by KERRY BARNES
He had. ‘Lucy!’ he almost screamed.
As he banged hard on the bathroom door, she pretended she couldn’t hear him.
In her sweetest and most upbeat voice, she called back, ‘Hold on, Justin, I’m having a quick shower.’ She held her breath, hoping she could hear him walking back downstairs, yet he was still outside.
‘When you’re done, we need to talk. There’s a very strong coffee on the windowsill. I’m damn sure you fucking need it.’
Lucy felt sick. The alcohol and the shock of Justin knowing made her stomach flip over. She decided not to reply but ensure she was stone-cold sober by the time she was finished. The shock was enough to clear her head, and so by the time she climbed out of the shower and cleaned her teeth for the umpteenth time, she was ready to face him.
Wearing a fresh nightdress and her long robe, she slowly descended the stairs only to find Justin was not in. She looked out of the window and searched for his car, but he was gone. In a panic, she ran upstairs and opened the wardrobe. A sigh of relief left her lips: his clothes were there, hanging in a line.
* * *
Justin had to get out of the house and away from her. The Sydney Arms, the nearest pub, was brimming, and Justin, still in his suit, made his way to the bar. The occupants were obviously having a few drinks after work. Some workmen, still dressed in their paint-covered overalls, were at the bar chatting up the young trendy barmaid, whilst in a corner, a group of young men and women were huddled around an iPhone, looking at some video and laughing their heads off. The petite barmaid bustled her way past the landlord to serve him, her face beaming with a smile that showed her gleaming white teeth.
‘What can I get ya, handsome?’ she said, in such a matter-of-fact voice that Justin assumed she called everyone handsome.
‘Double Jack Daniel’s, please.’
‘On the rocks, babe?’
He smiled back and nodded. She was refreshing really, with a cute smile that for a second took his mind off his troubles.
‘There ya go. Don’t drink it all once.’ She chuckled, and Justin found himself laughing along. Perhaps that was what he needed, just to get away from work, his mother, and Lucy.
After a few more drinks and a bit of chit-chat with the barmaid, he felt his tense muscles relax, enabling him to switch his mind from his troubles. By now, the early evening punters had all left and it was too soon for the Friday night party-goers. He distinctly sensed someone behind him. Turning around, he saw a man dressed in a smart tan leather jacket giving him a faint smile along with a confident wink. He was standing with his legs apart and his shoulders back.
For a second, Justin thought he’d seen him before but couldn’t think where until the penny dropped. The restaurant. His relaxed mood changed instantly. This was the man who had raped Lucy as a child; this was the man who was still out walking the streets and not locked behind bars.
With a few drinks inside him, Justin had the guts to confront the bastard. ‘You’ve got some front!’
The barmaid, who was leaning on the bar and having a banter with Justin, swiftly hurried away. She knew who Carl was and didn’t want any trouble.
Carl smirked. ‘Dear me, I guess Lucy Lou has been filling your head with bullshit again.’
Justin didn’t expect that reaction at all. It took him completely by surprise, and for a moment, he stared, appraising Carl’s cold eyes.
‘You no-good scumbag, they should lock you up for what you did to her.’ Justin’s voice remained on an even keel; he didn’t want to draw attention, but he certainly wasn’t going to leave the issue alone.
The tension was building, and Justin waited for Carl to either defend himself or start a fight because he didn’t look the type to run away – that was for sure – and he wasn’t alone. His men were now at the bar, standing just a couple of feet behind him.
Unexpectedly, Carl put his hand on Justin’s shoulder and gave him a compassionate smile. ‘Well, I have been called many things in my time but not scumbag, and I can see why you would have the gall to front me like that. Most men don’t get away with it, but you, my friend, are different. I guess that Lucy Lou has filled your naive brain with all sorts of wonderful fantasy stories, but that’s okay, ’cos as much as she’s full of shit, I have a soft spot for her. So, do yourself a massive favour and take whatever she says with a pinch of salt.’
Justin was shocked and tried to digest those words, but after a few Jack Daniel’s, he was struggling. He was, however, sober enough to know that if he laid into Carl, he would get a good kicking from any one of his mates or minders, whoever they were, so instead, he shot him a dirty look and said, ‘Just keep away. You’ve damaged her enough already.’
