Shattered (Shattered #1)

by D'Agostino, Heather

  “Your mom had that made,” my dad whispered behind me.

  A tear formed in my eye as I scanned over all the awards that had been preserved. Dreams that never made it to reality.

  “It’s beautiful,” I sniffed.

  “Yeah…it is, but all this,” he waved his hands in the air indicating the room. “It doesn’t compare to having you back. I know you don’t understand right now, but having you here…it’s better than any of this.”

  “Thanks Dad,” I released a sob as I turned to hug him.

  “Why don’t you go up and see your mom. She’s in her room. She had a treatment today. They always wear her down, so she’s resting. I’m sure seeing you would make her feel a lot better. I’ll fix us some supper while you’re up there.”

  I nodded and turned the climb the stairs. When I reached top, I stopped for a minute to peek into the room that was once mine. The door creaked slightly as I pushed it open. If I thought the downstairs was bad… this was worse. My room looked like a shrine. Absolutely nothing was different. The bed was still made up with the pick comforter that I had when I was seventeen. My vanity still sat in the corner with a pink feather boa wrapped around the top that I’d put there after homecoming my senior year. As I stepped further into the room, and glanced at my tack board, I had to fight the urge to let my knees buckle. Pictures of Nick and myself were everywhere. When I’d left five years ago, I’d hoped that Nick would eventually come and find me. I’d held out hope that he still loved me, and wouldn’t let something like distance keep us apart.

  I moved closer to the photos and stared at the faces smiling back at me. Pictures from meets, homecoming, senior night, prom, our first date, first party, summer trips to the beach, it was like watching a movie made from snap shots of us. Nick had consumed me back then. Every thought and event that I had he was there. How we’d gone from where we were to where we are now was something I still didn’t understand. He had wanted to leave. He’d already told me that after graduation we could get out of Pittsford. Why he’d stayed when I went to Atlanta was still baffling me.

  I shook my head trying to clear it. I was up here to see my mom. Wallowing in self-pity was not on the agenda tonight. I took a deep breath and glanced around the room one last time before stepping out into the hall and pulling to the door closed.

  ooooooooo

  As I stood in the doorway of my parent’s room, I watched my mother sleep. She looked so peaceful and relaxed, not like someone who was battling for her life. I crept in, and sat on the edge of the bed, just waiting. I didn’t want to wake her, but I was desperate to hear her voice.

  My mom had been battling breast cancer for the past four months. To look at her, you’d never know. Her skin was still pink and full of life. She’d yet to lose all her hair. It was thinner, but with the way she styled it you’d never know. When I first had found out about her being sick, I’d just undergone my third surgery on my ankle. I was still in rehab and unable to come home. Now sitting here, watching her sleep, I don’t know how I stayed away.

  As I shifted on the bed, I leaned over and placed a light kiss to her forehead as I whispered to her, “I love you Momma.”

  She stirred slightly and rolled to her back as she blinked up at me, “Leah? Is it really you?”

  “Yes Momma, it’s really me,” I smiled weakly. “How are you feeling?”

  “Oh, I’ve been better,” she cracked a half smile at me.

  I shifted once again as she slid her body up to rest it against the headboard. She smiled brighter as she scanned me and reached out to touch my arm. It was as if she thought I might disappear, like I wasn’t real.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to come home,” I sighed as I knotted my fingers in my lap.

  “It’s ok sweetie. I know you’ve had your own problems. Have you seen Nick yet?” she gave me a mischievous grin.

  “I don’t want to talk about him right now,” I shook my head. “Nick is a whole other problem. I want to know about you.”

  “Well….” She sighed. “Things are looking better. The doctor says that the treatments are working. With this round of chemo I have a good chance of going into remission.”

  “That’s great Mom,” I smiled as I thought about how much I prayed over the last four months that she would make it through this.

  “Yeah, it is,” she smiled. “I’m so glad you’re back. I’ve missed you so much, and despite what you think…so have a lot of other people around here.”

