He looks at the papers. “Twenty-seven.”
Okay, so that makes him two years older than me. There's still a possibility. “What years was he at NYCS?”
He looks again. “2009 for three years.”
I do the math in my head. I started at the school in 2009 and left in 2011 after my attack. “Mace, hey, look at me? What's wrong? You look like death. What is it, baby?”
He looks at me worriedly.
“He was there the same time as me! We went to school together. I don't know him or remember him.” My heart is racing. He must know me from school. He must remember me. Had he changed in looks or changed his name?
“Macen, why are you looking like that?”
I look at him. “I need to find a picture of him at school and see if I recognize him at all?”
Caspian
SHE LOOKS LIKE death, and she’s scaring me right now. She looks like she might pass out. I do a search for yearbooks at NYCS and look for 2012, which would be the year he finished school. I bring up his picture and turn the computer so Macen can see his image. He looks like he does now, but younger. He’s certainly aged a lot since then.
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t recognize him from this either. Are there any more images?”
I search his name, and it only brings up his Facebook account. I click on that and see if there’s anything on there. I search for his photos, but there aren't that many. He doesn't have many friends either — eleven friends. Weird, even for someone like Reid you would expect more friends. He doesn't post much on Facebook, but I spot an article about some exceptional new students from his first year at NYCS. One of those students being Reid Hughes. I scan the article. It doesn't give much away, but there is a picture underneath with his name under the picture. I turn the computer back to Macen.
“Oh, my god. He looks so different. Is that him? With blonde hair, it makes a big difference. He looks familiar. I think I saw him a few times when I was there, but I didn't know him as such. There were always parties at my shared house, but I just kept myself to myself. I didn't interact with anyone much.” She's nodding her head. Well, shit, we may be getting closer to what his problem is. We leave it at that for now, and Macen goes to start her work. I need to go and get the CCTV footage from my apartment and take it to the cops before they come looking for me.
At my apartment building, I ask Derek about the CCTV not working, and how Reid got up to my apartment without having a key card for the elevator? The only thing he can think of is that Reid must have waited for him to use the bathroom and then come in and disconnected the security. The only way he could have gotten up to the top floor without a key is through the stairwell, and it’s forty-eight flights of stairs up to my apartment. It's a killer, I've done it a few times.
I'm fucking fuming at the fact it was so easy for Reid to gain access. I'm lucky he didn't break into my apartment. In my security closet, I find the footage I need, and I make a copy of it and load it onto a USB stick. I make another copy and put it in my safe. I don't want to take any chances. I head to the Mid-Town north precinct on West 54th street to hand in the USB to them and hopefully get them off my back, and after Reid again. I give them my details and the USB. They will pass it to whoever is dealing with the case.
Back at Casper's, I work the kitchen to pass the time. I also go in front of house to greet the customers. I'm standing at one of the window tables talking when out of the corner of my eye, I see Reid standing over the other side of 5th Avenue, leaning against the wall. I don't turn to look at him. I don't want him to know I've spotted him, so I carry on talking, then make my way back to my office and call the cops to let them know he's out there. I go back out front and work the room but keep my eye on him to see if they get him. It's almost an hour later when I see a cop car pull up, but Reid bolts. He looks straight into the restaurant and sees me watching as they pull up curbside, then he runs. They don't get him. They don't even give chase. Fuck.
The shift is over, and I wait for Macen. I motion her to come into my office, and I tell her what happened earlier. “Macen, what do you say to staying at my place tonight? Will Doris be okay with sorting Dixon in the morning?” She looks at me, horrified, I just suggested it. I hold up my hand to stop her going into panic mode. “Wait, it's not for what you’re thinking. I just think we can get to my place nice and quickly, and Reid won't be expecting it. He may be near your place waiting for you to get home. I don't know, but it may be safer if you come to mine. You can have your own room, nothing to worry about. And you're on an early tomorrow, so you will be just around the corner. We can get up early and go to yours if you need to see Dixon before school?”
