by S M Mala
‘I’m his lover, Belle no matter who else he’s seeing.’
‘But it’s the new person you’re worried about, isn’t it,’ I pry. ‘Why weren’t you worried about me?’
‘He was going through a strange phase when he decided on you. I thought at first he was doing it to annoy me but I think he might have been going through a crisis.’
‘Thanks.’
‘He wanted to put a smile on your face. Did he?’
‘You know he did,’ I say and for a moment we both know about the same man and seem to have an unsaid understanding. ‘You’re lucky at least he cares about you.’
‘And you don’t have anyone!’ she snipes and smiles.
‘How’s Josh?’ I ask, knowing I am dicing with death.
‘He’s very happy with his wife,’ she says and looks away after giving me an evil look. ‘He’s not interested in you, he told me-.’
‘What did he tell you?’ My heart’s pounding faster.
‘He told me he wasn’t thinking straight that night and now he looks back at it and … well it’s done.’
‘I could have been with him if it wasn’t for your meddling,’ I say quite calmly.
‘You’re no good for Josh.’
‘Why?’
‘He’s my godson.’
‘I was good enough for your son.’
‘I couldn’t stop it! Kai could have had anyone and he settled for you, who eventually drove him to his death,’ she calmly says and I can see the hate in her eyes.
‘I was too good for your son,’ I snap. ‘He didn’t appreciate me. He’s very similar to Hal or haven’t you noticed?’
‘Why do you say that?’ the vein in her neck throbbing slightly.
‘They both think it’s okay to screw around,’ I say and wait for her response.
‘You can’t blame Kai when he was with you?’ Joan smiles deeply as if she’s pleased I’ve mentioned it.
‘So you know about him being unfaithful?’ I gulp hard seeing the smile on her face become brighter.
Why that shitty cow! And all this time I wanted to protect that slug of her son.
‘I know everything and well, what can I say? At least you’ve told me after all these years,’ she smiles. ‘And you really are misguided when it comes to Josh. He’d be screwing me within a week.’
‘You’re such a gross bitch!’
I know I don’t have great self-control with her sometimes.
The doorbell rings.
‘Saved by the bell,’ she laughs at winding me up. I seem to have cheered her up no end while I sit there in angst. ‘Don’t eat my chocolates!’
As she walks out of the room I reach forward to the box and put two in my mouth.
She’s whispering outside so I expect it’s her home supply of Botox being delivered by the litre. I continue to eat chocolate to overcome my sudden depression.
‘Hi,’ the voice says as I turn around.
It’s Hal standing in the living room. I really don’t know where to look as my heart pounds so quickly it’s making my head hurt.
‘Hello,’ I say breezily continuing with my devastation of her confectionary collection, my heart continuing it’s loud drumming noise.
‘Isn’t this a lovely surprise?’ Joan says, though you couldn’t tell from the stern expression on her face. They sit down on the sofa opposite me.
I look at the pair of them. Joan is glaring at me and Hal is smiling.
‘I’ll leave you,’ I say knowing my company isn’t wanted.
‘What a good idea,’ Joan says, looking at Hal who is glancing over at me.
‘It’s early,’ he says. ‘Stay and have a drink?’
With them? Rubbing it in that I was like a little sex play thing, fuck buddy, daughter in law strumpet? What do they take me for?
‘I’ll have a quick one,’ I reply needing to steady my nerves and sit back down. Joan looks at me as if I should be playing waitress. I quickly stand up. ‘What does everyone want?’
‘Brandy for me?’ Joan gushes pushing hair away from Hal’s face. She is putting this act on for me.
‘And you?’ I direct to Hal.
‘Same,’ he smiles and I catch him giving me a strange look.
‘Ice in mine,’ Joan pipes up and I don’t need to ask Hal how he likes his brandy as I’ve fixed him many a glass before.
I head to the kitchen and get some ice, hanging out there longer than I should to give my hands some time to stop shaking.
Now this is odd.
Knowing full well what I’ve done with that man and seeing he’s still with Joan, I feel really upset. It makes me realise how much I care about him and this gives me angst.
