I’d just gotten off the phone with Kennedy who was on her way over with exciting news. I wasn’t sure what that meant, and by the tone of her voice I was a little scared. She was the most unpredictable person I’d ever met, and the funniest.
There was a knock on the door, but I didn’t bother getting off the couch. Kennedy would just walk on in liked she owned the place.
“Guess what?” She hopped onto the couch next to me. I was too busy staring at her breasts to guess.
Holy crap, where was the rest of her shirt?
“You like.” She wiggled her chest in front of me.
I laughed. “I hope you didn’t pay full price for that. They forgot some material.” I joked. I loved being able to be myself around her. I didn’t even realize how funny I actually was until Kennedy came into my life.
“Ha ha,” She rolled her eyes. “But really, guess what?”
“I’ll never guess it right, so just tell me and save us both the trouble.”
“We have a date.” She squealed.
I’m pretty sure that was the exact moment that I’d forgotten how to breathe. I couldn’t get it right. Was it in and out, or out than in.
She grabbed me by my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Pull yourself together woman.”
“A date.” I could feel the look of horror all over my face.
She nodded. “With Adam and Preston. A double date,” she explained.
I let out my breath. Whew. I guess I knew how to breathe after all.
“Let’s go to my house and get ready.” She jumped up grabbing my arm.
“Wait. Are you sure that I’m wanted on this date? I mean this isn’t some pity thing were Preston and I are needed for some kind of friend diversion?”
“What?” She laughed. “What the hell is a friend diversion?”
“You know like you can’t go on your date without having a friend with you as backup.” I explained. How did I know that, and she didn’t?
“I have got to get you away from the television. It’s seriously frying that gorgeous brain of yours. Now stop fretting. When Adam called me earlier he said that Preston wanted to ask you himself, but since he had no way of contacting you, he left Adam to do his dirty work. They both want us to come out. So we are going.”
I grinned sheepishly. “My first real date.”
“Yes, now go get your stuff and lets go.”
I made it to my room and back in record time. I was more excited about the date then I realized, and this was the first time that I was going to be inside of Kennedy’s house. For some reason that excited me too.
We made the drive to her house and when we pulled into the driveway I suddenly got nervous. I hadn’t seen Jackson in weeks, and I was worried that I’d run into him. If I did, what would I say? How would he act? I hesitated before getting out of the car.
“He’s not here.” She eyed me curiously.
“Are you telepathic or something?”
Kennedy put her arm around me. “No, but your expressions are easy to read. It’s one of the many things I love about you. Now come on.”
She put her key in the lock and turned the knob to the front door. The noise was crazy loud. I arched an eyebrow at her wondering what was going on. It sounded like there was a concert coming from somewhere inside the house. She rolled her eyes and led me into the largest sitting room I’d ever seen. Seriously, my bedroom would have fit inside of it five times. My mouth dropped open when I saw a guy standing on the floor in front of the television holding a plastic colorful guitar and banging his head to what I then realized was the concert coming from the T.V.
I couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped my mouth. He was like a rock star or something.
Kennedy walked over to the remote and hit a button causing the room to grow silent. The tall guy with the shaggy hair started to say something to her, which I figured wouldn’t be nice, but that was until he spotted me. A large playful grin spread across his beautiful face, and he had the cutest dimples I’d ever seen.
“Grace, come meet my other brother Tucker.” She waved me over.
“Hey Gracie,” he said with a sugary tone and I was flattered all the way to my toes. Good looks obviously ran in this family. He was clearly much older that Kennedy and Jackson, but still super cute.
He held out a hand to me and I placed mine inside it. “Hey, nice to meet you Tucker,” I said.
“Aren’t you the cutest thing ever?” He gloated still holding my hand in his.
I wanted to say likewise, but didn’t have the guts. His harmless flirting was already making me a weakling.
“She is also too young for you.” Kennedy growled at him, taking my hand out of his.
Tucker was still smiling at me as Kennedy pulled me away quickly. “Nice to meet you Tucker.” I called after him.
“You too beautiful.”
“Do not pay any attention to him. Please.” Kennedy explained.
“He’s harmless,” I said. “And very cute.”
“And too old for you.” She said.
“I know. I’m just stating the obvious.”
She shook her head. “I really am rubbing off on you.”
Up the stairs, to the right, and at the end of the long hallway was Kennedy’s bedroom. Or should I say Kennedy’s apartment. This place had everything. There was an attached bathroom with a shower and a tub the size of a small swimming pool. She had a small balcony, and there was a mini fridge next to her closet. I couldn’t stop myself from opening it. I had to see what was inside.
There were Mt. Dews, bottled water, and Reese cups.
“The necessities,” she said tossed her stuff on the floor like it was no big deal.
“Since when is caffeine and chocolate a necessity?” I asked.
“Since forever.” She gave me a weird look. “You were deprived as a kid, and don’t tell me you weren’t. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.”
