by Sara Daniell
“Yes.” Dammit. “They normally don’t kill those with abilities but what he did was unforgivable in their eyes. They don’t condone heroics, especially when it’s letting go of their most wanted Vesper. The keeper of the Sphere.”
“He shouldn’t have done that for me,” I say quietly, my voice cracking.
“He did what any real friend would have done.”
Real friend? That’s funny, Plath. Good one. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. As I let it out, I stare at the fire.
“Life used to be normal, but I didn’t realize it then. Or was it? Who knew the outsider, the loner, the weird girl with blue hair, was the one who could somehow fix all of this or ruin everything? Is it bad that I want to go back to being the girl who didn’t have a clue who she really was? To just conform to their bogus laws and just live in peace?” I avoid his eyes to stay clear of the pull. The pull that draws me to him. Damn the pull. Damn him.
I feel his hand brush against mine, and every muscle in my body tenses.
“I don’t think it’s wrong for you to want that. I think we all crave normal, Orion. But the truth is, you will never have normal.”
I stare at our hands that are touching. His thumb gently sweeps across the top of mine. Just a simple touch is risky, but I don’t stop him.
“Plath?”
“Yes?”
“I’m scared,” I admit for the first time out loud, and what’s even crazier is I admitted it to him. My enemy. The devil himself.
“Me too,” he answers honestly, and our eyes meet. We stare at one another, speaking without words as we let down our massive walls and let one another in.
Plath gently touches the side of my cheek then brushes his thumb softly over my lips. A tear escapes my eye, and I am well aware of what I’m allowing to happen. It’s what I’ve tried so desperately to avoid. He moves his hand into my hair and lets his fingers run through until his hand is free. He then lets his hand find my hand again.
“I won’t let them have you.”
“I believe you.” And for some unexplainable reason, I do. I close my eyes and concentrate on his hand touching mine.
“Orion, look at me.” I open my eyes and stare into his. “I’m serious. I won’t let them.”
“I told you I believe you.” And I meant it.
He nods. “I know. I just wanted to hear those beautiful words one more time.”
“What now, Plath?”
Did I let him back in too easily? What if I’m making a huge mistake? His mouth begins to move, and his eyes lock on mine - hypnotizing me.
“You tell me.”
I lean forward and press my lips against his. This was the bravest, most insane move I’ve made yet. Braver and more insane than running away from the Sphere, braver and more insane than running from the Constable Headquarters, and braver and more insane than turning myself back in to them. I’ve let Plath back into my life and nothing is braver or more insane than that.
Plath deepens the kiss as he tangles his fingers in my hair. Our lips move perfectly against each other, and even if I regret this later, this moment was worth it. I pull away, breathless, and rest my forehead against his chest.
“What did that mean?” He asks quietly.
“That I’m trying.”
“Trying to do what?” He lifts my chin so he can see my eyes.
“Forgive you.”
He kisses my forehead and holds my head against his chest. I listen to his heartbeat and concentrate on the steady movement of his chest rising and falling as he breathes.
“I could never ask you to forgive me. I don’t want you to forgive me. I don’t deserve that. I just want you to do what is right for you, and I can only hope that it involves me.”
I don’t respond, because I’m not making any promises, and I don’t want to say something that will screw up this moment. Things feel sort of okay right now, and I need to hang on to it for a bit longer.
I lie on my stomach and grab fistfuls of the sheets as Plath treats the wounds on my back.
“Maybe you should’ve knocked me out before doing this,” I get out through clenched teeth.
“I’m almost done.”
“Who did this to me?” I peek at him from over my shoulder. I see pain in his eyes as he works.
“I’m not telling you.” He looks at me for a second then continues.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply as he cleans another wound and exhale when he puts on the healing salve that brings immediate relief.
“Why not?” I ask as he pulls my shirt back down. I sit up slowly and look at him as he starts putting the supplies he was using away in the drawer beside my bed.
“Because they’ll never do it again so it doesn’t matter.” Plath lies on the bed next to me and props his head on his hand as he looks at me.
“If they were to get me again, what would they do to me?”
He slides his free hand over the sheets until it finds mine. He trails his fingers over the palm of my hand then up my arm and back down again.
“They would keep you in lockdown, find some guy to get you pregnant, and once the baby was born, they would kill you and your gift, or as you call it, curse, would be passed on to your child. They would raise the child to believe that it is his or her sole purpose to live so the Sphere lives.”
“I will never have kids.”
He smiles as he draws designs with his fingertip on my hand.
“You could if you could keep them safe.”
I cut my eyes at him. “I will never have kids,” I repeat.
He laughs. “Okay, you will never have kids.”
“And what happens if the Sphere is destroyed?”
