I Am Free

by Regina Bartley

  We had such a great dinner. The three of us talked and laughed. I had never had such a carefree meal in all of my life. There were no unseen eggshells that we had to tiptoe around. There was no worry of saying something that may make someone else angry. It was light conversation and it felt normal, and real.

  I told Darcy that I’d clean up the kitchen so that the two of them could take a walk. Walk was code for more kissing I was sure.

  Cleaning up was the least I could do.

  There was a dishwasher under the cabinet, but I opted not to use it. Hand washing dishes was the only thing I’d ever learned to do. We never had one of those fancy things at home. Manual labor was all I’d ever learned. My Dad wouldn’t dare spend the money for something that his wife and child could manually do. It’d be a waste of money.

  Suddenly the thought of home had my mind lingering on what they were doing. I wondered mostly about my mother. Sure she probably wasn’t thinking about me, but I couldn’t help but think about her. Believe it or not, there were a couple of good things about her. Those memories were all in my childhood, but at least I still had them.

  I continued with the dishes hoping that those thoughts would just leave. Any time spent thinking about them, was time wasted as far as I was concerned. I couldn’t worry about that now. My new life was just beginning, and I didn’t want to dwell on the past.

  After I finished the dishes I went upstairs to write for a bit. My notebook of poetry entries had become like a diary for me. I wrote something inside of it everyday. Mostly about my day-to-day life, or things that had stuck out to me. No matter how plain or ordinary, I still wrote.

  It was my escape.

  It’s funny how time flies when you’re happy, and how it moves slowly like a snail when you’re not. Already I had done a whole bunch things since my time here. I could write about so many wonderful things, but what stood out most to me was my new friendship. I couldn’t believe how easy it was for me to relate to someone. Just to share conversation with someone my age. Kennedy was so different, but in a good way. I was thankful for a friend. So, that was what I wanted to write about.

  Today, A Good Day

  Eighteen years is a long time, to never have a friend.

  To never talk, to never laugh, to never lend a helping hand.

  I met her today; she was warm and kind.

  Befriending me without thinking, her eyes were not blind.

  Despite our differences, she talked all day.

  Friendly conversations, but more work than play.

  Who would have guessed that me, with so little to say.

  Would make a friend.

  A FRIEND!

  Today, was a good day.

  I closed my notebook. The words were simple, but perfect. I couldn’t wait to get back to work. Tomorrow would be a new day, and hopefully just as great.

  6

  Jackson

  The morning came too damn fast. I didn’t get home from Holly’s until after midnight and I got zero studying done.

  Perfect.

  Classes started in thirty minutes and I had nothing complete. Not only was the coach going to kill me, but my parents were too. My grades were slipping. I had to study tonight. No more excuses. Holly was just going to have to understand, and I knew that wouldn’t be an easy conversation.

  I stood at the bottom of the stairs screaming at Kennedy to get her ass in gear. She wasn’t going to make me late today. If she didn’t come down in the next five minutes, I’d just leave her home.

  “The clock is ticking. Let’s go. Now!” I screamed.

  “I’m coming. Get your panties out of a knot.” She hopped down the stairs. She was way too chipper for so early in the morning, and already getting on my last nerve.

  I growled and clenched my fist at my side. Shaking my head I stormed out the door. She’d better run was all I had to say.

  She barely made it inside my car before I took off, and the first five minutes of our drive was a bitch fest. Slow down, you’re an ass, grow up, the list was endless. I couldn’t say what I wanted to say back to her, because she’d run back and tell Mom like we were five years old. She was the baby of the family, and she got away with everything. Not me. It didn’t matter that I was an adult. As long as I was living under my parent’s roof, I still had rules.

  I let her continue to rant and tried to tune her out. Thank goodness school wasn’t that far away. It was normally about a fifteen-minute drive, but that day I made it in ten.

