There was a lull, before he asked, “So, Lucy Solomons … I hope that’s told you enough to be going on with?”
His hostess gave a long, contented sigh. “Even I am satisfied with that,” she said. “Thank you, lad. It’s been a lovely day today, all due to our having met you. And now, I really must go up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire!”
Five
It was striking eleven when Lucy announced she was ready for her bed. As she got out of her chair, Mary handed her the walking-stick and Ben hurried to open the drawing room door for her. “I’ll take you up, Mother,” Mary offered.
“No, you won’t!” Waving her stick at Mary, she ordered, “You stay here with Ben. I’m perfectly capable of taking myself up the stairs to bed without your help.”
Knowing how stubborn her mother could be, Mary did not argue, but walked on with her to the bottom of the stairs. “Leave me be, lass!” Lucy was growing agitated. “Don’t make me out to be a useless old biddy who can’t even climb a few stairs.”
In fact, if truth be told, Lucy was beginning to feel the worse for wear. The wine, and the long evening, and her fall in the churchyard, had all caught up with her. Halfway up the stairs, she suddenly took a dizzy spell; aware that the two of them were watching from the foot of the stairs, she clung onto the bannister and braved it out. “Go on, be off with you!” she complained impatiently. “You’re making me nervous.”
Regaining her composure, she set off again, but when the dizziness returned with a vengeance, it seemed as though the treads were moving beneath her feet and the whole flight of stairs was spinning round. As she felt herself flailing, she could only think of Barney, and them … and them.
Mary’s voice lifted her senses. “It’s all right, Mother, I’m here.” She had run up the stairs in a trice and caught the fainting woman. For a moment, she staggered; her mother a dead weight in her arms.
Mary was glad to let Ben take over. Sweeping Lucy into his arms, he followed Mary’s directions and took Lucy straight into her bedroom, where he laid her on the bed.
“Please, Ben, run and tell Arthur what’s happened, will you? He lives in the cottage at the side of the house—you can’t miss it.” Mary wondered how she could sound so calm, when her insides were in turmoil.
By this time Lucy was shifting in and out of consciousness.
“Tell him what’s happened,” the girl said. “He’ll know what to do.” Lately, she and Arthur had been so worried about Lucy that they were ready for any event.
Startling them both, Lucy took hold of Mary’s cuff. “No ambulance … no doctor,” she pleaded. “Promise me!” And she was so agitated, Mary could do no other than promise.
In a quiet voice so her mother would not hear, Mary spoke to Ben. “Tell Arthur … no ambulance, but he’s to fetch Dr. Nolan as quick as he can.”
Ben was already across the room. “Don’t worry.” Though from the pallor of Lucy’s skin and the labored breathing, he knew Mary had cause to be anxious.
Although it was midnight now, and the whole village was asleep, Arthur was still up and dressed. On hearing the news, the little man was beside himself with worry. “I knew something like this would happen,” he said as he bolted out of the door. “I could see it coming, but like the stubborn devil she is, she would never admit she was ill.”
Climbing into the big black car, he asked of Ben, “Go back to Mary. Tell her I’ll be as quick as I can.”
He was as good as his word. No sooner had Ben returned to the house where Mary had got Lucy into bed and was now bathing her face with cool water than Arthur came rushing in with the doctor in tow.
Somewhat revived, Lucy was determined to fight him off. “I told you, I don’t need a doctor. GET AWAY FROM ME!”
Dr. Nolan was equally adamant. “You won’t get rid of me so easily this time, Lucy.” Having suffered her temper once or twice before, he had finally learned how to handle her.
Turning to Arthur and Mary, he told them, “She might cooperate more readily if you were to wait downstairs.”
Reluctantly they did as he asked, and as they went they could hear Lucy ordering him out of the house. “Just leave me be! I’m not ill!”
The pair lingered on the stairs. “Sounds like she’s getting her second wind,” Arthur joked, then glanced at Mary, his eyes swimming with tears. “Do you think she’ll be all right?” he asked the dear girl beside him, his voice choked.
