by Kate Hewitt
“Isn’t that three in the morning in Jinan?” Anna asked with a frown.
“Yes, but you know: wedding, family. More important than sleep.” Esther turned her rather beady eye on Miriam. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are things at the vet’s?”
“Good.” Miriam met her sister’s shrewd gaze evenly, trying not to bat an eyelash. Esther was like a dangerous animal sometimes. You didn’t dare show any weakness.
“Good,” she said after a moment, and Miriam felt as if she’d passed a test. “When are you moving into Dan’s annexe?”
“Tomorrow, actually.”
“Tomorrow? We can help—” Anna began, but Miriam shook her head.
“It’s okay, really. I’ve only got about two suitcases of stuff, if that.” She didn’t mention that Dan was helping her; it would just add to any speculation when there really didn’t need to be any.
Rachel arrived a little bit after that; Sam was spending some time with Nathan so she’d come on her own. Miriam suspected her sister wasn’t ready to introduce Sam to the Holley mayhem quite yet, and she couldn’t really blame her.
Soon after they all sat down to Anna’s lovely dinner. It was nice, being among her sisters, with their quick repartee and lovable squabbling, if a bit exhausting. Thankfully the focus was all on Anna and Simon and their wedding, so Miriam didn’t have to field any awkward baby questions. They’d come soon enough, she knew.
After dinner they gathered in the living room, all huddled around Anna’s laptop to Skype their parents. Miriam hadn’t talked to her mum and dad in weeks; she hadn’t been avoiding them precisely, but… No, the truth was, she had.
She knew they were doing their best to be supportive and loving, and they were, of course they were, but…they had to be disappointed, just as Abigail Cribbs had said. Everyone was, even if they didn’t show it, and Miriam accepted it and understood it. It was still hard to deal with on a daily basis.
“Hello!” Roger’s booming voice came through loud and clear as the video call connected, making all four sisters smile. It almost felt as if he was in the room with them. Almost, but not quite.
“Dad, are you in your pyjamas?” Esther asked, sounding mildly scandalised, and Roger raised his eyebrows.
“What did you expect? It’s three in the morning, Esther. I’m hardly going to be wearing a suit.”
“How are you all?” Ruth cried, crowding into the screen with a smile on her face, although she understandably looked tired. “Let me see all of you…” Dutifully each sister took her turn in front of the laptop’s camera while Ruth exclaimed over each of them.
Miriam tuned out slightly as Anna talked about wedding plans—flowers and caterers and how they’d chosen a band of local musicians for country dancing—and then she listened as Rachel affirmed that things were going well with Sam, and yes, Nathan was a handful, which Miriam knew all too well. Next came Esther, who was doing freelance work as well as continuing with the community garden in back of the vicarage, although only in an admin role, as the residents of Thornthwaite had really taken it as their own.
Then it was Miriam’s turn, and she felt the need to brace herself.
“And how are you, Miriam, darling? Blooming, by the looks of it.” Ruth’s smile was full of love but Miriam saw the worry in her eyes. She always saw it.
“I’m all right, Mum.” She felt her smile wobble. “Sorted out work and home, so…”
“Work and home?” Ruth’s smile matched the worry in her eyes. “What do you mean?”
Of course, her parents hadn’t heard about her moving into Dan’s annexe or working at the vet’s. And Miriam didn’t feel like going through the rigmarole of explaining it yet again, so she decided to change the subject. “Actually, I do have some news,” she said, and her three sisters turned to look at her first in surprise, followed by avid curiosity. Miriam took a deep breath and then let it out. She widened her smile as she announced, “I found out that I’m having a little girl.”
Chapter Seven
“Is this really all you’ve got?” Dan exclaimed in surprise as he glanced down at Miriam’s two suitcases and a box of books.
“And this,” she said, and put her spider plant on top of the suitcase. “That’s it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yep, I travel light.”
“This should be easy, then.” Dan hefted the two suitcases and Miriam reached down for the books.