I just laughed. I knew I wasn’t deprived. We had sweets and caffeine sometimes, especially during holidays. My childhood wasn’t awful –at least not always, just very strict and defined. If my father had never hit me, I’d probably still be there, despite my indifferences and their beliefs.
“Let’s change and get ready.”
She started stripping off her clothes right there in front of me.
I gave her an awkward glance.
“Oh come on Grace. We are both girls. I have seen all the girlie parts there are to see, yours will be no different.”
That’s easy for her to say. She stood there, bare chest, and she was beautiful. I was as modest as they came.
I turned my back to her and lifted the shirt over my head. If she could do it, then so could I. Kind of. I kept my back facing her so that she wouldn’t get a frontal view. I wasn’t quite ready to jump all in.
“Grace. Oh my God.”
Realization hit me.
The scars.
She saw my scars.
Crap. I’d been so worried about her seeing my front that I hadn’t even thought about my back. No one had seen those scars, but my mother. It was the worst memory I’d had of my father, and I was in no way ready to relive that day yet. Not with myself, and definitely not with Kennedy. Not yet.
“What happened to you?” She asked. There was concern in her voice.
Of course there was concern. She was my friend. I took a deep breath trying to think of the right thing to say to keep her from asking too much.
“Remember that home life I didn’t want to talk about?” I said. I turned to face her and saw the sadness in her eyes. She nodded her head in understanding. She didn’t speak.
“I still don’t want to talk about it.” I admitted.
There was a long awkward pause from her as she looked over my bare body. There was a brief moment where I actually thought she might cry. I was shocked when all she said was, “Okay.” That was it. There was no added pressure on me. She didn’t ask any other questions, but I could tell that
she wanted to. It wasn’t something that I was ready to discuss yet. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be ready.
With a hint of a smile on my face, I tried to reassure her. I wanted her to know that if I ever did want to talk about that she’d be the one that I’d tell. I trusted her that much. Reaching for her hand and squeezing it in mine I whispered. “Come on. Let’s finish getting ready. I’ll let you see my boobs.” I couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped my lips.
She laughed too. The tension in the room was finally lifted. The conversation wasn’t over. I knew that. But for a moment it wasn’t going to be thought about. That was all I could ask for.
Kennedy wore this beautiful green dress that of course showed way too much skin but she looked gorgeous. Her hair was curled and pinned back from her face. I wore a dark gray top that my Aunt Darcy had bought me that was a little bit form fitting to my body, and it had a high neckline. It was beautiful and I couldn’t wait to have some place nice to wear it to. I could in no way compare myself to Kennedy, but I felt pretty, and that was all that mattered.
We talked about the night as I sat on Kennedy’s bathroom sink and watched her spend thirty minutes putting on her makeup. It was unbelievable the amount of work it took. It seemed easy to do, but there were so many items that she put on. I couldn’t keep up. And I had no clue how she kept from poking her eyes out.
The last thing that she put on was lipstick. It was bright red, and amazing. I loved it. She caught me eyeing it, and slid the tube in my direction.
“Try it on, Gracie.” She over exaggerated the name that Tucker had given me earlier. “It’s not dangerous, it’s beautiful.” She smiled.
I pinched my lips together tightly thinking about it, before jumping off the bathroom counter. In two shaky movements, I had the prettiest lips I’d ever seen.
“Perfect.” Kennedy said. “You ready to go?”
Was I? Would I actually go out of the house with this stuff on?
Yes I would. “Let’s go. I’m ready.” I popped my lips and smiled big.
She busted out laughing, shaking her head at me. “First get the lipstick off your teeth, Cinderella.” She said still laughing.
I turned to face the mirror. My front tooth was just as red as my lips. “I,” I hesitated. “I was just saving that for later.” I shrugged. We laughed together.
“Right.”
We left the house and headed to meet the guys. I was nervous, excited, and I really couldn’t wait. My first real date, or double date I should say. Let’s do this.
16
Jackson
I heard girls giggling in the hallway and figured Kennedy was home from a drunken night out.
When I glanced at my alarm clock it read 11:27 pm. That was an awful early night for her.
Tucking my arm back under my pillow, I closed my eyes to tried hard to fall back asleep. It was no use though. I already wasn’t sleeping well, and the noise was driving me crazy.
I sat up in my bed and ran my fingers through my hair. Switching on the lamp, I reached for my shorts and pulled them on. It had been a rough week for me. Coach was pushing us extra hard during our workouts and with school being so hectic I just couldn’t keep it together. The pressure was over-whelming me. Not to mention I only had two more semesters before graduation. I was majoring in Sports Science, and minoring in sports management. Coaching was what I always intended to do, but now that it’s almost here I’m scared to death. What if I couldn’t find a job, or what if I hated it? I had discussed these things with my advisor at school and she recommended me taking a couple of classes that would allow me to focus on other things. Once the semester started I realized that I probably wasn’t cut out to do anything that didn’t revolve around sports. It was too difficult for me. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be involved in sports. It’s just scary to think about what life would be like after graduation, and even scarier when I think about my grades and whether or not I’ll actually graduate.
