Andi’s lips pressed gently to Fallon’s in reply. Tentative and hopeful, Andi’s lips coaxed Fallon’s to part.
Fallon fell away. The caress of Andi’s tongue, the warmth and sweetness of her mouth, it made Fallon’s body ache with desire. She pulled Andi closer, needing the contact unlike she ever had. What was happening to her? Her heart thudded violently, desperation gripping her soul. It was as if she were spiraling into darkness and Andi was the only light to hold onto.
Andi sensed the shift in Fallon. She pulled back slightly and pulled Fallon’s sweater off, then her own. Piece by piece, between fleeting kisses and murmured promises, Andi divested them both of everything that separated them. She stepped back and let her eyes sweep over Fallon’s form. Strong, even commanding, dips and curves, sensuality defined—that was Fallon. The vulnerability in Fallon’s darkened eyes moved Andi unlike any touch or kiss could. She pressed Fallon back onto the bed, spreading herself across Fallon in a warm blanket of flesh. She would speak no words tonight. Tonight, she would give Fallon every piece of herself, the parts she’d kept hidden, and the places Fallon had become well-acquainted with. She’d let nothing between them, not space, not thought, not time nor questions. Her lips wandered over Fallon’s throat, her eyes taking in the steady rise and fall of Fallon’s chest. The swell of Fallon’s breasts greeted her lips and she delighted in the arch of Fallon’s back that urged her to continue.
Fallon’s pulse raced. Andi’s mouth encircled her nipple, swirling and teasing, tasting and sucking with loving abandon. Every nerve in Fallon’s body answered Andi’s request, listening and begging at the same time. Had she ever felt this way? Had Andi ever touched her this way? Fallon couldn’t recall. Fallon couldn’t seem to think at all. Thought had evaporated into feeling. If she was going to drown, this would be the perfect place to have it all end. Her hands took hold of Andi’s head tenderly. Without the ability to form a thought, Fallon could scarcely hope to speak any words.
Andi moaned against Fallon’s flesh. Fallon’s body moved against hers sensually. Heat erupted over her skin and traveled deeper, down to her core. She needed Fallon tonight. She needed Fallon to know, to feel her truth; to understand that Andi had given part of herself away the first time they had kissed. That piece would forever belong to Fallon Foster. She glanced at Fallon’s parted lips and let her body slide lower.
Fallon’s head began to spin. Andi’s fingers entered her tenderly, so softly that Fallon thought her heart might break at the sensation. What was happening to her? Andi had touched her thousands of times. She’d never felt this—not this. The gentleness of Andi’s touch as she moved in and out of Fallon took Fallon’s breath away. She closed her eyes. Warmth, so soft, slowly traveled the length of Fallon’s need. Shouldn’t she be begging? Andi’s touch seemed to be pleading with her, telling her something. Fallon’s hands grasped Andi’s shoulders. So, perfect. Andi.
Tears gathered in Andi’s eyes. Fallon. Sweet, sensitive, loving Fallon. She felt Fallon’s vulnerability as it rose against Fallon’s will. Andi coaxed it forward, her fragility meeting Fallon’s in a dance like no other.
Fallon turned them just as her arousal began to crest. She needed to feel Andi. Andi fell into her arms gratefully. Fallon’s mouth claimed her lover’s, searching and speaking silently. Her fingers fell to Andi’s softness, eliciting a sigh from them both. How many times had they come together? Fallon couldn’t be sure. Everything seemed to vanish in an instant. Fallon’s body hummed with energy, her heart churning with emotion. She felt quivers burst forward in them both. She gentled her touch slightly, following Andi’s lead, needing to prolong their connection. It was strange, the ache that preceded release. It was painful, yet welcome. Andi’s fingers twirled inside her and Fallon’s body gave over, Andi’s following close behind.
“Andi,” Fallon nearly cried.
Andi breathed Fallon in, her scent, the emotions rolling off her, her presence. Fallon fell into her arms and Andi held her close. Light shaking was accompanied by a warm wetness on her breast. Andi stroked Fallon’s hair. “Fallon.” Andi attempted to coax Fallon. “Fallon.”
