by Philip Kerr
‘I told you,’ said Philippe. ‘He’s their man, not yours. You should never have trusted him, Jay. Now what are you going to do? It’s over, do you hear?’
He stared balefully at me for several seconds, as if he dearly wanted to hit me.
‘You bastard,’ he said. ‘All you people care about is money. None of you gives a damn about the people who play the game. Real people. And the real people who depend on them.’
And then he walked out.
‘Sorry about that,’ said Jérôme. ‘He’s upset, that’s all.’
‘I can see. Look, I’m sorry. But that’s just how it is.’
He sat down again and stared at his hands. ‘Yes, I understand.’
‘Actually no, I don’t think you do. I may be English but Barcelona – this club is like family to me, Jérôme. And you don’t lie to your family. I agree with everything you told me last night. It all makes perfect sense. But I can’t get over the fact that if I allowed Philippe to take your medical I’d be letting the club down badly. I’m sorry, Jérôme, but it’s a bridge too far, I’m afraid.’
He nodded silently.
I sat down, poured some coffee, and hoped that the sofa would swallow me up; either that or that the limo driver would ring the doorbell and I could leave. I don’t like flying all that much but this was a flight I was really looking forward to.
‘Tell me, what kind of football player is Philippe?’
‘Are you making polite conversation? Because I’m not feeling very polite right now.’
‘Humour me. What kind of player is he? A defender? A goalkeeper. Describe him.’
‘Honestly?’
‘You can certainly give it a try.’
Jérôme grinned. ‘He’s a natural winger,’ he said. ‘A good one, too. Right-footed. A good passer of the ball. His range of passing is excellent. He sees gaps in defences from a long way off. And he runs with the ball almost as fast as he does without it. Very strong, very fast, and very, very fit. Well, you can see for yourself how fit he is. If he’d had an earlier start in the game he might have been a professional, too. Probably at a top club. That’s why it was so easy for him to take my medicals. He looks the part already and he has some good ball skills. Enough for the cameras. And, in spite of what you’ve seen of him since you’ve been here, he is a very calm sort of individual. Steadier than me.’
‘So why didn’t he start earlier in the game?’
‘The opportunities here are, as you’ve probably observed, limited. It’s not like footballing scouts come to Guadeloupe as a matter of course, although perhaps they ought to given the way the island supplies footballers to the French national team. Besides, Philippe was always more interested in his school work than in sport. He wanted to go to university, to go his own way. We’ve never been the kind of twins who always did the same things. When we were living together, almost always he tried to do different things from me. And then of course we were separated. Which is a weird thing to do with twins. But in a way he didn’t mind. Neither of us did. Which makes us much more individual than you might think.’
‘And did he go to university?’
‘Yes. He studied agriculture at the University of the French West Indies and Guiana in Martinique. Paid for by me, of course. He now works for the Guadeloupe and Martinique Banana Growers’ Association.’
‘Does he like that?’
‘Not really. It’s only lately that he’s come to wish he could have been a footballer, too. And to realise what he’s missed. When he saw the way that I live in Paris – my cars, my apartment, my girlfriend – I think it was pretty hard for him to take all that on board. What might have been, you know?’
‘I can imagine.’ I left unasked the question I wanted to ask, which was if he’d slept with Bella Macchina. ‘Is it a well-paid job? With the banana company?’
‘By local standards, yes. But not by French standards. Most of his money comes from me. What I give him and my father enables them to have a pretty good lifestyle out here. But for that he’d like to come to France more often and look for work there.’
‘And is he married?’
‘Married?’
‘That’s right. You know? A woman with a ring on her finger and a rolling pin in her hand.’
‘No. Look, Mr Manson, if all of these questions about my brother are because you’re going to suggest that he could take my place at Barcelona or Paris Saint-Germain on a permanent basis, we both know that isn’t going to work. There’s no way he could survive the pace of the game in Spain. Or for that matter in France.’