She's thinking about it. I know when she's in turmoil because she bites the inside of her lip. “It's your choice, Mace.” She nods her head. “I need to phone Grandma and let her know before it gets too late.” She pulls out her cell and calls Doris. I get up and leave her to it. I check the cleaners have started and that everywhere is locked up.
We head out. I have her wrapped under my arm and tight into my side. I scan everywhere, checking the shadows, around corners, making sure he's not about to jump out at us. We walk fast, and we make it to my building in record time and head straight up to my place. I leave the elevators first, making sure he's not got in again so I can push Macen back in if need be. This fucking dick is making us both nervous wrecks.
I lead her inside, with my hand at the bottom of her back. Once in the foyer, I’m standing behind her, and I remove her coat, hat, and scarf. I lean down and kiss her neck and her exposed shoulder. She shudders from my touch and leans back into my chest. I drop her coat and wrap my arms around her, splaying my hands across her tummy. “You okay, Mace? I mean, okay being here with me? If it freaks you out at all, just let me know.”
She nods her head and tilts it back to look up at me. I lean down, place a kiss on her forehead, and smile down at her. I better move before she feels how hard my cock is getting. I step back and pick her coat up, taking mine off and hanging them both up. I take her hand and lead her to the seating area, and then I sit her down, which is the wrong thing to do, as I’m in front of her, and my fucking rock-hard cock is now at eye level. She looks up at me, startled. I smile down at her and shrug. “I’m sorry, kind off, but I can’t control him. You do that to me.”
I walk away so she doesn’t feel too embarrassed. I can tell by the look on her face she’s going to panic if I stay in front of her too long. “Do you want a drink, baby? I can make a coffee, or I have wine, or whiskey?”
“Wine, please,” she says it too quickly. Maybe she needs to calm her nerves.
We sit on the couch, cuddling and drinking wine. I tell her I took the USB to the police, so hopefully, they will get him soon, and we talk a lot about Dixon.
“Have you thought any more about if you remember Reid from NYCS?”
She shakes her head, no. “Can we not speak about him right now, Caspian? I'm just enjoying being here with you and getting to know you. Although, I still have a hard time believing you want me here with you.” She snorts, and we both burst out laughing. I take her glass before she spills it and place it on the table with mine. I turn and take her head in my hands, looking her straight in the beautiful eyes of hers.
“Macen, you have no idea how beautiful you are to me. I can tell you until I'm blue in the face, but you are gorgeous, and I fucking love you more and more. I can't tell you enough. I have never had feelings like this for anyone.”
I kiss her lips gently, making sure I don't let my cock rub on her anywhere. She breaks the kiss and leans back, looking at me. “I just don't get it, Caspian. I know I keep repeating myself, but I'm a plain Jane, a curvy one at that. I'm nothing like any of the models you date.” She hangs her head.
I tilt it up. “And I keep telling you: I didn't date. I fucked — simple as. I never had feelings for any of them. You turn up and knock me for six. I was waiting for you all along. I don't care that we are broken, Mace,
we will fix each other, baby. Piece by piece, we will mend, okay?” She nods, and I lean in and kiss her again. This time it deepens and gets heated.
A few minutes later, I break away. If I don’t, I know my hands will start to wander, and I don’t know if she’s ready for any exploration yet. I look at her. I have my arm at the back of the couch, propping me up, and I hold her hand with my other hand in her lap. “You okay with this, Mace?” She smiles at me, showing those fucking dimples that get me every time. She grabs the back of my neck and pulls me into her for another kiss. I start to stroke her thigh with my hand. I feel her stiffen slightly, but she carries on kissing me. My hand wanders to her hip, then her waist. We’re still kissing, and she hasn’t moved my hand. I start to make circular movements on her waist. She’s ticklish there, and I smile on her lips as she starts to squirm, smiling but still kissing me. I break the kiss to look at her. “You okay with this. Mace?”