  Kennedy hurried off to meet her friends as soon as I parked. I tossed up deuces at her back, thanking God that I didn’t have to spend the rest of my day with her. Sure, I loved my sister. Like, I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her or anything. But that was my job. I didn’t have to like her, and at that moment… I didn’t.

  “Hey man. You had a good night didn’t you?” Jeremy caught up to me as I walked inside.

  “It wasn’t bad. Looks like Holly’s been running her chops this morning.” I glanced back at him.

  “She told Lacey, Lacey told Amber. The list goes on and on.” He smiled big.

  “Dude, you sound like a chick right now. You may need to get your balls fitted for a sequined sack.”

  “Shut up.” He pushed open the doors with a little force.

  “Shut up,” I laughed. “That’s the best you got.” I punched his arm.

  He rolled his eyes. “I got get to class. Are you still going to The Edge this weekend? I think everybody’s in.” He asked. The Edge- a local club where all of the cool kids hung out. Better known as the place to get lit up and party until two a.m.

  “I don’t know man. If I don’t get some studying done, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “How far behind are you?”

  “Too far.” I admitted.

  “I had to get a tutor, maybe you need one too. Coach hooked me up. I know he’ll help you to. Don’t stress. The weekend is still four days away.”

  “We’ll see. I got to go.” I said backing in the direction of my class.

  “I’ll catch you later.” He called out.

  I nodded my head at him.

  My literature class was the usual bore. Our essay papers were due, and mine was not finished. I was far from it. I don’t know if it was my lucky day or what. Mr. Colby was out for some reason and the lady sitting in for his class told us that he was giving us a two-day extension on our papers. Two days. Hell yes. An outline was the only thing I had done, and it wasn’t that great.

  It was time for me to get to work. Seriously. I couldn’t slack anymore.

  My next two classes seemed to fly by. Of course I was behind in both of those too. It was going to be a long night at the library for me.

  I sent Holly a text telling her that I couldn’t see her or talk to her tonight. I didn’t wait for her whiny reply. She’d try to convince me otherwise, and dammit she could do it. She had way too much power over me, way too much.

  Kennedy was at the car waiting when I walked out. That was a first. Normally, I’d have to hunt her down.

  “Are you taking me to work?” She asked.

  “Yeah. I have some studying to do. So I need to go anyway. Get in.”

  We made the short drive to the library and I was stuck listening to Kennedy complain about some guy in her class. She was so obnoxious, but for some reason I couldn’t stop listening today. This guy had given her trouble once before. Even though I couldn’t stand her, I didn’t like anyone else messing with her. I’d hate to have to beat some punk ass up.

  I told her to let me know if it got worse, that I’d take care of it.

  I locked my doors, and left my phone in the car to keep from getting any distractions. Mainly Holly.

  My bag was heavy and I knew there was no way I’d get everything done tonight. I’d be lucky if I finished it all within the week.

  I followed Kennedy inside, and found a table in the back. I didn’t have to worry about her annoying me. She liked me about as much as I liked her.

  T
he place was pretty much empty. The way I liked it. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I realized that I had four hours to get something done. That was it.

  The time seemed to pass by faster than I would have liked. I barely looked up from my books. It was after dark outside. The light was no longer shining in through the window. I finished the rough draft of my Lit paper and one assignment for my Biology class, but I was still only half done. It looked like the library was going to be my new hangout for the week.

  “Only twenty more minutes until closing Jack.” Kennedy whispered.

  I glanced up at her. “I just have three more questions on this sheet, and I’ll be done. I can walk out with you when you close.”

  “All right. Hurry up.”

  Shit. Her snide comment made me want to jab my pencil into her hand. Tell me to hurry up. That was the pot calling the kettle black.

  I had all of my papers in my bag and was making my way up front. Kennedy wasn’t alone behind the desk. Little Bo Peep was with her.

  “I almost forgot. My bag is in the back. You go ahead Kennedy. I have my key.” The girl called out over her shoulder.

  “We’ll wait.” Kennedy called after her.