  I knew by other people who she was hinting at. My mom was not known for being subtle. She always seemed to know what I was thinking, and knew exactly what to say to get her point across.

  “Well…” I turned and offered her the best smile I had at the moment “I’ll let you get some rest. Dad’s fixing supper, and I’m sure he’s ready by now.” I moved to stand before wrapping my arms tightly around the one person who seemed to know me the best. “I’ll stop by next weekend, ok?”

  “Alright sweetie. I love you,” she smiled as she slid back down on the bed and shifted to get more comfortable.

  “I love you too, Mom,” I moved over to the door and exited the room quietly as I made my way downstairs.

  ooooooooo

  After finishing dinner with my Dad, we talked for a little while. When I glanced up at the wall clock, and saw how late it was, I decided I better head out. Avery was wanting some girl time tonight, and I was going to start my new job at the high school tomorrow. I needed sleep, and I was stressed from the day’s events. My dad claimed that he understood, but I could tell by his face that he wished I’d stay longer.

  I stood from the couch, gave him a hug, and made my way over to the door. When I opened it, I turned, offered another good bye before stepping out into the darkness, and made my way to my car. If I’d been paying attention, I would have seen the truck parked in the driveway, and the figure leaning against it.

  When I reach my car door, the shadow moved at began to head for the front door of my house. It was Nick. What was he doing here?

  “What are you doing here?” it was out of my mouth before I had time to censor it.

  He spun, shocked that I’d called him out. He had a bouquet of flowers in one hand which he held up, “I’m here to see your mom. I always come over on her treatment days.”

  Shock, amazement, and what might have been love surged through me. Here was a man who I’d pretty much destroyed, and he was here for my mom, a mom he no longer had any connection to.

  “Thank you,” I whispered as I went to climb in my car while tears began to silently fall.

  “You’re welcome,” he nodded, and began to walk away. After taking a few steps, he halted, and turned to look at me once again, “You know just because you left me, it doesn’t mean I stopped caring about your family.” He sighed, and then walked away as if he didn’t just leave me standing there dumbfounded.

  After climbing in my car, I sat there for a few minutes as I watched him disappear into the house. Pain and anguish washed over me. How had I walked away from this man five years ago? How was I going to survive being back? I wasn’t…that was the answer.

  Chapter 4

  Nick

  After finishing my visit with Mrs. Carmichael, I decided to give my brother a call. I knew after running into Leah that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to get any sleep tonight. Cam always seem to know exactly what to say to get me off the ledge of destruction. After talking to him, we decided to head to Dave’s. It wasn’t much more than a hole in the wall place, but it was close by, and no one would bother me there.

  When I pulled my truck into the parking lot, I saw Cam leaning against his trailblazer. He had a knowing look on his face, like he knew exactly why I wanted to hang out here tonight. He smirked when I climbed out and nodded toward the door.

  “So…I take it you saw her today?” he lifted his chin in greeting.

  “Who?” I wrinkled my forehead at him.

  “OK…so that’s how it’s gon
na be?” he shrugged and headed for the door.

  We made our way inside and grabbed two empty stools at the bar. When Joe, the bartender, made his way over to us, I ordered a couple of beers.

  “Two Buds,” I mumbled as I scanned the room.

  “She’s not gonna be here,” Cam snickered.

  My head snapped in his direction and I narrowed my eyes at him, “Who are you talking about?”

  “She’s staying with Avery. I saw her car in the driveway when I headed out here, and stop acting like you don’t know who I’m talking about,” he shouldered into me, grabbed his beer, and took a long pull off of it. “Now spill. Something’s bothering you.”

  “I’m not some damn chick,” I grumbled.

  “No…you’re not,” he snickered. “But you sure are acting like one.”

  I quirked my brow at him, “How so?”

