by Sarah Ready
I want him. I want him so much.
“Please,” I say.
I want to be in charge of this moment. But he still has me trapped under him.
He pushes harder against me and I forget what I was thinking. There’s only him and me, rocking our hips together, pressing our lips together. The rhythm grows faster. The pressure builds and builds, until I’m clawing at his back and I can’t stand it anymore.
White starbursts flash in my eyes and I cry out. My hips buck up against him and I hold onto him as I ride out the orgasm ripping through me. He takes my cries and kisses my lips. His hands tug at my hair and tilt my chin up so that he can kiss me more and more. Finally, the pressure subsides and the tension and the release leave, until all I can do is collapse back to the ground. Liam lifts his lips from mine and runs his fingers through my hair.
He looks down at me with a dazed expression. I’m still caught under him. He just watches me, doesn’t say anything at all.
But he doesn’t need to. I can read him.
“Thank you,” I say.
He leans down and presses a long lingering kiss to my lips.
“I’ll miss you,” I say.
“I’m not gone yet,” he says.
And we kiss again. This time, the secret I tell him, the one with my mouth and my kiss, is that I love him, I love him and I only just realized it. But I’m not going to keep him here, and I’m not going to keep him from his dreams. But all the same, I love him so much.
I suppose that’s where the mountain of misery comes in. But right now, it feels so good.
17
Liam
I leave Centreville for a week. After I called my agent back we talked over the idea I had at the picnic. He booked the commercial and got me on location to film in record time. Ginny and I didn’t talk about what happened by the stream. Hell, I’m not exactly sure what happened, or more importantly, where to go from here. The lines are no longer clear. We’re not just friends, we’re more, but not…I don’t know. I don’t know how to define the role I play in her life.
I know what role they play in mine. She and Bean are the reason I’m here. They’ve both lodged themselves in my heart so deep that I’ll never be able to get them out.
I took the week of filming to get perspective. To see if being away made my feelings change. But they didn’t. If anything, they grew stronger. I’m going to ask Ginny for more. To be more than friends. I know I’ve said I’m leaving Centreville, and by my agent’s response, and the interest from the studios, I’ll be getting some calls soon. But…I don’t want to leave Ginny and Bean. We could make it work. Plenty of people have long-distance relationships.
I didn’t let Ginny know that I’m back in town. I head straight to her place, and when she answers her door she looks a little tired and a lot sad. But then she sees it’s me and her face lights up.
“You’re back,” she says.
“I’m back,” I say. And suddenly I feel like that awkward teenager again. Kiss her, don’t kiss her, kiss her.
“Liam,” shouts Bean.
Don’t kiss her.
Bean runs to me and puts her arms around my waist. “You came back. Grandma said you wouldn’t. She said you’re a mountain of misery. And Heather said you should stay in Hollywood because Mama is a man-eater and then Finick said Heather was a bitter cow and Joel said that Finick should be glad his sister took him in and Finick said he wishes she hadn’t and then—”
“I’m glad to see you too.” I say.
Bean pulls out of the hug and says, “Well, I believed in you. And so did Mama. But no one else did.” She says this solemnly with a great deal of meaning. Seems like they’re the only ones who always believe in me. The knowledge that I’m doing the right thing settles in my chest. This past week away, filming the commercial was the right thing to do.
“I’ve got a surprise,” I say. “A superhero training.”
Ginny raises her eyebrows. “Really? Today?”
I nod.
I can tell that Ginny’s holding back a whole lot of questions about the past week. We talked on the phone, and texted, but not enough, and not about what happened by the stream.
“Am I finally gonna learn to fly?” asks Bean. She looks more tired too, and a little more pale than usual. Even her hug was a bit subdued. Maybe this surprise will help buck her up.
“Am I finally, finally gonna get to fly?”
I rub her head. “You better believe it.”
Bean squeals and the look on Ginny’s face is priceless.
