by Megan Linski
Then I thought something really gross. Did that mean my dad was actually Ethan’s dad, too? Holy crap, I hoped that wasn’t true. We’d almost kissed, and I’d had some… inappropriate dreams about him lately. I didn’t want to be involved in some freaky incest shit.
“Mom, please don’t tell me Ethan’s my half-brother.” I was totally going to puke.
Mom shook her head. “No, Emma. I never slept with the king. You’re not related to the prince at all. But your father… he’s the other shifter I bonded with. His name was Anastazy Ignacy. He’s your biological father.”
I was floored. It was like Mom took a hammer and hit me over the head with it. My thoughts were slow and sluggish. “But… I thought you told me you didn’t know my father. That it was a one-night stand.”
“It was a lie, meant to protect you,” Mom said. “I thought you were better off not knowing.”
An emotion I didn’t understand took root and grew inside my heart. Hope. There were hundreds of possibilities. I could finally meet the father I never knew, and gain a missing piece of myself I thought I never had.
“Does he still live in Dolinska? Does he know who I am? Can you introduce me to him?” My words got jumbled up, they came out so fast. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave right now and go see him.
“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Mom said. Her voice was tight. “He’s no longer alive.”
Crushing disappointment flattened me from above. Years of hopes and dreams shattered into a million fragments inside my soul. I didn’t know something like this could still hurt. Or that I had so many hopes about one day meeting the man who’d made me.
I stuffed down the tears that threatened to spill over and forced words out from a strangled throat. “What happened to him?”
Tears beaded Mom’s eyes. I couldn’t imagine the pain she was going through— losing her mate like that. It had to be hell. “He was murdered by the Black Claw.”
I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak. I didn’t want to believe her. It was too horrible.
Mom cleared her throat, though a tear dripped down her cheek. “Long ago, when I was only a few years older than you, I was engaged to King Lycus. Our wedding was set to take place upon our graduation from Arcane University. I loved Lycus. He was my closest friend. We went through the King’s Contest together, and won. I put him on that throne. But I betrayed him, because I was having an affair in secret.”
Mom wiped the tear away. “Anastazy and I weren’t supposed to happen. I was promised to the king, but we shared a bond I couldn’t deny, no matter how hard I tried. I’d bonded with both of them, but I chose Anastazy. We ended up getting pregnant with you, and by then, I knew there was no turning back. I didn’t want to break Lycus’s heart and humiliate him in front of the public, so Anastazy decided we should run away together.”
Mom put her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes. “But the night we were to leave, the Black Claw came for me. They had received a prophecy of a girl who would resurrect the Dark God Droga, a baby I carried in my womb. They wanted to kidnap me, and hold me prisoner until you were born, then sacrifice you in order to bring the prophecy full circle. Anastazy wouldn’t let that happen. He died protecting the both of us.”
Mom was full out sobbing now. I reached out and wiped her tears away. I was crying now, too. This was all so awful. But at least I knew now that my father loved me, wanted me. He wouldn’t have died for me if he hadn’t.
“I got to safety that night, but I knew the Black Claw wouldn’t stop hunting me, not even if I was queen. I needed to get you far away, so the Black Claw wouldn’t find us,” Mom stuttered. “I rejected Lycus’ mating bond so he wouldn’t come after me, and ran away to Detroit with you. Lycus was devastated, but he chose another queen. And I did what I had to, to keep you safe.”
“Did the king ever know?” I whispered.
“No,” Mom whispered. “I never told him. He never knew about Anastazy or the pregnancy. He died thinking I rejected him because I didn’t love him, but that wasn’t true.”
I put the pieces together. “So… you think people are going to figure out you cheated on Lycus?”
“Yes. I’m sure people have already been discussing it. Gossip runs thick in the Arcanean circles. I’m sure they think you’re some sort of bastard. They don’t realize you were conceived within the legal confines of a mating relationship.” She took a tissue out of her purse and dotted her eyes.
