by Laura Kaye
As did the hope that she might make her own mark by helping shed light on the world in which they all lived. The good and the bad and the beautiful and the painful of it.
It sounded almost Pollyannaish to think she could make a difference, but that’s how it was for most people interested in reporting the news. At least that she’d ever met. All the way back to J school, she’d been surrounded by people who, for the most part, possessed a real purity of cause and purpose.
It had been such a good, energizing day that she felt like she nearly floated home, despite how crowded the metro had been and that she’d just barely missed one bus and the next one had been packed as tight as a can of sardines.
Reuben’s stoop was empty as she made her way up Farragut Place. As was her house.
“Billy?” she called up the stairs. Nothing.
Will you be home for dinner? She shot off the text then went upstairs to change out of her work clothes.
Wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, she dropped onto her bed, popped open her laptop, and posted the obligatory first-day-of-work update on Facebook. Then she went to Ryan’s page to see if he’d posted any pictures from his deployment lately, but there was nothing new.
So Shayna opened up her email, because she was dying to tell someone about her day.
Hey Ryan! Just finished my first day of work at the Gazette. It was mostly personnel and orientation stuff, but I can already tell that I’m going to like it here. Which means I owe you a couple of big thank yous, first for encouraging me to take the chance to move to DC by myself. And second for twisting Billy’s arm to get him to let me stay here. His place is nice and he’s cool, so I think this will work out fine until I can find some roommates and/or a place of my own. Except you might have warned the poor guy that I’m a slob!
Her fingers froze on the keyboard as a dozen other comments flitted through her mind.
Like, Billy’s still as lickable as I remember, so thanks a bunch!
Or, He’s already seen me naked but you don’t have to shoot him because it was totally an accident and I’m pretty sure he only sees me as your “kid sister”!
Or, Did you tell him that Dylan’s death was my fault?
Yeah. No. None of that was happening.
So instead Shayna wrote: Anyway, just wanted to share how excited I am after today. Wish you were here so I could tell you over a couple of burgers and steal all your fries. Shoot me a message when you can and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, YA SHITNUBBIN! ;) xx Shayna
She hit the Send button with a snicker, because insults were pretty much a Curtis family tradition. She couldn’t wait to see what Ryan would send back, though she knew it would probably be a couple of days before her brother saw the message. He wrote as often as he could, but it wasn’t like he was free to sit around online all day. So Shayna cherished every update and note he was able to send.
After all that, she’d hoped to have heard back from Billy, but he still hadn’t answered her text. The thought of eating dinner alone tonight felt like a total bummer, but it wasn’t like she knew a lot of people here yet.
Except there was someone she knew at least a little…
Which gave her a possibly great idea.
She rushed down to the kitchen, decided to make some barbecue chicken breasts, baked beans, and a salad of diced tomatoes, cucumbers, bell peppers, and onions in balsamic vinaigrette. The first step was to season the chicken, so she whipped up a quick marinade, put it and the chicken in a sealed bag in the fridge, and then she made sure to clean up after herself. When she had that much done, Shayna grabbed her keys and headed down the street.
Her belly did a little flip as she let herself into Reuben’s yard through the metal gate and approached his door. Even if he wasn’t interested in joining her, surely he wouldn’t mind the invitation. Right?
On a deep breath, she knocked.
Ziggy let out a bark immediately, and she could almost hear him dancing around on the other side of the door as Reuben’s voice filtered through to her.
“Hold your britches, Zig. I’m coming.” The door opened wide, and the man’s smile was immediate. “Why, Shayna. Nice to see you. Everything all right?”
She nodded. “I wondered if you’d like to join me at my place for dinner tonight?”
“Well, yeah. Yes, I would,” he said, his tone surprised but pleased.
“It’s nothing fancy, but I’d love the company.” She crouched to pet Ziggy and nearly melted when the dog pushed its big blocky head into her hand. “Dinner will be ready in about an hour but feel free to come over any time.”
“You better believe I will.”
“Great.” She gave Reuben the house number and scrunched Zig’s face one last time. “See you soon,” she said, tracing her steps back to her place.
Billy still hadn’t responded to her text, but she’d make enough of everything for him to have later if he wanted.
She preheated the oven and gathered the rest of what she needed, then set about chopping the veggies for the salad. Finally, she placed the marinated chicken on a cookie sheet and slipped it in to bake.
Of course, she’d made a disaster of Billy’s kitchen in the process of doing all this. How did he manage to keep everything so spotless while he cooked? It was beyond her, but she dove into cleaning it all up so she could set the table.
Except, Billy didn’t have a table. He just had the breakfast bar with the high bar stools. And Shayna had no idea if the height of those stools would pose too great a challenge for Reuben’s leg.
Which was when she remembered that there was a black metal table and chairs out on the patio. It was covered with enough dust and sticks and leaves to suggest that Billy didn’t use it very often, so it was a bit of a project for Shay to scrub it all down, but once she laid out a couple of hand towels as placemats and set the table, it looked rather festive. Which fit her mood perfectly.
She had just enough time to baste the chicken with barbecue sauce and slide it back into the oven when Reuben knocked at the door.
