Rick turned Ed around to face him. Comprehension came into Rick’s eyes. “Some bastard hurt you, didn’t he?”
Ed turned away, the old humiliation returning. “Yes,” he muttered.
Rick forced Ed’s eyes back to his. “Do you think I’d do that to you?”
Ed couldn’t respond, the painful memory interfering with the present.
Rick pulled Ed back to him. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to go there. I didn’t know, but now that I do, the thought of anyone hurting you that way kills me. Oh, Ed, I wish the first time had been with me. I just want to show you how much I love you, how much I want to be a part of you. I want to show you how wonderful it can be to be together like that. I wanna make love with you the way two men should—no fear, just love.”
Ed felt tears come to his eyes. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Rick gently brushed the tears away from Ed’s eyes. “I don’t think you could ever disappoint me.”
Ed began to relax, realizing he was safe with Rick. “We could try.”
“No, baby, I don’t want to do anything that would scare you, or make you ever afraid of me.”
Those words, the honest emotion behind them, freed Ed from the earlier humiliation. “It’s . . . it’s okay. I think I want to.”
Rick kissed him, and although their kisses had been extraordinary up that point, Ed still felt something more, a promise he had never received from another man before. He knew he could give himself to Rick, and still be a man afterward.
“Baby, I promise, I’ll be careful. If it isn’t good for you, I’ll stop. It’ll only be good for me if it’s incredible for you. You believe me, don’t you?”