  “Well…let’s see. You call me out here late at night. You won’t tell me what’s bothering you. You avoid talking about whatever it is, and…your ex just moved back to town. Dude…I know you’re still hurt over her.”

  I shook my head as I ran my fingers over my face, “Am I that transparent?”

  “In a word…yes,” Cam grinned at me like a fool. “So…have you seen her?”

  I nodded in the affirmative, “Yeah…twice.”

  “And?” he motioned for me to continue.

  “And what?” I shrugged.

  “And how did she look?” he tipped his beer back finishing it and signaled the bartender for another.

  “I’m here drinking with you…how do you think she looked?” I grumbled.

  “So…hot, amazing, better than ever? Am I getting close?” he chuckled.

  “Better than any of that,” I sighed. “When she left…she was a kid, only seventeen. Now…she’s a woman. She has the body of a woman,” I shook my head as I felt heat spread through me.

  Every time I pictured Leah, I thought about what she would feel like pressed up against me. How her softness would yield to me. Would she beg me to take her like she used to? Would she want the tender lover she had when we were kids or would she want the alpha I’d turned into? Would she still whimper when I thrust into her and plunged my tongue deep into the recesses of her mouth?

  I shook my head trying to clear the images from my mind. The hard-on I was sporting was not easy to conceal. Every time Leah entered my mind, my body battled with my feelings. The physical side wanted to say, “Fuck it, she’s hot. Push her up against the wall and take what you want. You need her.” My mind would battle back, though, it would remind me that this girl ripped my heart out without a second thought, and left me behind.

  “Dude, where have you been,” Cam brought me back to reality.

  “Nowhere,” I sighed. “I gotta get outta here.”

  “You’re going to see her aren’t you?” he grinned at me.

  “No!” I all but shouted. “I have ta work tomorrow.”

  “Sweet dreams,” he chuckled.

  I turned and headed for the door. My dreams were going to be anything but sweet. I knew that sleep was not on the agenda, but I had to get outta here. Having her back, it was slowly killing me. As much as I knew I needed to stay away, I just couldn’t. I knew that sooner or later, Leah Carmichael was going to work her way back into my life. I just hoped that my heart could take it.

  ooooooooo

  Leah

  When I pulled back up to Avery’s house, now my house I guess, I sat in the driveway trying to calm my nerves. Why was he there? He claimed that it was to see my mother, but after what I did to him I find it hard to believe. Had he been visiting the last four months? I made a mental note to ask my dad the next time I was over there. I also told myself to find out what Mom’s treatment schedule was so that I could avoid running into him again. He had said he came on treatment days, right? I needed to avoid those like the plague.

  When I entered the living room, Avery was sprawled out on the couch with a wine glass in her hand. An open bottle was sitting on the table with a clean glass for me.

  “You couldn’t wait on me?” I joked.

  “You’ve been out in the driveway for the last ten minutes, I didn’t know when you’d decide to come in,” she shrugged as she finished off the glass in her hand.

  I rolled my eyes at her, “You’re going to turn into a drunk at this rate.”

  “Nah,” she giggled. “Come join me…tonight’s topic is Guy’s Suck!”

  “Yeah…I can get in on that conversation,” I laughed as I tossed my keys on the table beside the door and toed off my shoes. “Is this guys in general, or are we talking about a specific one?”

  She rolled her head to the side and smirked at me, “Are you really asking me that?”

  I shrugged as I sat down and filled my glass to the brim. After taking a few large gulps, I refilled it and giggled when Avery’s eyes went wide.

  “I ran into him again tonight,” I shrugged as if that was the answer to the sudden need of liquid courage. “How long has he been visiting my parents?”

  Avery sat up straight at that comment and set her glass on the table, “What?”

  “You heard me. When I was coming out of Mom and Dad’s he was waiting there to visit. How long?”

  “I didn’t know about that?” she shook her head. “I’m guessing awhile maybe. I’ve only seen his truck there a hand full of times when I’ve driven by.”

