by S M Mala
‘Are you going to,’ he says and I notice he looks genuinely concerned.
‘Locking me in a room doesn’t make me like you more.’
‘I feel really bad about keeping you here. I didn’t do it on purpose.’
‘You did,’ I snap knowing when he’s fibbing. ‘I want to go home. I wish I never came.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Why were you in such a shitty mood with me because I told you the truth?’
‘You’re not a slut,’ he says pushing out his bottom lip. ‘Really,’ I say walking quickly out of the room and standing on the balcony, checking no one is in ear shot. ‘You’re with me.’
‘And you’re with Joan,’ I say and walk down the stairs before hissing. ‘Joan hates me more than usual because I’m sleeping with you and she says you’re doing the opposite of what she wants.’
‘That’s true,’ he nods grabbing my arm and escorting me down the stairs.
‘Joan said to Jenny she asked you to stop seeing me but you won’t. Why won’t you?’
‘Because I really like you,’ he whispers in my ear.
‘Or is it to wind her up?’ Hal is leading me straight to the garden and walks me to the end. I can see Joan looking at me with a scowl from the corner of my eye.
‘I’m sorry for locking you in the room. I wanted you to have a good time and yes, she has asked me continuously to dump you but I won’t.’
‘Why won’t you ditch me?’ I say turning to face him when he stops.
‘I’m not ready to,’ Hal shrugs and has a mischievous smile. He steps closer and I can feel her glare.
‘Don’t come closer. Your friends and Joan,’ I say uneasily. ‘No public display, you know the drill.’
‘Don’t go,’ he says gently, touching my hair. ‘You look beautiful and I want you to stay the night.’
‘Joan might think she’s staying,’ I reply and accidentally make eye contact with her again. ‘This is awful. The whole thing is a mess.’
‘It’s not,’ he says then grabs me tightly and kisses me so passionately my head spins. I push him away and am off balance.
‘What are you doing now?’ I snap stepping back. ‘People are looking.’
‘I’m kissing someone I care about and I don’t care what anyone thinks,’ he replies and kisses me again
Knowing full well that Joan has an evil plan in store, my days as an able person are probably limited. I risk my life in his garden with a very public display of affection.
The following morning I wake up slowly to find myself in his arms. I sniff his skin and look at his sleeping face. I can’t help but smile. He’s beautiful.
‘What are you grinning at?’ he says his eyes still closed.
‘How can you tell I’m grinning?’
‘That’s what you do every time you wake up,’ he says kissing my head. ‘What time is it?’
‘I don’t know,’ I sigh and hold on tightly to him. ‘Great party.’
‘It certainly got better when everyone left,’ he laughs and hugs me.
‘She’s going to kill me,’ I say remembering Joan’s face of utter hate when she left, aided by Jenny because she couldn’t actually walk, as she got into the car. ‘OH god Hal, you’ve got me in more trouble.’
‘I wanted to kiss you,’ he says and his eyes are opening slowly.
‘No public display of affection, that’s what she said,’ I reply looking at him unable to stop smiling.
‘You don’t look guilty about breaking her rule.’
‘You broke it,’ I say and kissing him on the chest.
‘I fancied you too much in that dress,’ he says and turns to lay on top of me. ‘I also prefer you out of your dress.’
‘Now do you?’ I say looking over to see what the time is. ‘It’s nearly nine and I’ve got to go and pick up Beth.’
‘Let me take you both out to lunch?’ he says and I can feel all of him is awake.
‘That’s very sweet of you,’ I say and stroke his hair before kissing him gently. ‘I’ve got bad morning breath.’
‘I don’t care,’ he says and something in me stirs big time and I know what it is. I’m falling for this man hook line and sinker.
‘You know,’ I say enjoying him kissing my neck and rubbing my tummy. ‘I like being in bed with you.’
‘I’d have hoped so,’ he whispers and trying to nibble on my ear which tickles me.
‘Not just for the sex,’ I say pushing him gently away. ‘But because I like waking up with you and snuggling.’
‘Well let’s snuggle more,’ he laughs then his phone starts ringing.
