Raven ate her lunch and tried to ignore that the hushed chatter at the table was about her. Or more accurately, about Chris. Lately he sat with her and talked to her more. Raven could tell many at the lunch table were watching everything they did.
Being a freshman was a large part of the interest. Chris was a senior. Huck, Reece, and Jackie didn’t think a senior should hit on a freshman. Specifically, they didn’t think Chris should hit on her. They thought she was too naive for high school boys.
She was grateful that they had her back, as kids said, but she resented that they still saw her as an innocent who’d been raised by a crazy mother. That perception bothered her more and more. She wanted the boys to treat her like they treated their other friends.
When Raven finished her sandwich, Chris leaned close and whispered, “Happy birthday.” He put a cupcake he’d been hiding in front of her. “Sorry it got a little squished.”
Raven hid her surprise. She’d forgotten that March twelfth was the day Mama had put on her birth certificate. She and Mama always celebrated her birthday at the time of the spring equinox.
The cupcake caused a stir among the lunch group.
“You better have brought one for everyone,” Reece said to Chris.
“It’s her birthday,” Chris said.
Everyone at the table said, “Happy birthday, Raven!”
Jackie mumbled something about being sorry he’d forgotten. His mother had been the first to acknowledge the date. When Raven was in second grade, Ms. Taft had looked up her birthday in the school records. She’d given her birthday treats to hand out to her class at lunch—an important ritual in elementary school. That was how everyone found out about her fake birthday.
“How could you possibly remember that?” Huck asked Chris.
“Easy. My birthday is on the twelfth, too,” Chris said.
“Today?” someone at the table asked.
“August. I hope you like chocolate cake?” he asked Raven.
“I love it.”
She didn’t want to eat the cupcake with them all watching, but she did for Chris’s sake.
“Want some?” she asked him.
“Maybe a bite.” He bit it next to where she had and handed it back to her.
That caused a lot of raised eyebrows, and Chris cast a challenging look. Raven liked that. Joining his rebellion, she dabbed a smear of chocolate from the side of his mouth with her paper napkin.
Reece fanned his T-shirt. “Does it feel hot in here or is it me?” he said.
Several at the table snickered.
“It’s hot,” Chris said, looking at Raven.
“Let’s go,” Jackie said to Raven. “Bell’s about to ring.”
He always walked her to math class because his was in the same hall.
When Jackie stood, Sadie, his girlfriend since December, made a show of kissing him goodbye. Raven found all the posturing amusing. It was like when she watched marmot colonies in the mountains of Montana.
Jackie was quiet as they walked out of the lunchroom. When they neared their classrooms, he asked, “Do you like Chris?”
“Of course I like Chris.”
“As a friend?”
“You know he’s my friend.”
“You know what I mean,” he said.
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Because . . . I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing. Chris is a lot more experienced than you are.”
“Are you saying you don’t trust him?”
“No. He’s a nice guy.”
She stopped walking and faced him. “Then what’s the problem?”
He searched her eyes, as if trying to read her feelings for Chris. “There is no problem,” he said. “I’ll see you on the bus.”
“You aren’t driving home with Huck?”
“He has baseball practice.”
Raven sat at her desk and opened her backpack. She ran her fingers over the old copy of Great Expectations she’d picked up from the library on her way to lunch. She couldn’t start it on the bus because Jackie would want to talk to her. And that would make Sadie jealous and she’d start babbling to get his attention. It happened every time Jackie rode the bus. She liked to be with Jackie, but she almost wished he wasn’t going to be on the bus.
Raven had started reading library books on the bus in fifth grade, the first year she rode alone because her friends had moved up to middle school. She relished immersing herself in novels, especially in love stories, and she still hid her library books from Mama. Her mother said reading love stories was a silly waste of time. But she had to be wrong about that. Romeo and Juliet and Pride and Prejudice were love stories, and she had studied them in English class. From novels, Raven had learned things about people and their relationships she couldn’t have found out from Mama or the earth spirits.
Chris was waiting for her in front of the doors to the buses. And thanks to everything she’d learned from novels, Raven knew why he was there. She perceived that he liked her as more than a friend, and now he’d decided to do something about it. That was always a good part in a love story. She wondered if he’d try to kiss her. Her heart beat fast.
“Hey,” Chris said.
“Hey,” she said.
“I was wondering if you’d want to drive with me instead of take the bus,” he said. “We could stop at Bear’s and get something to eat for your birthday. I’m buying.”
“You already gave me a gift.”
“That was nothing.”
“It was nice.”
“Then let me be nicer.”
“Chris . . . you know how it is. At my house.”
