by Mary Leo
“Sounds as if you never heard that saying—life is what happens while you’re busy making plans.”
She rubbed her belly. “A baby’s not going to stop me from being who I am, Colt. Other women have babies and still compete. With the help of my family, I’ll be back on the circuit next year.”
“Seems like it might be a lot of work and time shuffling.”
“I was never afraid of hard work. My mama taught me that when I was a little girl. She used to say nothing of value ever comes easy. You have to be willing to work hard for the good stuff.”
Colt’s stomach tightened. What the heck was he doing talking to Helen about riding schools? Giving her ideas? Trying to convince her to settle down? This place was perfect for the storage plant. He certainly didn’t need to get into a bidding war with Helen.
“Your mother was a smart woman,” he told her, wanting to leave it at that. Helen was a strong-willed woman, and any man who took her on had to be a master at compromise or the two of them would never last a minute.
“Exactly. She also taught me to never be afraid of the truth.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “I’ve got something to say, Colt, and I’m going to come right out and say it.”
“It’s what I’ve always admired about you.”
She rubbed her belly and stepped toward him. “Colt, this baby, I don’t know what you heard, but the truth is—”
“The truth is it’s nobody’s business but your own.”
He didn’t know if he was ready to hear about the baby’s father. Didn’t know if he could take her telling him they were getting married and moving to another state. He didn’t know if he could listen to anything about the other man in Helen’s life.
But he knew he had no choice.
“And the daddy’s,” she said. “It’s his business, too.”
“Certainly, but even then, it depends if he’s a good man or not.”
The thought had occurred to him that maybe this guy was a real loser and had walked out on Helen, exactly like half the town said.
“Oh, he’s a good man. The best, actually. Loving. Smart. He works hard. A good sense of humor. He’s an all-around great cowboy.”
Colt let out a heavy sigh knowing that any chance he thought he still had with Helen had just gone up in smoke. “Seems to me no more needs to be said.”
“Things aren’t always what they seem, Colt.”
He stared at her, worried now that she was having health issues. That there was something wrong with the baby. His heart raced, his hands shook as he reached out and put his hand on her arm. “Why? Is there something wrong? Are you and the baby okay?”
She took his hand in hers, lacing her fingers through his, but he pulled away. He didn’t want her to know how upset he was, didn’t want her to feel his tremors.
“I’m fine. Really. And the baby’s perfect.”
Colt’s tension eased up a bit. “Has the dad hurt you in some way?”
She shook her head. “No, Colt. At least not yet.”
He tipped his hat farther back on his head, letting his body relax. Helen always was one to be reckoned with. “Now what does that mean exactly?”
She took another deep breath while she slid her foot in the sand making a circle. “Colt, I’m pregnant with your baby. I know it seems impossible, but it’s true. The doctor said...”
Hot bile crept up his throat. His stomach clinched and his mouth went dry. He had to stop her from going any further with this crazy talk.
“Wait a minute. Say again?”
“This is your baby, Colt. You’re the daddy.”
He wanted to get away from her, wanted her to take back what she said. His getting a woman pregnant was next to impossible. No way. “I don’t care what the doctor said. The odds are one in a million or something like that. It can’t happen.”
“Yes, it can and it did. I haven’t been with another man, Colt. Just you.”
His body tensed again, every muscle tightened. His stomach roiled. Pure emotion overtook him and he spun around as his eyes watered. He instinctively reached for his hankie then remembered he’d given it to Helen. Tears tumbled freely from his eyes as fear gripped his soul. He didn’t know how to handle this news, what to do, what to say. It was as if she’d told him he’d hurt someone real bad while he was sleeping, while he was unconscious.
There was no reacting to that information.
No way could he make it right.
He couldn’t have gotten her pregnant. Not Helen. He just couldn’t have.
“I’ve got to go,” he told her and walked away as tears slid down his face.
Chapter Five
“We need to talk, big brother,” Colt told Blake as he stood in his doorway. It was late, a quarter past one in the morning.
“I figured as much when you called,” Blake mumbled. He wore a navy sweatshirt and gray pajama bottoms. His sandy-colored hair was a tousled mess, his whiskers looked thick and sleep weathered his eyes.
Colt walked in and sat down on the well-worn tan sofa.
“Can I get you a drink?” Blake offered.
“I think I’ve already had enough...already.”
“I was offering a drink of water.”
“Yes. It might help sober me up.”
“You already look sober. What’s on your mind?”
Blake went off to the kitchen and a couple minutes later, brought back two mugs filled with orange juice. He handed one to Colt then plopped himself down in a leather chair facing his brother.
“I need your advice,” Colt said.
“This is a first. Usually, I’m coming to you for advice.”
“Things change.”
“I should say they do. What’s up?”
There was no easy way to say it. “Helen’s pregnant with my baby.”
Saying it out loud made it even more unbelievable.
Blake leaned forward. “What?”
“Helen is going to have my baby.”
Blake sat back and snickered. “This town comes up with the craziest rumors. I bet you had a good laugh with that one.”
