Fuck. Is he a stalker now? “Have you seen him any other times? Are they the only times you've had the feeling of being watched?”
She shakes her head, no. “It's the only times I've seen him, but it's not the only times I’ve had the same feelings. I've had it every day. Even over the weekend.”
I can't tell her it was me in the park on Saturday.
“Come with me. I only live around the corner. I want you to be safe. I can call my driver to take you home.”
She shakes her head. “No, Caspian. I can get a cab. I will be fine, honestly. I don't want to put you to any trouble.”
Trouble! Is she fucking kidding me right now? “Come on. I'm not taking no for an answer.” I grab her elbow and lead her in the direction of my place.
Macen
CASPIAN HAS HOLD of my elbow and is leading me to his place. Oh, my goodness, he's taking me to his home. I start to panic. I forget the feeling of being watched, and I start to hyperventilate. I can't go to his home. What will people think? What if someone sees us now — him marching me like this. I pull my arm out of his grasp. “No, Caspian, please. I can't go to your home. How will that look if anyone were to see us? You're my boss. I can't go. Just let me hail a cab, and I will be fine getting home.”
He stops and turns, then gets right into my space. “Macen, I'm not going to say it again. You are coming to my place. I will make sure you get home safely even if I come with you. Please don't fight me on this. I don't give a fuck if anyone sees us. It’s none of their business.”
He makes me recoil slightly. I'm not scared of him, but he is forceful. I find I actually like it. I don't argue with him and walk around him in the direction we were heading.
I walk on a bit, but he hasn't followed me. I turn to look at him, and he just stands where we were. He raises his eyebrows at me and has a smirk on his face, thumbing to the left of him. I look at the building, and there are some double doors with a canopy above them. I start to walk back to him, and I notice one of the doors is open. A man in a long grey coat with tails and gold buttons and a grey top hat is standing opening the door for Caspian. Oh, he must live here. I didn't even know there were apartments here. I just presumed he lived in a brownstone over on the Upper West side. As I approach him, I see the twinkle in his eye, and he's trying to hide the smirk on his face. “Is this where you live?”
He nods at me, then puts his hand on my lower back to guide me into the building. I'm reluctant to go at first, but he puts a bit of pressure on me, so I move. I'm not comfortable doing this, and I still have the feeling of being watched. I just don't tell Caspian that.
“Good Evening, Mr. Kade,” the doorman greets him.
“Hello, Derek. This is my guest, Ms. Donald. Please add her to the list of people authorized to visit me.” “Will do Sir. Ma'am,” he says bowing to us.
Caspian steers me to the elevators and pulls out a key card. Once inside, he still doesn't remove his hand from my lower back. The thing is, I like it. I don't want him to remove it. He makes me feel safe.
The doors open to a marble hallway. There is a round table with a floral display on it then behind that are some big wooden double doors. Caspian, still with his hand on my lower back, leads me to the doors and inserts his key card. We enter. I stop dead, and my jaw drops. He bumps into me as I stop. “Sorry.” He apologizes even though it's my fault. “Here let me take your coat.”
He comes around the front of me, invading my space again, and he starts to take my scarf from around my neck. I let him. Then he starts to unzip my parka, but I halt him by putting my gloved hand over his. “I thought you were going to call your driver to take me home?” He takes my hand and removes my glove, one finger at a time, then repeats with the other one. He’s taller than me, and I have to look up into his face. He’s staring at me as he’s removing my outer clothes. He starts on the zip again, and this time, I let him. He does this very slowly, and I swear he does it on purpose, but as the zip goes over my breasts, his knuckles brush me. My nipples are instantly hard. I gasp and shiver at his touch. Shit, I need to get out of here. This can’t happen. I’m so attracted to him, but I have never willingly been with anyone before. I don’t know how to act, and he’s making me feel all kinds of things I’ve never felt before. Now I’m scared of him — in the way he is making me feel. I step back as he finishes unzipping me. He tries to pull me to him by my coat, but I step back again. “Caspian, please call your driver.”