A familiar glint of resentment lit his eyes. Chris, Jackie, Huck, and Reece were the only four people Raven had told about her promise to never set foot on the Taft property. She’d told them mostly to warn them not to come on her property—because her mother had made the comment about her gun. That was long ago, but it still enraged the boys.
“Are you worried about the driveway cameras?” Chris asked.
She nodded.
“I’ll drop you off where the cameras can’t see. I’ll get you back around the same time as usual. That’s a long bus ride.”
Even if he did, the cameras would record the bus going past her driveway without letting her off. Raven didn’t know if Mama looked at those videos. If she did, if she found out Raven had come home with a boy, Raven couldn’t predict how she would respond.
“Don’t you ever want to say screw it to all that?” Chris said.
She’d never had a reason to, but now maybe she did.
“Just try it,” he said. “You said she never hits you. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Mama’s anger was what would happen. It had terrified her more than anything when she was little. But she wasn’t little anymore. She was old enough that a beautiful senior boy might want to kiss her.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay? Really?”
She nodded. She liked how happy he looked.
They were a few steps out the door when Jackie caught up to her. “Aren’t you taking the bus?”
“Chris is driving me home,” she said.
“What about your mom?”
It was as if they saw double when they looked at her: Raven plus the shadow of her mother. She was so tired of not being just Raven to them.
“I guess my mom will have to deal with it,” she said.
Jackie looked stunned. Chris grinned.
“See you tomorrow,” she said to Jackie.
“The rebel emerges!” Chris said. “I like it!”
His car was parked in the senior lot. Many of the seniors stared at them. Some said hello to Chris, and a few greeted Raven.
It made her feel different. Less of an outcast. And maybe prettier than she usually saw herself. Chris was popular, a football player.
She was suddenly aware of what she was wearing. She was glad she’d worn her favorite jeans, sweater, and boots. Rav
en had endeavored to look like her peers since she’d started school, and to that same end, Mama let her order almost any clothes she wanted.
“Bear’s?” Chris asked when he started driving.
“I hear the milkshakes are good,” she said.
“They’re awesome. Cookies and cream is my favorite.”
“I’ll get that,” she said.
“Have you ever been there?” he asked.
“Yeah, all the time. It’s my mom’s favorite junk food.”
He laughed, realizing she was joking. He glanced at her as he drove. “You’re different today.”
Good, he’d noticed. She leaned back in the seat and looked at scenery she didn’t usually get to see.
When they pulled into the lot at Bear’s Burgers, she saw more students from their high school. They were staring.
“Crap, it’s crowded today,” Chris said. “Do you want to eat here or do drive-through? We could go somewhere quieter to eat our food.”
“Let’s do that,” she said. She wasn’t keen on having her every move watched.
At the little window, he ordered two milkshakes. Raven watched everything that happened. She’d never been to a drive-through window. Mama packed food to eat in the truck when they drove to Montana every summer.
He handed her one of the milkshakes. “Good?” he asked as she sipped.
“Really good. Where are we going?”
“You’ll see. Birthday surprise.”
She looked at more of the town as they drove. She’d rarely seen it, and mostly long ago. Mama had taken her to the library a few times because Aunt Sondra had said Raven needed schooling and socialization. But when Raven went to school, Mama stopped doing that.
Chris drove out of town. But not far down the highway, he turned into a rutted dirt road. A very old sign said STARLITE DRIVE-IN THEATER. He pulled into an open field with rusted metal posts sticking out of the ground. He parked in the middle of the field facing a big dilapidated blank rectangle. “I think they’re showing something good today,” he said, turning off the car.
“What is that?”
“A movie screen. This used to be a drive-in theater.”
She knew what a movie theater was, but she’d never known about going to movies outside. None of her books had mentioned that.
Raven looked around the field scattered with trash. She didn’t feel the presence of earth spirits there. Perhaps they had left.
“I would have brought you somewhere nicer,” he said, “but we don’t have enough time to go farther.”
“This is okay,” she said. She liked that earth spirits weren’t there to spy on her and tell Mama what she was doing.
“Are you too cold from the milkshake to eat outside?” he asked. “I have a blanket we can sit on.”
“I’d rather be outside,” she said.
“I thought you would.”
He took a blanket from the trunk. He spread it some distance from the car, and they sat facing the screen drinking their milkshakes. “So what are we watching?”
She looked at the crumbling white screen. “Nothing.”
“Come on, use your imagination. What kind of movie is it? Sci-fi? Horror?”
She wasn’t used to playing games like that, but she wanted to. “Love story,” she said.