  I growled under my breath.

  Only a minute later she came running from the back. “Thanks for waiting.” She said. She stepped closer to us. Kennedy and I were standing at the door waiting.

  My jaw dropped to the ground. Little Bo Peep was not what I expected, not at all. She was anything but. Her green eyes were big, almost too big for her face. Her skin was pale white, and her lips were… Damn those lips.

  I’ll be damned. This girl was beautiful, just like Kennedy said.

  I snapped back into the moment when someone cleared her throat. When I flicked my eyes up to meet Kennedy’s she was silently laughing at me.

  What could I say?

  She was right about this. Despite this girl’s ridiculous clothing, she was gorgeous.

  More than that even. She was an angel.

  “I’m Grace,” she said in a low and sweet voice. “I don’t think we’ve met.” Her eyes flicked to my face then back down. She clearly was a shy girl.

  “No, I would have remembered you.” I held out my hand and waited for hers. She seemed kind of stunned by my admission, but I wasn’t one to hold my tongue. It’s a good thing I didn’t say what I was really thinking, -like damn girl.

  She placed her tiny hand inside mine, and gently squeezed. Was she afraid of me? Her hand jerked free almost as quickly as it touched me.

  “I’m Jackson.”

  She looked at me briefly than anywhere else she could find. She was avoiding eye contact. To be so beautiful, she sure was withdrawn.

  “Don’t mind my brother,” Kennedy said as the two of them walked out of the door first. I still stood there a little shell-shocked. I had never seen a girl that looked so beautiful, and she wasn’t wearing a single drop of makeup. I didn’t even know that that was humanly possible. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve went to bed with a girl and woke up with a totally different one. I laughed at the thought.

  Following them outside, I waited for Kennedy to lock up. Grace had her back to me, and I was obviously checking her out. You couldn’t tell much about her body, other than she was small. Her long milkmaid skirt covered everything up, and those shoes. Yikes. I didn’t even know they made those canvas type shoes anymore. They were ugly. I could only imagine the way this girl got picked on.

  Even I was calling her names.

  “Can we give you a ride home?” I asked.

  I didn’t care that Kennedy was about two breaths from full on laughter.

  “No thank you,” she answered politely. “I don’t mind the walk. It’s not far.”

  “It’s too damn cold,” and it was. She was only wearing a sweater. “I’ll take you.”

  Her eyes grew big. “Honestly, I’m fine.”

  “Well here then,” I shrugged out of my coat. She at least was going to stay warm. I held out the coat and waited for her to put it on.

  “Oh dear brother, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen this side you before.” Kennedy joked.

  It didn’t go unnoticed by Grace either. I could see the smile creeping up on her cheeks. She was hesitant.

  “Just take it,” I snapped.

  She slid her tiny arms inside, and wrapped the jacket tightly around her. “Thank you.” She said. “I better go.”

  “See you tomorrow.” Kennedy said.

  “Yeah, see you tomorrow. Thank you for the coat Jackson.”

  “You’re welcome. See you tomorrow.” Her head leaned to the side a little, and I smiled big. Bet she didn’t know that she’d be seeing a lot more of me.

  When I got inside the car, I looked in my mirror and watched that girl walk off in the opposite direction. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Who was she, and where did she come from?

  “I knew it. I knew it. I knew the moment that you laid eyes on that girl, that you’d be biting your tongue.” Kennedy laughed as she buckled her seat belt.

  I rolled my eyes. “Okay, so she’s beautiful. I’ll admit it. What’s with that damn skirt though, and did you see her shoes?”

  “Don’t be such a superficial prick Jack. She’s different. So what?”

  “I’m not superficial, I’m honest. She needs some new clothes.”

  “Maybe she doesn’t want new clothes,” was Kennedy’s reply. “Maybe she likes what she’s wearing. She’s from Oklahoma. Maybe that’s what all the girl’s in Oklahoma wear.”