Reluctantly, Fallon shifted to face her lover.
Andi’s heart dropped in her chest. She pulled Fallon close and held her. She’d watched Fallon’s eyes moisten on a few occasions; she’d never seen Fallon cry. She didn’t need a crystal ball to know the cause—Riley Main.
“Oh, sweetheart, it was bound to happen.”
Fallon’s tears continued to fall. Andi’s arms held her protectively, swaying her gently like a mother rocking her baby. It made Fallon’s heart ache. Life had been rolling along pleasantly. Everything suddenly felt upside down—out of place. She felt as if she were drifting aimlessly. It wasn’t the first-time Fallon had felt untethered. And, that is how she felt, as though she were drifting in no certain direction, lost and unable to find solid ground.
“Fallon,” Andi whispered. She kissed Fallon’s temple gently. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Why not?”
Fallon tensed in Andi’s embrace.
“Sweetheart, talk to me.”
“How can I talk to you about this?”
Andi stroked Fallon’s hair. She breathed in Fallon’s faintly floral scent, something she was confident few people would imagine. Fallon’s standard blue jeans and button down shirts always gave away a hint of her womanly assets. Her attire was generally understated. She worked hard. She was likely to be hitching a plow to a truck, building a new shed or repairing the plumbing at Murphy’s Law, not endeavors most people equated with femininity. Fallon was all woman. She had no time for stereotypes and no care for other people’s expectations about who she should be or how she should appear. Andi found those qualities sexy as hell. I do love you, Fallon. God knows, I do.
“You can talk to me about anything,” Andi promised.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
Andi sighed. Change had a strange way of revealing truth. “You mean this?”
“I mean—you.”
Andi looked in Fallon’s eyes. There it was, the truth. What did it mean to be in love? Love coursed between them in powerful waves. Not for the first time, Andi was reminded that Fallon was her closest friend, her confidante. Sex hadn’t diminished their friendship, it had strengthened it.
“This,” Andi began softly. “Us—touching you, being with you like this... Fallon, I will miss this when it ends. I could lie to you. I won’t. I don’t want to lose you either.”
“I know.”
“I love you. It’s not what you need, not forever. I know that. I’ve always known that. I do love you. As hard as it will be when I can’t hold you again, when I can’t feel you next to me, it won’t change the fact that I want you in my life. Nothing could ever change that.”
Fallon closed her eyes and held onto Andi. She wasn’t ready to walk away from what she and Andi shared, and she was nowhere close to pursuing anything beyond friendship with Riley. So, why did she feel so afraid?
Andi closed her eyes, content to feel Fallon in her arms. Their time as lovers was approaching its end. While she could tell Fallon wasn’t ready to acknowledge that; Andi felt the truth in her bones. How many more times could she hold Fallon like this; feel Fallon’s flesh pressed against her? Once? Twice? A dozen more? If only I could hold on. Oh, Fallon, I’ll miss you.
“You’ll never lose me, Fallon. Just like there are parts of me I could never give you, there are parts of me no one else will ever have.”
“I know.” Fallon did know.
Andi inhaled a deep breath. “Stay.”
Fallon lifted herself to look in Andi’s eyes. She brushed her lips across Andi’s softly. If only she could. The temptation to cross that line took her breath away. It was a line that kept things clear between them. If Fallon spent a night holding Andi, sleeping beside her, it would change things between them. It would entice them to see their relationship as something more than it was meant to
be. Fallon had told Riley that she didn’t believe you could choose to fall in love. What she failed to tell her was that she did believe you could walk away from it. She and Andi had dangled on that edge for nearly a year. A million ifs and a million more realities kept them from giving into the fall. Fallon often mused that in some other distant life Andi had been more than her lover. If Fallon ever gave her heart again it would be to someone who could give her the things she still desired. She avoided thinking about those things as much as she could. She’d buried the longing she held for a family, for someone to wake up with every morning, to fight with, to raise children with for years. Why contemplate fairy tales? Lately, those desires seemed determined to surface. Fallon fought to suppress them, to drown them in work or with sex. For a while it would quell her yearning as it had for years. Then, without her permission everything bubbled up, threatening to drown her with its force. And, every time that happened there was one name on her lips, one face in her thoughts—Riley. Impossible. Why was she determined to fall in love with people who would never be able to give her what she craved? Was she broken? Was Olivia right? Was she simply too idealistic? Fallon had always considered herself more of a realist than a romantic. Wasn’t there a place for romance? Didn’t every person privately yearn for someone to share their life with? So many questions without any answers. Fallon searched Andi’s eyes, imploring her for some direction.