She’s embarrassed, and she’s blushing, but she smiles and nods, yes. I lean in, and I kiss her exposed shoulder. I feel the goosebumps on her arms from my touch. She’s very responsive to me. She strokes my arms, and then puts her hand on my waist, mimicking my movements. She finds the bottom of my tee and slowly puts her hand under the hem to find my naked waist. I feel the electricity from her touching my flesh coursing through my body, all the way from the top of my head to my toes. I shudder as she strokes my waist and hips, my tummy muscles concave, and I take in a sharp breath. Fucking hell. I’ve never felt anything like it. She looks at me shyly. “S-sorry, did I do that wrong? Don’t you like that?” God, if only she could feel what I feel right now. I smile at her. “Your touch is heaven, Mace. I could die happy right now.” She looks down. She can see what effect she's having on me because I can't exactly hide the massive bulge in my slacks. “Hey, tell me if you get uncomfortable with anything? If you don't want me to touch you, then just say so. We take this as slowly as you need, Mace. Okay, baby?”
She nods.
We start to kiss again, and she gets a little braver, moving her hand up my chest. She’s stroking me so gently, and it's making me all tingly as though I have little pinpricks all over. She rubs gently over my nipples, which are nearly as hard as my cock, before feeling all the ridges of my pecs. I'm trying my fucking hardest not to rip her clothes off and bury myself deep inside her. I decide to see how far I can push her, making sure she is comfortable with everything. I start to edge under the hem of her Tee, resting my hand on the bare flesh of her waist. She stops kissing me for a second, not losing connection, but testing how she feels, I think. I slowly move my hand round her back, stroking very gently, pulling her into me more, but still trying to keep my cock from touching her. I'm at an awkward angle, but I don't want her to freak.
She pulls at my t-shirt, lifting it because she wants it off. That's a good sign. I break the kiss and help her remove the tee. She stares at my chest. “Wow, Caspian. I never knew you had so many tattoos.” She starts to trace my artwork, all over my chest and arms. “Can I see your back?” I move away from her and stand up. She moves with me and explores my back with her hands. I’m now full of goosebumps from her fingertips sweeping over my flesh, sending tiny waves of electricity coursing all through my body, and I start to breathe heavily. It's driving me mad but in a good way. This is so sensual. I'm not sure she knows what she's doing to me. I turn to face her. She rests her hands on my pecs. “Caspian, you are a work of art. Not just your tattoos, but your body. You’re so defined in every way. You’re beautiful.” She blushes as she says it.
I take her face in my hands, and I kiss her. I kiss her like there is no tomorrow, and she responds the same. Her hands wander again, feeling all over, so I move to grab the bottom of her t-shirt and start to raise it, but she freezes. Shit, too much, but she breaks the kiss and nods at me to carry on. “You sure, Mace?”
“Yes,” she breathes out. I lift it, then step back. “Fucking hell,” I say taking her in. She is stunning. She tries to cover herself up with her arms, so I take her hands one at a time and hold them. “Please don't cover up, baby. You are the most perfect woman I have ever laid eyes on. In fact, you should never cover up around me.”
I smile down at her. We’re still standing up and taking each other in. This, right here, is perfect. She’s putting her complete faith and trust in me. I feel like crying at that thought. Knowing the trauma she’s been through and that she’s never willingly given herself to any man before, is making me delirious. I start to run my fingertips down each of her arms, and she shudders at my gentle touch. I smile at her. She runs her fingertips along my hips, and I move to her hips and do the same, making circular motions, then I move them upwards to her ribs and then under her tits. Fuck, If I take these in my hands now, I think I will explode. I lean down, kissing her neck, which she exposes to me, then down to her shoulder. I move her bra strap down her arm and continue to kiss, crouching down slightly, and I kiss along her collarbone, feather-light kisses, then use my tongue.
Her breathing quivers as I go lower over the swell of her breast. I'm still stroking gently with my thumb, and I move slightly and gently brush her nipple, still kissing and sucking the swell of her breasts.
She inhales sharply as I stroke over her nipple. “Caspian,” she breathes out, She hasn't stopped me, and she hasn't frozen or gone into a panic. She starts to circle both my nipples with her fingertips and thumbs, and I mimic her with both hands. I kiss her lips. “Is this okay, baby?” She looks me in the eyes, smiling, and nods the biggest yes at me.