Over the course of their meal, Shayna found herself so glad she’d invited the man over.
His stories were humorous and interesting and awe-inspiring by turn. As a boy, he remembered riding on streetcars the very last day they’d operated in the city and recalled hearing Martin Luther King, Jr. giving his “I Have a Dream” speech at the Lincoln Memorial. He’d served in the Marine Corps during the Vietnam War and attended the opening ceremony for the Vietnam Memorial with other survivors from his unit. And he and his wife had raised two daughters of whom the man was obviously immensely proud.
She laughed and ate too much and delighted in Reuben’s enjoyment of her cooking.
Shayna realized that she never would’ve guessed half the amazing things that Reuben had seen and done just by looking at who he was now. And wasn’t that true of everyone? Unless you were the one to say hello or extend the invitation or share a piece of yourself first, you might never know what another person experienced or had to offer.
“Now tell me about your family, Shayna. You have any around here?” Reuben asked.
And you might never know what another person might be hiding either. Like Shayna was. Hiding her hurt and her shame.
She managed a smile. “My parents live in New York, where I grew up, and my older brother, Ryan, is an Army Ranger. He’s deployed in Iraq right now.” She felt the omission of Dylan’s name from her recounting of her family story like a weight on her chest, and she hated herself a little in that moment. So maybe that was why she added something she rarely said out loud anymore, “And I had a middle brother named Dylan who died in a car crash two years ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Reuben said, just as Shayna caught movement from the corner of her eye.
Billy stood in the open doorway, freaking gorgeous in a pair of black dress pants, a white dress shirt with the sleeves cuffed around his forearms, and a blue tie loosened around his neck. And had a chunky watch ever looked so sexy o
n a man before? Wow.
“Oh, hey,” she managed, even as heat filtered into her cheeks. For ogling him. And for the fact that he’d probably just overheard her talking about Dylan. “Are you hungry? You should come join.” She could almost see his indecision as he hovered on the threshold. “Reuben, let me introduce you to my roommate, Billy. He actually owns the house and is kind enough to let me stay for a while.”
That ended Billy’s indecisiveness. He came out and extended a hand to the older man, who moved to rise. “Don’t get up. Please. Nice to meet you, Reuben.”
“Same to you, Billy.” They shook.
“Come sit,” she said, looking up at Billy. “I’ll make you a plate. Reuben lives a few houses down and was in the military, too. You guys have lots in common.”
The moment Billy nodded, Reuben took over. “What branch did you serve in?” he asked Billy as Shayna slipped inside.
It only took her a few minutes to get everything she needed, and when she came out, the two men were deep in conversation about their service. She settled a plate, cup of water, and silverware on the table in front of Billy.
He glanced up at her, and there was an intensity to his gaze that she didn’t understand. “Thanks, Shayna.”
“So enough about us,” Reuben said, grinning at her as she sat down again. “How was your first day at work?”
The question had her grinning, too. “It was really good,” she said. “I mean, it was all about getting oriented, of course, but just walking the halls of one of the biggest newspapers in the country and knowing I’m now a part of it was surreal. As a new staff photographer, I’ll get assigned to community-interest stories at first, which I think will be a great way to get to know the city.”
“That sounds exciting, young lady. Good for you.”
“And I get my press credentials tomorrow, which is going to make it all feel real.”
Reuben chuckled. “You’re about to bounce right out of that seat.”
Billy polished off his chicken and gave her a smile. “You really are.”
Shayna laughed. “I know, I can’t help it.”
Shaking his head, Billy’s expression was almost proud as he looked at her. “You don’t have to help it. Don’t change a thing about it. You’ll bring that enthusiasm to every story you’re a part of and people will see it through your work.”
She nodded, moved because that had been such an incredibly sweet thing to say. “I hope I can do just that.” Shay cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable with all the focus being on her. “Who wants seconds?”
Reuben waved a hand over his empty plate as Billy polished off the last of his dinner. “It was fantastic, but I’m stuffed,” their neighbor said. He peered upward at the darkening sky. “And I suppose I should be getting back. My oldest daughter usually calls me around eight o’clock to check in on her old man.”
“Aw, that’s sweet,” Shayna said. “Let me pack you some leftovers to take home.”
“No, no,” Reuben said, rising with the help of the table and his cane. “That’s not necessary. This beautiful meal and even better company was all I need.”
“Any time,” she said, as she and Billy followed the man inside. At the front door, he gave them both a wave. “Take care now.”
“Bye,” Shayna said, watching at the door for several long minutes until she saw him turn into his own yard, then she closed the door. “He’s such a nice man.”
Suddenly, she felt heat at her back. The hair rose up all down her neck and she nearly shivered.
“And you’re an incredibly nice woman,” came Billy’s voice in her ear. It took everything she had to resist leaning back against him, even though the pull to do so was beyond anything she’d ever felt in her life.
Did she feel this way because she’d had a crush on him when she was younger? Because he’d once seemed so unattainable and now, just maybe, he wasn’t?
“Befriending Reuben, making such a great dinner…” His words trailed off, though she had the strongest feeling that something more hung on the end of his tongue.
Shayna really wanted to know what it was.
