Mutual Feelings

by Billy Taylor

  “I’m going to stay,” Ted then said.

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  “You go home. I’m going to stay. I don’t want to leave her alone right now. I’ll see you later.”

  I knew me trying to stay wasn’t what he needed. He needed time alone, and time with her. So I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it squeeze and told him to call me if he wanted me to come and pick him back up. I knew the cemetery shut at 7:00pm. So I knew Ted should return home within an hour after that. But it turned 8:30pm, and he still wasn’t home, so I got in the car and drove around to try to find him. I drove the route I would walk home from the cemetery to our apartment. And I couldn’t find him on any of the streets. And then I returned to the cemetery to find him sitting on the wall outside the closed gates.

  I parked the car upon the curb next to him and got out. “They had to close the gates,” he said.

  “Why didn’t you come home?” I asked him as I sat next to him.

  “I was going to wait until they opened again.”

  “You can’t sit here all night. You’ll freeze. Let’s go home. I’ll drive you here tomorrow.”

  Ted then opened his hands. He was holding a red engagement ring box. He held it in the palm of his hand and offered it to me. I took and opened it. The ring sparkled as I did so. I smiled down at it and took it out of the box to examine it further. Then I noticed there was something engraved on the inside of the ring. I tilted my head and the ring so the last little bit of daylight could help me see it better. The engraving read: Thanks For Slapping Me. I could feel my eyes tearing up again so I returned the ring to the box and back into Ted’s hands. His hands were so cold. If he stayed out here any longer he was going to make himself ill.

  I helped him to his feet and said, “Let’s go home.”

  April 17th

  I opened the apartment door to find Autumn’s mum sitting on my sofa, and Ted sitting on his.

  “Hello, Will,” she said.

  “Hello, Mrs. Baker,” I said, closing the door behind me. I didn’t ask her how she was. I didn’t think it would be appropriate. The kettle flicked off in the kitchen. Ted got to his feet and moved to the kitchen to make Mrs. Baker a cup of tea. I placed the bags of food onto the kitchen side, and began to take the items from the bags, placing them into the fridge.

  “Have you been here long?” I asked her.

  “Only been here two minutes, darling. I’ve heard that Ted has been at the cemetery the past few days, so I thought I would visit after he came home. I stopped by to talk to him, and to give you two something.” When Mrs. Baker said darling, it made me picture Autumn, and how she used to call everyone darling, mainly Ted.

  Ted carried Mrs. Baker’s tea over and placed it onto the table in front of her.

  “Will you sit down with us, please, Will?” Mrs. Baker asked.

  “Of course,” I replied. I took the final item from the bag and placed it into the fridge, then sat beside Ted on his sofa. I saw the tears in Mrs. Baker’s eyes before she even began to speak.

  “When we were on our way, driving to the shopping centre…” She stopped and sniffled her nose. “You must have accidentally called Autumn somehow, and you left her a voicemail while your phone was in your pocket.”

  Ted’s head lifted. I then remembered where Ted and I were when he said he was checking his phone. We were in the jewellery store, looking at engagement rings.

  “She overheard that you two were at the jewellery store, searching for an engagement ring.” Ted placed his hand on his pocket, hinting that the ring was in there. He retrieved it from his pocket and placed it on the table. Mrs. Baker smiled. “She was so shocked when she listened to your voicemail. And then she became so happy and excited.”

  “What did she say?” Ted asked his voice croaky.

  Mrs. Baker was already crying. And I was about to start as well. “Well, after she stopped screaming, she told Zac and I what she heard. She acted out the conversation between you two. She was talking so fast. You know how fast she talks when she gets excited.” Ted smiled and wiped his eyes. “I spoke to Zac at the funeral. I didn’t know if she may have told you already, but she said she hasn’t seen you since the day after. I told her that I was going to come and see you, to tell you. I thought you would want to know that she heard what you were doing. But the main reason I wanted to speak to you, was to tell you what she would have said if you would have asked her to marry you.” She paused and wiped her eyes. I wiped mine. Ted didn’t wipe his, even though tears were dripping onto his lap. He didn’t flinch, budge, or move. Time must have stood still for him in that moment. Waiting to find out if Autumn would have agreed to marry him if he had asked.