Carl wiped his tongue over his teeth and sucked in a sharp intake of air. ‘You’d better watch ya mouth because you really don’t know anything about me and her. Cut the wisecracks and do some research before you start slandering my name, or, sunshine, I will ensure you eat your words.’ He winked and nodded to the barmaid for a drink.
Justin felt the hot breath from Carl’s followers down the back of his neck and made the astute decision to leave, to the apparent disappointment of the young barmaid. He could hear what sounded like Carl laughing and was tempted to turn back and have it out with him, but the surge of adrenaline had completely sobered his thoughts, and he left, but with the bit between his teeth and a bitter taste in his mouth.
Life had been so much simpler with Kara. It seemed to him that Lucy might be having his baby, but she came with a whole heap of trouble; although he was partly to blame. For a while, he drove around trying to digest Carl’s words and the fact that he’d found Lucy zonked out, stinking of booze. The rain began to pour, and the streetlamps, mixed with the raindrops on his windscreen, were making his vision blurred and his eyes tired. There was nothing much more he could do except return home.
* * *
Lucy was sitting in her night robe, her face soft with moisturiser. She hoped she looked somewhat gentle and motherly from the glow emanating from the table lamp. She was pretending to read a mother and toddler magazine. Really, she’d bought them for show and had no intention of looking after the baby; she wanted a nanny for that.
Justin stood in the doorway to the living room, his hair wet from the rain and his eyes glassy from drink. ‘We should talk.’
‘Is everything okay, love? I mean, I got out of the shower and you were gone. I couldn’t hear what you were saying through the bathroom door.’
He stepped inside and took a seat in the small armchair. Running his hands through his hair, he leaned forward and stared at the floor. ‘Why were you drinking, Lucy? I came home, and you were out cold.’ He looked up. ‘Oh, yes, and fucking drunk.’
She gave her best frown. ‘What? Of course I wasn’t drunk. I had what’s called Braxton Hicks contractions, and my stomach muscles just wouldn’t loosen up. I was in agony. I mean, it was really painful. The midwife said a small glass of wine might help relax me. She said I could have a small drop at this stage of the pregnancy, as it wouldn’t hurt. The truth is, Justin, I didn’t like to worry you, but I haven’t been sleeping well at all, and I guess it all caught up with me.’
With her tone so convincing, she could have had the Pope believing he wasn’t Catholic.
‘You what? The midwife actually said you can drink?’ He didn’t want to push it too far because what did he really know about pregnancy – zilch.
‘Yeah, well, this midwife I called was old-school, really down-to-earth, and it helped no end, I can tell you. Within five minutes, the pain went away, and I was able to sleep. Oh, Justin, I must have given you an awful fright, then?’
He sighed heavily. ‘Yeah, well, I guess you did.’
‘Shall I cook us a nice dinner, babe? You look worn out.’
He shook his head. ‘No, thank you, I, er … I went to the pub and that Carl was there. I said to stay away, and the cocky piece of shit laughed at me. I told him he’d damaged you enough, and he
then said, you are, and I quote, “full of shit”.’ He paused and tried to read the reaction on her face. She looked surprised, but then he noticed a dark look in her eyes and wondered if she was hurt or angry.
‘He would say that, wouldn’t he? No way would he ever admit what he did to me. How could he?’
Justin was torn; he wanted to believe Lucy, but Carl’s words were not said in jest; it was as if there really was some meaning behind them. ‘Lucy, did he really rape you when you were a kid?’ He’d no sooner asked than regretted it. After all, he wasn’t just questioning the incident, he was also questioning their relationship and his trust in her.
He realised he’d asked the wrong question. Putting her hands over her face, she instantly gave a deep gut-wrenching sob, rocking herself, as if he’d hurt her more deeply than he could ever have imagined. A rush of guilt enveloped him, and he hurried to her side to hug her. ‘I’m so sorry, really sorry, it’s just so much has messed with my mind today. Please, Lucy, forgive me. Of course, he did. I know that. I should never have asked.’