“No, I’ll come back for those,” he instructed. “Can’t have you heavy lifting.”
“It would hardly hurt—”
“What kind of bloke would I be, if I let you lift a big box of books down three flights of stairs?” Dan demanded.
“It’s not a big box,” Miriam protested, but she let it go, and took the plant instead.
She had mixed emotions about moving to Dan’s annexe; on one hand, she was excited to have her own space, but on the other, she was afraid of feeling lonely. She and Rachel had had some serious bonding moments over evenings spent with Netflix and tubs of ice cream, although that had been happening a lot less now that Rachel was with Sam. Still, it had been nice to live with someone who knew and accepted you, and of course there was Bailey. She’d miss that puppy. A lot.
But this was her future, and she needed to embrace it. Besides, after the brouhaha her announcement during the Skype session with her parents had caused, Miriam was glad to get away for a bit. When she’d told everyone she was having a girl, it was as if she’d hurled an emotional grenade into the centre of the room. Everyone had started exclaiming, and laughing, and hugging her, and her mother had had to wipe away tears.
Too late, Miriam realised what they all thought this meant—that she’d decided to keep the baby. Of course it did, and maybe it had. Yet she felt too panicked to let that assumption ride, and so when she’d explained, haltingly, that she hadn’t actually decided yet, she felt as if she’d just sucker punched every single member of the family. Her poor mother had looked positively winded.
Now Miriam climbed into the passenger seat of Dan’s Rover, grateful to get out from under her sisters’ collective beady and concerned eyes. She was meeting Anna later to try on her bridesmaid dress, but she’d hopefully be able to avoid Esther’s calculating looks and Rachel’s air of wounded confusion; they were both busy all day.
“Everything okay?” Dan asked, a frown settling between his brows as he looked at her.
“Yes, fine.” Miriam managed a smile. “Glad to get a move on, actually.”
“Oh?” Dan arched an eyebrow, clearly waiting for more.
“Oh, you know.” She shrugged. “Family stuff. Sisters who always mean well.” She remembered how Anna had thrown her arms around her and squeezed her tight, whispering in her ear, “I’m so, so happy for you, Miriam. Truly.”
“They do, you know.” Dan smiled ruefully. “Even if it doesn’t always feel that way.”
“Do you miss them?” Miriam blurted. “I mean, us?” She realised how much her family must have meant to Dan, since he didn’t have any of his own. Both parents dead, an only child… It had to have been hard, to be cut off from a family who had been on the cusp of embracing him entirely. She recalled him saying he’d lost his social life after he’d broken off his engagement to Rachel, but at the time she hadn’t appreciated quite what a loss that might have been.
“Yes,” Dan said after a moment. “But for the wrong reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted the whole package,” he answered with a shrug. “In a different way from Rachel, but still. We were together for the wrong reasons. I know that now.”
“She was saying the same thing the other night,” Miriam said without thinking, and Dan gave her a sharp look.
“Was she?” His tone was ominously neutral.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound as if we were talking about you.” Although they had been, a bit. “It was just a…comment.”
“A comment.” Still that neutral voi
ce. Oh, dear.
“Yes, just that she didn’t think the two of you actually knew each other all that well.” Dan’s frown deepened and he didn’t reply. Miriam had the awful feeling she’d just made it worse. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s fine,” Dan said, but she didn’t know whether to believe him.
They didn’t talk for the rest of the drive to Dan’s house off the top of the high street. He climbed out of the car first and went round to open Miriam’s door before she’d managed to undo her seat buckle. She murmured her thanks and reached for her plant as he fetched the suitcases.
A few minutes later everything was in her new house, and with a nod Dan said, “I’ll leave you to it, then. I’m sure you want to get settled.”
Miriam nodded and thanked him, feeling like she’d spoiled things between them with her thoughtless comments about Rachel. Once he was gone, she found she missed his friendly presence; she realised she’d had half-formed hopes of him staying for a bit, having a chat while she unpacked her books and put her spider plant somewhere. Perhaps she would have made them both a cup of tea. Now it all felt a bit ridiculous; she had nothing much to settle, anyway.