‘We were wondering where the drinks were,’ he asks, making me jump as he pops his head around the door.
‘Just coming,’ I say grabbing the ice and heading out.
‘Hey Belle,’ he says softly, coming closer to me. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine!’ I quickly reply avoiding eye contact and trying to pass him.
‘Why aren’t you talking to me?’ he says, slightly bewildered.
‘You dumped me by mother in law and did it publicly so I wouldn’t make a scene’ I reply. ‘I meant and mean nothing to you other than an easy fuck. I got the message so I’ve got nothing to say.’
‘Belle!’ he moans as I walk through the kitchen door and head for the living room where I quickly make the drinks, placing them on the table.
Hal walks back in as I knock back my brandy and smile at the pair of them.
‘Goodnight,’ I say wondering if I’m going to hear them grunt tonight. I walk out quickly trying to regulate my breathing which has me now gulping for air.
I go to my bedroom and slam shut the door before collapsing on to the floor. Seeing Hal has put me off kilter and I can’t explain how I feel. I watch television, have a shower and exfoliate like a mad woman. I can’t keep still.
I’m jealous of Joan.
I want to be with Hal.
How ludicrous is that?
I miss Hal, I really do but I went into this with my eyes and legs wide open. I go to sleep and dream of him.
‘Hey,’ I’m jolted out of my sleep. ‘Wake up.’
It’s very dark and I am having a problem opening my eyes. I focus. Hal’s sitting on the side of my bed, wearing a dressing gown (no surprise what he’s been up to!). My heart goes into sprint mode. I have to play calm as I sit up.
‘What’s wrong? Has Beth woken up?’ I say, pulling the covers over my boobs which are falling out of my small vest and eyeing him suspiciously.
‘Everything’s fine, I wanted to talk to you,’ he causally says and pushes the hair away from my face.
‘Talk to me?’ I push him away and see it’s just gone past two in the morning. ‘Why now after all this time?’
‘I wanted to see you face to face.’
‘This isn’t a good moment, go away.’
‘No,’ he says and moves closer.
‘Leave me alone!’ I can’t face talking to him because of the way I feel.
‘I really missed you,’ he says smiling at me examining my face.
‘Why?’ I say closing my eyes to stop being sucked in by his bile. ‘I was a fuck buddy, nothing more. You can use a prostitute or a doughnut.’
‘You’re not being nice.’
‘You weren’t nice. One minute you were fine and the next, within weeks I’m dumped. Now piss off and leave me alone?’
‘Talk to me Belle,’ he gently says stroking my hair.
‘Why?’ I say pushing his hand away. ‘Go back to your lover.’
‘I don’t want to,’ he gently says leaning closer.
‘Why are you on my bed?’
‘It’s the only way I’d get to speak to you,’ he says still smiling. ‘You’re still pissed off at me.’
‘You dumped me fair and square,’ I say sliding under my duvet to hide. Hal sighs and shrugs his shoulders then lies on his back. ‘I knew there was
someone else when we were together. End of.’
‘How do you know?’ he says sitting up.
‘I heard you on the phone the day after the party you invited me to, okay?’
‘You never said,’ he whispers, moving closer to me. ‘Did you tell Joan?’
‘Leave me alone.’
‘Have you missed me?’ he asks wistfully.
‘Of course,’ I say, realising I’m going high pitch. ‘But I don’t like you anymore.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ he says seriously.
‘I don’t care. Get out of my room before we get into trouble,’ I hiss. ‘You had your fun now go.’
‘I really don’t want to,’ he says earnestly. ‘Hear me out.’
‘Go back to your lover’s bed.’ I turn around and close my eyes.
‘I was, sort of am, seeing someone,’ he blurts out. ‘It has been going on for a while.’
I immediately turn around to face him.
‘Why are you telling me?’ I move closer to his face feeling a bit sick. ‘Were you seeing her when you were screwing me?’
‘On and off,’ he says biting his bottom lip.