She slowly stopped the fake tears and wiped her eyes, before clearing her throat. ‘It’s okay, Justin, I don’t expect you to believe me. No one ever does. I’ve had it all my life, in foster home after foster home. I was the one always taking the blame for anything that went wrong. I just want a normal life now, with us as a family. Me, you, and our little boy. Carl is a nasty person, a dangerous person, and he will try to find a way to ruin it for me. Please, Justin, don’t be taken in by him. Don’t let him mess things up for us.’
He pulled her close and stroked her hair. ‘No, love, I won’t let him ruin things for us. I won’t let anyone.’
She lay with her head against his chest and smiled. ‘I think the baby is playing football in there.’ She pulled his hand over her stomach, so that he could feel the baby move.
An unexpected feeling gripped him. This was his baby; his son was real. Before, it had just been a bump, but now it was a person moving. With overwhelming excitement, he made a decision. Usually, Justin was cautious, and yet, he was about to make the most impulsive gesture of his life. Out it came.
‘Let’s get married.’
Lucy sat up straight, gobsmacked. ‘Oh my God! Do you mean it, really?’ With her face glowing with excitement, she searched his face for any hint of this being a joke. To Justin, her eyes held an innocence that was so attractive.
‘Yes, I mean it – nothing lavish, just me and you, and a nice meal afterwards, or did you want the whole kit and caboodle?’
‘No, no, just me, you, and our little one, that’s all we need … When were you thinking?’
He hadn’t thought that far. ‘Um … well, why don’t you get on that laptop of yours and see what you can find? We could even go abroad and get married on the beach, if you like?’
Her eyes widened. ‘No, I think here is just fine. I’ll get on to it now.’ She tried to pull away to get the wedding booked before he could change his mind, but he stopped her. ‘No, not now, do it tomorrow, while I’m at work. Surprise me, when I get home.’
She gave him a coy smile, which enhanced her ingenuous look. ‘Oh, it will be wonderful, and our little lad won’t be born out of wedlock. It’s perfect, Justin, just perfect.’
She laid her head back against his chest and smiled.
What a clever girl I am, she thought.
Chapter 13
Kara went over in her head everything she’d told Stuart and wondered if she’d left anything out. Her body shuddered when she thought about her mother, and to make her sleep more restless, the baby had been kicking all night. Her stress levels were going through the roof, and the thought of getting a long sentence and then having to hand over her baby just didn’t bear thinking about. For the next three days, she walked around in a trance, with the world on her shoulders. Vic and Deni tried to cheer her up, but their efforts were in vain.
By Thursday morning, she was exhausted, but she had to get her thoughts in order because she was expecting a visit from Stuart, and she hoped that he’d managed to make contact with the carer and would arrive armed with some news.
Julie yawned and stretched. ‘Cor, blimey, I slept like a bleedin’ baby. How are ya doing, mate?’
Kara was sitting upright, her mind an unassembled jigsaw of questions and worries. ‘I’m all right. I’m seeing Stuart in an hour, so I’d best get sorted out.’
Feeling helpless, Julie watched as her cellmate slowly sauntered away. There was nothing any of them could do except be there if Kara needed a shoulder to cry on.
* * *
As George entered the laundry room, he waved his hands to clear the steam and turned to the first inmate. ‘Where’s Denise?’
‘I’ll get her – she’s loading the sheets around the back, Gov.’ The woman hurried away, clearly realising George looked flustered.
George nodded and waited outside. He was hot under the collar anyway and all this steam was working him up into a state. In a few seconds, Deni appeared, wiping her hands down her tracksuit. She eyed him warily. ‘Everything all right, Gov?’
He shook his head. ‘Come with me, Denise.’ She was one of the few he called by her first name; it was all about respect with someone of Deni’s stature at Larkview.
‘Aw, fuck me, what ’ave I gone and done now?’
He tapped her shoulder. ‘Nothing, Denise. I need your help.’ He continued to walk on with Deni hurrying to keep up. ‘What’s going on, Gov?’