Still, she determined to make a go of it, as much as she could, and she spent the next twenty minutes decanting her clothes into drawers and her books onto shelves. She put the spider plant on the kitchen window and then she was done.
She supposed she needed a few supplies, as the fridge was empty, and so, deciding that going out was better than rootling around here by herself, Miriam pulled on her coat and boots to start down for the post office shop in the middle of the village.
Dan was about to climb into his car when he saw her. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked. “May I give you a lift?”
“Just down to the post office shop. I realised I need to lay in some food.”
“You’re not doing your grocery shop there, are you?” Dan asked, sounding appalled. “They specialise in Spam and Fray Bentos pies and not much else.”
“Nothing wrong with a Fray Bentos pie on occasion,” Miriam returned with a smile. “I’m not a fan of Spam, though.”
“Still…look, I’m going into Keswick to pick up some supplies for the surgery. Why don’t I drop you off at Booths?”
Booths was the luxury supermarket and staple of the Lake District, the place everyone loved to go for special treats as well as the everyday shop.
“I don’t know if Booths is in my budget,” Miriam only semi-joked.
“Their fruit and veg is reasonable, and their packets of pasta and jars of sauce are much the same as anywhere else. But if you’d rather eat Spam for tea…”
“No, I suppose I’d rather not.” Miriam hesitated, afraid she might be taking advantage of Dan, or worse, accepting too much charity. But it was just a lift, after all, and he was going to Keswick anyway. “All right, then. Thanks.” She climbed into the car, glad to be there. “Sorry about before,” she said after a moment, hoping that mentioning the whole Rachel thing again wouldn’t make things even more awkward. “I think I put my foot in it.”
“What?” Dan frowned, and then nodded in understanding. “No, no, I was a bit too prickly. Sorry about that.” He shrugged, rolling the muscles in his shoulders. “I shouldn’t be, and really, I’ve moved past it all. But I suppose I hate the thought of all the Holleys talking about me, or worse, feeling sorry for me.”
“That’s how I’m usually feeling,” Miriam answered with a little laugh. “I’m the charity case here. The saddo who can’t get her life together.” Too late Miriam realised how that might have come across, and she clapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound as if you’re in that position…”
Dan laughed. “Are you sure about that?” he joked. “Or are you trying to give me a hint?”
“No, definitely not.”
“That’s all right, then.” He smiled at her, and Miriam smiled back, and suddenly it all felt all right again, properly, and relief welled up in her. They were good.
“How long do you think you’ll take in Booths?” he asked when he had pulled up in front of the supermarket, busy on a Saturday afternoon.
“Oh, not too long. I’m only buying for one, after all.”
“All right, well I’ll pick up the supplies I need and come back. I should be about twenty minutes.”
“I could take the bus back…” Miriam began, feebly, because she didn’t really mean it, but she felt she had to say it, at least, so Dan knew she wasn’t expecting him to chauffeur her around.
“What’s the point in that? I’m here already.” He smiled, and it felt like reassurance. Miriam smiled back.
“Okay,” she said. “See you in a bit.”
It was remarkably pleasant to push a shopping trolley through Booths, studying the bins of fresh fruit and veg, selecting things she thought would be healthy. Seeing the plump, red tomatoes and crisp lettuce made her have a sudden and surprising hankering for salads.
She bought milk and cheese, bread and butter, eggs and bacon because even though that wasn’t healthy, who could resist bacon? She was spending a pleasant few minutes perusing the ethnic foods aisle when Dan found her.
“How’s it going?” he asked cheerfully as he glanced into her trolley. “Looks like you’ve picked up quite a few things.”
“Yes.” Miriam gave an embarrassed laugh. “Which is a bit pointless, because I can’t actually make much beyond pasta and toast. But everything looks so delicious. I have a sudden craving to make nourishing stews and warming soups.” She rolled her eyes at the ludicrousness of it, but Dan regarded her seriously.