Andi smiled and caressed Fallon’s cheek. She sighed when Fallon leaned into her touch. “I know you can’t stay.” The words that fell from her lips held more truth than for one moment.
“Andi…”
“I know. Stop running from it, Fallon. Stop trying to deny what you feel. And, stop worrying about me.”
“I’ll never stop worrying about you.” Never, Andi.
Tears gathered in Andi’s eyes. “And, I’ll never stop caring for you.”
“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”
“I guess we are,” Andi said.
“Do you ever wonder—if we could have been…”
Andi’s heart ached. All the time. “Wondering doesn’t change anything.”
“No.”
“I wouldn’t trade one moment we’ve had—not one,” Andi said.
“I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
“I know. That’s why I have to.”
Fallon’s tears spilled over again.
Andi pulled her close. “Shhh.”
“I don’t want to be lonely again.”
“I know, sweetheart. That’s why we have to let this go.”
“I can’t…”
“You can’t hide anymore, Fallon—not even here.” Andi kissed Fallon’s temple. “You have to give yourself a chance.”
“What if…”
“There are no what if’s. There’s only what happens and what we do about it.”
Fallon quivered in Andi’s arms. “I love you, Andi.” I do. God, help me. I do.
Andi’s tears fell freely. Change was never easy. It seemed unfair. Andi had come to understand that for anything new to grow, something else had to die. That was the nature of living. “I love you too, Fallon. I love you too.” More than I can ever tell you.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Riley opened her front door. It was nearly midnight. Her heart stopped. “Fallon?”
“It’s over, Riley.”
Riley was confused.
“Me and Andi. It’s over.”
Riley was stunned. Fallon’s eyes were swollen. She led Fallon inside and enveloped her in a hug. Fallon’s tears started fresh.
“Come on,” Riley cooed. “Come sit down with me. Tell me what happened.”
Fallon let Riley lead her to the sofa. Why was she here? Of all places, why had she come to Riley’s? Regret and confusion overwhelmed her.
“Hey,” Riley called softly. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Fallon replied. And everything. I love you. That’s what happened. She knows it. I love her too. How can that happen?
Riley sighed. Andi made many denials to Riley about how she felt for Fallon. Andi loved Fallon. Riley guessed that Andi was in love with Fallon. Some part of Fallon was in love with Andi. An ending had always been inevitable. That didn’t make it easy. “I’m sorry, Fallon. I know how much you care for her.”
Fallon nodded. “She’s right. I know she’s right. Why does it hurt so much?”
“Because you love her.”
Fallon’s eyes filled with tears again. What was wrong with her? Were these tears endless? Is this what her mother was afraid of? And, Riley? God, she loved Riley. That hurt most of all. It was all her fault—again. Andi had quelled her loneliness, given her a place to fall and feel—feel something beyond momentary arousal and gratification. Why did she insist on falling in love with people who would never be able to give her what she desired? Riley? Just perfect, she’d broken Andi’s heart, splintered her own by stupidly falling for a woman who could never love her—a straight woman. Well, that takes the cake, Fallon.
“Fallon,” Riley whispered. “It’ll be okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but things will work out.”
“I’m not sure what that even means,” Fallon confessed.
“Andi loves you,” Riley offered.
“I know.”
Riley kissed Fallon’s forehead. “What do you say I make us some cocoa?”
“Cocoa?”