He stopped and looked up and down the corridor. ‘Kara’s lawyer has just told me some disturbing news, and, in a few minutes, he is going to have to break it to the poor woman. I want you on hand to help her. She could do with a real friend right now, and you are probably best to deal with this kind of thing since you are used to …’ He stopped and tried to backtrack.
‘It’s all right, Gov, I know what you mean. I ran a brothel, so I had many a girl crying on me lap.’
He inhaled a fast gasp of air. ‘Exactly. Sorry, Denise, I wasn’t judging you. I just thought, well, yes, I guess that’s exactly what I thought.’
She gave him a big smile and nodded. ‘Ya know, of all the staff here, Gov, you’re the only one who doesn’t judge us. Besides, I can’t get away from what I was, and that’s that, so, of course, I will be there for the kid. She don’t belong in ’ere, ya know.’
He nodded and sighed. ‘I know, Denise, I know.’
‘So, what’s the bad news? Is it her mum?’
‘Sadly, yes, but that’s confidential, okay?’
‘Oh, no, the poor little cow. As if she ain’t been through enough. Right, no worries, Gov. You leave her to me, love her heart.’ Deni swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back the tears.
* * *
Just outside the legal visiting room was a waiting area. George nodded for Deni to take a seat. ‘Would you like a cup of tea, Denise? I’m going to fetch one for her and her lawyer.’
Deni sat on the plastic chair screwed to the wall and nodded shyly; it was all a bit strange. The assistant governor putting himself out in such a way, fussing over tea, this wasn’t the norm. She took a deep breath and then frowned to herself; there was more to all of this. She had known many an inmate to get bad news, but they just got on with it; never did someone like George make tea – well, not like this. She waited with bated breath, her mind an assortment of fears.
* * *
Inside the visiting room, Kara sat anxiously, eager to hear the news, but Stuart was quiet whilst he pulled a pile of papers from his briefcase. She searched his face for some answers. On his arrival, she’d straightaway sensed something was wrong. He looked downcast and struggled to make eye contact. He’d asked how she was feeling, and if the staff and the inmates were treating her well, but it felt a bit like the calm before the storm.
She couldn’t bear it any longer. ‘Did you contact my mother?’ she blurted out, now irritated that he was silently fiddling with paperwork.
With that, he looked up an
d placed his hands on the table, away from the folder. ‘Kara, I have some dreadful news, and I’m not sure how to tell you, but I guess I should be frank.’ He paused and looked at her frightened eyes. ‘Your mother passed away. I am so sorry.’ He paused again, waiting for her to absorb the information before he revealed any more of his findings.
Her face was like a stone statue. He remembered watching the implosion of the Hackney Downs tower blocks where his grandmother once lived. That complete destruction took seconds to happen from the moment the detonation took place. Here, in this room, Stuart had regrettably provided the detonation himself, so he was dreading the effect it would have on his client after the news registered. And then it happened.
At first there was stunned disbelief across her face, but seconds later, there was a barrage of questions all tripping over themselves. ‘How did she die? Was she alone? What did the coroner say?’ Her expression showed she was desperate for facts.
Stuart looked at the papers, conscious that in among them was a copy of the death certificate dated five months ago. How was he going to tell her? But he couldn’t save her from the pain because she had every right to know the truth.
A knock at the door came as a temporary relief. George entered, holding two mugs by the handles whilst manoeuvring the door with his foot. Stuart got up from his seat to help. ‘Here you go, two teas.’ He glanced at Kara’s face, now flooded with silent tears. He gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I’m sorry, love. When you’ve finished in here, Denise is outside. Would you like her to join you?’
She looked up at George and frowned. ‘Denise?’
‘Deni.’ He corrected himself.
She nodded, but really, she wasn’t listening; she wanted answers.
George left and Stuart coughed delicately, bringing Kara out of her vacant and confused state.
‘Kara, I need to tell you something more, and I’m afraid it’s further bad news.’ He placed his hands together on the table and waited for her to acknowledge what he’d just said. Slowly, she lifted her head, waiting to hear what he had to say. What could be worse than what she’d just heard? He’d just said her mother was dead. Her heart pounded so fast, she could feel her whole body rhythmically pulsating and her neck burning up.