by Billy Taylor
“No,” I said.
“I know, right? So I’m thinking ‘ok, ok, now this is getting exciting.’ We got a taxi to his house and opened up another bottle of wine. We sat down on the sofa and had a chat about puppies. Because I had just bought one with my flat mate.”
“Of course,” I said.
“Then he placed my hand on my knee. You know, all casual, but at the same time very implicative.”
“Did you kiss him?” I asked.
“This is where shit just turned upside down. We had been kissing no longer than a minute and we hear the front door open. And we stop and frown at each other thinking someone is coming in to murder us. And then his ex-boyfriend comes into the living room with a bottle of wine.”
“No!” I shouted.
“Yes! It was so awkward! I turned to him obviously to see what the hell he was going to say. And then he asked me to leave so he could speak to him! So I left and went home, feeling like a fool. Then Sunday he messages me saying they have gotten back together.”
My eyes bulged. “What a dick!”
“I know. So now I have to find a new gym.”
“I can’t believe it. I’d kick his ass if I were you,” I said.
“I’ve been thinking the same.”
“You’ll meet someone, Jeremy. Your Prince Charming is out there somewhere.”
“Thanks, Grandma. Is Ted still seeing that Hayley chick?”
“He actually broke up with her last night.”
“Marvellous. Do you think I should ask him out?”
“I think it may be a bit too soon to ask Ted out. He’s also not gay, so that isn’t exactly convenient either.”
“You’re probably right. And you’re out of my league, Will. I can’t date someone better-looking than me.”
“That’s very true,” I replied. We wished each other a good day, and then I walked along the office corridor, past a third of the desks, and then I came to a door on my right. This door leads to mine and Ted’s small office, which I already told you about. Our office is nothing special. You open the door and then my desk is facing you as you enter, and then Ted’s desk is to the right as you enter. We have our own desks and computers, and that is it really. And we have a tray on the edge of our desks for paperwork, but we haven’t used those for a long time.
January 15th
“We’re going to the cinema later,” Ted said as we sat at our desks just after lunchtime.
“Do you mean ‘Will, can we go to the cinema later, please?’” I replied.
“No, I mean we’re going to the cinema later. We live together so don’t say that you have other plans.”
“What are we going to see?”
“Role Models.”
“Who is in it?”
“Paul Rudd.”
“I love Paul Rudd.”
“Everyone loves Paul Rudd. It’s a natural thing like breathing.”
I propped my feet up on my desk. “If you say so. Are we going straight from work or are we going home to get changed first?”
“We’ll go home and change first. I spend enough of my day sitting in a suit.”
“Ok. You can buy the popcorn, though.”
“Fine,” he muttered.
“So all that clicking and concentrating you’ve been doing at your computer is to look at what time the film is on at the cinema?”
“Yep. I’m super busy.”
So, after work we returned to our apartment and got changed. And then we drove over to the cinema. Ted bought us some popcorn and then we went to sit in the cinema screen. The cinema we go to is quite big, but it’s always quiet when we go in. But I guess most of the people who are there are already watching a film. Ted kept flicking popcorn at me before the film started. We kept pushing each other and throwing popcorn at each other. And then Ted took it a step too far and threw his shoes at me. The screening was over half full so there were plenty of people to see us acting like children. Role Models is a very strange film. It’s hard to describe the plot without telling you the entire film. But I can tell you that it is funny, and random, and weird. Paul Rudd was as funny as ever. I wish he were our friend. We’d have endless laughs.
We waited until everyone else had left the screen. When I say waited, I mean I waited because Ted was reading the longest text message ever from Hayley. I thought she must have sent him a script to a play or something. He showed me the full message, and it seemed like I was still waiting for the message to end after a minute of scrolling.
“What are you going to reply?” I asked.
“Ok,” he said with a grin. “She may possibly erupt from frustration.”
“That’s mean, Ted.”
“I haven’t done anything! I told her I didn’t want anything serious, and then when I said I didn’t want to see her anymore she acted like I’ve ended a five-year relationship out of nowhere.”
“Ok, whatever you say. I’m not going to interfere.”
I checked my phone as we exited the screen to see that I had zero messages and zero missed calls. Which was relieving as well as disappointing. It’s always nice to see someone cares about me, but most of the time it is work-related anyway.
I put my phone into my pocket as we came to a set of stairs to the first floor. We walked down those and then we walked around to the staircase to the ground floor. It was like a winding staircase, I guess you could say. I glanced up before walking down the final sets of stairs, and standing at the bottom of the stairs behind a lectern, in a black cinema polo, was the most beautiful girl. Even from the top of the stairs the first thing I noticed was her bright blue eyes. And she had wavy, thick, fluffy, light caramel hair. She looked quite small, too…well, the stand made her look that way.
“Oh my wow,” I said, and then I frowned at myself for whatever that was meant to mean.
