by S M Mala
Then I hear his voice.
‘Hello,’ Josh says. ‘I wanted to apologise for what happened on Friday. I know you have to move on and … well… I should have been better behaved. I’ve had a good think over the weekend and the upshot is that it’s best we don’t see or speak to each other again. I’m going to make a go of it with Meg and I hope you find someone who will make you happy. I won’t ever forget you Belle. Tell Beth I’ve gone away and I’ll see her when I can.’
He hangs up and I think my heart has just broken into two. I don’t know what to say. I check to see when he rang.
Perfect timing!
It was when I was being humped within an inch of my life by Hal.
It’s raining outside and I feel miserable which, in turn, makes Beth sad. We’re not happy bunnies today. It’s five in the afternoon and I’m making something for us to eat. Today it’s sausages and mash, comfort food. Well, it works for her as she’s covered in gravy but gives me more angst as another load of clothes enter the washing machine.
‘Why are you sad mummy?’ she asks as I get her out of the bath.
‘I’m not,’ I reply and force a big smile which makes me want to cry.
‘One day you’ll get a boyfriend and you’ll be happy,’ she says sympathetically, patting my shoulder.
‘I don’t want a boyfriend,’ I say and see her genuine smiling face. ‘I want you to be happy.’
‘You should have married Josh, mummy,’ Beth whispers. ‘Then you would have been happy.’
‘Josh didn’t want to marry me. He fell in love with Meg and-.’
‘She’s not nice,’ my daughter says.
‘She’s beautiful,’ I defend.
‘Not as beautiful as you!’
Who needs a man when your own child is blinded by love, aye?
I’m reading Beth a bedtime story as the phone starts to ring. She’s nearly asleep so I rush to my bedroom and manage to get to it before it trips into the answering machine.
‘Hello?’ I say, seeing it’s Joan’s landline.
‘Hello Belle. I’m back.’
‘How nice! Did you enjoy the rest of the week?’
‘It was certainly amazing,’ she said putting her deep sex kitten voice on that really sounds like a strangled cat.
‘Hal I take it?’
‘Oh yes,’ she giggles. ‘I thought it was sweet of him to take time to get to know you, don’t you?’
‘Yes you could say that,’ I say going red and getting hot. ‘You certainly told him enough about me.’
‘I was filling him in,’ she says seriously. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something.’
I’m feeling guilty here. Shit! She knows about me shagging her bloke!
‘You see Joan-,’ I begin not knowing how to start. ‘It’s the drink you-.’
‘Josh,’ she says calmly.
‘What about Josh?’
‘Listen to me and don’t get upset but I feel I must tell you the truth.’
‘About what?’ She’s loved up and now she’s not thinking straight.
‘I was talking to Hal and-.’
‘What were you talking to him about?’ I ask trying not to show any panic in my voice.
‘He told me I should tell you the truth and I’m doing so,’ she snaps. ‘So shut up and listen.’
‘Fine!’ I snap back.
‘Josh came to see me before he got married,’ she calmly says.
‘That’s nice.’
‘And he told me… you’re going to laugh.’
‘Am I?’
‘No,’ she quickly says. ‘For some unknown reason-.’
‘Yes?’
‘He told me he loved you and didn’t want to get married to Meg. I told him he was better off without you,’ she says sharply. I can’t speak. ‘Are you still there?’
‘Joan!’ I hiss knowing this is not a good sound from me.
‘Forget about him and move on,’ Joan calmly says. ‘I know he slept with you after his wedding night but he went a bit loopy. That’s the effect you have on people.’
‘What?’ My head is spinning. ‘You told Josh to marry that… that cow instead of me?’
‘He wasn’t going to marry you,’ she laughs sarcastically. ‘Come on Belle, don’t be stupid.’
‘Stupid? You know I love him.’
‘Belle? Love? Come, come. That’s not true. Lonely, middle aged-.’
‘You can talk!’
‘Fat,’ she finishes off and I can’t answer back.