The little man had never been afraid of anything, but losing Lucy filled him with terror. For the past twenty years and more, he had seen life through her eyes, laughed with her, cried with her, and through it all, he had loved her from afar.
The ironic thing was, in the same way that he had loved her, Lucy had loved Barney. Yet Arthur consoled himself with the belief that she had a different, special kind of love for him. It was that which kept him close to her, and always would.
“I hope so.” Mary’s thoughts were on a par with his. She felt sick to her stomach. “She’s fought with poor Dr. Nolan before and sent him packing,” she reminded him, crying even as she joked. “But this time, he’s as worried about her as we are.”
Each wondering what the outcome of this night would be, they continued down the stairs in silence.
They were still silent and somber as they came into the drawing room. “How is she?” Ben had not known Lucy long, but already she had won a place in his heart.
“We’ll know soon enough,” Mary said quietly. She lingered at the door, her eyes searching the upper levels. Dear God, let her be all right, she prayed. Don’t take her from me yet. Somewhere in the back of her mind she had always known there would come a day when she would lose the light of her life. But not yet, dear Lord. Not for many a year to come.
The waiting seemed to go on forever, until at last the doctor walked briskly into the room. “She’s sleeping now,” he told them all. “I’ve given her a sedative.” His long thin face broke into a weary smile. “She’s hard work,” he said, “but I got the better of her in the end.”
“What’s wrong with her?” Mary cared nothing for his smile.
The smile fading, he took a moment to consider his answer. “I can’t be sure … I’d like to take a blood sample and have some tests done in the hospital labs.”
“What sort of tests?”
“Well,” he answered cautiously, “she’s unusually tired, and complaining of breathlessness: this could point to anemia. She seems to have little strength.” The smile crept back again. “Though she did manage to fight me off once or twice.”
Knowing how all three of them were hanging on his every word, he continued in a more serious note, “I’m a little concerned about her heart and blood pressure, but I can’t be sure about anything until we do those tests. For that I’ll need her to come into hospital overnight.”
At the mention of hospital, Arthur turned pale. “But she will be all right, won’t she?”
Careful now he answered, Dr. Nolan momentarily lowered his gaze. Lucy Solomons was a legend in this hamlet; despite her reclusive nature, she had made many friends and as far as he knew, no enemies. She was generous, funny, honest and outspoken, and he understood why these good people should be so concerned. However, at the moment, he could only make a guess at her underlying condition. She was ill, though. There was no denying that.
“Had she not worked herself into a state, I would have admitted her to hospital tonight,” he said. “As it is, and because she’s calmer now, there’ll be nothing lost if we leave her till morning. She needs plenty of rest. Let her sleep, that’s the best medicine for now. I’ll be back first thing.”
“But will she be all right?” Like Arthur, Mary was desperately seeking reassurance.
“We can only wait and see.” He chose his words wisely. “I would rather not speculate, though I won’t deny that your mother is ill,” he said kindly. “She’s very weak and, as you saw for yourself, her breathing was labored.”
Before they could question him further, he
put up a staying hand. “Once we get her into hospital, we’ll know more.”
As he left, he said, “You may look in on her, of course … I would want you to do that. But she must not be disturbed. Rest is the best thing for her just now.”
With the doctor gone, the mood was solemn. Ben felt as though he was intruding, but when he suggested leaving, Mary persuaded him to stay awhile. “I’ll go and check on Mother. Arthur can put the kettle on, if he doesn’t mind?” The little man nodded his agreement and set off for the kitchen. Mary then turned to address Ben. “We can all keep each other company for a while, unless you really want to leave?”
She thought of how he had come here to Knudsden House in good faith, to return her mother’s bag, and had been quizzed relentlessly about his personal life; on top of that he had been made to think he was duty bound to ask her out one evening. Any other man would have been long gone, but she truly hoped he would stay; his presence gave her so much comfort.
