“I did no such thing. I left your ship, but I never intended to leave you.”
“What?”
“You wouldn’t let me go, but that’s my home. My family. I knew you would follow me. I trusted you would support me, help me fight whoever attacked my people.” Caragh looked around Rowan to Ruairí who had put his clothes back in place and smirked at his cousin’s back. “You are the one who betrayed me, Rowan. Your sin is far greater than the one you think I committed.”
Rowan could not breathe; he could not swallow. He could barely see straight as everything he convinced himself of that night crumbled around him.
“Out,” he muttered. “All of you out.”
Caragh dipped below his arm and darted toward Ruairí, who wrapped his arm around her.
“Not you,” Rowan pleaded.
“What is done is done, Rowan. You gave me to Ruairí, and I made my decision. I know you recognized it as the same one I made with you.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing. You would go with him willingly? You have no idea how he might treat you.”
“If I should fear him, then that speaks all too loudly of how little you care about me, if you would send me with a man who might mistreat me.”
“Lass, you need to decide now. I need to return to my ship. Come with me or not, but for what it’s worth, my cousin came through in the end. I knew he would.” Ruairí smirked at Rowan. “Even if it did take him longer than I imagined. Such a pity you didn’t wait a bit longer after all.”
Ruairí backed away when Rowan lunged at him. Ruairí allowed Rowan to grab him by the collar, but Ruairí leaned in to whisper in Rowan’s ear. “You love her. I wouldn’t have gone through with it, even if it was tempting. Why did you wait so long? It almost went farther than I was prepared for. She’s quite the seductress.”
Rowan reared back as he looked at his cousin. They had been best friends their entire life. Ruairí was the one person who might know him better than Caragh. “Go to her and fix this, or I will take her with me,” Ruairí finished. “You’ve hurt her more deeply than you believe she hurt you.”
Rowan nodded, and Ruairí ushered his companions through the door and shut it behind him. Rowan looked around and found Caragh once again in front of the porthole. He was at a loss for what to do.
“Caragh.”
She did not move, not even a flinch. Rowan sank onto the bed and rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his head. “What have I done?”
“Destroyed my trust in you.”
Caragh moved to his side and looked down at a man she did not recognize. The anger and bitterness were now sorrow and regret. She found it unnerving to see Rowan, who she considered to be the bravest and strongest of men, looking broken. She reached out her hand and rested it on his shoulder. He looked up unsure of what to do.
“I just don’t understand how you could imagine I was leaving you. What led you to assume that?”
“You going over the side and into the water just as fast as the night I met you when you did try to escape.”
“Rowan, a lot has transpired and changed since then. Do you have any idea how deeply your lack of faith in me hurts? And this,” she gestured around the cabin. “I don’t know how I can ever get past this. I know you were angry and hurt too, but to trade me to another man, even if he was your cousin? I can only think of one other betrayal to rival this. All the more reason for me not to understand how you could do something like this.”
“I couldn’t bring myself to look at you when I thought you wanted to leave me. I remembered what you said about having little to come home to after being with pirates, so passing you into Ruairí’s care seemed the most logical option.”
“But the things you said!”
“I know. Part of it was anger, but I was trying to convince myself that you didn’t matter as much as you do. Then I would be able to let you go.”
“But it’s much more than that. You humiliated me. You picked the most degrading way to punish me for what you believed were my transgressions. You wanted to hurt me just as much as you believed I hurt you. You wanted revenge, Rowan.”
“I did. I admit it.”
“How do you not know how much I love you?”
Rowan shot to his feet.
“What did you say?”
“Oh, Rowan. I love you. I have since nearly the beginning. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if it was something you would want to hear, but it didn’t make it any less true.”
“Your love is something precious that I should have cared for and protected, just as I promised to protect you. I broke that pledge to you tonight. How could I have done that to you?”
“Because you love me, too. If you didn’t, you couldn’t have been hurt enough to react as you did. If you didn’t care about me, if you weren’t hurting so deeply, then you would not have struck out as you did.”
“How can you be so understanding?”
Caragh tilted her head back and tried to find patience. She stepped away from him.
