by Duane Boehm
“If you think you can get a fire going, I’m going to see if I can find a rabbit or something. Hardtack and jerky get old pretty quick,” Gideon said as he started to unsaddle the horses.
“I can still build a fire, Gideon Johann. I didn’t spend the last eighteen years twiddling my thumbs, you know?” Abby said and smirked at him.
Gideon saluted her. “Yes, ma’am. I can feel the heat already. Maybe you can also rig up a spit with all that talent.”
Pulling his rifle out of the scabbard, he started walking upstream looking for game. Hunting gave him a good excuse to get away from Abby to sort out things. Thinking about Benjamin almost made him feel nauseous with worry. He would do anything to rescue the boy if there was an opportunity, but having an opportunity was the part he feared would not be provided. Some of the local ranchers were capable of starting a range war, but he had a hard time believing that they would go after a rancher’s child. Back in his days as a deputy, he had heard stories of gangs of kidnappers out East that moved about, making him wonder if they had headed west. The only thing that he was sure of was that God help whoever did it if he found them.
There was also Abby showing up out in the middle of nowhere to take into consideration. He was embarrassed for his initial reaction of thinking she had left Marcus for him. It had been a silly fantasy considering the way that their two encounters had gone, but just the same, he knew that she got upset with him because she still cared. He was going to do his best to keep the conversations away from anything that might rile her. Even under such a trying circumstance, he looked forward to spending time with her and hoped it could lead to them being friends.
He spied a rabbit making its way to the stream. It must have caught wind of him as it stopped and raised its nose in the air. He aimed at the head and fired, dropping the rabbit. The rifle was overkill and he hoped that he had been on the mark or cleaning it was going to be a mess. He walked over and picked up the game. His shot had been true, and he cleaned the rabbit there using a knife that he bought at Silverton to replace the one he had left for Benjamin.
When Gideon walked back into camp, Abby had a good fire going and the spit in place.
“I could just about eat that rabbit raw. I guess all this riding and fresh air has given me an appetite,” Abby said.
“It won’t take long with such a wonderful fire,” Gideon said mockingly as he grabbed the spit stick and whittled a point onto it before running it through the rabbit.
The last of the daylight was fading as they sat by the fire and watched the rabbit cook. The conversation lagged as the rabbit sizzled and the aroma of the cooking meat grew stronger. Abby went to her saddle and pulled out a jacket as the temperature started dropping. As she came back to the fire, she checked the meat and pronounced it cooked.
“Tell me about Winnie,” Gideon said as he took his first bite of rabbit.
“Winnie,” Abby said. “Winnie is just about the best thing that ever happened to me. She is a little spitfire. When I was carrying her, and don’t you dare say a word, when I was carrying her, I worried that she would have Marcus’s personality, but the moment she was born, I knew better. She came into this world full of fire. She can be a handful and I’m sure that when she gets older that there will be days that I am at my wits end with her, but nobody will ever walk all over her. She is her own person.”
“Sounds like her momma to me,” Gideon said.
“True, but she is even more determined than I ever thought about being. I don’t think that she would ever let herself be railroaded the way I have in the past.”
“She must make you very proud.”
“So whereabouts have you been all these years?” Abby asked as she blew on the piece of rabbit to cool it.
“You name it and I probably have been there,” Gideon said. “I’ve been up in the Wyoming and Montana Territories, here in Colorado, and down in New Mexico. Been to Texas too, but that place is too damn hot for my likings. I’ve worked as a deputy and ranch hand mainly. I also did some work as a hired gun. Got involved in the Colfax County War on the side of the settlers, but I quit that when innocent people started getting killed. I’ve seen a lot of this country. It’s a beautiful place when people don’t make a mess of it.”
Gideon pulled a leg off the rabbit and handed it to Abby. “Are your parents still alive, and how are your brother Tom and your sisters?” he asked
“Momma and Daddy are doing well. They still live in the old home place, and Tom runs things now. He and his wife built a house down the road from them. Daddy still helps Tom and Marcus when things get busy. Sissy is married and in Denver, and Rose moved back East to Baltimore. Don’t ask me why,” Abby said.
“I cleaned up my mother’s grave site. It had grown up after Frank ran Ethan out of there a few years back. I never imagined it going unattended and a mess. I don’t know how I thought it would stay maintained,” Gideon said.
“Your parents were good people. I still think about them sometimes and miss them”
“Yes, they were, but they probably would have thought they failed as parents if they had lived.”
Abby finished off the rabbit leg and tossed the bones into the fire. A chill went through her and she pulled her jacket tightly shut. She wanted so badly to know more. “Gideon, if you ever come to a point in your life where you can talk about what happened, I would love to know. You could write me a letter or something. I spent so many years wondering about you.”
