by KERRY BARNES
Trust Deni to say it like it was. She was a shrewd one. With a half-smile, Kara replied, ‘It’s a shame you’re not representing me in court. The jury would buy that defence.’
‘Yeah, well, Stuart will be able to say it in the right way. Now then, brush ya hair, while I hold the baby.’
‘I received a letter from Vic. She’s working as a waitress in Rocky’s bar. She sounds really happy, Deni.’
Deni looked at little Denise Rose’s round chubby face and tickled her chin, as she held her. ‘And Rocky? Have you heard from him?’
Kara placed the brush down on the sink unit and turned to face Deni. ‘Yeah, we’re still friends, and you were right. I was just carried away with the moment, and I guess he was too, but I have to say that Vic, Julie, and Rocky have been an enormous support.’
‘Yeah, like family, eh? All for one and one for all!’
‘I still feel bad for not letting you all know the truth, but I just couldn’t tell you. I liked the way you treated me and it would have changed that. You would have seen me as a monster.’
Deni grinned. ‘Like I said before, how could you trust anyone? We don’t blame you. Besides, we all have secrets. I don’t share my whole life story, ya know.’
Kara gave a generous smile and lowered her gaze. ‘I’m so anxious about this meeting.’
Deni gently lowered the baby onto the playmat and gave Kara a hug. ‘Now, you just get yourself off and see what he has to say.’
* * *
Nervously, Kara entered the legal visiting room. She avoided eye contact, embarrassed to look up.
Stuart stood and waited for Kara to take a seat. If she’d only known, he felt just as awkward as she did. ‘Um … would you like a tea before we start?’
She sensed the softness in his voice and peered up through her recently grown long fringe. He’d lost weight and his hair was now longer; instead of the short and neat look, his defined waves were tucked behind his ears.
‘No, thank you, I’m okay.’
‘But are you okay though, Kara?’ His gentle words brought sudden tears to her eyes.
‘Yes, but, Stuart, listen, I’m so sorry I lied. I saw your look of horror during the interview, the day you brought the detective to see me. I let you down, I know, especially as you were trying so hard to help me. I should have—’
He quickly raised his hand to interrupt her. ‘Kara, I’m not surprised. How could you have ever trusted anyone, after all that you went through?’
‘What are you saying? You don’t actually believe me, do you?’
A compassionate smile adorned his face. ‘Not only do I believe you, but we’ve tracked down the official letter that was held by your mother’s solicitor, explaining everything. I’m afraid the letter Lucy was talking about was just a handwritten mock-up, but the actual letter is in this file.’
Stuart pulled from his briefcase a folder and gently placed it in front of her. As she opened it and removed the documentation, her eyes focused on the heading of a legal letter with a note attached and signed by Joan and countersigned by her lawyer. She frowned and looked across at Stuart.
‘Joan had written a letter and had it sealed at her solicitor’s office. The solicitor in question never knew what was in it, but your mother’s express wish was that it was to be given to you on her death. The forms are just legal jargon, which confirm she had written the letter herself.’
With her hands shaking, she opened the letter and took a deep breath. She was well aware that this moment was likely to hold great significance for her.
Dearest Kara,
I cannot ever forgive myself for what I have put you through. I want you to know that I was totally to blame for what happened to you. Sadly, I was so in love with Thomas Grey that I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving me. I craved his affection like a drug addict, investing all of myself into the relationship, trying to satisfy my own needs and despicably ignoring yours.
I suspect you knew this because as young as you were you were also very astute. I allowed a man to abuse you for my own selfish compulsion. This may sound cold, but I intend it to be factual. I want you to know that not only did I believe you, but I also saw him molesting you. But, I lived in dread that this man would return to his wife, and in doing so, I saw my life was effectively over. It was him or nothing. But my selfish actions allowed him to take away your innocence. At first, I blamed you. I was so jealous because he obviously wanted you. Then, I thought I could turn a blind eye.
Why I allowed it to happen, I will never really understand, except I believe I had an addiction to his affection – a lame excuse, I know. Once you went to boarding school, his visits became fewer, and I somehow stepped back from the situation. It was then that the light went on and I realised what the hell I had done.
