by Sara Daniell
I look at Sage’s bed that’s more tempting than a cigarette. I don’t want to sleep here. Being in her room is too much for me right now. I also know that I’m risking being found by staying.
I find Dena in her room, laying down. I smile when she sees me in the doorway. “Can I talk to you?”
She nods and sits up. “Everything all right?”
A tear falls. “No.” I wipe it and walk until I’m next to her bed. I don’t know what she gave me earlier, but I’m starting to feel its effect. I lean against the bed to keep from falling.
“Orion?”
I know I need to hurry and get this over with. I wait until her eyes meet mine. “Dena, you never saw me. The only thing you know of Orion Draper is that she’s a girl you knew a long time ago.”
She stares vacantly at me.
“Goodbye, Dena.”
I leave in as much of a hurry as I can. My steps are awkward, and instead of bones, I feel like my legs are made of rubber. I make it out of the house and towards the wooded area that connects with the backyard. I keep stumbling around the woods until my muscles completely lose their will to work.
I fall against a tree and know this isn’t good. I hit the grass face first and can’t move. What did that woman give me? My eyes feel like they’ve been drilled shut then cemented over. Am I even breathing? I try to fight the darkness, but it’s impossible. Sleep is coming whether I want it to or not.
“YOU’RE AN IDIOT, Orion Draper. Purely and truly an idiot.”
I laugh as I climb higher. “And you following me makes you an idiot as well, right?”
She laughs. “Right.”
We make it to the top of the building. I look down and watch all of the cars driving by and people roaming the streets. Sage looks like she’s going to—too late. She’s throwing up. She hates heights. After she wipes her mouth on her sleeve, she pulls off her jacket and drops it on the roof.
“I could handle two or three stories, but six stories up a fire escape ladder is completely insane.”
“Well, I’m not sane, Sage. You know that better than anyone.”
Sage sits down and pulls her knees to her chest. I notice her write something down on a small index card. She does that often. I asked her why she does that, and she shrugged it off and said she just writes thoughts down that she couldn’t ever share with anyone else. She said she has to get it out somehow. I asked her what if someone found them. She said she’d be dead by then so it wouldn’t matter. She laughed it off and said she planned on burning every single one of them. I’ve never tried to read them. Everyone deserves privacy.
“Orion?” Sage whispers as she lies back and looks up at the stars. “Do you ever wonder?”
I lie back next to her. “Ever wonder what?”
“Anything. Everything.”
“All the time.”
“Me too.” She turns her head and looks at me. “I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”
I laugh. “Forgive you for what?”
She shrugs. “I’m sure I’ve disappointed you before, and I’m sure I will in the future. Sometimes things happen, and it makes us do stupid things, no matter how much we care about people. It’s those we care about that we hurt the worst. That’s what people say anyway.”
I roll my eyes and shove her shoulder with my hand. “Shut up and enjoy the peace and quiet.” We both laugh and look up at the stars.
Sage starts laughing harder. “Remember that time I was so scared to tell that new kid at school I had a crush on him in the seventh grade?”
“And I told him I’d beat his ass if he turned you down?”
She laughs and nods. “You’re a good friend, Orion. Always have been. And back then, that was real.”
“What do you mean ‘back then that was real?’ ”
She shrugs, and her smile fades. “Things were real then. They aren’t real anymore. Everything is scary and like a dream. I try to convince myself that that’s what this all is. A dream, and we’ll wake up soon back when things were easier.”
I nod in agreement although things have never been easy for me. I’ve always been an outsider. She fits in; I don’t. I look back up at the sky and enjoy this brief moment of peace and quiet.
“ORION,” SAGE SAYS in a hushed panic. She shakes my shoulders to make sure she has my attention. “I need to tell-” she stops at the sound of a gunshot and sirens.
We both automatically start feeling for the warmth of blood and sigh when we realize we’re good.
“Tell me what?”
The sirens get closer, and so do the sounds of gunshots. Sage grabs my hand, and we run. When we come to a stop, Sage covers a scream with her hand as she looks down at the guy she’s been sort-of seeing lying dead on the concrete.
“No! No, no, no!”
She continues to repeat ‘no’ as she kneels next to his body. She listens for a nonexistent pulse. I want to tell her to stop, that he’s definitely dead, but I don’t have the heart.
“They promised!”
Who promised? And what? I think to myself.
I look away as she loses it. What do you say to your best friend at a time like this?
She stands up and forces herself to regain composure. She picks up her bag she threw to the ground and throws the strap over her shoulder. I notice a few index cards falling out, and she quickly sticks them back in. She starts to walk, and I follow.
“Are we just going to leave him there?”
“Yes.” She wipes tears from her eyes. “We’ve already drawn enough unwanted attention to ourselves in the past year. No more. We move on and stay hidden.”
Our new motto. Move on and stay hidden.
I WAKE UP with the sun beating down on my face. What was it Sage? What was it that you wanted—the index cards! I sit up and frantically dig in my shirt to retrieve the cards. I pull them out and spread them on the ground in front of me. I do a quick look-around to make sure I’m alone and in a secluded area. Hell, I slept here all night and what appears to be all day without being noticed. I should be fine. I look at the first index card, written in purple ink.