She turned, bringing them chest to chest. He was so close that she had to tilt her head back to meet his gaze. “I just wanted to do something a little special after I’d had such a good day.”
He nodded, staring at her with a red-hot intensity that made her heart beat faster. “Special.” His gaze swept over her face. “Definitely.” Billy swallowed hard, and the tortured sound of it combined with his words and that look shot need throughout her veins.
Need of the I-want-this-man kind.
“I’m sorry I didn’t return your text,” he said. “I wasn’t sure how the end of my day was going to go.”
“It’s okay—”
“No.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have ignored it. It’s just…you…do you…” He pressed his lips into a tight line and made a noise deep in his throat.
Both of which drew her gaze to his mouth. She wasn’t sure what was happening here, or what he was trying to say, but she knew what she wanted to happen.
Suddenly she was dying for it. To feel him. To touch him. To kiss him.
She’d been rocking those feelings since the intense conversation they’d had at the breakfast bar. She still wasn’t sure how she’d held back from hugging him after all he’d shared with her. Now, she couldn’t hold back. And didn’t want to.
Shayna put her hands on his chest.
His eyes closed as if the gesture almost pained him. “Shayna.”
She came a half step closer, and it was enough to learn that he was rock hard against her belly. A whimper spilled from her lips as she pushed up onto tiptoes, her hands smoothing up toward his shoulders.
And then his eyes were open and trained on hers, a war roiling in their dark depths.
Through his shirt, she felt the edge of a bandage under her palm. She pulled back her hand, not wanting to hurt him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
The next thing Shayna knew, Billy grasped and pushed her against the wall behind the door. He kissed her full on the mouth. It only took her brain the beat of one second to realize that he’d given her exactly what she wanted and to kiss him back.
And dear God, the way this man kissed. Like he’d been starving for it. His hands were holding her face and his body was pinning her to the wall and his tongue was tasting her mouth like he was desperate for her.
“You can touch me, damnit,” he gritted out around the edge of a kiss. She buried her fingers in his hair, and he groaned.
She moaned at the scorching intensity of the kiss. Her head spun and her pulse raced and her body absolutely bloomed with arousal. He ground that delicious hardness against her belly and she almost cried to feel it a few inches lower. And when his hands trailed down her body and one grasped at the curve of her ass, she lifted her leg around his hip.
Billy’s cock hit her right where she needed him most.
Shayna arched her head back against the wall on a cry.
“Jesus,” he said, still all over her. “We should stop this.”
“Don’t stop,” she said, her voice gritty with need.
“Fuck, Shayna.” His fingertips dug into the bare skin of her thigh where he held her to him. “We gotta stop this.”
“Why?” She pulled her head out of the haze of lust and forced herself to look at him.
His eyes were pure dark fire, but his expression was tormented, torn, uncertain. “Because I’m about thirty seconds from burying myself inside you.”
She was a hundred per cent sure that no one had ever said anything so sexy to her in her entire life. And she wasn’t any virgin. “That’s what I was hoping you might do, Billy.”
Hand on the wall above her shoulder, he pushed himself away from her. “Coming home to dinner on the table and a friendly face that was happy to see me, to friendship and company… I don’t think this house has ever felt so much like a home before.”
His words unlea
shed a warmth inside her chest. “That’s good. I’m glad. But I don’t see why that—”
“I don’t want to take advantage of you or your friendship because I’m such a lonely fucking misfit that I take more than what’s mine to have.”
An ache shot through that warmth, because the thought of him being lonely nearly slayed her. On top of the pain he’d revealed to her yesterday. The military required so many sacrifices about which people never even guessed. “You’re not taking. I’m giving.”
“Well, you shouldn’t,” Billy said, his tone tight. And was that regret, too? “Not to me. I’m sorry.”
Another step, and his hand dropped from the wall.
“Leave the dishes. You cooked, so I’ll do them later.”
And another until that ache became a widening chasm inside her.
“Thank you for dinner.”
Shayna couldn’t say a word. Stunned and confused, she was still pressed up against the wall and nearly aroused out of her mind. And then he turned away and went upstairs. The click of his bedroom door closing was quiet but final.
She’d just lived out a long-held fantasy in being kissed by Billy Parrish. It was more than she’d ever imagined it would be—hot and thrilling and so damn sexy.
Except, apparently, that he regretted it.
Chapter Six
So fucking much for keeping his distance and maintaining his cool.
Billy could not believe how bad he’d crossed the line with Shay.
From the moment he’d seen the note from her on his kitchen counter this morning, pot of coffee ready and waiting and fragrant in the air, his head had been a little fucked.
As if it wasn’t enough that she was funny and cool and interesting, and that she somehow made him feel safe enough to say shit he normally wouldn’t, and that he’d seen her naked and couldn’t stop remembering how gorgeous she was—nope, couldn’t forget that. The coffee and that damn note made him realize something he’d long known but never really dwelt on before.
He was really fucking lonely.
When you’d spent your entire adult life living in close quarters with a bunch of other men in your unit, so close in friendship and purpose that you thought of one another as brothers, getting out of the military and living alone was an unexpectedly devastating blow.