“Why do you think I was able to give myself over to Ruairí? I wanted to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. I wanted my pound of flesh for the pain you were causing me.”
Rowan nodded his head and waited for Caragh to go on, but she only stood there staring at him.
“So, what now,” he murmured.
Caragh shrugged. “I don’t know. A spanking and a good night’s sleep?”
“How can you make light of this?”
“What else is there to be done? I deserve the spanking for diving into the sea and trying to take on a band of pirates without you. You sent me here to keep me safe, and I flagrantly disobeyed you.”
Rowan slowly pulled her into his embrace, expecting her to push him away at any moment, but she came willingly.
“I don’t think I can ever punish you again after tonight. You have been through more than I could endure.”
“Rowan, we will work through this. I haven’t stopped loving you because of this, but it will take a good long while before I trust you completely. But I need those spankings as much as you need to dole them out. They grounded me. They made me feel loved, and I don’t want to give that up.”
“I should have told you how I felt if you thought gaining a spanking was the only way to feel cared about.”
“Did you really understand that until tonight?”
“No, but I suspected I loved you. I didn’t realize the depth of it until I feared you were gone.”
“Then perhaps not a spanking, but a good night’s sleep. Rowan, I’m so tired. All I want is to get out of this gown, burn it preferably, and climb into bed with you. I want you to hold me until I fall asleep, and I expect you to still be holding me when I wake up.”
“You want to share a bed with me? Let me touch you?”
Caragh huffed out a breath. She was discovering the man she loved was not only deeply flawed in how he dealt with his emotions but was insecure. She should have realized it after he told her the story of his past. She remembered how adamant he had been that he would never abandon a child when he came inside her the first night. Now all the pieces fit together. She lifted onto her toes and kissed each side of his jaw. “Just hold me tonight, and we will figure out the rest in the morning.”
For the first time since they met, they crawled into bed and only slept. Rowan turned and rolled to follow her throughout the night, never letting her go.
Chapter 12
As sunlight flooded through the window, Caragh opened her eyes and stretched. She looked to the porthole and found a pair of haggard blue eyes watching her.
“Did you not sleep?” she asked, her voice raspy.
“Some,” he shrugged one shoulder.
“Not enough. Why not stay abed and try to catch a little more rest?”
“You know I have duties above deck, and I promised to take you ashore this morning.”
Trepidation replaced the eagerness of the night. She watched her brother die the night
before, and that conjured emotions she had not had the energy to acknowledge until now. She wanted to see her family but feared how she would be treated by the villagers.
“I’m not in such a rush as I thought I’d be.” She pulled the covers over her head and snuggled closer to him. Rowan pulled the coverlet down to her shoulder and brushed the hair from her shoulder. He leaned forward and kissed the satiny skin. “We will go when you are ready. We will do what you want, mo ghaol.”
My love. They grinned at one another. Despite the horrid experiences of the night before, they both reveled in the sound of those two words. None of the night before was forgotten, but some time in their sleep, both of them decided to forgive.
“I know what I want, and it’s certainly not something we can do in front of my family. Not if you don’t want my mother to cut off your cods.”
Rowan’s eyes bulged open in disbelief.
“Mo ghaol,” Caragh realized it was the first time she ever used an affectionate term for Rowan; she had been too nervous in the past. “We are at our best when we come together.”
“I don’t want you to think that is all we have together now.”
“I know it isn’t, but I think it would go a long way to healing our rift.” As Rowan rolled on top of her, she brushed the hair from his forehead and twirled it around her finger as her other hand traced his tattoo. “It hasn’t been just about the physical since nearly the beginning. At least not for me.”
“Me neither,” Rowan breathed as he slid into her. “I love you, mo Caragh.”
“And my a’th kar, mo bhris.” Caragh blended Cornish and Gaelic to say she loved her Viking.
“I will gladly be your Viking if you allow me to plunder your heart along with your body.”
“Pillage away.”
Their bodies moved together in a way only practiced lovers could. As they watched one another, their souls wrapped together, binding them once more. Neither believed making love would solve all their problems, but it was a step toward reconciliation.