It happened. I joined.
That’s all it says. Joined what? I look at the next card.
Gain trust. Follow. Sacrifice.
The next card is what shakes my bones. Digs all the way to the surface of everything I am and rips it to shreds.
I’m sorry, Orion. You will find this. I know you will because you are strong. I had to die so they could get to you. You had to be weak. You are too strong. I was never a friend. I was the enemy waiting for your abilities to surface. Use them wisely and destroy this note. Please survive and demolish everything they are. Everything I was.
I’m standing without even realizing I’d done so. I slam myself against a tree. My body begins to shake with fury, betrayal, and pain. So much pain. I place my hand over my heart instead of my aching side. My heart hurts far worse. She… She was one of them. She was a part of their plan. A plan to get to me.
“Why me?” I scream out loud. “Why her,” I whisper.
I’m so broken. Lost. My mind is scattered in a million different directions, and nothing is clear anymore. As if it ever was. The one I trusted, the one I trusted more than I trust myself, was against me. The whole damn time! I slide down the tree until I’m sitting. I pull at my hair, and I scream. I don’t care if anyone hears me. What was left of my heart, what I tried so desperately to keep, is breaking, and it hurts.
Felix. I can trust Felix. But how can I be sure? How do I know he’s not a part of this plan too? And Kyle? I’ve never trusted him. I allowed myself to at certain moments when I had no other choice, but ultimately, I don’t. Yes, he risked himself for me by getting Felix and me out of that place, but Sage risked herself for me all the time. Self-sacrificial bullshit means nothing to me anymore.
I begin to cry so hard: my body convulses from the violent sobs. I’m alone. I’ve always been alone. And the Constable want me. No, they need me. They need me so ba
dly that they’ve played this sick, twisted game that makes no sense. They’ve played my mind like a game of cards, and they cheated. This isn’t fair! If they wanted me, why didn’t they just take me?
Then it dawns on me. Maybe they couldn’t just take me. Maybe they fear me. Maybe, just maybe, they needed me to figure all of this out so I’d be weak and falling at their feet, doing whatever the hell it is they need me to do. I’m a threat to them somehow. But how?
“You have won! I give up!”
I have never craved death more than I do right now.
I don’t know when I passed out, I just know that I did.
I look around. I’m in my old house in my old room. I notice Felix sitting in my old bean bag. “H-how did I get here?”
“When you never came to meet me I got worried. I went looking for you and luckily found you right behind our house in the woods. Great way to stay hidden, Oreo.”
“Maybe I want to be found. I give up, Felix.”
I look around at my things. Nothing has been moved or changed. I reach over and grab a bouncy ball off my end table. I lie back and chunk it at the ceiling. It bounces off and falls back down to me. I catch it and look at Felix.
“I’m going back and turning myself in.”
“I won’t let you.”
I laugh coldly. “My choice, Felix. Besides, how do I know that I can trust you? How do I know you’re not a part of their plan just trying to keep me here for whatever reason?”
I cut my eyes at him, and the hurt is evident on his face.
“What?” He gasps.
I sit up and glare into his eyes. “You heard me.” My soul is ice cold, and I’ve built walls so high in the past few hours, since I found about Sage’s betrayal, that no one could tear them down. “I don’t trust you. I trust no one.”
“I’m your brother!” He stands in shock.
“And Sage was my best friend! I fell for her bullshit! I won’t fall for yours!” I stand up and put on my shoes that Felix must have taken off. “I’m going back.”
Felix firmly places both hands on my shoulders and shoves me until I’m backed against the wall. “I’m your brother! I don’t know what happened since the last time we were together, but you seemed to trust me then!”
I close my eyes. “Let go of me.”
“No!”
“Felix, I’m warning you. Let. Go.”
It takes him a minute, but he finally does.
“Fine. Go back. But I swear you can trust me.”
Tears fill his eyes, but they’re not enough to convince me I should stay. I walk over to my closet and grab a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I look at Felix, and he leaves. I get dressed and realize I’ve apparently lost more weight than I can afford. My jeans hang low on my hips, and my t-shirt swallows me. I don’t care, though. They’re my clothes.
I walk into the kitchen where Felix is leaning against the counter, staring blankly at the sink.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“What day is it?” I ask, ignoring his question.
“Thursday.”
An insane smile spreads across my lips. “Perfect.”
I leave the house without a single word to the one person I may actually be able to trust. I’ve learned that trust is too risky, and I won’t ever allow myself to trust again. Not even my brother.
I walk confidently out into the streets of Dandux. The dirt is dry and in need of a good rain to smooth it back down. I walk past the school that’s missing a few windows and the store where I used to buy a snack at after school.
As Dwellers walk, dust clouds form around them. I purposefully kick my feet hard enough to be blanketed in the dirt. It’s causes attention, and that’s what I want. I shove my hands in my pockets and grin at the guards lining the streets. They continue watching as Dwellers crowd into the circle in the middle of town. They’re all here for the Thursday hanging. I wonder what lucky soul gets to leave this shitty world today.