‘Get out Hal,’ I say shaking my head completely pissed off with his admission. ‘You have no respect for me.’
‘But I do,’ he says grabbing my shoulders. ‘It was getting very messy.’
‘And don’t you dare expect me to do your dirty work and tell Joan.’ I remove his hands and glare at him. ‘We’ve chatted and you told me so go back to Joan’s bed.
Now I know why I was binned. Bitch whoever she is!
‘I’ve missed you and I really care for you Belle, you have to believe me,’ he says turning to face me and touching my nose.
‘Give me a break!’ I say slapping his hand away.
‘Another reason I had to end it is because I could see you were falling in love with me.’
‘I wasn’t,’ I snap.
‘Why are you lying to me?’
‘I’m not!’
‘Then why are you lying to yourself?’ he says smiling. ‘I want to sleep with you again. I’ve really missed you.’
‘Sure you do,’ I say knowing he’s not going to get up me! ‘You’re at a loss, so screw me because I mean nothing.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘You arse!’ I say knowing he has the gall to get away with it if I wasn’t so pissed off about the third person.
‘Let’s have making up sex,’ he grins and I feel his hand squeezing my breast gently.
‘Get off,’ I say slapping him. ‘This is off limits to you.’
‘Baby it’s only me and-,’
‘Shagging you under your lover’s roof, next door to her sleeping granddaughter who has radar hearing and in my belated husband’s old bedroom? Total class!’
‘Okay I take your point.’ He smiles and is examining my face before leaning closer. ’A kiss?’
‘No,’ I say and push him away. I wish I could slap the smile off his face.
‘Now you decide to play hard to get?’ Hal says placing both his hands on my shoulders. ‘God, you’re looking sexy and I really want to-.’
‘Keep it in your pants, please,’ I say knowing I’m sorely tempted to thump him. I’m also sorely tempted to sit on his face and suffocate him with my thighs.
‘I never realised I’d miss you this much,’ he moans.
‘Go back to bed,’ I say clearing my throat as his mouth moves closer to mine. ‘You hurt me with your snide comments and you know it. You knew I really liked you and you slapped me down in a way only you and Joan could.’
Suddenly I see his face change and he looks serious then backs off.
‘I’m sorry,’ he gently says.
‘Don’t ever call me a fuck buddy again.’
‘I don’t blame you for being angry.’
‘Good!’ I say and I look at him and for a moment we don’t say a word.
‘How would you like to earn some money?’ he says twiddling with a lock of my hair before I remove it from his hand. ‘Purely professional.’
If this guy thinks that I’m willing to be paid for sex then he has another thing coming.
‘To do what?’ I ask. A girl’s got to eat!
‘Can you cook dinner for some friends next week? Nothing special, some of your home made thingies?’
‘Thingies?’
The man has enjoyed some lovely meals courtesy of my skill and love, only for me to find he calls them ‘thingies’. The bloody cheek! I’ve gone off him again.
‘Stuffed seafood ravioli and,’ he frowns turning to look at me before looking down at my chest. ‘Your famous chocolate brownies.’
He grabs the duvet and yanks it down, pulling my vest with it before grabbing one of my boobs.
Whack!
‘What the!’ he says reeling from my slap.
‘You didn’t want it a few months ago,’ I say yanking up my vest and pulling the duvet under my chin. ‘And you’re not bloody well getting it now. You made your decision so stick with it, okay?’
‘You didn’t have to hit me so hard,’ he says looking like a wounded animal rubbing his hand.
‘Believe me I can thump a lot harder than that,’ I say giving him my menacing look which is only met with a smile. ‘Remember I have busted your lip before.’
‘Okay this is solely above board,’ he says and leans closer to me.
‘How many courses do you want?’ I ask, trying not to make eye contact.
‘So you’ll do it?’ he says.
‘How much are you paying?’
‘I’ll pay you well,’ he says. ‘Six people, next Wednesday evening. You can come round to mine and take over the kitchen. I’ll get some waitresses and I’ll sort out the washing up.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘I’ll pay you in kindness if you’re a good girl,’ and he says trying to go for my breast again. I raise my hand in a threatening manner and he knows I mean business.