‘Answer it and I can brush my teeth,’ I say handing it to him. He smiles
‘Hello,’ he says and looks immediately unhappy. He’s listening to something for a moment and stops to look at me.
‘Joan, I know you’re upset but please-.’ He squints as she’s screaming. Even I can hear it. ‘I started it.’
‘ – ‘
‘Don’t be petty.’
‘ – ‘
‘You know what I’m like,’ Hal gently says as I take the moment to jump out of bed and go to the bathroom.
I’ve never seen his mood change so instantly. Joan truly is a demonic woman sometimes.
‘I’ve got to go,’ he says and hangs up as I turn the water on and brush my teeth.
When I finish I hear him talking to her still. She must have called back. I stand at the door and notice he’s at the window with his back to me.
‘You can’t have it all your own way,’ he says. ‘And she has nothing to do with you.’
‘-.’
‘You made your decision,’ he snaps. ‘I’m sick of being told what to do.’
‘-.’
‘I’m not flaunting her for god’s sake. Stop being a bitch.’
‘-.’
‘You can’t keep playing these games. I’m sick of it. I have to move on and so do you.’
‘-.’
‘Of course Joan doesn’t know!’ he says and then I realise he’s not talking to the mother in law but to someone else.
I’m stuck for a moment as I slowly walk backwards in to the bathroom.
There is someone else other than Joan and myself.
‘Belle,’ he suddenly shouts and I quickly grab some floss and pretend I’m being hygiene friendly.
‘Fuck!’ I say when I realise I haven’t flossed but garrotted my gum as it bleeds.
‘What’s wrong?’ he says smiling at me.
‘This stuff should come with a health warning,’ I say, rinsing my mouth out. ‘Was she annoyed?’
‘Who?’
‘Joan?’ I say spitting the blood tinged liquid into the basin. ‘Isn’t she who you were talking to?’
‘Yeah,’ he says pushing his hands through his hair. ‘You know what it’s like,’ he says and walks out.
The thing is I don’t know what he’s like and I’m now starting to find out.
Nineteen
‘Where are we going?’ Beth asks as I check to see if her sandals are on properly.
‘I thought we’d go out for dinner,’ I say looking out at the bright afternoon sunshine.
‘I want to watch a DVD,’ she says and pulls a face.
‘Listen, it’s a lovely Saturday afternoon and I’m going to let you stay up late. What’s the problem here?’
‘Do we have to go?’ she says looking down at her feet and wiggling her toes. ‘I want to stay home.’
‘You’re too young to be agoraphobic,’ I hiss knowing she’s in one of her ‘Joan’ moods.
‘What does that mean?’
‘Just come on.’
I grab her hand and march her down the corridor to the door as she walks at a snails pace, dragging my arm with her.
‘Beth,’ I say, turning to see her sulky face. ‘This is a treat. I’ll buy you ice cream afterwards.’
‘Okay but I’m not eating any stinky food,’ she pouts as I open the door and push her out.<
br />
I couldn’t stay home for a minute more. I didn’t see Hal last Thursday as he had to fly to the states so I’ve been a little low. He hasn’t rung me, just a couple of texts.
I look down at my beautiful daughter who still has a sulk on. I’ll ignore her until we get to the restaurant as I know she’ll perk up then.
My mobile starts to ring and it’s Hal. Excitedly I answer the call while looking at Beth who has given me a look of utter boredom as she drags her feet.
‘Hi,’ I say gleefully but trying to keep calm, my heart racing. ‘How are you?’
‘Hey,’ he says brightly. ‘I’m fine. How are you?’
‘Great,’ I say knowing I want to tell him how much I miss him but can’t. ‘We’re off to dinner at the jungle cafe. It’s a beautiful afternoon so I thought I’d take Beth out.’
‘I don’t want to go,’ she huffs and I hear Hal laugh.
‘She’s not a keen guest,’ he says. ‘Let me talk to her.’
‘Okay,’ I say and hand over the phone. ‘Hal wants to speak to you.’
‘Hello,’ she says a little happier, holding the phone in an odd angle.
‘-.’