Gideon stood and started pacing as soon as she spoke. He could feel the words wanting to start to bubble up again just as they did with Mary and at the grave. Being back in Last Stand had opened a wound that he had sealed off for so long. If anybody deserved to know, he knew that person was Abby, and he did not have the will to hold onto it any longer. “There were four of us that got separated from the unit in a skirmish and we were trying to make our way back. There was a sound of something running through the brush and I thought we were being attacked. So much of what we dealt with was guerrilla type fighting. They would come at you from out of nowhere. I fired at the sound and it was a little boy about the same age as Benjamin. I hit him in the chest and I had to watch him die. There was so much fear showing in his eyes as he gasped for breath. I held his hand and told him I was sorry. He lived maybe five minutes and then we had to leave him. His family may never have found him for all I know. I’ve seen those eyes looking up at me thousands of times ever since.”
Abby watched Gideon pace the whole time he was talking. When he finished, she closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand, trying to imagine what he had been living with for so long. In all the years since he had disappeared, she had imagined a thousand different scenarios of what had happened and none of them had been nearly as bad as the actual truth. “Oh, Gideon, that is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I understand your feeling guilty, but that is what happens in war. Innocent people are killed all the time. That always happens. Ruining your life is not going to bring him back, nor is it going to atone for your mistake. Being happy and a charitable person will bring far more honor to that little boy than the path you have chosen.”
Gideon sat back down and started to cry. There was no way that he could stop it, and it embarrassed him terribly. After so many of years of carrying the burden of the secret, he marveled that it was gone in a few words. He did not know if it would last, but right now, he felt so much relief that he was physically weak.
Abby came over and sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he cried. She did not say anything, just waited for him to cry out the years of pain. When he stopped, she did not move and neither of them spoke. Finally, after minutes had passed, she was ready to talk. “Gideon, I have a secret to tell you, too. I know now is not the best time, but it is probably the only time we will ever have,” she said as he uncovered his face and looked at her. His face looked so pathetic that she wanted to hold him and make the hurt go away as she did when Winnie skinned a knee. She had no idea how he
would react to her news, but she was sure that now was the time to get everything out in the open. “Oh, I don’t know where to begin with this. I guess just come out and say it. Please just let me get it all out there before you say anything. Gideon, this is going to be such a shock, but you have a daughter. When I found out I was carrying your child, I told Momma and Daddy, and of course, they were horrified. You know how religious they are, and they were so ashamed. They would not let me write you and they said they would disown me if I did. I was so young and scared. That is what I meant when I said Winnie would not be railroaded as I was. They were more worried about somebody finding out than doing what was right. I know I should have written you and you would have married me, but they had me so scared. I just caved in. I don’t know if you remember, but my momma had a younger sister in Wyoming, Aunt Rita, that could not have children. I went up there and had Joann and they raised her as their own. I named her Joann after Johann. Nobody in Last Stand was any the wiser. Of course, everybody up there knew the truth and Joann found out. She knows I am her real mother and she knows about you. We are very close. She visits some summers and she is seventeen now. Winnie thinks she is about the greatest thing on earth and she has your blue eyes. When she is here, I’m afraid people will figure it out because they are so blue like yours. Marcus would die if he knew she was ours. I know all of this must be hard to believe, but you would be proud of her if you met her. She is smart and beautiful and has a kind heart. I don’t know what else to say.”
Gideon kept looking at Abby, his mind trying to take in what she had said. He was already so shaken from his confession that the news was hard to comprehend. It felt as if he were eavesdropping on somebody else’s conversation. “I have a daughter,” he repeated numbly as he stood up and started pacing again. “You and I had a baby together?”
“Yes, Gideon, we did”
He stopped walking and allowed everything that had just transpired to soak in – Abby knew his secret and he had a daughter. It was time to gain control of himself. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Staying calm and alert had kept him alive through many close calls, and he willed it in himself now. Glancing over at Abby, she was looking overwhelmed herself. He wondered if two secrets had ever changed lives as much as theirs had. He was in control of himself now, just physically drained. “Abby, I wish that you would have written me. I understand why you didn’t and God knows I’m the last person on earth that would have the right to fault you for it. Quite a night, huh? You’re the first person to hear my long held secret and I find out I have a daughter. That feels so strange to say. I have a daughter. Tomorrow I may be more miserable than I have ever been in my life, but tonight I feel such a relief to have it all out in the open. Tell me about Joann.”
Abby started to cry now. She was not sure why, she guessed she was like Gideon, relieved to have the secrets out in the open. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, she smiled. “She is pretty if I do say so myself. Tall, and lanky like you, and those blue eyes. Her mouth and eyes are shaped like mine. She is kind and thoughtful. Aunt Rita and Uncle Jake did a good job raising her and they have been so good about letting me be part of her life. It would have killed me if they hadn’t. She has asked me a thousand questions about you.”
He sat down beside her and patted her leg. “I have a hard time believing I’m a father,” he said. “I never thought I would be one of those.”
“Now you know why I got so upset when you made a joke about it like it was some roll in the hay.”
Gideon giggled like a child and rubbed his scar. “I guess so,” he said.
“I wish you could see her picture. I have one at home,” Abby said.
Gideon got up and walked over to his saddlebags to pull out the bottle of whiskey. “Let’s have a sip in honor of the end of secrets,” he said as he uncorked the bottle and handed it to Abby.