He moves away from me; looking like he’s in turmoil. He’s rubbing his hand over the stubble on his face and his hair. “Shit, sorry, Macen, sure. I’ll call him now to come and get you.” He walks away from me, getting his phone out of his pocket and leaving me standing there with my coat hanging off and my gloves and scarf on the floor. As I bend to pick them up, I can hear him speaking on the phone.
The next thing I know, as I stand to straighten, he's right in my space again. He grabs my face very gently, looking into my eyes as if searching for something. “Macen, tell me you feel this? Tell me I'm not going mad, and it's not just me?”
My heart skips a beat. I have butterflies trying out for the Olympics in my tummy, and I have warm fuzzy feelings all over me from him touching me. He puts his forehead on mine. “Please tell me? I need to know.”
I breathe out. “I feel it,” I whisper to him.
“Thank fuck for that!” And with that, he closes in on me and kisses me. It stuns me, and I don't move. He tries to coax me, but I've never done this before, and I feel utterly ridiculous, standing here, wondering what to do. I very slightly open my mouth, and that's all he needs. He dips his tongue into the tiny gap, coaxing my mouth open more. His tongue is now inside my mouth, playing with mine, and he's moving his lips. I replicate what he's doing, and before I know it, he has me backed up against the door. My hands are on his waist, and I'm pulling him into me even more without even realizing I'm doing it, and he's holding my cheeks as he deepens the kiss.
He presses his torso against mine. I feel the hardness from down below, and I freeze and go rigid. I think I stop breathing. My eyes are screwed shut, and I must look like I'm in pain.
“Mace, what's wrong? Macen, talk to me. What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you in pain? Did I do something wrong? Shit, I overstepped, didn't I? FUCK” he shouts as he turns away from me and storms off. He’s angry with himself, and I feel terrible because he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong — he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s me — it’s all on me.
I calm myself down because I’m shaking. I grab my things that I dropped when he kissed me, and I leave. I press the button for the elevator and luckily the doors open. I’ve left his apartment door open, and just as the elevator doors are closing, I see him running to the door, toward me.
I need to get away fast. I know I have all these feelings for him, but I have never voluntarily been with someone before in my life. I think I'm ruined. I got flashbacks of the attack when he pressed his hardness against me, and I’m not sure I can ever be intimate or have a relationship with a man. I'm crying, trying to put my scarf and gloves on before I reach the lobby. I don't want the doorman to see me upset. The doors open. The doorman is there, and he nods at me. I have my scarf wrapped around my face, and I just nod back at him.
“Do you need me to get you a cab ma'am?”
I shake my head “No, thank you.” I leave through the doors before he can reach it to open them for me.
I practically sprint back up to 5th Avenue, all the while looking for a cab. I see one approach just as I hear my name being shouted, but as the cab stops, I jump in the back. Caspian is almost to the cab as we pull away.
“Just drive, please. Don't stop.”
I hear a bang. He just managed to reach the trunk of the car and slap his hand on it, trying to get it to stop, but I don't look back. I turn my head to the other side, and that’s when I see him. I see the same figure who was talking to Dixon this morning. I can't see his face. He's leaning on the wall, and he's watching
me. I cry. I cry for what just happened, and I cry because I’m terrified.
I get home, and Grandma is still up waiting for me. “Oh, Macen, I was worried because you weren’t home yet. I didn’t wan…” She looks at me — I must look a mess. “Macen, what’s happened? Why are you crying? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” I shake my head, no but fall into her arms and hug her while crying. She soothes me. She always does. “Shhh, love, when you're ready, let's sit down, and you can tell me what's happened. As long as you haven't been hurt.”
“I haven't,” I manage to say.
After another minute, I pull away from her and remove my coat, gloves, and scarf. I head to the living room and sit on the couch. Grandma is next to me.
I tell Grandma everything about the day. She's relieved that I haven't been hurt, but she's worried about me being stalked and also about my state of mind. She thinks I should see a therapist, and I agree. She also gets up to phone the police to report the stalker, especially after this morning with Dixon, which they are aware of.