“I’m gonna fly, I’m gonna fly,” shouts Bean, and she spins in a circle with her arms wide.
I share a smile with Ginny at Bean’s enthusiasm.
Then I step closer to Ginny and gently set the back of my hand against hers. She looks at me, but doesn’t pull away.
“I missed you,” I say. Which feels a lot like putting myself out on a ledge. Ginny doesn’t say anything right away and I wonder if she’s going to let me fall off the ledge and not say anything at all.
But after a moment she says quietly, “I missed you too.”
The tension I was holding releases.
It’ll be alright.
When we get to the private airport Bean is nearly floating she’s so excited.
We get a tour of the small airport and Bean gets to see the different vehicles. Then the pilot takes us to a four-seater Cessna. The wings sit high above the cockpit so we’re going to have a great view of the ground.
“It’s called the Skyhawk,” the pilot says. She’s retired Air Force and teaches flying now.
“Wow,” says Bean. “The Skyhawk.” Her eyes are huge and she asks a thousand questions a minute. We climb up and the pilot shows Bean all the controls.
Then Bean settles down in the co-pilot seat, and Ginny and I sit in the back. We put on our headsets and get all set to go.
“I’m gonna fly,” Bean says, and the way she says it makes me want to buy her an airplane. The darn kid, she has no idea the effect she has.
“You sure are,” I say.
Ginny reaches over and places her hand in mine. “Thank you,” she mouths.
“Of course,” I say. How could I not? Bean’s been wanting to fly from the moment I met her.
The plane starts down the runway and my stomach dips as we lift into the air. Bean squeals as the wheels leave the ground. Then she points out all the landmarks that she knows: the school, the grocery store, the playground, the library. When Bean sees the wooded park near my place and points out the trail, Ginny blushes. I run my thumb over the back of Ginny’s hand and she looks at me from under her eyelashes.
“There’s our house,” says Bean. “There it is. Hi Grandma, hi Grandpa.” She waves madly and is convinced they can see her and are waving back.
Ginny grins at me and all the tiredness that I saw when I got back just melts away. We’re not talking, but I can tell what she’s thinking, because I’m thinking it too. We’ve left it all behind. The complications, the worry, the future. None of that matters right now. When the plane left the ground, we dropped all that and right now, we’re free.
I run my fingers over Ginny’s hand, her palm, then I lace my fingers through hers. She watches the bluish-green hills, the blur of trees, the red painted barns, and I watch her.
As Bean laughs in the pilot seat and Ginny smiles at me with that look in her eyes, I feel, no believe, that we can do anything. There isn’t anything in the future that we can’t handle. Together.
Ginny takes in my look and quirks an eyebrow in question. I wink at her.
This is it. We’re going to be okay.
When the plane comes down and the tires hit the ground I still feel that sense of rightness.
“That was awesome,” says Bean as she’s lifted down from the plane. “I flew. I really flew.”
“You sure did,” I say. “Looks like you’re a certified sidekick now.”
Her eyes go wide and she says, “Wo-ow. Mama, did you hear? I’
m a sidekick. A real sidekick.”
“That’s amazing, baby,” says Ginny. She takes Bean from me and hugs her tight into her chest. “You did it.” She kisses the top of Bean’s head, and when Ginny looks up her eyes are misty. “I’m so happy for you.”
“You’ll need a name,” I say.
“Skyhawk,” says Bean.
It’s settled. The only other thing she needs is her very own superhero outfit.
“I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life,” she says.
Ginny squeezes her tight. “Me too.”
18
Ginny
Liam and I lie in the grass in his yard and look up at the stars. The sky is inky black and clear. The moon is a small crescent and the stars shine brilliant white. It looks like there are thousands of them tonight.
“Are the stars the same in California?” I ask. The sound of crickets picks up, crescendos then quiets down again.
“In LA? No.” I wonder if he looked at the sky when he was there last week.
“Why not?”