“Does that matter?”
“To the Arcanea? Yes. Bloodlines are everything. To have a child with someone who isn’t your proclaimed mate… it’s basically sacrilege. People think I’m damned to the underworld.”
“You aren’t going to hell, Mom. You had to make a lot of tough decisions.” I pondered for a moment. “But couldn’t you tell people about Anastazy now?”
“And admit that I was fooling around behind the king’s back? No. That would only bring humiliation upon you, and Lycus’ memory. It’s better if people just speculate your parentage rather than know the truth. Then they can’t use it against you. And people would never believe me if I told them I bonded with two shifters. They wouldn’t consider it possible. The only thing that protects your reputation now is that people don’t know the truth.”
“This is some medieval sexist shit, Mom.”
“I know. But it’s how our world works. Adultery is the worst sin the Arcanea know. No one will forgive you if they find out you cheated on your mate. It goes that way for boys, too.”
Mom bunched up her tissue. “I just wanted you to know the truth. Though I suggest you don’t tell anyone about this. If word gets out what really happened, you’ll be outcasted from society forever. And I don’t want that for you. You seem different, Emma. You’re so happy here.”
“I am.” I reached out to grab her hand. “I just want to make sure you’re happy, too.”
“I will be. There are a lot of memories here. But in time, I’ll learn to heal.” She took a ragged breath.
I felt so bad for her. Both of her mates had died, and she was alone in the world. But she wasn’t completely alone, because she had me.
“Mom? Do you think you could take me around town and show me all the places you and my dad went? I want to learn more about him,” I asked. It was crazy to hear the words come out of my mouth, but if my father wasn’t alive, I at least wanted to hear about him and find out what kind of man he was. Maybe we shared more in common than I knew.
Mom took a small mirror out of her purse. She fixed her runny makeup before forcing a watery smile. “I think that’s just what we both need.”
Mom and I hung out for the rest of the day. We walked around campus and explored her favorite spots, as well as my dad’s. One in particular was a small lake within the school grounds in one of the inner gardens. We laughed and talked about what Anastazy was like. I learned that he’d liked pasta, like me, and didn’t take creamer in his coffee, and that his wolven fur was a deep, rich brown. It was so little to go on, but already, I felt like I knew him personally. These little details made him a real person instead of a phantom in my mind. It almost felt like he was still here with me.
When darkness fell, Mom went back to her cottage and I returned to the dormitory. When I got to the top of the steps, Ethan was waiting there for me. He appeared much better than earlier— like he hadn’t been sick at all. It was kind of weird looking at him knowing that my mom had an old fling with his dad, but at least she hadn’t had sex with him.
Something I couldn’t promise I didn’t want to do with his son. Damn this double-mating thing.
“You look like you’re feeling better,” I said.
“I am,” Ethan said. “It was some passing thing. I just needed to sleep.”
“That’s a relief to hear.” I leaned against the wall. I was tired from walking around all day. I wanted to rest. He needed to hurry this up, so I could climb into bed and pass out.
Ethan bounced on the spot. He seemed… nervous. “Emma,
can we talk?”
Oh, gods. “Depending on what it’s about.”
“It’s serious.”
Wasn’t it always? “Okay. Shoot.”
“Let’s go somewhere more private.” Ethan turned on his heel, and I suppressed a groan. My legs felt like they were gonna fall off. I was gonna get old walking around this school.
Ethan led me to a balcony that overlooked the forest beyond. The moon shone overhead while large snowflakes trickled down, coating his shoulders in white. The stars glimmered in the blackness around him.
Ethan looked gorgeous. I wondered if he was casting some sort of illusion over my heart. Choosing between him and the Phantom was impossible.
“What’s this about?” I asked.
Ethan stood in silence. The only sound that could be heard was that of the falling snow. Then he uttered something unbelievable.
“I was wondering if you would be my partner for the King’s Contest.”