  Mrs. Baker smiled. “She would have said yes, Ted. She would have said yes. I thought she was crazy to agree to marry a boy after a month, but she didn’t care. She knew how she felt about you, and there was no changing her mind.”

  Ted covered his face with his hands and he started to cry even harder. Mrs. Baker wiped her eyes and then grabbed her bag from beside her. She placed it onto her lap and pulled out two yellow parcel-type envelopes. “Autumn wanted to be prepared for your birthday since it is very soon. She spoke to her grandmother, my mum, and Autumn told her that she didn’t have a lot of money to spend on presents for you. So her grandmother recommended doing a portrait. You know, like a school photo where you sit on a stool and smile. She said ‘back in the day’ that’s what she and her girls used to do for their boyfriends.” She passed Ted his, and then she passed one to me. “Don’t open them until I’ve left, please. Autumn thought it was a great idea and that is what we were doing that day. She got the voicemail when we were driving to get the photos done. So they were taken, and then on our way back that’s when…” Mrs. Baker retrieved a handkerchief from her bag and dabbed her eyes. I changed my sight to Ted for a moment. The tears from his eyes were dripping onto the envelope. “Autumn insisted that Zac had one taken for you, too, Will. Because your birthday isn’t long after Ted’s. Believe me, I know how strange things are between you and Zac, that’s all Autumn and Zac were talking about before she heard your voicemail, Ted.” She paused and wiped her eyes with her handkerchief. “I had completely forgotten about them until I got a call a couple of days ago, telling me that they were ready for collection. And today I went to collect them and I brought them straight to you.”

  Ted nodded. “Thank you.”

  Mrs. Baker bit her lip. “You know, Autumn and I had a conversation a couple of days after the two of you met. And she was telling me how great you were. And how she thought you might be the one. But she told me about how you met.”

  Ted smirked. “You should take a look at the inside of the ring.”

  Mrs. Baker opened the box and she placed a hand over her mouth. “Oh, it’s so beautiful, Ted.” She lifted the ring and then read engraving on the inside of it. “Thanks for slapping me. That’s funny,” she said as she laughed. “She told me… She told me the truth about how you really met. And she said if she ever…died, then she would want me to tell you, and well, if I died, I suppose she’d want your kids to tell you.” She paused and apologised. “She saw you enter the museum, and she thought you were so handsome, and she just wanted to talk to you, but she was too shy to do so. She thought it would be weird to walk all the way over to you to say hello. So she pretended that she was rehearsing for the tour, and she was going to casually bump into you and say hello and then the two of you could chat. But she completely misjudged it. She only meant to brush your arm, but somehow hit you in the face. And well, that gave her a fairly good excuse to give you her phone number. It seems that love at first sight took its cause with you two.”

  Ted took the ring from her and returned it to his pocket. “I’ll always be glad she hit me,” he said.

  Mrs. Baker smiled at us both and then she got to her feet. “I’m always here if you ever need to talk,” she said, hugging Ted.

  “Thank you,” he replied.


  She smiled and placed a hand on the side of his face and then made her way towards the door. She stopped as she opened it, and looked over her shoulder. “She was always so happy with you, Ted. She always used to tell me. Told me how much fun she was having and how she enjoyed spending so much time with you. You made her so happy, and you made her feel so special. I hope you know that. You made her the happiest girl in the world. And I cannot thank you enough for the love and happiness you gave my daughter.” Her face winced as she tried to compose herself and then she left seconds later.

  I wiped my eyes and left my photo on my sofa while I went into my bathroom to splash some water on my face. When I returned to the living room, Ted was staring at the envelope, still crying. I sat down and held mine in my hands. It was roughly the same size as an A4 piece of paper, maybe shorter and wider. I ripped the top of it and removed the frame. It was a photo of Zac. You could see by her expression that she clearly didn’t want to have her photo taken. Autumn must have been behind the camera lens with the photographer because Zac’s eyes were focused only just above the camera. I can picture Autumn saying, “C’mon, Zac, smile!” Zac was smiling her usual tight-lipped smile. She looked so beautiful.