“You can’t see them. Not like this. Ursa Major.” He points up at the constellation. “Ursa Minor. Cepheus. Cassiopeia. Draco.”
I smile and try to make out where he points. “How do you know the constellations?”
“Liam Stone’s an astronomer. I learned them for the role.”
“Right. I forgot.” His superhero character was an astronomer before he gained his cosmic powers through a galactic accident. “I just figured you picked it up to impress dates.”
“Is that what this is?” he asks. He rolls over and looks down at me.
Heat spreads across my face. “No,” I say, then I look away, because it does feel like a date.
After the plane ride I tucked Bean in and then asked Enid if she could watch her for a few hours. Liam drove me out to his place for some quiet. We ended up here, lying on the ground, looking at the stars.
“That’s too bad,” he says. He looks at my mouth and a low hum spreads through me.
“Thank you again. For what you did today.”
“Of course. I wanted to.”
I turn back to look up at him. “But you didn’t have to. You’ve done so much, and you didn’t have to do any of it. When you left this week…” I trail off, not certain I can admit it.
“Hey,” he says. He runs his finger along my cheek. “Okay?”
“Yeah.” I swallow and say what I’m afraid to. “When you left I realized how much I’ve come to depend on you.” My heart thuds and I swallow back the fear.
“That’s okay,” he says.
“Is it?” I whisper.
He nods. “It’s okay to depend on me.”
I shake my head. Before he came, I was doing okay. Well, not okay, but…it worked. Now, I got a taste of what it’s going to be like when he leaves. It wasn’t pretty. It hurt. Missing him hurt.
“How?” I ask.
“You have to trust,” he says.
I look up at him. He smiles and his eyes are clear and earnest. I’m lying back, the smell of lush grass and nighttime surround me, crickets sing, and the stars shine above. The sounds fade and this feels like a moment where I can step forward or pull back. And I don’t think I can step forward, there’s too much I’m afraid of.
“I should go,” I say. “Get back to Bean.”
“Enid has her. She’s sound asleep. You should stay.”
I want to. I want to stay, but for so long I’ve thought first of Bean that it feels wrong to think of myself. Because to admit that I want Liam for myself, at least for one night, seems selfish.
He watches my face and I think he sees the doubt in my expression.
“Hey. Don’t go,” he says.
“Go where?”
“Wherever it is when you look like that. You pull away. You look tired and sad and I don’t like it.”
So he can see it. All the fatigue and worry I try so hard to hide.
Maybe I can depend on him. Maybe for one night, I can be with him. I can do something without thinking about what might come tomorrow or the next day. I can just be.
He senses the moment I make the decision.
“You’ll stay?” he asks.
“If I asked,” I whisper. He leans forward to hear me better. “If I asked, could I depend on you…”
“Yes.”
“To kiss me?”
I hold my breath as he looks down at me. Then a smile spreads over his face, his smile, not the fake Liam Stone smile, but his smile. I exhale.
“Hell yeah, you can.”
Then he sinks down on top of me. He puts his knees between my thighs and pushes them apart so that they form a cradle for him to sink into. He lays on top of me and I send my ankles down his back and his thighs. He props on his forearms and puts his forehead to mine.
“Okay?” he asks.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
His eyes crinkle and he laughs. As he does I reach up and capture his mouth. His surprise doesn’t last long. He pushes me down and works his mouth over mine. He draws his lips over me and starts the rhythm of where we left off last week. He takes my lower lip in his and draws on it until I moan.
He pulls away. “I’m going to kiss you,” he says.
I run my hands through his hair and pull him back to me. I lick his mouth and taste him. He tastes familiar and sweet. His hand brushes over my ribcage and I lift up at the electricity of his touch. He cups my breast and my nipples ache to be touched. He pinches it between his fingers and I gasp at the sensation. He pinches my nipple again and there’s an echoing pulse between my thighs. I lift up to him and feel his hardness.