Colt stood up and started pacing. “It’s not a rumor. It’s a fact. She told me herself.”
“But didn’t you get that feature fixed years ago?”
The rest of the house was dark and quiet. He could hear the grandfather clock ticking in the corner. He always liked that sound. When he was a kid he would sometimes sneak out of his room upstairs and sleep on the sofa just so he could hear it all night long.
“I sure did, but little did I ever think, especially after all this time, that I’d be shootin’ real bullets.”
Colt walked in circles from the clock, around the sofa then back to the clock, wishing like hell the sound of the clock would work its magic. So far nothing seemed to calm him.
“Sit down. You’re making me dizzy.”
“I can’t. I’m too twitchy.”
Blake shifted in his chair. “Wait a minute. You and Helen are...” He made a weird, awkward gesture with his hand.
“One time. We slept together once. It didn’t mean anything.”
Colt knew it meant more, much more. He hadn’t been able to get that night out of his mind, but he never meant for it to lead to another baby, to her getting pregnant. He’d slept with other women since his wife had passed and he’d gotten a vasectomy. Not many, but they hadn’t gotten pregnant. Why did Helen have to get pregnant? Helen, a rodeo rat, was the mother to one of his children.
It made him all queasy inside just thinking about it. He took a few gulps of his orange juice with pulp, the way he liked it. It went down hard, and felt like acid in his throat.
“I beg to differ, little brother. It meant a lot. You two made a baby. Do you love her?”
Colt near about choked on that one.
“Helen? Do I love Helen? Me? Her?”
“It’s a simple question. Do you love Helen?”
He didn’t know how to answer that loaded question. He couldn’t be sure of anything at the moment. If Blake had asked him that a couple months ago he would’ve eagerly said no. They were simply friends with benefits. But lately, every time he’d seen her or talked to her or gotten close enough to smell her perfume, something came over him making him want her in his bed again. Was that love?
It had been so long since he’d actually felt love for a woman that he didn’t know.
Still, he did care about her. More than he’d like to admit. But did he love her as in couldn’t imagine his life without Helen by his side?
He truly didn’t know, and that ambivalence had to mean he didn’t.
Or did it?
What he did know was the kiss they shared in the barn stirred up more emotions than a man had a right to feel for such a simple act, almost as if he’d been starving for her affection.
“I can’t say that I do, and I can’t say that I don’t. I rightly don’t know what I feel for Helen. She’s been my friend for so long that being in love with her never occurred to me. She’s not the type of woman I want or more important, what my boys need. Helen can’t settle down, can’t take root in one place. She loves being on the road too much, loves a competition. Being in love with Helen would be like being in love with the wind.”
Blake shook his head. “Seems to me you’re making excuses for what’s really bothering you about Helen and until you lay it on the table, you and she don’t stand a chance.”
Colt sat down hard on the sofa, his head hitting the back cushion with such a force it actually hurt. The pain was a good distraction. Raw emotion welled up inside him and he was doing everything he could do to stop it. “I couldn’t take it if she died delivering my baby.”
Blake went over and sat next to him. “That’s what I’m talking about. I knew you were spinning into a dark place. Is she having a difficult pregnancy? Is there something wrong with the baby? Is that why you stopped by tonight?”
Colt stood, not wanting to display his emotions. “As far as I know everything’s good. At least that’s what she told me. I know it’s crazy to think she could die, but dammit all, I can’t help myself. I couldn’t take it if anything happened to Helen or the baby.”
“You’re jumping the gun here, brother. You’re letting the past take hold of your future. Helen’s not your boys’ mom,” Blake told him. “Helen’s a healthy young woman. Besides, the woman shoots guns while riding horseback. I wouldn’t count her out just yet. When did she tell you?”
“This afternoon.”
“And what supportive, loving words did you say after she told you?”
He was embarrassed to admit to his bad behavior.
“That’s just it. I didn’t say anything. I walked away.”
Blake stood and put his arm around Colt’s shoulder. “I may not know much about women, but I do know that wasn’t what she needed.”
“I know. She probably hates me.”
“Hate’s not strong enough. The way I see it, you’ve got to do the right thing.”
“Like ask her to marry me?”
“Slow down there, little brother. Maybe you should start by apologizing for being such a horse’s butt. That might get you back on speaking terms.”
Colt headed for the door, wanting to drive directly over to Milo’s house. Blake stopped him. “You’re not going anywhere in the shape you’re in. Get some sleep and go over there when you’re feeling more confident.”
“Right. Sleep. I could use some sleep.”
“It will all look better in the morning.”
“The morning.”
Suddenly the tension Colt had been carrying around began to drain from his every pore. He felt so tired he couldn’t keep his eyes open.
“Mrs. Abernathy sitting with your boys tonight?” Blake asked.
“She sure is.”
“Then you’re staying right here tonight. That guest room has your name on it.”
As soon as Blake suggested it, Colt staggered in the direction of the bedroom, pulling his boots off as he went and dropping onto the queen-size bed before Blake could say good-night.