  “Hell no. Colleen Marie would never be caught dead looking like that, so your theory is wrong.”

  “Who the hell is Colleen Marie?”

  “Playboy’s playmate of the month, August 2003.”

  “You’re seriously disturbed brother. That fact that you know that is ridiculous. You were not looking at Playboy’s in 2003.” She huffed.

  “You can search anything you want on the Internet, and that’s not the point. She looks like she’s part of some Little House on the Prairie farm.”

  “Just give it up, would you? It’s not like you have a chance with her anyway. She is far too inexperienced for you.”

  “That can be changed.” I grinned at the thought.

  “Shut your face. You’re getting on my nerves.”

  “Well it’s my car and if you don’t like what I have to say, then you’re welcome to walk.”

  Thankfully, that shut her up.

  I thought about Grace the rest of the ride home. I knew Kennedy was right about her being inexperienced, and I knew that truthfully I’d never have a chance, but I couldn’t seem to get her out of my head. From a reputation stand point, I knew that people would chew me up and spit me out over this one, but dammit she was hot. Well, her face was, her clothes not so much. But I already had a hot girl right at my disposal. Holly was giving it up anytime I wanted it. No need chasing after something that wouldn’t amount to nothing. That’d be too much work.

  7

  Grace

  “So whose jacket are you wearing?” Aunt Darcy asked as soon as I walked in. Her eyes were bright and the smile was much too big for her face.

  I hadn’t even thought about her seeing me in it. I couldn’t wrap my head around it myself. I’d never been around boys much, outside of my brother. It was different, and nice. Yeah, nice was a good word. Of course, I got really nervous and didn’t say much, but what could he expect from me. He saw what I looked like for goodness sakes. He couldn’t expect much. The entire walk home I kept thinking about how forthcoming he was. He wasn’t afraid to say anything, much like his sister. But the gesture of his jacket was nice. It kept me warm the entire walk home, and it smelled so good.

  “It belongs to a boy named Jackson. He is Kennedy’s brother. She’s the girl I was telling you about that’s my friend at work. They offered me a ride home, and when I didn’t except, he gave me his coat.” I tried hard not to smile, but the cheesiest grin spread across my face. I knew it was
cheesy, because she was all but laughing right in my face.

  She was curled up on the couch with her coffee mug, and patted the spot next to her for me to sit. “So, what does he look like? Tell me all about him?”

  I sat down, but I didn’t want to say anything at first. You just weren’t supposed to talk about these things, or maybe you were and I’d just been doing it all wrong all of these years. But whom was I supposed to talk to, certainly not my mother. And this was the hottest boy that I’d ever spoke to. Besides, he was the only boy I’d ever spoken to.

  I couldn’t contain myself any longer. “Oh Darcy, you should have seen him. He’s so handsome. He has this dark brown hair, that is almost black, and it was fixed perfectly. I’m not sure what he uses on it, but it never moves.” She laughed and I continued. “He’s really tall too. Well, you can tell by this jacket, and he says whatever he’s thinking. Like, he doesn’t care what comes out of his mouth. I’ve never met anyone like him.”

  “Sounds like someone has a crush.”

  “No, I mean I don’t think so. I’ve never really had a crush before. Besides, I don’t know anything about the boy except for what he looks like, and he is way different than I am. I just met him today. Are boys always so weird?” I asked.

  “Honey, you have no idea. I’m still trying to figure them out.” She sighed.

  “Well there is no need to worry about me. I don’t suspect any boys will be looking at me with love in their eyes.” I laughed at the thought. “No one will see past my clothes. I saw how he looked at me.”

  “Grace,” she took my hand. “You have to know that you are a beautiful girl, and that the boys will most certainly be looking at you. They we will be falling for you in no time.”

  “No.” I shook my head vigorously.

  “Yes,” She stated. “Does the clothes that you wear bother you? I mean you’ve worn them your whole life. Do you want to change?”

  No one had ever asked me that before. I’d never had the option to change.