There are five lucky bastards waiting for the rope to tighten around their necks and their feet to dangle. Oh, how I long to be one of them. A laugh escapes my lips which causes heads to turn. Sorry, everyone; I’ve lost my mind. Carry on.
They all are punished for silly things, like showing too much anger on more than one account, threatening the Constable, shoplifting, vandalism, and staying out past town curfew. All things that shouldn’t warrant death. I clap for every single one of them. I even yell out shouts of victory for the one who threatened the Constable.
A few guards come stalking toward me, and I hold up my hand.
“No need in getting hostile. I will willingly go with you.”
“You’re-”
“Orion Draper,” I say, holding my hands out in front of me to be cuffed.
I’m brought into a holding room at the Constable Headquarters. A white padded, familiar room. I’m not scared. I’m numb. I don’t care what happens to me. They can beat me until I am black and blue. They can torture me in unimaginable ways, and I won’t care. I’ll welcome it because nothing matters anymore. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and they’ll kill me.
I start counting the creases in the padded wall when the door opens and closes so quickly I barely have time to register that someone just walked in. That someone being Kyle. He wraps me in his arms for a brief second then looks worriedly at me.
“I heard you were back, and I am not letting you do this! Why did you come back?”
“I’m done. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be fighting for exactly. I’m not capable of this. I’m not capable of anything anymore.”
Kyle grabs my face firmly with both hands and demands I look at him. “We finally have a chance at freedom, Orion! Please get out of here and figure out all of the things I don’t have time to tell you! Please!”
“But why?” I stomp my foot for extra dramatic effect.
“No buts or whys. Just get the hell out of here! Don’t you see? You are now a glitch in their ‘unshakable’ authority, and they don’t do glitches. Things will only get worse! Please, you need to leave and figure this out! Figure out who you really are!”
“I don’t understand.”
“You are special, Orion. And now you are on the outside with knowledge of your abilities. Use it to your advantage. As long as you are out there somewhere alive, there’s hope. We’ve never had hope in here. We do now, and it’s you. They are distracted, and that’s exactly where we want them. I’m fine in here. We need an insider we can trust.”
“I can trust you, Kyle?”
He looks like I just stabbed him in the heart. “Have I given you a reason not to?”
I laugh. I laugh so hard I have to find the wall for support. “There is nothing you could do to make me trust you. Nothing.”
Kyle is about to say something when the door flies open, and white suits grab both of my arms and yank me from the room. I let them. I keep up with their fast pace down the hall, and I’m brought to a room that’s dark and cold.
They put me directly in the middle then leave the room in a hurry. I hear the door lock, and it echoes throughout the room. I look down at the concrete floor then squint my eyes as I look around the room. The only light that’s helping me see is the light coming from beneath the locked door.
I’m not sure exactly how what happens next happens, but it does. I never even heard footsteps. I’m knocked to my knees, and my hair is yanked back. I feel several slaps to the side of my face then a hard gut-wrenching kick to the stomach. I start dry heaving as I’m knocked face first to the ground. I feel my shirt being yanked up to expose my back then whips violently thrashing against my skin. I bite down on my fist to keep from screaming as I feel my skin tear open. I won’t give them the satisfaction of hearing my cries. My vision starts to blur, but I can see enough to know I’m surrounded. By who, I’m not sure.
The beating finally stops, and as far as I can tell, everyone is gone. I move my hand out to the side and feel a warm, smooth liquid. The light from undernea
th the door reveals the deep red color. It’s blood. Mine. I can barely keep my eyes open and just about give in to sleep when I hear the door open. I hear it slam shut and close my eyes.
“Am I dying? If so, just let me die. I beg you.” My voice comes out weak.
I feel a warm blanket over me. “Shhh. You’re not going to die.” I know that voice from anywhere. It’s Plath. “I believe it is time you learn about who you really are.”
I’M NOT SURE how long I’ve slept, how I got to where I am, or how there is a hot plate of food sitting next to the bed. I hear laughter echoing from down the hall. I count the different voices I hear. One, two, three, four, five… I sit up and, by some miracle, don’t hurt as bad as I thought I would.
I grab the plate of food and start eating. Starving doesn’t begin to describe how empty my stomach is. After I eat, I down the glass of water beside the bed. I lie back and stare at the ceiling as I let my food settle.
I was whipped, kicked, and slapped. There was blood. How is it that my back is free of pain? The door opens, and I see Plath walk hesitantly in. He smiles a little when he sees the clean plate.
“I figured you were hungry.”
I cut my eyes at him. How dare he come in here and act like horrible shit hasn’t happened between us.
“Where am I?”
He picks up the plate. “Would you like more to eat?”
“Plath, where the hell am I?”
He sighs, sets the plate back down, then sits on the edge of the bed. “You’re at our safe house.”
I raise a brow. “Our?”
“We are back on Earth. The Hunters have safe houses all over the world. We are at one of them. This is where we stay when we’re not on the hunt.”