It's really late before I get to bed. The police came and took my statement, but there isn't much else they can do because we don't know who it is. Once we know, they can get a restraining order, but that's it unless something happens to me. Great, I need to be attacked before anything can be done! I can't sleep. All I can think about is Caspian. He wants me as much as I want him — how can that be? How can he want me? He knows we shouldn't pursue it, yet he couldn't help himself. I want him, I really do, but it will never be. He won't want a damaged person with a child. Once he finds out, then it's game over. Luckily, I'm on a late again tomorrow, so I don't need to get up early. Grandma says she will take Dixon to school, and she will keep a lookout for anyone that looks suspicious. I'm really worried in case this guy is there, waiting again. I'm also worried about going into work, wondering if I should just quit. It's been nothing but trouble since I started and although it's my dream job, I have just been so unhappy — not with the actual job, but with everything that surrounds it.
I’m lying here, thinking about everything, and Reid keeps popping into my head. I didn't realize until just now but the guy watching me tonight was smoking. I remember the orange glow of his cigarette in his mouth. Every time I've seen Reid watching me, he's had a cigarette. Could it be Reid following me? I run into Grandma’s room. She's fast asleep, and I startle her by turning the light on. “Grandma, I know who it is?”
She rubs her eyes. “Who, what is?”
“I think its Reid. The guy watching me tonight had a cigarette in his mouth, just like Reid does. I think it's him, Grandma, it has to be, it all makes sense, but how do I prove it's him? He got fired today, I'm sure that's just going to add fuel to the fire, and he's going to blame me. He already hates me. I'm scared of him. He terrifies me.”
I fall asleep in Grandma’s bed. I don’t feel her get up with Dixon and it’s almost midday before I wake up. I feel lousy. My face is puffy from crying. I have a banging headache to go with it, and I have to face Caspian in a bit. Great.
Caspian
WHAT THE FUCK have I just done? I couldn’t help myself. I felt the connection between us, and I know she felt it too. I don’t know what came over me. I saw her standing in my home, and I just couldn’t help myself, but now I’ve totally screwed it up. I’ll probably never see her again. “Fuck!” I shout, running my hand through my hair as the cab gets further away. Not only have I probably lost her, but I’ve probably lost the best chef Casper’s has ever had as well. I’m the biggest dick going.
I’m still in the middle of the street, watching the cab as it rounds the corner onto Broadway. There isn’t much traffic or many people around as it’s late, but something makes me look across the street. It’s dark over there, as it’s the wall to Central Park, but I can make out a guy, standing there, and it looks like he’s looking this way. Probably watching this play out and wondering what I’m going to do now. I turn and saunter back to my place slowly, hoping she comes back around in the cab, but she doesn’t.
Back in my apartment, I pour a whiskey. Even though I’m her boss, her reaction is puzzling me. She was kissing me back and getting into it as she pulled me into her body, and that's when she went rigid in my arms, but why? I’ve never had a reaction like that in my life. I'm arrogant enough to say women throw themselves at me and always have.
I sit looking at my phone and pondering what to do. It's been thirty minutes since she left, so I text her.
Macen, it’s Caspian. I have your number from your paperwork, and I just want to apologize for what I did tonight. Please don’t let this ruin your career. Please come to work tomorrow, and I promise I will stay away from you. I thought you were into me like I am you, but I read it all wrong, I got the signals wrong. I’m sorry.
I hit send. I keep checking to see if she’s read it, but it remains unread, and I fall asleep after downing a few whiskeys clutching the phone in my hand waiting for it to vibrate with a reply.
I wake, sweating from yet another dream, still on the couch in my living area. I have a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows that look out over the park, and the sun hasn't risen yet. I look at my phone and see it's 3.35 a.m. I haven't been asleep that long, and there are no messages from Macen. I need to get out of these sweat-drenched clothes. It's definitely running into my poppa and reading those articles that have opened up Pandora's box.