“I’m such a fool,” he mumbled right before he fell into a deep sleep.
* * *
“I STILL CAN’T believe he walked away from you,” Milo said as he and Helen ambled into Belly Up Saloon on Main Street in downtown Briggs. Milo couldn’t seem to let it go, and although Helen was completely heartbroken over Colt’s response, especially after that kiss they shared, at least now she knew where she stood.
She’d come to Briggs specifically to tell Colt about their baby and to move Tater into Milo’s stable until she could find a more permanent home for him in Jackson, both of which she could now say she’d accomplished. With those two tasks completed, she was ready to return to her parents’ house in the morning. She had less than eight weeks left before her due date and it was about time she started preparing for her baby’s arrival... Apparently without Colt Granger.
“I know, it’s not what you expected,” she said as they stepped into the noisy bar. “It’s not what I expected, either, but it is what it is.”
“That don’t make it right.”
Milo secured his chocolate-colored sloped pinchfront hat on his head as they momentarily stood next to the door surveying the room. Milo didn’t consider himself dressed for the outdoors without his favorite hat perched easy on his head. He wore a black-and-red-plaid flannel shirt, jeans and black cowboy boots—an outfit he felt the most comfortable in, though lately he’d added a couple blue-checked shirts, courtesy of Amanda’s influence, no doubt.
He was on his way to Spud Drive-In for the last double feature of the season. The drive-in always closed for the season in late September, so Milo’s part-time job was coming to an end, which normally meant he’d be hanging around the house all winter. But this winter, he’d taken a part-time bartending job at Belly Up Saloon. He was getting a quick rundown of the place from the owner, while Helen was staying to visit with some of her friends.
As soon as she’d walked through the heavy glass door, she felt as if she was coming home. Familiar faces were everywhere, all smiling and glad to see her. The steady beat of country music bounced off of every table, chair, picture and wall. She hadn’t been in the place since she’d been in town and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why.
She loved this honky-tonk and all the people who patronized it. She loved the bare wooden planks on the floor and the mirrored mahogany bar that extended the entire length of the west wall. She loved the ambience and the smell of beer but most of all she loved how special she felt walking through the crowd. Everyone seemed to want to give her a hug or a warm hello. It made her feel truly welcomed.
“Well, at least he didn’t tell me to never talk to him before he walked away. It was bad enough seeing the M & M Riding School virtually abandoned and up for sale. I always thought I’d be able to buy it or maybe a place just like it when I retired from the circuit. I wish the Miltons had waited a few years. I’m not ready to settle down yet, not that I could afford the place if I was. But it doesn’t matter, I still want that world championship win.”
“Does Colt know how you feel about that school?”
“Sure. I told him, but what does that have to do with anything? That’s my dream, not his. Besides, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me or our baby. That’s pretty clear now.”
The words still hurt when she said them out loud, but she held back the tears.
“You want I should drive over to his place and talk to that boy? Knock a little sense into him?”
“N
o, but thanks for the offer. He has to come around on his own...or not. Either way, I don’t hate him. It’s not what either of us expected. If I know Colt, he’s probably trying to figure what to do next.”
Helen had been all set to spend the night on the sofa in Milo’s living room surrounded by an evening’s worth of comfort foods: a bowl of green olives, buttery popcorn, a generous slice of peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake, an entire cheese pizza, raw carrots and a tall glass of whole milk. She tried to include at least one raw vegetable and one glass of milk with every meal. She’d even slipped into her favorite flannel pajamas, the deep pink ones with kitschy-looking cowgirls riding bucking broncos or sitting on wooden fences, a present from Sarah, her teammate, two birthdays ago. She and Sarah liked to exchange tacky cowgirl presents. The hokier, the better, and the pajamas happened to be the worst of all. They also happened to be the most comfortable item of clothing she owned and she wore them almost every night. Even now as she made her way into the honky-tonk, she wore the top under her black leather jacket.
Her hair was tied on top of her head in a messy bun, and makeup was almost nonexistent. She really hadn’t planned on going anywhere but to the kitchen for more food when Milo had insisted she stop brooding and get out for the night. She’d already shed a few thousand tears so she was all cried out at the moment. A few hours at Belly Up, her old haunt, seemed like a great alternative to sadness.
“That cowboy needs a strong dose of some Briggs tough love.”
“I don’t know if either of us is ready for everyone to know about our baby.”
“The truth’s gonna come out sooner or later, may as well be sooner. What he needs to do is man up to his responsibility.”
“And do what? Marry me?”
“Sounds about right to me.”
But before she could respond, he walked away, leaving her alone in the familiar crowd.
She made her way to the bar. Her friend Kendra Myers worked it tonight looking as beautiful as ever with her black raven hair pulled into a long ponytail, and her petite body shoved into a tight pair of jeans and the black logo tee. Kendra couldn’t be more than five feet tall, but she was a force to be reckoned with behind that bar. Give her any kind of grief, and you were out the front door before you knew what happened.