‘You think I don’t know that? I’m not that naïve, son. That isn’t what I’m suggesting. I told you, I’m not going to be a part of your very forgivable fraud; equally I’m not going to tell Barcelona anything about your VSD. Since you were only on loan, I figure it’s not their business.’
‘What are you going to tell them?’
‘You can leave that to me,’ I said, without having the least clue. ‘But I will have to say something more to PSG, who hold your contract, although I’m not yet exactly sure what. I need some time to work out some things in my head.’
‘They’ll sack me. You know it. And I know it.’
‘That’s right. They probably will. The real trick is going to be to get them to sack you for all the wrong reasons.’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘Look, Jérôme, I think I already told you that I know one or two things about being dumped. A lot of what happened was my own fucking fault, on account of how I’ve never been able to keep it zipped. But believe me when I tell you that however low you’re feeling at this present moment in time, I have felt much much lower. Which is why, against all my better judgement, I’m determined to try and help you.’
‘If you really want to help me, Mr Manson, then let Philippe go to Barcelona to take my medical.’
‘I think you need to clean your bloody ears out. I’ve told you why I can’t do that. So, I suggest you put FC Barcelona out of your tiny mind for good, and place every ounce of your trust in me. That’s right. You’re going to have to trust me on this for a while. But first I’m going to ask you a very important question to which I want a straight fucking answer.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Then here it is. And think about it before you open your trap again. Is football still the most important thing in your life? Don’t answer yet. Think about it. I don’t mean all that off-the-field shit that comes with being a top footballer – the deals and the endorsements and the commercial bollocks – I mean the game of football, pure and simple. Is it the pre-eminent thing in the life of Jérôme Dumas? No, really think before you answer. A Saturday afternoon and a big match with you playing in front of fifty thousand fans. Think. Is that what still floats your boat?’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘It’s not a difficult question, son. It’s really very fucking simple. Is it football you really like or the prospect of being the black Beckham? Is it the dressing room that’s important to you or the photographic studio? The sports pages or a spread in G fucking Q? Liniment or hair gel? Vaseline or aftershave? A jockstrap or an Armani suit? Some dolly birds or your team mates? The roar of the crowd or the squeal of some totty you’re banging up the arse in a nightclub? Playing keepy-uppy or footsie with a hooker? Because I’m not going to waste my time helping you, young man, if all you really want to do in life is help yourself. You see, I love this game and I love people who love it as much as me. Those are the only kind of people for whom I am prepared to take risks and make sacrifices. Do you understand?’
‘Yes. I love the game. I can’t imagine life without football. Without my team mates. It wouldn’t be worth living. It’s what gets me out of bed; and it’s what I’m still thinking about when I go to bed. What I dream about when I’m asleep. Every night, since I was a small boy.’
‘Is the right answer. That’s all I wanted to hear from you, Jérôme. Very well then. I shall cer
tainly need to speak to some people first before I tell you anything more about what’s on my mind. All I will say at this stage is, don’t give up hope. Not just yet. There may be a way to make sure that you can still play professional football. So, please, try to be patient.’
31
‘So, let me get this straight,’ said Charles Rivel. ‘You found Jérôme Dumas, in the French Caribbean, on the lovely island of Guadeloupe—’
‘I can see you’ve never been there, Charles.’
‘You found him. But the loan agreement we made with Barcelona has fallen through. Why? I don’t understand. You brought the player back to France, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, he’s back at his apartment here in Paris.’
‘But surely you could just as easily have taken him to Barcelona. They paid for the plane, after all. So why isn’t he there now, in Spain? Why isn’t he at Camp Nou getting fit for the match against Real Madrid?’
‘Because I told them he’d had a nervous breakdown. And that he didn’t want to play in Spain any more. That, for the moment, he wanted to stay in France. But none of that is true. They know it isn’t. But they’re happy with the story I’ve given them for now. The fact is, I thought the fewer people who know the real reason why he’s not going to be playing there the better.’
‘Better for who?’
‘For you and for him.’