“What?” Ted replied, but he became background noise. I was already walking down the stairs toward her. I walked over to her once I reached the bottom. I stood there silently and waited behind two people who were giving her their tickets to check. After they walked away I stepped forward. Attached to her black polo was a nametag that read Emily. Her skin and lips looked so soft, and she had a small amount of rosiness in her cheeks. Her hair was chest length, maybe a tiny bit longer. And I’d say she was five foot three or four.
But it was her eyes. They were just so blue and beautiful, and her eyelashes complemented them so well. This girl was perfect. Everything about her was perfect.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m Will.” I thought to myself that no one can be this perfect. And I was expecting her to have all of her teeth missing and have a really high-pitched squeaky voice.
She smiled a tight-lipped smile. “Hello, Will, do you have your ticket?” I can confirm that her voice wasn’t high-pitched or squeaky. I’m not going to describe her voice as a soothing melody or anything like that because that would be an exaggeration. And I hate when people overdo it when they’re describing things. She just had a lovely voice, and her teeth were fine, too; none of them were missing. I really wanted to ask her out, but we’d only met three seconds ago, and she most likely had a really handsome and muscular boyfriend.
“Erm, no, I just saw Role Models two minutes ago.”
Ted then stood beside me. “Why are you being— Oh ok…” he began to say before he saw Emily and realised my actions made complete sense. The cinema was almost empty, apart from everyone leaving the screening we had come from, so I didn’t need to worry about holding anybody up.
“Did you enjoy the film?” Emily asked.
“Yes we did, thanks.”
“Good,” she replied.
I wanted to keep the conversation going so I could show how funny and hilarious and amusing I am. “How are you?” I asked.
She briefly looked away. I’m sure she was wondering why I was talking to her if I didn’t have a ticket. “I’m very well, thank you.”
“Good,” I said. “You have really beautiful eyes.”
&
nbsp; At this moment I wanted to run away and cry like an embarrassed little boy. But Emily didn’t seem to mind my compliment. She grinned and blushed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I said, “I’m going to go now. It was nice to meet you, Emily.”
“Ok,” she said. “It was nice meeting you as well, Will.”
Without a moment’s hesitation I turned away and walked to the exit. And then I began to think over the encounter I had just had, and how weirdly I had acted.
Ted strolled alongside me. “What did I just witness?” he asked.
“I’m calling it,” I said.
“Calling what?” Ted asked.
“My ‘I’m going to marry that girl.’” Ted laughed and patted my back. “I’m serious,” I said.
“You only get to say that once, remember? There is ten pounds at stake here.”
“I know. So you better pay up because you just met the future Mrs. Evans.”
I should explain that when Ted and I were younger we came up with a bet that if we could call the girl that we were going to marry—like they did in the old days when a guy would gaze across the room in a smoky bar and see a beautiful girl, and he’d watched her for a moment, and their eyes would meet, and she’d smile briefly before looking away, and then he’d turn to his pals and say, “Hey, fellas, you see that girl over there, I’m going to marry her.”—then the other had to pay him ten pounds. It’s just a bit of fun between us really.
Ted laughed again. “Fair enough. So how are you going to make that happen?”
“We’re coming here again tomorrow.”
“Oh, no, Will, don’t make me do this.” He moaned.
“It’s not like you have anything better to do. We’ll come and see another film.”
“I tell you what, I’ll make you a bet.”
“Ok, what bet is that?” I asked with a cautious look.
“I bet when we return tomorrow, she doesn’t remember your name.”
“How much?”
“Five pounds.”
I offered my hand for him to shake. “Deal.”
“What do we do if she isn’t here?”
I shrugged. “We go home.”
“Ok, cool. I hope she has a boyfriend because that will be so funny.”
January 16th
So, after work we returned home, got changed, and then drove over to the cinema. Ted was being as supportive as ever, and teased me every two seconds. Emily wasn’t behind the same stand like she was yesterday. And I thought that was it. I’d never see her again. I’d given up after twelve seconds.
And then I spotted her. Everything was fine again. She was standing behind the counter that sold popcorn and hot dogs and other items. Ted and I walked over and lined up behind a couple that were buying some popcorn.
“Do you want some popcorn?” I asked him.
“Are you offering?” he asked.
“I just did.”
“Ok, I’ll have some salted popcorn.”
“You’re so awkward, you know I like sweet popcorn.”
“I’m doing you a favour, Will, this means you will have a longer excuse to stand and talk to Emily.”
“You’re a genius.”
“I know.”
The couple in front of us grabbed their popcorn off the counter and then Ted and I stepped forward. Before I could say hello, Emily said, “Hi, Will.”
“Ah, fuck,” Ted said, instantly realising he’d lost his five-pound bet.
“Ignore him,” I said. “How are you, Emily?”
She smiled a tight-lipped smile and then said, “Ok, thanks. How about you?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
“Good. So what can I get for you both?”
“We’d like some popcorn, please.”
“Ok. What flavour and what size?”
“Two large popcorns. One sweet, one salted.”