He moans and pushes away from me.
“Let me,” he says.
“What?”
“Kiss you.”
His hips rock against mine and I see exactly what he means. “Yes,” I say.
His eyes light with triumph. He sits back on his knees between my legs. My hair splays out on the ground and I feel warm and wanton. My lips are kiss-swollen and my body aches with need.
Liam draws his hands over my ribs and down to my thighs. He flicks the buttons loose and then he slowly draws down my jeans. They scrape against my thighs and calves and I feel heightened to every touch. When he sees my pink lace panties he sucks in a sharp breath.
I give him a smile and he watches my expression as he slowly tugs them down. When I’m bare to him he spreads his hands over my hips and dips his head. At the whisper of his breath over me I lift my hips and cry out. His fingers dig into my side and his mouth brushes over me. Then he starts to kiss. Except it’s more like a dance. His mouth twirls around me, pulls me in, then lets me go, only to pull me in again. Soon, I can’t tell whether my eyes are opened or closed, or whether it’s me yelling or him. I grab at the grass and lift my hips in the air. It’s building and I don’t want him to stop.
“Please don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
He rumbles something against me, and everything unleashes. I spiral and he kisses me and holds me and then I can’t…
“I can’t…”
“You can.”
He takes me in his mouth again and his fingers press into me and I ride his mouth and the sweetness that he’s giving me. Finally, finally, I fall back to the earth. I’m out of breath, a little lightheaded, and my heart pounds. My body feels delicious. Then, Liam looks up at me and his eyes light with smug satisfaction. He grins at me and I hold open my arms.
“Come here.”
He raises up to me and I tug at his pants. In seconds he’s flung them off and we both pull off our shirts, I unsnap my bra and for a moment the frenzy to undress pauses as he takes in my breasts.
“My word,” he says. He takes me in, naked beneath him. “Reality is a million times better than fantasy.”
“You fantasized?”
“Since the day I met you,” he says.
“Liar.”
“It’s true. I always wanted you, even if I didn’t want to admit it.”
&n
bsp; I smile at him. It’s hard to look anywhere but his eyes, especially when he’s looking at me like he is, but I glance down. He’s back to the old Liam, the superhero physique, except, there’s something different, and I think it’s the way he looks at me. That’s something no one has ever seen. And it’s just for me.
“I want you,” I say, and it’s not hard to admit.
“I want you too.”
He leans down and brushes a kiss over my mouth.
I close my eyes and he presses a kiss on each eyelid.
“You want this?” he asks.
I swallow and nod, then, “I do.”
He smiles down at me then takes my mouth in his. I pull my hands over his shoulders and raise my hips to meet him. He settles between my legs and sets himself at my entrance. As we kiss, he rocks himself against me, he presses at my entrance, just there, but not…quite…
I wrap my legs around him and arch up toward him. He swears into my mouth and then, like he can’t wait any more, he thrusts.
19
Liam
I thrust into Ginny and I’ve never felt anything so good in my life. She clenches around me and I bury myself deeper. I pull her hips up to me and tilt her so that I can go deeper still. I want more, I want all of her. I grab her mouth and suck on her lips. As I pull on her mouth I draw out of her. The tightness of her wraps around me and I nearly lose it. I push back in. Being inside her. It feels like…I’m home.
I start a rhythm, slow and steady. I want to savor her, let this first time be something we’ll never forget.
“You’re beautiful,” I say. Not just how she looks, but who she is. I take her mouth again and thrust in deep. She cries out and there’s a flush on her cheeks and down her chest.
I strum my fingers over her clit.
“Yes,” she cries. And as I move, I feel her clench with each little flick over her mound. And each time she clenches, she wraps tighter around me. The world’s becoming hazy, there’s nothing but us. Her wrapped around me, and me in her. I pull out, push in. I set my forehead against her and look into her eyes. Then I take her hands and lace her fingers through mine.