Abby held up the bottle. “To the end of secrets,” she said and took a drink before handing it back to Gideon.
Gideon took a sip and then returned the bottle to the saddlebags. “We better get some sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. I’m going to find Benjamin,” he said with a renewed determination that he would somehow succeed.
He added wood to the fire and made his bed on the opposite side of the blaze from Abby’s spot.
As soon as they bedded down, Abby knew what she was going to do even before she admitted it to herself. Cheating on Marcus may have been a sin, but as far as she was concerned, she and Gideon had already paid for all the sins that they would ever commit. Missing the one opportunity that she would ever have to spend the night with the only man that she had ever loved would be the real sin. Life was too hard not to take the love when it was there. “Gideon, come keep me warm.”
Gideon walked slowly over to her. She was on her side with her back to him and he slid under the blanket, nuzzling up against her and catching a whiff of her perfume still lingering on her neck. The fragrance was the same that she had worn as a girl, and the nostalgia it caused was so overpowering that it sent him reeling back to those days. He could not help himself but to kiss the back of her neck.
Abby rolled onto her back and looked into his eyes. “Love me, Gideon,” she said.
Chapter 22
Gideon gently shook Abby. “Wake up, sleepyhead. We have to ride and get home. Benjamin needs us,” he said.
Abby slowly opened her eyes, smiling at Gideon. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips. “So last night wasn’t a dream after all,” she said.
He smiled at her and brushed the hair out of her face. “Well, if that was a dream, it was the best one that I ever had.”
“There’s that smile. You should wear it more often. It looks good on you.”
“All right, let’s eat and get going,” Gideon said as he got up and started pulling hardtack and jerky out of his saddlebags.
Abby stood up and started walking stiffly, grabbing the canteens to fill at the stream. “I’m not sure which is sorer, the side that rode the horse all day or the side that you rode all night,” she said.
“Abby,” Gideon said, embarrassed by her comment.
She burst out giggling. “Let me enjoy our one day together.”
“So I guess having a daughter is not a dream either. Do you think she hates me?”
“No. No. No. She understands that you did not know about her. She is just curious, as you would expect,” Abby said.
“You didn’t let her know I was back then?”
“As badly as our first couple of meetings went, I was not about to let her in on it until you were gone. I just didn’t see any way that something good could come from it.”
“I suppose not,” he said.
“I haven’t ridden this much in years. It’s a long ways back.”
“We can tell everybody we met up this morning. Maybe it will give you some cover with Marcus,” Gideon said.
The remark brought her back to the reality of the situation. “Yeah, we probably should say that. You know, Gideon, one bullet and one letter not sent changed the whole course of our lives.”
“I know. There’s no point on dwelling on it now. Let’s just enjoy the day as much as possible considering all that’s going on back home.”
∞
Benjamin had barely eaten anything since the kidnapping. He had never recovered from the trauma of Marcus almost discovering them, and still believed that it had been his pa. He worried continuously that Ethan would come back to be murdered. The couple of times that he had tried eating, he immediately threw it up, infuriating Jasper.
“Goddamn kid, it’s bad enough being stuck in this cave without having to smell puke,” Jasper said.
“Leave the kid alone. You’d be scared to if it was you,” Walter said.
“Sitting around all day with that little baby is getting on my nerves. I never knew that time could go so slow. Hell, scooping cow shit is better than this,” Jasper said.
Walter put his hand on Benjamin’s shoul
der. “You only got two more days in here and then you will get to go home. Just hang in there.”
“Is anybody going to get killed?” Benjamin asked.
“No, nobody is going to get killed. They won’t come back to this cave now that they already checked it. Your pa will pay the money and then you will go home,” Walter assured the boy.
“My pa don’t have any money,” Benjamin fretted.
“The bank will loan him money to get you back. Don’t worry, he will pay to get you home,” Walter said.
Jasper was pacing in his agitated state. “Will everybody just shut the hell up? All this talking gets on my nerves. If your daddy don’t get the money, we will slit your throat,” he said.
Benjamin started to cry and Jasper moved towards him with his arm drawn to backhand him, but Walter stepped between them to intervene.
“Sit down. You are not going to touch him,” Walter warned.
Jasper stopped and looked up at Walter. He knew that on his best day that he would never win a fight with him. Walter was too big and he had seen him fight. The man knew how to hold his own in a brawl. “Sure. Sure, Walter. I’m just a little worked up. I didn’t mean nothing,” he said and sat down on the cave floor.
“Nothing is going to happen to you Benjamin. Your pa will get the money and you’ll be home for supper Saturday,” Walter said.
∞
Ethan feared that by the time that Saturday came around that Sarah was going to have a breakdown. She wasn’t sleeping or eating, and she could barely carry on a conversation with him. Her mind seemed to be in a fog and conversation barely registered with her. He wished now that Abby had stayed around. Sarah needed a woman to talk to, and he held out little hope that she would find Gideon. He had no expectations that Gideon could accomplish anything that they had not already done to try to find Benjamin anyway.