“I’ll throw some Bailey’s in it for good measure.”
Fallon smiled weakly. How do you do that; make it better?
“It’s my remedy for the blues,” Riley explained.
“I’m sorry, Riley.”
“For what?”
“For dropping in at midnight and crying on your shoulder. I just… I didn’t want to be alone.”
“You don’t have to be.” Riley started for the kitchen and stopped. “There’s a pair of your sweats in my room,” she said. “From when I stayed over. Why don’t you go change?”
Fallon stared at Riley.
“Well? I have extra blankets too. Go on. I seem to recall you telling me that turnabout was fair play once. I guess it’s my couch’s turn to host you.”
Fallon chuckled. There was no point in arguing. Riley wouldn’t force her, but the offer was sincere. Fallon wanted to accept. She didn’t want to be alone. Somehow, she knew Riley would understand. She nodded and headed off to find the sweats.
Riley made her way to the kitchen, filled a tea kettle with water, and lit the burner. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. A quick glance to make certain that Fallon was out of earshot and she picked up her phone.
Andi looked at the caller and sighed. “Hi, Riley.”
“Are you okay?”
“She’s there; isn’t she?”
“She is.”
“Good.”
“Andi… Are you okay there…”
“I’m all right, Riley; I promise.”
“Is it okay if I tell you that I think you’re full of shit?”
Andi laughed. “I’d expect nothing less.”
“What can I do?” Riley asked.
A tear washed over Andi’s cheek. “Take care of her, Riley.”
Andi’s simple reply made Riley’s chest ache. “I will; I promise.”
I know you will, Riley. You just need to figure out what that means. “Don’t worry about me.”
“Too late.”
Andi chuckled. “I’ll see you soon, Riley.”
Riley couldn’t speak. She placed the phone on the counter with a sigh.
“How was Andi?” Fallon asked as she stepped into the kitchen.
Riley looked up regretfully.
“It’s all right.” Fallon smiled earnestly. “I don’t know if you realize it, but Andi thinks of you like a daughter.”
Fallon’s observation should have delighted Riley. Tonight, it aroused a sense of guilt, although Riley wasn’t sure why. “I didn’t know.”
“Mm. Like you feel about her.”
“I guess I do,” Riley admitted. “Or a sister.”
Fallon grabbed the kettle off the burner when it whistled. “So? How is she?”
“Hurting,” Riley answered honestly. “Just like you.”
“We’ll be okay, Riley.” Fallon wasn’t sure if she spoke the words for Riley’s benefit or hers.
“You will be,” Riley agreed. “Let me get the cocoa.”
“And the Bailey’s.”
“And the Bailey’s. Fallon?”
“Hum?”
“It really will be—all right, I mean. I know it doesn’t feel that way. It will be.”
Fallon nodded. I hope so, Riley. I hope so.
***
May 24th
“What are you up to?” Carol asked Fallon. Fallon’s playful grin made her giggle. “Off to torture Riley?”
“Torture? I’m not bringing any silly string.” Fallon was sure that Riley remained grateful Owen’s party had taken place at Fallon’s house. Fallon had been finding trails of silly string ever since the birthday party. Still better than dealing with that talking dinosaur.
“What?”
“Never mind,” Fallon said. “You missed that part.”
“Oookaaay.”
Fallon shrugged.
“What are you up to, Fallon?”
“I’m not up to anything. I’m just picking up dinner for a friend and surprising her.”
Carol stopped drying the glass in her hand, set it down and put her hands on her hips. “I don’t believe it.”
“What?”
“You’re wooing Riley.”
“Wooing? What is that; some kind of weird bird call?”
“Ha-ha. Tell me I’m wrong. You’re trying to get in Riley’s pants.”
Fallon sobered. “No.”
Carol knew which buttons to push to get the information she desired. She ought to. She spent more hours with Fallon over the last eight years than anyone. I knew it.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“She’s terrific, Fallon.”
“Who?”
“Who? Riley, you idiot.”
“Yeah, she is.”
“Well, I hope it all works out.”
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