‘Don’t you want me to be happy? We could have been happy.’
‘Oh be serious. You couldn’t even make Kai happy and he was low maintenance!’
‘You bitch!’
I stand there for a moment breathing deeply.
‘Is this why you wanted me to go away with you for a few days because you felt guilty you ruined my life?’ I snap.
‘That’s a bit melodramatic,’ she sighs. ‘I saw you both on the Friday and I knew if he had an inkling that you screwed someone else, then all his airy fairy thoughts would disappear.’
‘You set me up?’
‘You set yourself up. Now we can all move on and be as happy as-.’
I hang up on her.
Why is she telling me this?
Why does she want to hurt me?
And it was Hal who had to convince her to spill the beans?
This is awful!
Joan really does hate me to the extent even I don’t know what to think.
The phone rings again and I can see she has withheld her number this time. I answer it. I’ll be calm.
‘Just piss off and leave me alone you interfering old cow!’
‘What a welcome!’
Oh shit. I hope it’s not a parent from Beth’s school! That’s all I need.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say trying to get a grip. ‘OH dear, I thought it was someone else. I’m sorry, hello? Who is it?’ It could only happen to me. I hope it’s not a potential client.
‘Have you forgotten me already?’ he says.
I stand there for a moment and can’t speak.
‘Hal, is that you?’
Why has he called me?
How did he get my number?
Why am I panicking?
‘Was your warm welcome something for Joan?’
‘I suppose you want me to thank you for making her tell me about Josh?’
‘Ah, so she did it. At least you know he cared about you before he went back to his wife,’ he gently says. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine!’
‘Where’s the happy lady I met last weekend?’ he gently asks.
‘Me? Happy? You must have got me confused with my slut twin.’ I quickly change my tone of voice and try really hard to sound light hearted but I can’t.
‘You’ve not taken the news well, have you?’
‘You know, she meddles with my life. I should have known she’d never do anything to make me happy that scheming, two faced-.’
‘She’s a friend of mine and at least she told you the truth,’ he gently defends. ‘I’m in London.’
‘You’ve come to town give her one then? When you shag her next, ask for a blow job and gag her to death.’ I’m sounding shitty but I have good reason to be.
‘Is it that bad then?’
‘Oh yeah, it’s that bad.’
‘You need cheering up. Are you free tomorrow night?
‘No.’
I can’t see him again. He kissed her then he kissed me. He screwed her then he … I can’t think about it.
‘Is this a reaction to Joan?’ I hear him laughing. ‘I bet it is.’
‘Actually, I have to arrange for a babysitter, as you can’t just leave children on their own and frankly-.’
‘Can you do that now and call me back?’
‘Why should I drop everything? We’ve known each other a few minutes and I’m not interested in my mother in law’s lover.’ I’m no floozy, I do have morals.
‘We had gre
at sex more times than the days we’ve known each other. Why shouldn’t you drop everything to see me?’
‘Get over yourself and go bang the witch.’
‘Have you got a pen?’
‘Yes thanks, loads.’
‘Write down the following.’ He proceeds to tell me where and when to meet, which I automatically jot down being so organised.
‘I can’t promise anything,’ I say and he hangs up. I ponder for a moment then ring Meena, quickly filling her in with all the gossip.
‘He wants to meet up?’ Meena exclaims. ‘Good for you! Joan’s going to kill you. You must have made his knees buckle!’
‘I know with the size of my thighs,’ I snigger. ‘I’m tempted to see him just to upset her as she has pissed me off.’
‘She was probably trying to protect you from Josh you know,’ Meena says gently.
‘Her protect me?’ I snap. ‘Don’t go sticking up for her you traitor.’
‘If he had any balls he’d have told you instead of going to his god mother,’ Meena protests. ‘You can’t blame her because he’s cowardly custard.’
‘I can and I will,’ I defiantly reply.
‘So your idea is to have a revenge ramming with her lover? You certainly have class,’ she sarcastically whispers.