“I’ll stay as long as you like.” Ben did not hesitate. “There’s nothing urgent waiting at home.” He had only offered to leave out of consideration, and was delighted that she felt need of him.
“I won’t be long.” While Ben went to join Arthur in the kitchen, Mary ran upstairs and crept into her mother’s bedroom. She gazed down on Lucy’s sleeping face. In the gentle light from the bedside lamp, her mother looked so much younger; her skin was clear and smooth as alabaster, and her lashes lay like spiders’ legs over the slight curve of her cheeks. Her long hair was loose about her shoulders and her wide, pretty mouth was ever so slightly turned up at the corners as in a half-smile.
Reaching down, Mary laid her own hand over that of her mother. She could feel the warm softness of her skin, and beneath the tip of her fingers, the blood running through Lucy’s veins. Holding hands was not something she and her mother did all that often, so she felt privileged, and oddly humbled.
Choking back the emotion, she slid her mother’s hand beneath the sheets and covered it over. She then stroked her fingers through the long graying strands of hair where they lay nestled on the pillow like silken threads; so soft in her fingers.
She gazed long on Lucy’s face, her eyes following every feature, every shadow and shape, and all the while she wondered about her mother, and about her father. What had transpired before she was born? What was the secret that she had always known existed? And why had she never been told of her parents’ true past?
Her heart turning with emotion and the questions burning bright in her mind, she kissed the sleeping woman and made her way back downstairs to the men: Arthur had mashed the tea and was busy pouring it out. “She’s sleeping well,” Mary told them, gratefully accepting the cup that was handed to her. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her looking so peaceful.”
“Thank God for that.” Arthur knew what a restless soul Lucy was, and unlike Mary he knew the reason why. “It will do her the world of good to sleep through the night.” His voice fell until it was almost inaudible. “If she’s in a deep sleep, maybe she won’t be plagued by the bad dreams.”
“What bad dreams?” Mary had heard his quiet words and they bothered her. “Mother never told me about any dreams.”
Silently cursing himself, the little man tried to dismiss his remark. “Oh, it’s nothing,” he lied. “I recall how she once told me she’d had a bad dream, that’s all.”
Mary wasn’t satisfied. “You said she was plagued. That doesn’t sound like one bad dream to me.” She knew Arthur had known her parents long before she was born, and now she realized he was part of the secret she had never been privileged to share. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Sensing something too deep for his understanding, Ben wisely changed the subject. “The fire’s almost out. Shall I put more logs on?”
Relieved that the moment was broken, Arthur turned to him. “I think it might be a good idea,” he said, and to Mary, “if that’s all right with you?”
Having believed that she was on the verge of a long-awaited peep into the past, Mary now felt cheated. “Yes,” she answered, “best keep the fire alive. I for one won’t be going to bed tonight.”
Arthur was horrified. “You must get your sleep,” he told her. “I’ll stay here and keep a check on your mother. I promise to wake you if needs be.”
Mary looked at Ben. A man of few words, he had such quiet strength. “Will you stay?”
He smiled on her, a slow, easy smile that filled her heart and made her feel safe. “Of course. Arthur’s right, though. Your mother will need you to be bright and alert tomorrow. You’ll sleep better in your bed.”
Mary would not hear of it. “I’m staying here with you two. Three pairs of ears are better than one, and we can take it in turns to check in on her. Look—there are two big sofas and a deep armchair. We can all snatch a moment’s sleep when we grow tired.”
She smiled from one to the other. “Meanwhile, we’ll drink our tea and talk.” She paused. “The time will soon pass.”
While Ben and Mary sipped their tea and chatted about things other than the one which pressed on their minds, Arthur became increasingly agitated. By referring to Lucy’s nightmares, he had almost betrayed his long-held loyalty to her. “Mary must never know … promise me you won’t ever tell.” That had been Lucy’s request to him, and though he had done everything possible for the woman he cherished, he had managed to avoid making an actual promise not to tell.