  “So it is true? He goes to visit them after Mom’s treatments?” I sighed as I took another sip.

  “I guess,” Avery groaned. “Can we talk about something else? Like…what did he say this afternoon at the high school?” she grinned like she had a secret and wanted me to find out what it was.

  “Not much,” I shrugged. “It was more anger than anything else. I think he’s still mad at me for leaving. He got what he wanted though, I’m back now and not going anywhere else. Joke’s on me, I guess,” I flopped back against the couch. “Man I sound bitter.”

  “Yeah,” Avery nodded. “You have a right to be. I don’t think you coming back this way is what he wanted though. He loved you Leah. He wanted you to be successful. He wanted to watch you take the gold medal and smile on that podium. He’s angry over the way you left.”

  “What was I supposed do?” I sighed. “I told him what was going on. He could have come with me. It wasn’t like he was still in school, Avery. He’s older. He was on his own. He could have come with me,” I began to cry. Just thinking about that last night we had together brought tears to my eyes.

  “So did you decide?” I pushed myself up on my elbow and glanced down at Nick.

  He sighed and slid himself up against my headboard, sadness flitting across his face. “Baby…I can’t just leave.”

  “Why not?” tears welled in my eyes. “Don’t you love me?”

  “I can’t believe you’re asking me that?” sadness morphed to anger as he pulled himself from the bed.

  Nick began pacing the room, working himself into a rage. Fear at what was going to fall from his lips began to consume me. Didn’t he love me? After what we’d just shared I had thought he did. Sweat still glistened on my skin from the heat that we’d created. My sheets were still tangled around my legs.

  Nick had put his jeans on and was riffling through our clothes as he looked for his shirt. When he found it, he yanked over his head.

  “I can’t believe that you think that you can convince me to go because of that,” he pointed at the spot on the mattress that he’d just vacated. “I’d do anything for you, but I guess it’s not the same for you as it is for me.”

  “What are you saying?” my lip began to quiver as he turned toward my door.

  “I can’t just up and leave. I have a family here. One that needs me. I gave up so much for you, and yet you’re going to walk away from all of it for this,” he ground out.

  “I didn’t ask you to give up football,” I jumped from the bed wrapping the sheet around me. “You decided that all on your own.”


  “That’s the point,” he shook his head. “I gave it up for you without you even asking me to. I love you, but I guess it isn’t enough.”

  “Isn’t?” my lower lip trembled.

  “Goodbye Leah,” he sighed as he stepped through my door for the last time.

  “Hey,” Avery nudged me in the side. “You ok?”

  “Yeah,” I grumbled. “Just battling memories. “So…who’s the guy in your life that sucks right now?” I grinned.

  “There isn’t one,” she giggled. “I just knew you’d need this.”

  I turned to look her in the eyes, Avery was a terrible liar. I felt a sudden pang of sorrow run through me as I thought about the fact that she’d been so wrapped up in me these last two days. I had yet to ask her about her problems.

  “Oh come on. I know you have to be dating someone. Unload on me. I need it,” I pushed her in the side playfully.

  “Seeing someone, yes…dating them, no,” she giggled.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I shook my head in confusion.

  “It’s means that we hang out. We have a good time. You have wild sex…but we’re not dating,” she shrugged.

  “What?” I gasped. “Avery you harlot.”

  “It’s easier that way. No one gets hurt and we both get what we need,” she put her glass down and turned on the couch to face me. “Really…I’m the one that came up with this arrangement. I’m ok with it. He serves his purpose and neither of us is going to get hurt this way.”

  “I just never pictured you in a relationship like that,” I mumbled.

  “Well, it’s not really a relationship per se. I promise…I’ll tell you if things change.”

  “So who is he?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

  “Do you remember Logan from the basketball team?”

  “Oh my god. Logan Masters. That’s who you’re fucking?”

  “Yep,” she popped the P. “He’s good at it too,” she giggled.