‘The man wants to take me out for a drink. Based on my current situation I have to pick up the crumbs of human kindness.’
‘And he’s the one that banged your brains out and kindly left you with a blister on your fanny from wear and tear?’ she laughs out.
‘That’s a secret,’ I say feeling embarrassed. ‘It wasn’t a blister it was more like a burn.’
‘Be careful you don’t get your fingers burnt as well!’ she sniggers. ‘What time will Beth be turning up? I’ll be home for five.’
‘I didn’t say I’d go,’ I say in a quandary.
‘He may be the person to help you get over Josh, Kai and whoever.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘He’s up for liberating you.’
‘He’s up for anything because I reckon he takes stimulants.’
‘He’s right, you need to have some fun,’ she seriously says. ‘You have to stop living in a fantasy world and take part in the real one.’
‘I just end up getting hurt,’ I say feeling sorry for myself.
‘Have some fun.’
‘I never said I was going to-.’
‘Remember to prune and prepare for the prick.’ She hangs up.
The phone rings.
‘What’s the answer?’ he immediately asks sounding cheerful.
‘Why are you so sure I’m going to meet you?’ I fall silent because he knows I’ve bitten the bait.
‘Your phone was engaged.’
‘I can’t get someone to look after-.’
‘You’re blowing me out!’ he says, laughing his head off. ‘You’re kidding me?’
‘I’m a responsible woman,’ I say in my most serious voice.
‘I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.’
‘Are we speaking at cross purposes or something?’ The cheek of him makes me laugh.
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Yeah, well I’ve got responsibilities.’
‘I understand. I’ve got your mobile number and-.’
‘How did you get my number?’
‘I managed to extract it from Joan’s phone,’ he says casually.
‘So she doesn’t know you’re speaking to me.’
‘No.’
‘Okay, well that changes everything then.’
The following day I drop Beth off to Meena.
‘I’ll ring you when I get back home,’ I say waving to the back of my child who is more interested in watching the large telly in the living room, leaving me standing on the doorstep, alone.
‘I don’t think you’ll be coming back tonight,’ Meena whispers by the door.
‘He’s been giving Joan one for ages.’
‘Ah, it’s nice to see at long last you’ve got something in common with your mother in law,’ she sarcastically says. The thought makes me retch as I head off to my rendezvous.
The cab stops outside the boutique hotel where young people go to hang out and, by the look of some of the jeans; you can tell what sort of waxing the girls go for.
I walk into the bar and there’s no sign of him so I rush to the toilet to check my appearance. I look flushed! God, why am I so excited?
I slowly walk back to the bar where a nice young waiter asks me what I want to drink. I ask for the most alcoholic cocktail they have. He smiles sympathetically and walks off. I get my drink and still no sign.
I’ve been here fifteen minutes and spent fifteen pounds on a cocktail that doesn’t taste of booze.
I wander around and decide I’ve been stood up. I feel a wave of dismay creeping through my tummy. Damn him, the little wind-up merchant.
‘Excuse me madam, are you Belle?’ a very young waiter kindly asks. I hesitate before answering. The first thing that crosses my mind is if Joan is here on a stakeout.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Can you follow me?’ I do and there’s Hal sitting in a corner smiling. The man looks lovely, really gorgeous and seems amused by something.
Oh, it’s me.
There’s a twist in my gut. I sit down and he leans forward, rests his chin on his clasped hands.
‘Hello Belle,’ he smiles brightly. ‘I’m so glad you could make it.’
‘Why are you grinning? Is it the shock of seeing me in the light?’
‘Actually, you look better than I remember,’ he quietly says.
‘Are you flirting with me?’ I ask feeling chuffed.
‘Like your outfit,’ he says, still smiling then frowning. I look at my dress, the one I wore to Josh’s wedding.
‘Don’t you like it? Well, if it’s not good enough you can kiss my backside!’ I cheekily say.