‘Touch my tit and-.’
‘What the hell is going on in here!’ shouts Joan flinging open the door and switching on the lights.
‘What are you doing?’ Hal says squinting then shakes his head but isn’t moving from the bed. I stay frozen with my hand in the air
‘You and her?’ The woman looks enraged. I wonder if she was listening at the door? ‘She was telling you to touch her tit.’
‘I bloody well wasn’t,’ I hiss only to see Hal shrug his shoulders.
‘You’re jumping to conclusions,’ he says slowly getting up and flashing me a look of dismay before tightening his dressing room. I can see he’s hiding his stiff one from here. What is that man like?
‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ she snaps.
‘Beth’s sleeping in the next room,’ I calmly say. ‘We were only talking.’
‘I don’t care!’
‘Well you should,’ Hal says and closes the door gently.
‘You two were trying to have sex under my roof! I always knew you were a cheap slut,’ she begins. ‘From the moment I set eyes on-.’
‘Firstly we didn’t do anything,’ Hal butts in. ‘Not from the want of trying.’
‘Hal!’ I say. I can’t believe he still wants to land me in shit.
‘Secondly, strange that it is, I like talking to Belle and I’ve missed her.’
I see Joan snarl at me and if I didn’t know any better I swear there was fire coming out of her nostrils.
‘And thirdly, I asked her to cook dinner for me and some guests next week.’ He glances at me and half smiles.
‘You say they’re your friends and you want her to cook for you?’ Joan snipes and I can see she thinks she’s being funny.
‘I think you owe Belle an apology,’ he says sternly and something in Joan suddenly flickers. ‘She would never shag me under your roof.’
I nod as he looks pissed off for a second.
‘What do you expect me to think when you’re in bed with her?’ she says calmly.
‘I did what you wanted me to do Joan, I finished with her.’ He walks out of the door and turns to look at me. ‘Now you know. I’ll talk to you later on about next week.’ Why that cow told him to blow me out and he did!
‘You told him to finish with me?’ I say now sitting up.
‘He’s lying. He got bored with you.’
‘Why would you want him to finish with me? You knew it was all-.’
‘I’m not prepared to share him anymore,’ she hisses. ‘Certainly not with you! I want you out of here before I wake up, do you hear me?’
‘Fine!’ We clash stares of hate and I wonder what’s going on in that evil mind of hers.
Twenty Four
The following Wednesday I’m hammering some steak and Hal’s sitting in the corner of the kitchen reading the newspaper. The steak is getting it because I’ve had to pull together every last ounce of gumption to be in the same vicinity with him. Looking at Hal is very off putting.
‘You won’t tell me then?’
‘There’s nothing going on,’ he sighs and carries on reading.
‘I heard you two quarrelling the other night and you tell me everything is fine?’
After Joan had left my room and stormed back to her own, I could hear voices. Never one to pry I got out of bed and walked to the door, opening it slightly so I could hear more.
It wasn’t Joan shouting it was Hal. Not loudly but at a pitch for me to know he wasn’t happy. I heard some crying (Joan) then there was silence. Next thing I knew I heard the front door being closed and I can only presume he left. Also the sobs from Joan’s room were pretty loud.
Luckily Beth slept soundly and we enjoyed sneaking out of nana’s home early the following morning.
Since then not a peep from the woman even though I called a few times to check she hadn’t combusted. Maggie picked up Beth this evening and was keeping tight lipped.
I look over at Hal who has just quickly glances at me then looks away. I’m concentrating on the food and trying not to let him distract me, which is pretty hard.
‘Who’s the woman?’ I ask. I’ve got nothing to lose by asking him.
‘I’m not saying.’
‘I’m not going to tell anyone.’
‘I don’t want you to know.’
‘Why should you care? I know where I stand with you,’ I say whacking the meat. ‘Joan asks you to dump me and you do it when we both know it was your choice.’