‘Forgive me, Scott, but shouldn’t all this have been our decision at PSG? We sent you to find a missing player, not scupper a good deal. It’s true there was no transfer fee but need I remind you that the Catalans were going to pay all of Jérôme Dumas’s wages? Which are not inconsiderable. Not to mention a loan fee of several million euros.’
We were meeting for breakfast in the restaurant at the Bristol Hotel in Paris, which is where PSG likes to do its business. The cheapest room at the Bristol is more than nine hundred euros a night, which makes business as comfortable as it gets. It’s where the club’s sport director, Leonardo, did the deal with Edinson Cavani, when he joined from Napoli in July 2013, for a fee of about forty-eight million quid, then a Ligue 1 record. And it’s where the club paid for David Beckham to stay when he was playing for PSG; in the Imperial Suite to be exact, which, at £14,500 a night, costs rather more than the cheapest room where I was now staying. But then it is easily large enough for a game of indoor five-a-side. Becks was worth that much in just his shirt sales. It was nice to be in a really good hotel again but most of all it felt good to be back in a country where they take food seriously. Especially the humble croissant. With butter and apricot jam and hot coffee it is the cornerstone of a civilised breakfast.
‘Believe me, Charles, I’ve done you a very big favour. An enormous favour, in fact. And I’m about to do you another. When I’ve told you what I’ve done you’ll want to upgrade me to the David Beckham suite and throw in a free football.’
‘So tell me. I’m listening.’
So I told him, everything – I even told him about the gun, and the murder in Sevran – and it was fun watching the Frenchman’s smooth jaw drop onto his silk Charvet tie.
‘Jesus Christ,’ he said.
‘Is he staying here, too? I’m surprised he can afford it.’
‘Are you serious? Dumas was using his twin to trick our doctors? And was planning to do the same at Camp Nou? I don’t believe it.’
‘I’m perfectly serious. It’s true. I guess the boy isn’t called Dumas for nothing.’
‘Beating Chelsea in the Champions League. Overtaking Olympique Lyonnais in Ligue 1. These would be good for PSG. These I understand. And I can see how all this is good for FCB. But how is any of what you’re telling me good for PSG? We’ll get to how it’s good for the player later.’
‘While it’s true that you won’t ever be able to sell Jérôme Dumas, you will have avoided any significant legal problems that might easily and expensively have resulted if Jérôme and his twin had managed to pull off this little scam. For example, you might have been held legally liable to FCB. As might have been your medical insurers if he was to suffer some sort of problem during a match. Like the lad at Tottenham who suffered a heart attack? Radwan Hamed? That just cost Spurs’ insurers the best part of seven million quid. Although I dare say they’ll pass that cost onto the club when the next premium comes to be paid.’
‘Yes, I see.’
‘Also, given the fact that the twins undoubtedly pulled the same trick when he came here from AS Monaco who, incidentally, had no idea of what was going on either, it means your contract with Jérôme is null and void. In other words, you don’t have to pay him any more. So, the player’s wages don’t even come into it. That’s how it’s good for PSG. Although I expect you will have to repay the loan fee to Barcelona.’
‘Could we recover our transfer fee from ASM?’
‘I doubt it. It was your doctors who, through no fault of their own, pronounced him fit to play. I’m afraid that’s why medicals take place under the auspices of the purchasing club, not the vendor. I’m not a lawyer but I should say that this is a simple case of caveat emptor. Let the buyer beware. Of course, they weren’t to know that Jérôme had a twin. And of course ASM will rightly argue that he conned them as well. So I don’t think there’s much mileage in it for you by trying to hold them legally accountable.’
‘I suppose we could sue Jérôme Dumas, couldn’t we?’
‘That would only make you and your doctors look like mugs. And nobody wants that. Legal action is best avoided here, I’d have thought. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t actually play for the club. And play well, on occasion. In the first round Champions League Cup tie you played against Barcelona in September he was man of the match, remember? In all respects but the medical he’s functioned perfectly well. And could easily continue to do so, but for the lawyers and the doctors and the medical lawyers.’