‘I just told you!’ he exclaims, tilting his head and examining me closely. ‘I’m sure I’ve seen you in it before or was it in a photo?’
‘I doubt it.’
‘No,’ he says nodding and pointing a finger at me while narrowing his eyes. ‘Joan has a picture of you in it.’
‘She doesn’t have pictures of me,’ I reply shifting uncomfortably on my chair. ‘I bought it new for some do.’
‘A wedding?’ he says raising his eyebrows. ‘Josh’s was it?’
‘I like the dress, okay?’ I glance at him sideways at I look around the place. ‘How long are you in London for?’
‘I’ve got a couple of nights before I head back.’
‘And you want to spend some time with me? I’m flattered. Where’s Joan?’ I ask quickly scanning the room. ‘I imagine it’s a threesome.’
‘Be nice or I’ll send you home,’ he curtly says, leaning forward. ‘I wanted to see you.’
I stare at him for a moment and I don’t know what happens, but I’m completely engrossed for a second before I snap out of it.
‘And thanks,’ I take a massive gulp of my drink and realise it has an alcoholic kick half way down. He’s making my knees go weak or is that the cocktail?
‘What are you thanking me for?’ he smiles.
‘For making Joan confess to ruining my chances of happiness with Josh.’
I look at him to see what he’s going to say and he just smiles. He doesn’t give much away.
‘Why did you ask me out again?’ I gently ask. ‘Have you seen some of the women in this place?’
I know, I shouldn’t point out the young competition. Well, they could make me turn into a dyke (except the cunnilingus stuff, I like sushi but only in the takeaway boxes, not ‘those’ sort of boxes).
‘They’re beautiful,’ he smiles looking around and I can see he’s totally clocking some of them. I’d hate to be his girlfriend. I’d be bloody insecure after five minutes. ‘And I thought it was best Joan told you the truth about Josh.’
‘After she put her oar in,
of course,’ I say feeling a sharp stab in my gut. ‘I wish she’d told him different.’
‘Why?’
‘Why d’you think?’ I suck hard on my straw and make a god damn awful noise from the bottom of my glass and see Hal pull a face.
‘You have to get over him and move on,’ Hal says sitting up straight in his chair.
‘It’s hard.’
‘You have to try.’
‘How can you sleep with Joan then me then Joan?’ I say eyeing him suspiciously. ‘Isn’t it a little bit weird? She told me you were all over after we went home.’
‘Did you tell her you were all over me?’ he asks, leaning closer.
‘Does she sleep with other men?’
‘Ask her.’
‘That would imply I know you slept with other women and she’d want to know why,’ I sigh. ‘And you don’t mind if she sleeps with someone else?’
‘Whatever makes her happy.’ He bends over and kisses me on the lips, very gently and I feel my stomach squeeze tightly, like a spasm.
‘She’d kill me if she knew I slept with you,’ I squeak wanting him to kiss me again.
‘I think you’re here because you want to get your own back on her.’
‘Kiss me,’ I say not wanting to continue the conversation when it’s pretty obvious I have ulterior motives.
‘If I must,’ he says. He looks into my eyes, pulls my lips towards his then I feel his tongue touch mine. My stomach flips. ‘Let’s go to bed.’
‘I can’t sleep with you if you’re banging Joan,’ I whisper before sitting back in my chair, trying to catch my breath. ‘I have a moral dilemma here.’
‘Morals?’ he says, sounding exasperated by my comment. ‘Can’t you just have fun?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘Look, last time was a one off. You’re funny, sexy, charming but you have no idea what sort of relationship I have with Joan.’
‘I have a good idea,’ he says seriously.
‘Does she know you called me up?’
‘What do you think?’
‘No.’ As I say that, he smiles and kisses me again, this time plunging his tongue deeply into my head. I have to regulate my breathing when he releases my mouth.
‘Come with me,’ Hal says.
‘For all the shit she has done to me I can’t-.’
‘This has nothing to do with her. It’s you and me.’