Somewhere deep in his soul, he truly believed that one day, Mary would have to know the truth of what had happened; not least because she herself was part of that fascinating, devastating story, for without it, she would never have been born.
Discreetly watching him, Mary saw how Arthur was pacing the floor, faster and faster, until it seemed he would go crazy. She saw the panic in his face and the way he was rolling his fists together, much like her own mother did when anxious. And she knew, without a shadow of doubt, that old secrets were tearing Arthur and her mother apart.
While she watched him, Ben was watching her. And just as she had seen the anguish and pain in Arthur’s eyes, he saw the very same in hers. Without a word he took her hand in his and, when she swung her gaze to him, he stroked her face, fleetingly. “Your mother will be fine,” he whispered. “You have to believe that.”
Mary acknowledged him with an unsure nod of the head. She wanted him to hold her, and kiss her, and be the safe haven she craved; for in that moment she had never felt so alone in the whole of her life.
Suddenly, Arthur was standing before them. “I thought I heard a noise—I’m sure it came from upstairs. Please, lass … will you check on your mother again? See if she’s all right?”
Mary didn’t need asking twice. She was on her feet and out of the room before he’d finished speaking. While she was running up the stairs, Ben grew concerned for Arthur. Taking the little man by the shoulders, he sat him in the armchair. “Here, sit down … before you fall down.” And when Arthur was seated, head low in his hands and his whole body trembling, Ben dashed off to the kitchen and brought him back a glass of water. “Drink this … it’ll help calm you.”
By the time Arthur had swilled down every last drop of the cool water, Mary had returned. “Mother is fast asleep,” she told them. “She hasn’t moved, except to pull down the covers a little.” Lucy never did like being too warm, even in her sleep.
Arthur grabbed her hand. “Are you sure she’s all right?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Mary squeezed his hand comfortingly. “Like the doctor said … she’s sleeping soundly.”
And then Arthur was weeping, quietly at first, until the sobs racked his body, and when he looked up at them he was like a man haunted. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to your mam,” he said brokenly. “I love her, d’you see? I have loved her for a long, long time … and always will till the day I die, and even after that.”
Mary sat on the edge of the sofa, opposite Arthur and next to Ben, but she did not let go
of Arthur’s hand.
“Do you think I don’t know how much you love her?” she asked tenderly. “I’ve known it since I was very small. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and I’ve heard you whisper her name … talking to her when you thought she couldn’t hear. But I heard, and I know how much you adore her.”
She had a question. “Why did she not love you back in the same way?”
Arthur was curiously hurt by her question, though he understood it well enough. “She did love me … she still does!”
“Yes, I know that, but why did she not love you in the same way?”
He smiled painfully at that, a sad, lonely smile that made her feel guilty. “We can’t always choose whom we love,” he answered wisely. “I didn’t choose to fall head over heels in love with Lucy, any more than she chose to fall head over heels in love with your daddy.”
He gave a long, rippling sigh. “And who could blame her for that. Y’see, Barney Davidson was a very special man. Not because he was handsome or rich, or even because he was exceptional in ways we mere mortals might understand.” His eyes shone with admiration. “No! He was more than that. He was deep, and kind …” Hesitating, he gave a shrug. “Sometimes, words alone can never describe someone.”
“Please, Arthur, will you try to describe him for me? No one ever talks about him. I know my stepfather took good care of us, and I’ll always treasure him for that, but he died when I was about seven, and I don’t really miss him. It’s my real dad I want to reach out for.”
Arthur was shocked to see the tears running down her face and once again, was tempted to tell her everything. “You never knew him, did you, lass—not really?” he murmured. “You were only a wee thing when we lost him. He was my dear, dear friend … the best pal a man could ever have, and I loved him for it.”
Afraid of losing the moment again, Mary persisted. “Please, tell me what you know, what you and Mother have always kept from me.” Her voice broke. “I will never rest until I know what happened, and don’t tell me there was nothing untoward in my parents’ lives, because in here …” she tapped the cradle of her heart “… I know there was.”
The Journey Page 6