“Ok,” she said, lifting up the lid to the popcorn and beginning to shovel popcorn into the boxes.
“Any plans this weekend?” I asked.
“Not really sure. Probably watch a lot of TV.”
“Are you not working?”
“Nope.”
“That’s good.”
She placed the popcorn onto the counter and said, “Six pounds, please.”
I stood aside and allowed Ted to step forward. “Ted lost a bet so now he has to buy me popcorn,” I said.
Ted sighed and retrieved his wallet from his pocket and paid for the popcorn.
“What film are you two going to see today?” Emily asked.
“We only stopped by for popcorn,” I said. “We were passing and thought we’d stop by to get some.”
“Ok. Well, enjoy.”
“Thank you. Good-bye, Emily. Have a lovely weekend.”
“You too, Will.”
As we walked away, Ted threw a piece of popcorn at my face. “That was so embarrassing to watch,” he said.
“What?” I said.
“She said she didn’t have any plans and she wasn’t working. You had the perfect opportunity to ask her out.”
“Well, we can—”
“No,” Ted interrupted.
“What?”
“You’re going to say we can come back Monday. I’m not coming here for a third time.”
“Aw, why? One more time and it’ll be the last time, I promise.”
Ted moaned at me and then said, “Fine. But if you make us come all the way over here again so you can have another thirty-second conversation with her, then I will tackle you into the sweet stand.”
January 18th
Sundiscussion Topic:
Who would win a fight between Will and his hot sister Rosie?
“Really, Ted?” I asked with a questionable look.
“You don’t think she’s hot?” he replied.
“No, of course I don’t think my sister is hot.”
“Suit yourself. So who would win?”
“She would. She’d kick my ass.”
“I agree.”
“You forgot to come up with another topic, didn’t you? You just made this one up.”
“Indeed I did.”
January 19th
After work we went home, got changed, and drove to the cinema, again.
“Are we going to see a film?” Ted asked.
I don’t know. Should we? Would we look strange going in for popcorn again? It depends where Emily is standing. Is there any other good films on we could see?”
“Yes. Going in for popcorn is a bit weird. And I’ve no idea, it was your idea to come again, I thought you would have thought it through.”
We entered the cinema, and once again, Emily was nowhere to be seen. And we stood there casually and discreetly for a couple of minutes before Ted spotted her on the top floor, taking people’s tickets.
“We can’t just walk up there. We need to buy a ticket so we can go up there and actually have a reason to be there,” Ted said.
“Fine. Let’s go and buy a ticket,” I said, walking over to the counter.
“How can I help you?” the lady behind the counter asked.
“What films are showing on the top floor now or in the very close future?” I asked.
She frowned for a moment before glancing down at her screen. “The only one that meets your request is Bride Wars in seven minutes.”
I could sense Ted wanting to tackle me as he was now about to be forced to see a chick flick. “We’ll have two tickets to that, please.”
She processed the tickets and then we immediately made our way up to Emily.
“I wish I never agreed to this,” Ted said. “I should have left you to come alone. Now look what you’ve done.”
I laughed as we got to the top of the stairs, and then we strolled over to Emily’s stand. It seems that every time I see her she becomes more and more beautiful.
“Oh, hello, fancy seeing you here,” I joked awkwardly.
“
I know,” she replied. “It’s almost like you’re following me, Will.”
“Ted and I have become big fans of the cinema recently,” I said, expecting Ted to nod his head in agreement, but he just looked miserable and uninterested.
“What are you going to see today?” she asked.
“Bride Wars,” I answered cautiously.
Emily bit her lip in an attempt to prevent herself from smiling. She had definitely figured out why we were here. She took our tickets and then ripped them before returning them to my possession. “Enjoy the film,” she said.
“We shall. Will you be here when it is finished?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered.
“Good,” I said. “We can tell you what we thought about the film.”
“Ok,” she said with a smirk. I turned to Ted, who had somehow managed to make himself look even grumpier. And then we walked forward and found the screen and then our seats. The cinema was again half full. We walked straight to the back and sat in the corner.
“If you don’t ask her out when we leave, I will never speak to you again,” Ted whispered as he grumpily stuck his feet up on the chair in front of him.
“Don’t worry.” I said, patting his knee. “I will.”
The film was a lot better than we expected and we found it quite funny. Well, I did. Ted was still being grumpy for being made to watch the film. Once again we waited for everyone to leave so I could speak to Emily on our way out. And just as we were about to talk to her she was called over by another employee. She told us she would be back in two seconds and then walked away.
I turned to Ted. “What should I say to her?” I asked.
“Would you like to go out sometime?” he replied.
“I can’t say that.”
“Yes, you can. Show some courage.”
“Do I need to say anything else? Like, do I say how much I like her first?”
“Will, it’s like you have forgotten everything. How have you asked girls out in the past?”
“I text them.”
“Just ask her out and let’s go home.”
“So would it be ok if I told her that I think she is beautiful and I would like to buy her dinner sometime?”