‘Because I get bored,’ she sighs and looks at me. I know she’s means she gets bored with me but I’ll ignore.
‘-.’
‘Really!’ she says suddenly excited and glances up at me. ‘That’s great!’
‘What has he said?’ I ask feeling left out and wanting to speak to him.
‘Shoosh mummy,’ Beth replies holding her finger to her mouth. ‘I’m on the phone.’ I’ve been told off.
‘-.’
‘Okay, bye,’ she says and hands over the phone. I now see a spring in her step.
‘What did you say to her?’ I ask seeing she has suddenly got a spring in her step.
‘You know me,’ he laughs. ‘I’ve been thinking about you.’
‘Can you remember what I look like?’ I say noting Beth is now listening to the conversation.
‘How can I forget?’ he whispers. ‘I’ve missed you.’
My heart goes all a flutter when I hear those words.
‘Me too,’ I reply lightly. ‘Next Thursday is on, is it?’
‘Most certainly,’ Hal says brightly. ‘Come early and we’ll go straight to bed. I want to screw you every possible way and made you scream. I can’t stop thinking about you.’
‘That’s lovely,’ I smile, looking at Beth and hoping her reception isn’t picking up on this as I squeeze her hand gently. ‘I can’t wait. Anything in particular you’d like me to do?’
‘Just me,’ he sighs. ‘Christ I’m getting horny thinking about it. I’ve got to go. See you soon.’
‘Bye,’ I say putting my phone away.
‘Mummy, why are you panting?’
‘I’m not panting,’ I say dismissively and shake my head knowing I’m having palpitations of excitement thinking about him.
‘You’re breathing funny,’ she says narrowing her eyes.
‘I’m old,’ I say and tickle her before we get to the restaurant.
When we arrive Beth demands to sit in the booth. We’re lucky because she’s managed to sweet talk the young waiter into letting us sit in a space for four at the front.
‘Isn’t this great?’ I say excitedly that I’m going to have burger and chips.
‘Can I have a vanilla milkshake,’ she immediately demands looking around.
‘I’ll get it when we order the food,’ I reply examining the menu.
‘I’d like it now,’ she says in a tone very similar to Joan’s. I look at her. ‘Please can I have it now, mummy?’
‘Okay,’ I reply and call the waiter over to order her drink with a large glass of rose thrown in. I’m seeing Hal next week, I have to celebrate! Actually maybe I’ll have two glasses.
Hal. I sigh when I think of him and am met with a confused look from my daughter.
‘Are you feeling ill mummy?’ she asks with a frown. Then the waiter turns up with some colouring items and she lights up.
‘I’m fine,’ I reply. ‘Really well.’
‘Mmmh,’ she replies and starts colouring in.
‘Do you know what you want to eat?’ I ask. ‘There’s the toasted cheese sandwich and-.’
‘Noodles, mummy,’ she says looking at me as if I was a fool. ‘I like the noodles.’
‘Fine,’ I say. ‘Why do you like the noodles?’
‘Nana and I always eat the noodles in here,’ she says dismissively. ’It’s so much better than eating the burgers.’
‘That nana of yours is brainwashing you,’ I mumble behind the menu. ‘I’ll order.’
‘Not yet,’ she says now squashing up her face. ‘Let me colour in first.’
‘Fine,’ I say and watch my glass of rose slowly approach the table.
I sit there and look around at the families. We’re the only couple in the room except for a table of teenagers at the back.
Suddenly Beth looks up and smiles brightly. It must be one of her school chums which means I have to be polite to the parents, which I hate. And what are they going to think about the bucket of wine I’m drinking with my daughter? I push the wine to the side of the table by the cutlery stand so they can’t see it.
‘Hello.’
I turn to see Hal is standing next to me as Beth rushes towards him and gives him a big hug.
I can’t speak. He looks absolutely edible and I sit there open mouthed.
‘Look mummy!’ Beth exclaims. ‘It’s Hal. He’s come to see me!’
‘Right,’ I reply and stand up, trying to look calm but jealous that my daughter has her legs wrapped around him. ‘What an amazing surprise.’