My mouth dropped open in shock. My friends were right. Holy shit, this was actually happening. My heart thudded out of my chest as my lungs struggled to breathe. I gaped like some stupid fish for a moment, eyes wide like saucers, before I pulled myself together and said, “You have to be joking.”
He flinched. Did I offend him? Oops.
“Does this seem like a joke to you?” Ethan said. “I’m serious.”
“When you say partner… it’s more like mate,” I said.
“Yes. It is mate. I’m asking you to be my mate, compete in the Contest with me, and become my queen if we win,” Ethan said.
“You realize this is basically a marriage proposal,” I stuttered. I didn’t know how many surprises I could take today.
“Yes. And I’m sorry that this isn’t exactly elaborate, but I didn’t have much time to plan this out,” he stuttered.
“When did you decide to do this? Yesterday?” I asked sarcastically. “Was I your back-up choice?”
“Gods, Emma, no.” His brow furrowed. “You were the only choice.”
He probably meant it to be romantic, but it came out as insulting. I scoffed. “You had other options. Chastity being the first.”
“I don’t want Chastity,” Ethan said. “She resents me. It would be a long and horrible marriage.”
“But you’re giving her what she wants.”
“No. I wouldn’t be.” He shook his head. “She wants to be queen, but more than that, she wants me to love her. That’s something I could never do.”
“You think you could love me?” I dared to ask.
Ethan hesitated for a long moment, as if calculating his response. “I could try.”
Not a very convincing answer. His guard was up. I didn’t know why.
“Then let me ask you another question,” I said slowly. “Do you think we could be mates?”
Ethan’s eyes widened. He nearly staggered with the effort of keeping himself upright. It’s like I’d punched him in the gut or something. “I… I thought you believed you were mated to the Phantom.”
“I am,” I said. “But don’t you think it’s possible I’m bonded to two people?”
“I didn’t know such a thing was possible.”
“You’re avoiding the question.”
“Do you think you’re bonded to me?”
I shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. I feel something for you, but it’s not anything like what I feel for the Phantom. That’s something much deeper. A bond I can’t explain. With you it just feels… normal.”
He frowned. “Then there’s your answer.”
“Not from you.”
He took in a deep breath. “I think we have a natural connection. But don’t you think if I knew you were my mate, I would’ve told you months ago? That’s not something a shifter can easily deny. What reason would I have to hold back my true feelings?”
Disappointment flowed through my veins. I didn’t think he was lying. Why would he? Ethan spoke the truth. There was no mating bond between us.
...Yet I wasn’t entirely convinced. There was some kind of bond there, though I didn’t know what it was. Attraction, at the very least. We had some chemistry. Maybe Ethan and I could be mates, just that our connection was weaker than the one shared between the Phantom and I?
But that wasn’t enough for a lifetime of commitment. I balled my hands into fists at my sides.
“I don’t want to be Queen of the Arcanea.”
“Forgive me, but I don’t think it matters what you want,” Ethan said gently. “My life is about service. I’m here to give myself up to the people of Malovia. That’s my purpose. It’s about sacrifice. I don’t want to ask you to become queen in order to protect the Arcanea. But Emma, I’m asking.”
“You’re asking me to give up my life.”
“Yes. Because it’s what has to be done. People are depending on us.”
He was right. The right thing to do was clear. The main contenders to the throne were Ethan and Elijah. If Ethan didn’t have a mate, he couldn’t compete. And then Elijah would probably win.
The thought of Elijah on the throne with Gabby’s smug, bitchy smile beside him made me want to hurl. Neither one of them cared about the Arcanea. They only cared about themselves. They’d run the county into the ground and ruin the Arcanea for their own selfish purposes.
Ethan wasn’t like that. He was good, and just, and kind. He was the king the Arcanea needed.