I have a quick shower, then get into bed, unsure if I’ll sleep now. I lay awake, on my back, staring at the ceiling. What am I going to do? If she quits, I'll have to try to talk her into coming back. Promise her that I’ll stay away from her. If I can… I will try, but I figure it will be hard. I'm in too deep, and I know it. That kiss just opened up the floodgates to my cold-as-ice heart. I’ve never in my life let anyone have a piece of my heart, but she’s come along, and I want to hand it all to her on a silver platter, every bit of it. What is it about her? She's gorgeous, yes, but she's quite timid and shy. I think she could probably hold her own — I definitely think she has a feisty streak in her, but I get the feeling something bad has happened to her, especially from her reaction to me earlier.
I just want to hold her and protect her. When she told me about being watched, it freaked me out. I felt this surge of anger, which scared the shit out of me. I felt murderous that someone might want to harm her — over my dead body. I feel so protective of her, and yet I barely know her. What if she has a boyfriend? That might be why she reacted as she did, but I don't believe that. I think there is something more, and I would like to find out.
I must drift back off to sleep, and this time, I don’t dream. Fuck, it’s 12.15 p.m. Luckily, Francoise is in opening up today. I see that I have two messages from Macen. I cautiously open them, hoping she isn’t quitting.
Thank you, Caspian, for reaching out to me. It means a lot. There is no need to apologize. I was as much to blame as you. I am, however, sorry for my reaction. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I will be at work later, and you don't need to avoid me. We are both adults. Thank you for understanding. x
I read the second message.
P.s. You didn’t read the signals wrong. x
She only sent it five minutes ago — maybe it was the ping that woke me up.
No, thank you, Macen. I was imagining all sorts, but the last thing I wanted was for this to ruin your career. I will be professional in work. I promise. I’m on my way into work now, I overslept, probably because I didn't sleep much last night, thinking how I had screwed up. See you later. x
I jump in the shower again, no time for the gym or a run. I decide to go around the back of Casper's, as I don't want to walk the line today, when I stop suddenly. Leaning against the wall at the back door, smoking a cigarette is Reid. “What the fuck are you doing here? I told you not to come back. You have all your stuff, and I’ll post your last pay-check to you.”
He has the gall to sneer at me as though I've wronged him. He steps away from the wall and takes a couple o
f steps towards me. Great, this is all I fucking need. I take a couple of steps forward. “What do you want, Reid?”
He throws his cigarette to the floor and stubs it out with his foot, as he squares up to me. “You need to fucking leave her alone.”
Who the hell does he think he is? He’s got some balls squaring up to me. He’s tall, maybe not quite as tall as me, but scrawny. I could knock him out with one blow. “Leave who alone?”
He steps closer again and looks me straight in the eyes. “You fucking know who I'm talking about. I told you — she's mine.”
There is no way he's talking to me like that. I get right into his face as I speak. “Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Get off my fucking property now before I call the police.”
I’m not getting into a fight because he's delusional. I've handled enough guys like him since I was in a home, and he doesn't scare me. If he thinks I'm after Macen, then he saw us last night. Which means he's following her, so she was right about being watched. “You need to leave her alone, Reid. You do know stalking is a criminal offense, right? You’re not an item, Reid. I believe Macen. She doesn't even know you.”
He laughs. The look on his face is sadistic, evil, “Is that right. Well, let's just say I left her a little something from our last encounter.”
With that, he walks away, sniggering. What the fuck does that mean? She'll be in soon to start her shift. I know I said I would stay away, but I have to warn her. He's a danger. I can sense it, and there is no way I’m letting him harm her. The thought of him touching her has my blood at boiling point.
Macen
I HAD TO text him back. I felt terrible for leaving as I did, and it wasn’t his fault. He was sweet in his reply saying that he didn't want to ruin my career. He was right about my feelings as well, and I had to tell him that. I didn't want him to think there was something wrong with him. I still don’t understand what he sees in me, though. Maybe it's because he can't have me that gives him the thrill.
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