‘He told me he was coming but I wasn’t to tell you,’ she says gleefully.
‘Keeping secrets from your mummy, are you?’ I say as Hal puts her down then turns to look at me.
‘Good surprise?’ he says smiling brightly at me.
‘Very good,’ I say and I lean up to kiss him on the cheek, aware Joan junior is looking at the pair of us.
‘Sit next to me,’ she says eagerly and grabs his hand, pushing him onto the seat then squashing him in.
He’s laughing at her as I sit down opposite the pair of them and drink my rose. The man is wearing a white shirt with a matching vest. His hair looks a little longer and he is hot to trot tonight. I sigh.
‘Mummy’s not well,’ she says shaking her head.
‘I’m fine,’ I say smiling at Hal.
‘What’s wrong with her?’ asks Hal then looking at me.
‘She keeps panting like a dog,’ she says seriously and hands him a pencil. ‘You can colour in there.’
‘The warm weather makes my breathing go erratic,’ I reply.
‘She was really panting when she came off the phone,’ Beth says knowledgeably.
‘I see,’ he laughs and then flashes me his sexy look.
‘Drink?’ I ask him handing him the menu.
‘A beer for me,’ he says winking.
I watch as my daughter hogs his attention while I order the food and arrange the table so it’s child safe… or adult safe as I don’t want her to knock my wine over.
They look very happy together and for a moment I see he is good father material then I shake the thought out of my head as the food turns up.
‘Where’s nana?’ Beth suddenly asks just as I’m about to bite into my burger and Hal looks at me. 'Why isn’t she coming?’
‘She’s probably busy,’ I say, looking at him as he shrugs.
‘Shall we ring her and ask her to come?’ Beth asks poking a fork into her noodles.
‘No!’ Hal immediately says and glances at me before taking some chips off my plate. ‘I think she has other plans tonight.’
‘When did you get back?’ I ask.
‘This morning.’
‘Haven’t you gone to see her?’ I take another bite of my burger and focus on him as he slyly glances at me.
‘I’ve been
busy,’ he says. ‘You’re pleased to see me aren’t you Beth?’
She nods while cramming noodles in her mouth, down her front and on the table.
‘I’m pleased to see you too,’ I say gulping hard as he rests against the back of the seat and smiles at me.
‘Good,’ he says and I feel his foot touch mine as he leans forwards and looks at Beth. ‘Are they good?’
‘Yeah,’ she says and carries on eating.
I jump and look at him. His hand is on my thigh and he’s squeezing it. Bad move in front of hawk eye.
‘What’s wrong mummy?’ Beth asks looking at me all wide eyed.
‘Nothing,’ I say focussing on her while his hand wanders further up. I quickly shrug him off and look at him. ‘Enjoying your food?’
‘Sure am,’ he says cutting into his steak and smiling.
‘Hal,’ Beth says while twirling her fork in the noodles before prodding them with one chopstick. ‘Is nana your girlfriend?’
I see Hal choke, grabbing a napkin and placing it over his mouth before sipping a beer.
‘What makes you ask that?’ I say frowning at my daughter.
‘She’s his special friend and I thought that meant she was his girlfriend?’ she replies and looks at him. ‘Is she?’
‘She’s my special friend,’ he eventually replies with raised eyebrows.
‘That means you’re her boyfriend?’
‘No I’m her special friend.’
‘Mummy hasn’t got a special friend or a boyfriend,’ Beth says quite loudly. ‘She only has daddy but he’s dead.’
‘Right,’ Hal says nodding and looking at Beth. ‘Would you like your mummy to have a special friend?’
‘Nana says she’s got no chance in hell,’ says my child matter of fact as Hal starts to laugh.
‘What?’ I say sitting there open mouthed.
‘She says even though you’re a widow, boys would prefer to go out with Widow Twanky because she’s funnier and better looking,’ Beth says honestly to which Hal starts to laugh even louder.
‘She’s a pantomime dame,’ Hal says while I am speechless. ‘That means she’s a man dressed up as a woman.’
Beth looks at me and double blinks before narrowing her eyes.