I let out a deep sigh and padded my way out the door.
Food was what I needed.
When I walked into the kitchen I was surprised by what I saw. The noisemakers had made their way into the kitchen. But that wasn’t what surprised me. Standing there in a long white nightgown was Grace, beautiful Grace.
“Sorry Jack, were we being loud?” I heard Kennedy ask, but my eyes weren’t looking at her.
“It’s okay.” I replied still looking at Grace.
“Hey Jackson,” she said with a small smile. Her long blonde hair hung in curls around her face, and her lips.
Jesus.
Her lips were stained red. She was wearing lipstick.
As if I didn’t already picture her lips doing dirty things, it’d be worse now.
I was supposed to be forgetting all about her. I was supposed to not allow her in my thoughts at all. There was no way in hell I could keep her out now. This was serious. My body was fighting me all the way, because I wanted her right then just as much as ever.
“Where’d you go tonight?” I asked Kennedy after I finally unglued my eyes from Grace.
“We had a double date.”
My eyes snapped back to Grace.
“You both had a date tonight?”
Grace shifted on her feet and I wished I could read her mind.
“Yes. Both of us.” Kennedy replied. “Shit, I have to check my email. I was supposed to hear back from my professor. I’ll be right back Grace.”
I could feel all of the air leave the room as soon as Kennedy left, and in a flash, Grace was leaving too. She was rushing to get away from me.
“Goodnight Jackson,” she said as she moved around me.
I don’t know why I stopped her, but I did. I grabbed her hand, and she turned back around to face me. Her chest was moving fast with each breath she took. I pulled her closer to me, and watched as she swallowed heavily.
“What are you doing to me?” My voice was low and breathless. My heart was racing. I’d never felt like that before. Never. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be easier, but nothing with Grace was easy.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t do anything to you.”
Oh naïve girl. If you only knew what you did to me.
Every inch of my body wanted to be near her, including my heart, and I had no fucking clue why. My mind said, “don’t do it.”
With my free hand, I reached up and touched her face. I slowly ran my thumb along her soft bottom lip. She sucked in a deep breath that was so loud people in the other room could hear it. Good thing no one was around.
I didn’t move though. I touched the corner of her mouth and stared into her eyes.
I was mad at her.
I was angry.
Who the fuck was I kidding? It was never her I was mad at. I was mad at myself, for treating her like shit.
I inched my lips in, closer to her face. It was an agonizing pace. “I want to kiss you Grace. I want to kiss you so bad.” I whispered.
“What are you doing to me Jackson?” She stunned me with my own question.
“Making things right.”
“For you or for me?” She asked and I could see the worry behind her eyes. I knew what she was asking of me. And the answer wasn’t the right one. It wasn’t the one she wanted to hear. I wanted to kiss her because I was selfish and I wanted it, and it wasn’t fair to her. I didn’t think I’d be able take whatever this was between us any further, at least not outside these walls. Not now. Hell, maybe she didn’t want anything from me. Maybe this was one-sided. Maybe she didn’t want me near her at all. I’m no mind reader, but all the signs were there. She was attracted to me. That was clear, but that was all I knew. All I knew for sure anyway.
I pulled back from her. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lead her on. She was too sweet, and too pure. I’d already proved to her what an ass I was. No need to make it worse.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Making thi
ngs right, I told you.” Only this time I really was.
“What if?” She started to ask something but hesitated. I thought she was going to try again, but the look on her face was strange. She was afraid to say it, or confused.
“Just say it Grace.”
She opened her mouth, but snapped it closed hastily.
“Say it.” I pushed.
“What if I want you to kiss me?” Her lips were moving so quickly that I barely caught what she said. Her eyes dropped down to the ground.
“You do?” I asked playfully. I wasn’t stupid. I knew she wanted me to kiss her. I could see it all over her. The attraction was there.
“Don’t make me say that again?” She smacked my chest.
Her innocence was truly the prettiest thing about her. It was like it glowed around her and made her brighter, and more beautiful.
“You’re so damn cute.” I admitted.
She blushed and looked up at me through her long dark lashes.
“I can’t kiss you.” I said, and a horrified look came over her face. “Don’t do that. Don’t think that this has anything to do with you, because it doesn’t. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you bad, but for all the wrong reasons. I’d just be leading you on. I’d be pretending that this was something that would lead to something more, and it wouldn’t. I can’t.”
She started to reply but Kennedy interrupted. Grace took two swift steps back away from me when she heard Kennedy’s footsteps approaching. Her back was flush against the wall and her eyes were glued to the floor.
“I got an email from my professor and she agreed to meet with me, but she wants me to meet her super early in the morning. I’m sorry Grace. I hate to make you get up early, but I don’t have a choice. Looks like I’ll be taking you home at the crack of dawn in the morning.”
I Am Free Page 9