Caragh cried out Rowan’s name as he roared hers, pulling out just in time.
They lay in one another’s arms until a knock on the door brought them back to the present.
“Captain?” Keith called through the door. “Are we going ashore or casting off? Your cousin’s boats sailed last night. I imagine the villagers are in a panic since they can see us.”
Rowan groaned before looking over his shoulder at the door.
“Going ashore. Send Skinny with the tub and buckets of hot water.”
He turned back to Caragh, and she lifted her head to rub noses.
After they both bathed, and Caragh requested someone bring one of the chests taken from the cave, they dressed and went above deck. Rowan was in fresh leggings, shirt, and surcoat while Caragh wore a gown she remembered spotting in the chest. Rowan descended into the dinghy before Caragh and helped her down, since the long skirts made it difficult. It was Skinny who rowed them ashore. Ever since the showdown on the deck, Skinny had become Caragh’s unspoken protector. He had been beside himself when he sounded the alarm the night before.
“I’m sorry about your brother, ma lady,” Skinny whispered.
“Thank you. I appreciate your kind words,” Caragh responded just as softly.
She was tucked against Rowan’s side, ostensibly to shield her from the wind, but she found she needed his support as they drew closer and closer to shore. When the bow lodged against the sand, Rowan lifted Caragh and carried her to the base of the path. Caragh drew back as she looked up and saw people beginning to gather. She spotted her mother, father, and older brothers, who stood with their wives. She could not see their expressions, so she had no idea whether they were happy to see her, especially since she had not been there to save her brother.
Rowan slid her hand into his and wrapped his fingers around hers before giving them a squeeze. She looked to him and smiled as they began the hike up the path. She had done her best to make herself look presentable, and she knew the gown was more lavish than anything she owned, but the thought of seeing her family again in her salt-encrusted clothes from the night before made her shudder. When they reached the crest of the path, Caragh paused, causing Rowan to bump into her. He wrapped his arm around her to steady her, and they were greeted with an almighty bellow.
“Get yer bluidy bleeding hands of ma wee lass.” Rowan expected to be greeted by an enraged father, but it was a woman with flame-colored hair charging toward them. She was spewing curses no Englishwoman would know, since they were a blend of English and Gaelic.
“Mama!” Caragh broke free as she rushed into her mother’s arms. They embraced as four men approached, the oldest prying Caragh from her mother only to engulf her in their own hug. He lifted her off the ground as he twirled her about.
Rowan watched the reunion between Caragh and her family. While he was relieved they welcomed her back, sadness descended knowing he would never receive a similar reception. As her family tried to lead her away, Rowan watched her shake her head and break away. She lifted her skirts to her knees and ran back to him as quickly as she had rushed to her parents. She flung herself into Rowan’s arms and squeezed him until he was sure his spine cracked.
“They’re so happy to see me,” she bubbled, but as she pulled away, her excitement dimmed. “Why weren’t you right behind me? Why are you still all the way over here?”
Rowan watched her face blanch, and he worried she would collapse. He pulled her against his chest and held her up. “Caragh? Caragh, what’s wrong?”
“Were you going to leave me here? Slip away and return to your ship without me?”
Rowan struggled to hear her; her voice meek for the first time since he met her.
“Of course not. I was trying to give you time with your family before I intruded.”
Caragh fisted his surcoat as she pulled him down to her eye level.
“Don’t leave me again. Please. My family may be happy to see me, but I don’t know about the rest. I’m scared to go back to the village. Rowan, I need you.”
There were those four words again, this time, finally, not uttered in the throes of passion.
“I’m not going anywhere that doesn’t keep me by your side.” Rowan kissed her forehead before setting her down. He took her hand in his once more as they walked across the cliff top back to her family and the villagers who continued to gather. They were nearly to her parents when the flame-haired woman gasped, and her eyes widened. Her husband’s arm came around her as she swayed.
“Rowan MacNeill? Is that ye, lad?”
Rowan immediately saw that, except for her hair, Caragh was a mirror image of her mother. Something about the dark red hair niggled at his memory, but he could not place it.
“I havenae seen ye since ye were a wee lad of mayhap five or six.”