  I smiled at the photo and went into my bedroom, placing it on my bedside draw. I wasn’t sure how long it would stay there for. I guess it would depend on if I heard from Zac or not in the coming weeks.

  Ted was still staring at the envelope thirty minutes later when I came out of my bedroom. I sat on my sofa and watched him.

  “I don’t know if I can open it,” he said. He made eye contact with me and then his attention returned to the envelope. “Can you open it for me?” he asked, holding it out to me.

  I took it from him and opened it. I stared at the photo for a few seconds. Autumn was sat, moving a piece of her hair whilst smiling into the camera. It was a sort of caught off guard, but not fully caught off guard capture.

  “She looks as happy as her mum described. She looks as happy as a girl who knows she is going to marry you,” I said, placing the photo into Ted’s hands. He smiled and then his tears restarted. It was the happiest I had seen him for a long time.

  April 18th

  The next day I woke up earlier than usual. So I got up and made myself a cup of tea. As I was doing so, Ted emerged from his bedroom, dressed and ready to go see Autumn. He was holding a copy of the novel, The Hobbit. Before I could ask him about it he said, “Autumn told me she always wanted to read it. I thought I would read it for her.”

  I smiled. “Do you want a drink?”

  “No, I’m going to make my way over there now.”

  “Ok,” I said. “I’ll see you later.”

  During the mid-afternoon, an hour or so before Ted would be home. My phone started to ring. I hoped it was Zac since I had been waiting for her to call since the day I dropped her off at her apartment. Then I thought it would probably be my mum or Rosie, checking in to see how we were. I answered it without even checking who it was.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi. Is that Will Evans?”

  “Yes it is. May I ask who this is?”

  “It’s August…Bishop. You gave us the tour around Ron’s Ice Cream?”

  “Oh, hello. How are you?”

  “I’m great, thank you. Yourself?”

  “I’m doing ok, thanks. What can I do for you, August?”

  “Well, Madeline has been pestering me every day since our afternoon around Ron’s Ice Cream to call you about becoming a ‘matador’ as she calls it.”

  “Aw, that’s adorable.”

  “I know it’s been a while since then. I’ve been so busy filming. But I thought I would call you anyway and see if there was anything we could maybe do together. Do you still work there? Not that I thought you would be fired, it’s just sometimes it happens. Sorry, I’m rambling.”

  “I still work there, don’t worry. I’ve actually been away for a few weeks. I was about to start working on two new flavours. But it is on pause until my return. I could give you a call when I do, and we could see if there is something we could involve you in with that?”

  “Ok, great! Does my number show up on your screen?”

  “It does. Is it ok if I save it?”

  “Of course, as long as you keep it to yourself.”

  “Promise it will stay with me and only me.”

  “Thank you… So how did things go with you and, Zac, was it? Did it work out?”

  “Erm… Well, your gift was great, she loved that and she was so happy. But we’ve had gone through a lot recently, and we’re taking a few weeks apart.”

  “Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out between you two.”

  “Thank you. Me too. But I’ll call you soon about working together. I’ll speak to you soon, August.”

  “Ok, Will. Thanks. Bye.”

  “Good-bye.”

  After I put down the phone, I realised I had to go back to work. If I left it any longer, the new flavours project would be taken over by somebody else. I needed to return to work as well. I couldn’t sit around in the apartment all day staring into blankness.

  Later on that day, Ted and I were sat on our sofas watching Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope. I thought if there were anything that could bring him the smallest amount of happiness or distract him for at least a minute, it would be this film. Halfway through the film he asked, “What day is it?”

  I didn’t even know the answer. I had completely lost all track of time. “I think it’s Thursday.”

  “What’s the date?”

  “I don’t know. Let me check my phone. It’s Saturday the….”

  He laughed. “Only two days off.”

  “Yeah…It’s the eighteenth,” I said. “How are you feeling man?”

  He sighed. “I feel like it’s been a second since I was meeting her. I just miss her so much.”