Rivel sipped his coffee and nodded as I continued speaking.
‘Sack him by all means, Charles. In fact, I recommend you do sack him. But it won’t play well in the press if the reason you’re getting rid of him and perhaps even contemplating legal action is because he has a hole in the heart. If you’ll pardon the expression, it makes you guys look heartless.’
‘That’s true.’ His eyes narrowed for a moment. ‘You are telling me everything, Scott, aren’t you?’
‘Yes. Everything. Which is a lot more than I told my friends at FCB. And I owe them in a way I don’t owe you. Which reminds me. I’ve decided to waive my bonus. The finder’s fee that your Qatari friend offered if I found the boy.’
‘Why? As I recall you are entitled to a reduced fee. A million euros. So why not take it? You’ve earned it. You’ve done what we asked.’
‘Because I’ve been well paid for what I’ve done. And because I don’t like to profit from someone else’s loss.’
‘Isn’t that the nature of capitalism?’
‘Perhaps. But there are some varieties of loss when capitalism must stand quietly in its technical area with its hands in its pockets, just watching the game. And this is one of those.’
‘I thought he was the lefty, not you.’
‘He is. I’m not. And after what the Labour Party said about the Premier League and its television deal I’m never voting for them again. I’m just trying to do what’s right here and, in my opinion, that’s something which has no politics. This now brings me to the reasons I think you ought to give to the press when you do sack him. And this is very important, Charles. Not just for you. But for Jérôme Dumas.’
‘And why should I give a shit about him, Scott? The bastard made a fool of us.’
‘He’ll never ever play football again at the highest level. On account of a serious medical condition he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life. That’s why. Very likely he will continue to live a perfectly normal, active life. But as we both know, medical actuaries deal in numbers, not in people. And to be fair to them there is always the possibility that all of this might become a much larger pr
oblem.’ I let that sink in for a moment and then added: ‘Besides, he’s just a kid. Like most kids he thinks he’ll live forever. Frankly, it’s the sort of thing any young player would do in order to keep playing. The sort of thing I’d have done myself, if I’d been in his boots. When people are desperate to escape grinding poverty, this is what they do. Think how that will play in a newspaper like Libération.’
‘When you put it like that…’ said Rivel.
‘Charles, if you saw what he’d come from – on the island of Guadeloupe, I mean. It’s a dump. But it’s a dump that’s full of beautiful people. Most of whom haven’t got much money and are starved of opportunities to better themselves. Honestly, if you knew where he’s been giving some of his money – local schools and hospitals – you’d realise that he deserves to have some kind of a future. Preferably in football.’
‘I thought you said he’d never play football again.’
‘No, I said he’d never play again at the highest level.’
‘Oh, you mean he can play in another league. Actually, Scott, I can’t honestly see how that’s going to work out either. Unless you allow the twins to practise the same deception on another club. Which can’t happen.’
‘You let me worry about that.’
‘For legal reasons PSG would certainly want an undertaking that the Dumas twins never pull this kind of stunt again.’
‘And you’ll certainly have that. I guarantee it. And they won’t be pulling any kind of stunts again. At least not of a medical kind. Look, all I need PSG to do is to sack him, like I said. I think you should sack him for misconduct. Specifically because of the political comments he’s made to the press which you regard to be incompatible with his employment at PSG. Specifically the interview he gave to Libération. Take him at his own word. He’s a communist who advocates Maoist revolution, isn’t he? How does that play with your team owners? The last thing they want in Qatar is a revolution. Of course, everyone will think there’s a lot more to it than that. And then maybe you can get your PR people to hint that he was involved with some bad boys in the banlieues. Which he was. Of course, in the long run, none of this will do Jérôme’s reputation any harm at all. Much better to be sacked for being a bad boy than for having a hole in the heart. In fact, I rather think the Maoism might even go down well with his new employers.’