“You know me?”
“Och, aye. I kenned yer mother since we were bairns. Her mother was ma mother’s best friend. We were inseparable until she left MacLeod land. When yer mama left to marry the MacNeill laird, she only consented if I could visit from time to time. I did until I met ma Henry and moved south.” Caragh’s mother stepped forward and peered at him. Tears sprang to her eyes as she shook her head. “Ye are the vera image of him, but ye are naught like him, are ye?”
Rowan stiffened, knowing exactly who she meant. He might have fled his clan, but he could never change how much he looked like his father. His father was Ruairí’s father’s twin brother; the older of the two. It was why the two of them looked so much alike.
“We all believed ye were dead,” she murmured as she continued to look him over. “Ye dinna remember me, do ye?”
“I remember your hair.”
She ran a hand over her hair self-consciously.
“It does tend to stand out a bit. I’m Catriona MacLeod, or I was until I married.”
Rowan felt as if a poleax felled him. He suddenly remembered how happy his mother was when this woman came to visit. Then h
e remembered her despondency after her friend left. He recalled being a young boy trying to cheer his mother when she would stand looking out over the water. He only conjured memories of his mother being happy the rare times he thought of her. He had forgotten all the times he found her crying, even before his father turned on her.
“Rowan, ye’re remembering, arenae ye?” Catriona’s voice was soft, and he looked down to see Caragh peering up at him. Her concern was etched in the two deep lines between her brows. He reached out to smooth them away before he looked back at Catriona.
“I am.”
“Have ye heard aught of how yer mother fairs since ye left?”
Rowan shook his head as anger resurfaced, just as it did every time he thought about the night Ruairí rescued him.
“She didna do well losing ye. She hasnae been the same since.”
“I’m sure you mean after she lost my father. She barely noticed the day they brought me home. She never tried to see me when I was in the dungeon, and she certainly never came to the oubliette.”
“Is that what ye think?”
“What else is there to think?”
“I was there that day. In fact, so was Caragh, but I kept her tucked away once the commotion started.”
“I was?” Caragh looked surprised.
“Dinna ye remember our trips to Barra? We would often go twice a year while the laird was away. We didna get along.”
“Barely. I hadn’t thought of them till now. Not even when I figured out Rowan was from there. I would have been barely ten that year.”
Catriona turned back to Rowan and continued.
“Laurel fought with yer father before ye left. She didna want ye to go with them. She feared something would happen while ye were away. When she saw ye enter the bailey with yer hands bound and tied to the horse with yer da’s body before ye, she lost all sense of reason. Ye were pulled from yer horse and taken away, but I was there for what happened next.”
Catriona looked between her daughter and Rowan, not missing the way Rowan clung to Caragh for support.
“Rowan, I have never seen a woman so crazed as yer mother was then. She pulled a dirk from her belt and was the one to cut yer father’s body loose before anyone could catch him. He toppled from the horse and the shroud came apart. She plunged her dirk into his throat. She did it over and over until one of the men carried her away, ranting the entire time that he deserved his death for putting ye in danger. By the time she calmed down, they had already locked ye in the dungeon. She tried to see ye. She argued with the clan elders, bribed guards, and sneaked aboot, but someone always intercepted her. When she learned ye’d been thrown in the oubliette, she sent ma Henry to find yer uncle Angus. She believed he would be able to talk sense into the council, and he did try, but to no avail. It was the night he returned that he pled yer case, and when he got nowhere, he sent Ruairí to rescue ye. Angus thought ye two would meet him where he’d told Ruairí to take ye, but do ye remember the storm that blew through? I dinna ken if ye went there and didna find Angus or ye never made it, but he couldnae get there in time for when ye were supposed to meet. After that, none of us ever heard from either of ye. Rumors have floated around over the years that ye both turned pirate, but there were also rumors that said ye both were dead. Yer mama hasnae stepped outside the keep since ye disappeared. She refuses. She says she canna see aught but ye riding into the bailey tied to yer horse. Rowan, she hasnae been right in the head since ye left. Ruairí’s mother is barely any better.”
Pirates, Passion and Plunder Page 35