His finger stops, and he holds my hand. He looks at me and blinks a few times. “Then Dwellers live on Earth and become normal people, no longer surrounded by the walls of the Sphere. That’s all the Dwellers really are. People. The Sphere was really only meant for those with abilities to keep them safe and hidden from the world. But generations ago, one of your ancestors saw himself as a god. He created the Constable and knew he couldn’t rule people with abilities, so he found them all and housed them, making them fall for the lies that they were meant to do his dirty work. He literally created his own world and not just the walls around it. Those without abilities were allowed in but only because it would create a small world that the Constable could rule. Power hungry assholes using what was supposed to be a safe haven for Dwellers with abilities so they weren’t viewed as a freak show… It’s sick what a little bit of satisfaction from control can spiral into. ”
“So, you’re sure that if the Sphere were to be destroyed all of this could end?”
He nods. “Positive.” His expression changes to fear. “Orion, no. Absolutely not!”
I furrow my eyebrows. “What?”
Then it dawns on me what he’s thinking. I die so the Sphere dies, and everyone is set free. The Constable, everything they created, will be gone. They won’t be able to stop people from leaving. I stand up and run shaky hands through my hair. I cover my mouth as I process this. A few tears fall down my cheeks, and I look at Plath.
He stands up and walks over to me. “I won’t let you. And you can’t kill yourself. Because of your gift,” I cut my eyes at him, “I mean your curse, it’s impossible to kill yourself. The worst a suicide attempt would do is cause you to become weak, and your ‘curse’ would heal you. You could come close to death, but your heart would never stop beating. For you to actually die, someone who holds the power to kill you would have to be the one to end your life. Why am I even explaining this to you? It doesn’t matter, because it won’t happen.”
“I could die by accident. I could stand in front of a moving vehicle or drown.” My mind becomes consumed with all of the possible ways to die.
“That would be suicide since you purposefully threw yourself in front of a car.” He runs his hands over his face in frustration. “Orion, drop it.”
“Tell me who has the power to kill me! Maybe I c
ould talk-”
“No! That won’t be happening either! You dying is not an option! How many times do I have to say drop it for you to shut the hell up about it?”
I sigh and sit back down on the bed. “Would they have really killed me when they gave me the option of death or to become one of them the day you handed me over?” I remember that day so vividly. I remember Plath telling me I should’ve chosen death.
“No. It was part of the plan.”
“You turned me over to them! You told me you had no choice because otherwise we would have both been dead! You lied!” He reaches for me, and I back away. “When will you stop lying to me!” I scream.
He runs his hands over his face in frustration and balls his hands into fists. “I couldn’t tell you the truth!”
“Why!” I demand. I stand up again and push his chest over and over and over. “Why? Dammit, Plath! Please tell me why!”
“Orion-”
“You told me you were programmed or some shit that kept you from telling me certain things. Truth or not?”
“Not.”
“I hate you!”
“What would you have done if I told you, Orion? You would have done the same shit that you are doing now! You would have said you wanted to die, and I refused to let that happen! I was scared I would lose you because truth is I’d do anything for you, and if death is what you wanted, I would’ve given it to you!”
“Then kill me now!” I grab the front of his shirt as I beg.
“No!” He shoves me away.
My back slams into the wall, and I scream out in pain. I slide to the floor and cry.
“Why? It’s what I want. It’s what’s best! You know I’m right!”
“Because,” he whispers. I look up at him as he kneels down in front of me. “Because I love you, and because of that I’m being selfish. I won’t lose you.”
“Y-you what?” I stutter.
He stares at me but doesn’t say a word. Next thing I know he’s standing and leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.
I wake up and am beyond relieved when I breathe and it doesn’t hurt as bad as it has for the past week. I’m finally getting better from the beating from Hades. But there’s another pain that may not ever go away. It’s a nagging pain, deep down in the very depths of my heart. It started immediately when Plath said the word “love” then looked ashamed he had admitted it. But he was honest, more honest than he has ever been with me. So, maybe ashamed is the wrong word? He was shocked.
I look down at what I’m wearing. It’s dirty and stained with blood. Plath let me wear some of his clothes the other day when he washed my clothes, but I either need to wash them again or go buy some. Only problem—I have no money.
I walk down the hall and hear Nate talking to Plath in the kitchen. I stop and stay hidden in the hall so I can eavesdrop.
“She’s our ticket to freedom. She dies then it stops all of this! Hundreds die every month and for what? Nothing! If she dies, she saves us all. We can live normal lives. You don’t want that?” Nate asks quietly; then I hear the sink turn on.
I hear Plath talking, but the water running makes it hard to understand.
The water turns off, and I catch the end of what he says, “I swear if any of you try to kill her-”
“We won’t. I promise. I’m just saying she’s right, and if word gets out who she really is, there will be a whole new problem to worry about. Some will want to turn her in to keep the Sphere intact, but most will want her dead.” Nate stops talking; then I hear footsteps coming in my direction.
I hurry back into the bathroom and shut the door without a sound. I start to hyperventilate as what Nate said hits me. Last night I said I wanted to die; I begged Plath because I knew without a doubt that it’s what’s best if dying could end all of this. But then he told me he loved me. That one single word made this more complicated than it already was.
I’M NOT SURE exactly how long I’ve stayed in the bathroom, but I know it’s been awhile by how numb my legs are. I stand up to wake them and hear a light tap on the door.