My darling Kara, if you are reading this, then I am dead, and I should imagine you will be dancing on my grave for what I did. Never once did you deserve it. You were always the sweetest, kindest girl who never saw bad in anyone. How cruel I have been to such a darling angel.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but if I could rewind my life experiences – if I could give you back a childhood that should have been happy and carefree with your dignity respected – I would do so in a heartbeat. I have taken that monster’s life, not that it will give you back yours, but at least you will never live in fear that you may lay eyes on Thomas Grey again.
I will never blame you for hating me because I hate myself.
I only hope you find peace and happiness in your life.
Love
Your mother, Joan Bannon
Kara looked up at Stuart, her mind in a whirl and with a confused expression. ‘What does this all mean?’
‘Well, that letter is for you and the other document is for the courts. It’s a confession to the murder of Thomas Grey.’
Kara was reeling in shock. ‘My God, Joan killed Thomas? Will that confession be upheld in court?’
Stuart smiled. ‘The CPS have dropped the investigation into the Thomas Grey murder. You are now not implicated. But, also, the good news is that this letter confirmed that you were sexually abused and that your mother, the one person who you should have been able to rely on, not only knew what was going on but watched it too, and that, my darling, is your ticket out of here.’ His face flushed with embarrassment. He had just used a term of endearment. How unprofessional was that?
Still holding the letter, trying to take it all in, Kara broached the subject of Lucy. ‘But won’t Lucy contest all of this? She absolutely hates me.’
Stuart shook his head. ‘No, not at all. We have taken a stack of statements from Lucy. I have interviewed her myself. In fact, Kara, she will be a witness in your defence.’
‘But I don’t understand it. She detests me.’
‘No, Kara, she detested the idea of you. There is much that we don’t know yet, but gradually, and with the agreement of Lucy and her psychiatrist, we are learning that Lucy’s self-esteem was dealt a huge blow when Joan took you away. This was the start of her downward spiral. From the day she tried to suffocate you, she was unintentionally treated as a danger. She was not allowed pets or close contact with smaller children. Unwittingly, Les had pinned her with a label and she became that person – a rebellious young child who turned into a completely unruly teenager with a real grudge to bear.
‘Lucy decided that she was a horrible person, with a vindictive personality, and seeing herself as a loser in life with no future, certainly not one like her sister’s. It was this that led to Lucy turning out the way she did. She felt she’d been robbed of a mother and wanted compensation in the form of stealing your life because she saw you as the person who stole her mother. So, voluntarily, Lucy is seeing her psychiatrist on a regular basis and is following a rehab programme.
‘Once I told Lucy what you had been through and how you had suffered at the hands of a paedophile, she actually cried. You see, the handwritten letter she found didn’t have all the details, and
so she had no idea what your younger years were like. Joan only told her how well you were doing. She is willing to face the court and tell them exactly what she did to you, including falsifying the solicitor’s letter that required you to leave the house and for taunting you whilst you were in prison.’
‘Oh my gosh, I don’t know what to think.’
Reaching across the table, Stuart placed his hand over hers. ‘We got it so wrong, and not just with you either, Kara. Lucy was initially charged with the murder of a Lillian Blackwood because of an antique box containing an expensive bracelet with the name “Lilly” engraved on it. However, the coroner concluded that Lillian had in fact died of a heart attack and banged her head as she fell. So there was no foul play. On further investigation, it was found that Lucy bought the box and the bracelet for her daughter who sadly died. Her name was Lilly.’
Kara looked at his hand covering hers and felt safe. Maybe, one day, she could put her trust in others again. ‘How are Lucy and her son?’
‘She is doing very well, and Ben is coping just fine. She has shared custody with Justin, and by the way, she has a letter for you. I think she wants to visit you and apologise personally.’
Suddenly, Stuart gripped both her hands. ‘I will do my best to get you out of here. I promise. Lucy’s confession regarding her part in all of this will get you a lesser sentence when we go for an appeal, and when your new trial comes up, we have evidence to go for voluntary manslaughter, not murder. I will help you all I can.’
A tear trickled down her face – she knew he meant it. Perhaps she could trust again. A world without deceit would be perfect.
Acknowledgements
I never expected a complete stranger to come into my life and offer their help with my books for the love of it. I want to thank Robert Wood who has selflessly helped me along my journey. With so much patience and dedication, he has worked tirelessly to ensure my books are the best they can be.
Deryl Easton has been my go-to girl for advice and support which I will always cherish.
I want to thank Nia for believing in me and giving me the opportunity to be part of the HQ family.
The next book from Kerry Barnes
is coming soon …
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