“And why shouldn’t you? Anyone can learn to cook. I did.”
“Did you? How?”
He paused, glancing over to inspect a packet of sticky rice that surely did not need such a thorough examination. “When I was younger, actually. After my mother died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She paused, feeling her way through the moment. “How old were you when…?”
“Eleven. She died of ovarian cancer, very quickly. It went undetected for so long.”
“I’m sorry, Dan.”
He shrugged, glancing back at her with a tired smile. “Thank you. It was a long time ago, but I still miss her. I miss what could have been, you know? The life we could have had, as a family.”
Which was, she suspected, why he’d been so eager to re-create the family life he’d lost with Rachel. It saddened her, that he’d missed out on so much. “I suppose you had a bond with Rachel over that,” she said slowly, although she hadn’t been intending to talk about her sister again. “My brother Jamie died when she was eleven.”
“Yes, I suppose we did.”
“Although of course it’s different, losing a mother, to losing a brother.”
“Both hurt.” Bleakness flashed in his eyes before he gave her his usual quick smile. “So what are you making for tea tonight, then? I see the usual staples, linguine, and roasted red peppers.”
“Some pasta dish, I suppose. Honestly, I can barely boil water. I should probably put it all back and invest in some ready meals.”
“Nonsense. You can do this, Miriam. You just need to believe in yourself a little more.”
“Funnily enough, that was never an issue for me until…until I came home.” Until she’d fallen pregnant and realised, with a sickening thud, that life didn’t always work out the way you expected it to. Sometimes you had to own up to your mistakes, and deal with the inevitable fallout. “When I was younger, I had no problem with self-confidence. I had too much of it, if anything.” Although even as she said the words, she wondered if they were true.
She’d certainly had the appearance of self-confidence, bolshie and streetwise, but perhaps it had only been bravado, a mask she wore because she didn’t want to show what—and who—was underneath. And now the mask had been ripped away, and she was left feeling vulnerable and exposed, like a poor little crab without its shell, for all to see
.
“You can get it back,” Dan said bracingly. “Even better than before. Everything in life can be part of your learning curve, if you let it.”
“That’s a very positive attitude.”
“I try.” He gave her a quick, glinting grin. “Why don’t you bring your ingredients over to mine, and I’ll help you make a meal of it? Give you a few pointers, not that I’m a gourmet chef or anything like that.”
Miriam’s heart felt as if it were expanding in her chest. “Do you really mean that?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, then. It’s a deal.”
She finished the rest of her shopping and then Dan loaded her bags in the back of his Rover. The sun had broken through the grey clouds, and the pavement was sparkling with rainwater and sunlight, the whole world made new.
As they pulled into his drive back in Thornthwaite, Miriam got out and took in a lungful of fresh, clean air, letting it fill her. She felt buoyed by hope, by the positive steps she’d taken in her life, and by Dan’s simple friendship. Maybe all of Thornthwaite would set to gossiping, but Miriam knew they were just friends, and it seemed that they both needed a friend.
“What time should I come over?” she asked and Dan glanced at his watch.
“I have a few things to do, so how about six?”
“Great.”
Miriam unpacked her groceries, feeling cosily domestic as she lined the jars and tins in the cupboard, and arranged apples and bananas in the fruit bowl. She’d just finished when she realised it was time to meet Anna at the vicarage to try on her bridesmaid dress. Hopefully her sister, the gentlest of the bunch, wouldn’t give her too much of a grilling.
“Hello?” she called as she stepped into the vicarage, breathing in the comforting scents of wood smoke and coffee. Even after several months, it still felt strange to return to her former home, knowing it was no longer hers, even though it would soon be Anna’s again.
“Hey.” Anna appeared from the kitchen, her face flushed with excitement. “The dresses are all upstairs—I’ve told Simon, no peeking!”