“Do you plan on staying in there all day?” Plath asks from the other side of the door.
The tone of his voice is sort of hard to understand. He sounds like he wants me to come out, but then again there’s an edge to his voice that makes me think he wants me to stay locked up in here forever.
“Plath,” my voice comes out in a whisper, and tears start to fall.
I hear the doorknob wiggle. “Orion, let me in,” he says worriedly.
“No.” Now my few tears have turned into streams pouring down my cheeks.
“I will break the fucking door down!”
I laugh coldly and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.
“I’m not hurting myself if that’s what you’re thinking.”
I hear his fist pound once on the door. “Open the door and prove it!”
“Did you mean it?” I ask so quietly, I’m shocked when he answers.
“Mean what?”
I pause. I want to know. I already know. I need to hear him say it again.
“That you love me?”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”
I stand up and walk to the door. I lean against it. “You have said a lot of things that aren’t true, Plath. Do you honest-to-God love me? Truth or not?”
“Truth.”
I unlock the door and scoot back. He opens it and comes in, closing the door behind him.
“I have a confession to make,” he says inching closer.
I laugh a little. Him and his confessions… He picks me up and sets me on the counter by the sink and wedges himself between my legs. He wraps his arms gently around my waist, and a familiar cocky grin spreads across his face.
“All along you’ve been this fever. A virus. Infecting every cell in my body, exploding them, causing the virus to spread so fast that my body couldn’t stop it. I gave up a long time ago trying to find a cure. It’s easier to just give in.”
I laugh. “You just made me sound like cancer.”
He nods. “Stage four. The bad kind.”
I laugh again and shake my head. My smile fades as I watch him closely. Everything about the way he moves, the way he speaks, makes me feel like I can’t live without him.
“I’m not sure how to respond. I want you to stay. I want you to go. My mind is so screwed up. We can’t offer each other a happily ever after.”
“I’m not asking for a happily ever after. What’s so wrong with being in love in the middle of hell?”
“Everything.”
“Why?”
“Because! No one can fall in love in a world that’s on fire. We’re only setting ourselves up for disappointment. We’ll be burned alive, and it will hurt worse.”
“That is bullshit because I’m not falling; I’m already in. I’m in so deep, there’s no way out. That is proof that we are capable of being in love. And if all of this does end up with us getting ‘burned’, which it most likely will, then I’m okay with that. But loving you gives me something to look forward to, a light in all of this darkness. Something to cling to when there’s nothing else to grasp.”
I look down at my hands that are folded in front of me. “But... But what if I can’t love you back the way you want me to. I just don’t know how to do this. I don’t see this light you’re talking about. All I see is more pain when something happens, and you disappoint me or I disappoint you.” I take a deep breath and let it out as I look in his dark eyes. “Maybe you’re right. It is possible to be in love in the middle of hell. But it’s scary, Plath. We are capable of loving each other, but we’ve been down this road before. I just don’t know if I can let my heart go there again.”
He takes his hand and touches my neck, letting his finger fall to my chest. He stops his finger near my left breast, close to my heart.
“We both hurt. Our hearts have been manipulated and played with to the point of destruction. There’s nothing lef
t to break. But I need this hole gone.” He points to his own heart.
I watch his hand for a moment then look back at him. His hand cups the side of my face gently, and his fingers intertwine with my hair. I close my eyes as I focus on his soothing touch and allow myself to be lulled by his words.
“I’m giving you what love I have left. Freely and without asking for it in return. Just please, let me love you. Stop telling me I can’t, because no matter what you say, I won’t stop.”
I swallow hard. “Okay,” I whisper. “But I’m not promising I’ll be good at this.”
“Me neither.”
I sit across from Plath at the table after putting all of my bags in my room. He took me shopping for clothes and things I needed today, and it all felt oddly normal. There are no Hunters after me because the Constable think Plath is sticking to the plan. And he is. Sort of. He’s keeping me safe until they request my return. But he never plans on returning me. Then we’ll both be hunted and on the run. But for right now, we’re safe.
“This is weird.”
He raises a brow and takes a bite of his food. “Why?”
“Us getting along. The way things don’t seem so bad even though they really are.”
He takes a drink and scoots his food around with his fork. “Just wait until we have sex.”
I blush every shade of red. “You did not just say that!”
“Pretty sure I did.” He laughs and continues to eat.
“I love how you assume I will be having sex with you in the future.”
A grin plays at his lips. His eyes look seductively into mine. “I saw the way you looked at my body that night in the hotel room, and the way you’re looking at me right now.” He laughs when I blush again.
“How do I know you’re not the one they plan on getting me pregnant; how do I-”
Oh shit! My eyes widen, and I drop my fork. I was saying that to joke around, but everything I said and didn’t finish saying could very well be the truth.
Plath stands to defend himself. “Orion, I swear. I have no intentions-”
I throw my hand up in the air to stop him. “I want to believe you, but you are going to have to prove this one to me.”