But he needed me. And if I refused… there’d be no one else to turn to. He’d waited too long to find a mate. I had to wonder if it was on purpose. Sure, he was a prince and could pick any random girl, but whoever he picked had to stay at his side… forever. There was no such thing as divorce among the Arcanea. That kind of thing was forbidden in our culture. You’d be shunned forever if you took wedding vows and then decided to abandon your mate. If you had to refuse them, it was supposed to be done before you legally wed. Ethan would be removed from the throne if he ever broke his mating vows.
We were friends. He knew he could deal with me for the rest of his life. With any other girl, he’d be taking a chance.
I mean, I had to admit, the thought of being queen was kinda badass. I’d be taken care of for the rest of my life. And I’d get to order people around. The only person above me on the Arcanea pecking order would be Ethan. I wouldn’t be an outcast anymore. People would be forced to respect me. It would be good to be the queen.
Yet it came with a lot of duties. I’d be responsible for an entire nation of people. Wars, famines, disasters… I’d be expected to handle it all. It was a lot to ask of a girl from Detroit.
Ethan thought I could handle it, which was endearing. Maybe I could. He wouldn’t ask me to be his queen if he thought I’d be a bad one. He cared about his people too much.
But if I said yes… I’d lose the chance to be with my one true mate forever. I’d lose the Phantom.
With a sinking feeling, I realized I had to face facts. The Phantom wasn’t coming for me. I’d waited for weeks and weeks, and he never showed. I didn’t think he cared about me at all.
I loved the Phantom, but he wasn’t here. Ethan was. Ethan was standing right in front of me, begging me to take his hand and become his queen.
It would be an arranged marriage. Probably a loveless one. I don’t think I could love another person like I loved the Phantom. It just wasn’t possible. He’d taken up a place in my heart that I could never let go.
I was facing the same decision my mom had long ago. But what if my mom had made a mistake? Her choice to follow her heart had brought her nothing but misery. I didn’t want to end up like that.
“Why did you pick me? Give me one good reason,” I said.
“Because we’re friends. Because we get along. Because we work well together. It’s a smart decision,” Ethan listed off.
Parts of me seethed. He could’ve said I was pretty. Maybe even lied that he had a crush on me, at least. Would it kill him to fake a little bit of romance? Not set this up like it was a business transact
ion.
“So you think you can put up with me for the rest of your life. Big deal. That’s really profound,” I shot at him.
“Emma, not everything in life is a fairytale romance,” Ethan snapped. “I know you want flowers and feelings and to be swept off your feet, but this is a practical arrangement. It’s what’s best.”
“For you, maybe.” This was insulting. I had feelings for Ethan, but it was clear he had none for me. Which really fucking hurt.
“Em, I want more than just the magic.” Ethan’s expression hardened. “This is a vow to stick with me through thick and thin, a commitment you can never take back. If you don’t think you can do that, walk away.”
“I don’t even have time to think about it! The King’s Contest is two weeks away!” I shouted. “You haven’t even given me time to consider.”
“I wasn’t sure of it myself until recently. I’m sorry I didn’t give you enough time, but Emma, I need your answer now. There’s not enough time to give it any thought.”
“That’s your own fault, Captain Procrastinator.”
Ethan huffed impatiently. He held the bridge between his nose and his eyes with two fingers. “Dammit, you’re so frustrating.”
“This is your own fault for springing a marriage proposal on me at the last minute.”
“What’s holding you back?” He dropped his hand, and our eyes connected. “Tell me.”
What was holding me back? A million things. I was eighteen years old, and Ethan wanted me to make a lifelong commitment to him when I barely knew him. I was mated to the Phantom. I didn’t know if I’d be a good queen. Hell, I didn’t even know if I could help Ethan win the Contest.
But beneath all of that was fear, and it was the real reason I didn’t want to say yes. I was afraid Ethan would always love his people more than he’d love me. If he ever learned to love me at all. I’d be giving up my soulmate for a loveless marriage.
But that wasn’t important. We were talking about the welfare of thousands of people, here. If I was queen, I could make things different for people like my mom.