I slowly pull down the other bra strap, kissing her shoulder as I do and moving my hands around the back to undo the clasp. She slows, so I stop and look her in the eye. “Too much? Just tell me, and I’ll stop? I will not force you or think any less of you. We take this one step at a time, Mace, no more. Baby steps.” I smile at her.
She hesitates, but then she relaxes, and takes the bra off herself. “Fuck,” I say. She looks up at me and I smile and kiss her lips. “Perfection.”
I start to kiss her again and move my hands to her tits to take hold of them. They are a perfect fit for my big hands. I move them around in circles, squeezing very gently, being as tender as I can. Her hands are on my back — she's caressing me, and I love it. I lean down to kiss her tits, and I suck and lick as I move towards her nipples. She’s breathing heavy and pushing out her chest to me. I take one into my mouth, sucking and circling it with my tongue, and I nip gently, but she goes rigid. Fuck. I look at her. She isn’t moving — she’s gone. Fucking dipshit. Too much.
“Macen, baby, come back to me. It’s okay. I won’t hurt you. You’re safe here, baby.”
I’ve sat her back on the couch, and I’m hugging her to my side, with her head to my chest, trying to make her come back from the terror she’s reliving. I feel her shaking badly as I hold her to my bare chest. I feel the wetness of her tears streaming down my chest. “Shhh, come back, Mace, come back to me, baby.” She slowly starts breathing normally, and the shaking starts to subside. I just keep her to me, trying to reassure her she is safe. I take the blanket I have over the back of the couch, and I put it over her shoulders.
She moves to look up at me. “I think maybe I should go home.”
WHAT! Is she serious? No way is she leaving. I’m not letting her bolt. I shake my head, no.
“Caspian, I'm damaged, too much. I don't think you can fix me. I think it’s best if I go and you find someone who’s not damaged, someone you don't have to be gentle with for fear they may break again. It's too much to ask of anyone, Caspian. I know you have needs, and I don't know if I will ever be able to fulfill your needs. What if I ne…”
I stop her talking with my lips. I kiss her hard. Maybe it's not what she needs right now, but I need it. She is not talking herself into this. I will not lose her because she has no hope.
I break the kiss and look her in the eyes. “You are not going anywhere. You may be broken, like me, Mace, but we can fix each other. Do you hear me? WE FIX EACH O
THER.”
The tears are streaming down her cheeks, but I wipe them away with my thumbs. “I love you, Mace. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. Look how far you've come tonight. Look at this.” I point between us, both semi-naked on the couch. “This would never have happened if you didn't trust me. This was fucking amazing, Macen. You made me feel fucking amazing, and I’m hoping I made you feel the same. You are fucking amazing. We can do this. Once I know your triggers, we will work around them. Then we work on them until you never have a trigger and you only associate this with the love I have for you. Do you hear me, Macen? Let me know you understand, and you're not going anywhere.”
Macen
I NOD AT HIM. I have tears coursing down my face, but I nod before I lean up and kiss him. “Yes, Caspian. I hear you. If you have this much faith in us, then who am I to argue? I'm with you. You're right. I would never have done this with anyone.” I motion between us. I can't believe I’ve gone this far in the first place. I cuddle into his chest and hold him tight. Who would ever believe I just did what I did? Seeing him with no shirt on is something I read about in books, not something I thought would ever happen to me. He is stunning —beautiful. I sigh.
“Hey, look at me.”
I do as he asks. “We can do this together. One baby step at a time.” I smile and nod, wrapping my arms around him and staying cuddled into him. I can't believe I let him touch my breasts. The feelings I felt from his fingers stroking my body were like nothing I've felt before. It made my scalp tingle like the first time he kissed me. I wanted more. I wanted him to explore more. His fingertips making gentle, sweeping touches over my body sent shivers down my spine, and my panties are wet from all the sensations. I feel myself blushing — my chest and shoulders getting hot as it travels up my neck to my cheeks. Luckily, I'm buried in his side, and he can't see me.
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