  “I know you do. Me too.”

  “I know she wouldn’t want me to be this much of a miserable zombie, but I can’t help it.”

  “I know, man. Is there anything you need? Are you hungry?”

  “Can we order some pizza?” he asked.

  “Yes, of course. I’ll phone up and order some now.” I stood and went to grab the menu from the kitchen draw.

  “Will,” he said.

  “Yes?”

  “Can I have a hug?”

  “Of course you can have a hug.” I walked over to him as he stood and we gave each other a firm hug.

  “Thank you for being here for me,” he said from over my shoulder.

  “I always will,” I replied. “You smell,” I added.

  He laughed. “I’ll take a shower now.”

  “Ok, man. You need anything else other than pizza?”

  “Just a shitload of ice cream afterwards.”

  “I think I can make that happen.” After our embrace separated, Ted went into his bedroom to shower. And I paused Star Wars with the remote, and called the pizza delivery place to order some pizza.

  April 19th

  I fell asleep during Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi. We’d decided to watch the next two movies. When I woke up the TV had been turned off. Ted wasn’t on his sofa, and I had a blanket placed over me. I reached for my phone to check the time. It said 5:11am. I got to my feet and then waddled to my bedroom. I climbed into my bed and fell asleep. The startling and deafening sound of my phone ringing woke me a few hours later. I had fallen asleep with it right in front of my face.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, Will. It’s Natalie.”

  “Oh, hi. How are you?”

  “I’m good, thanks. Yourself?”

  “I must admit, I have been better.”

  “Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about Zac.”

  “Is she ok?”

  “Not really. It’s like I’ve been living with—”

  “A zombie.”

  “Yes… I think you should come and see her.”

  “She said I had to
wait until I heard from her. That she needed some time, and then she would call me.”

  “She was never going to call you, Will. She was just hoping that she could leave it for so long that you would both forget about each other.”

  “Oh.”

  “I know losing Autumn has been awful for you both. But I think the last thing you need is to lose each other as well.”

  “I know, Natalie, but if she doesn’t want to be with me, then there’s nothing I can do about that. I can’t keep seeing her if that isn’t what she wants.”

  “Come here and see her. Then you can talk to her about it.”

  “I don’t know if that would be a good idea, Natalie.”

  “She’s been sat in her room listening to ‘She Will Be Loved’ by Maroon 5 for about an hour straight now. I don’t know if she’s eating or sleeping either. And I’ve heard her throwing up nearly every other day. She’s even been sent home early by work some days.”

  “Ok. I will let you know if I am coming over.”

  “Please come, Will. I don’t know what else to do.”

  “Like I said, I will let you know.”

  “Ok…good-bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I hung up and dropped my phone back onto my bed. My clock read 10:47 a.m. I rubbed my face with my hands and massaged my cheeks. Then I got to my feet and walked to the kitchen. I needed to wake up first before I could decide what I was going to do. Ted then emerged from his bedroom.

  “Hey. How are you?” I said.

  “I’m ok. I overslept. I’m going to go to the cemetery soon. How are you?”

  “Ok, man. I’m ok. I just spoke to Natalie. Do you want a cup of tea?”

  “Please. What did Natalie say? Who called who?”

  “Let me make the tea and then I’ll tell you.”

  “Ok,” he said, walking over to his sofa and sitting on it. I made two cups of tea and then sat on my sofa, placing our mugs on the table. “So what did Natalie say?” Ted asked.

  “She called me five minutes ago. She said Zac isn’t doing so well. And she thinks I should come over and see her… But I said I hadn’t heard from Zac. She said she would contact me when she was ready. Natalie then told me that Zac was never going to call me. That she was just hoping that she could leave it for so long that we would both forget about each other. But Natalie thinks she might not be eating or sleeping either. And she’s heard her throwing up some days. And she said that Zac has been sent home early by work some days. But…” I paused and took a deep breath as I thought over what Natalie had said to me. Ted’s face was blank, but he was listening. “But…” I didn’t know how to word the next part without it upsetting Ted. I looked down at my hands, trying to word what I wanted to say.