“Really? You got me to watch a love story? You must be persuasive.”
“I am.”
“Are you enjoying it?”
“It’s the best movie I ever saw,” she said.
He grinned. The funniest part was that her statement was true. She preferred the blank screen to the movies she and the boys had watched that summer long ago. When they turned on a movie, they mostly stopped talking and stared at the TV. She’d rather have played games or talked and joked with them.
Chris held up his milkshake for a toast. “Happy fifteen,” he said as they tapped cups. He kept his dark eyes on hers. “Can I confess something?” he asked.
“Okay.”
“Starlite is a famous make-out place.”
“Is it?” She didn’t know what else to say.
“That’s not why I brought you. It was just close, and I knew no one would be here. People come here at night mostly.”
He kept looking at her. Something other than the cold drink and chilly air made her feel quivery. She set down her drink and wrapped her arms around her body.
“You’re cold.” He moved closer and asked, “Is this okay?” as he circled his arm around her.
She thought of Reece, who often did that. And the night Jackie had taken her under his covers and made her chills go away.
“I was telling the truth when I said I didn’t bring you here to make out,” he said. “But would a kiss be okay?”
She couldn’t believe it was going to happen. But she didn’t know how to do it. She was too scared to answer.
He moved closer to face her. “Have you ever kissed anyone on those trips you take to Montana?”
She shook her head.
“You’ve probably never kissed anyone, then? I know you haven’t gone out with anyone around here.”
He smiled when she didn’t answer. “I guess you haven’t.” He looked at her lips. “I want to be your first kiss. More than anything.”
“You . . . do?” She felt peculiar. Her body was as light as air. Almost like flying. As if she had become the half of her that was a feathered spirit.
He looked in her eyes. “Can I give you a birthday kiss?”
“Yes,” she said.
He put his lips on hers.
At first it was strange to be touching lips. Only Mama had ever done that. But the way he did it was different. It lasted longer. And he held his mouth a little open. He tasted like cookies and cream.
He moved back and looked in her eyes again. His irises were like black glass. “Like it?”
“Yes.”
He took her face in his warm hands. “You’re so beautiful. Do you even know that?”
She hadn’t known, but now she believed she was.
He kissed her again. A stronger, longer kiss. It was easier than she’d imagined. Her body felt good, like when she was reading about lovers kissing in a book. Except much better because it was really happening. To her.
After the kiss, they held each other. It felt so good, but too soon he took his arms down. “I guess I’d better get you home,” he said. “I hope you don’t get in trouble.”
She realized she had to go right away. Probably the bus would pass her house soon. Jackie’s house was the stop after hers. She imagined him looking out the window at her gate and road as he passed. She wondered what he would be thinking, if he might be a little jealous.
They folded the blanket and put it in the car. Raven took a last look at the peculiar site of her first kiss.
“Does your mother watch the cameras for when you arrive?”
“I don’t know.”
“Let’s hope she doesn’t.” He looked at her as he drove. “If it works out okay with her, do you want to go out again?”
“Yes,” she said, though she couldn’t imagine how it would happen again.
As they approached her house, she had him stop far enough from the gate that the cameras couldn’t catch her getting out of the car. They kissed before she got out. “Good luck,” he said. “See you tomorrow.”
He drove past the gate rather than turn around. It would have been better if he hadn’t passed the gate before she appeared in the cameras, but it was too late to fix that.
She pressed the code into the pad to open the gate and walked the winding lane to the log house. Once behind the protection of the gate, she usually felt like her true self, Daughter of Raven. But after being with Chris, she felt different. An exciting, happy kind of different.
Mama didn’t answer when she knocked. She was out with the earth spirits. That happened fairly often. Raven turned off the alarms she’d triggered.
The silence of the house comforted her. Mama didn’t know she was l
ate.
Raven would make something special for dinner. Today was her birthday in the human world. Today she had been kissed. She felt more human than usual, as if the raven inside her was sleeping.
3
Raven and Chris became a thing, as the kids at school said. They sat together in the lunchroom, and Raven risked letting him drive her home again. They went for a walk in a park. Another day they went to a Mexican restaurant because it was raining. When Mama still hadn’t said anything, they went out a fourth time, returning to the Starlite Drive-In with milkshakes.
Reece took her aside at school to warn her, same as Jackie had. He said Chris had a lot more experience than she did. She asked if he trusted Chris, the same question she’d asked Jackie.
“It’s not so much whether I trust him,” Reece said. “It’s more about if I can trust you.” He saw she was angry and said, “You know you’ve lived . . . in a different way than most kids. Your normal isn’t the same as his normal. You know what I mean?”
She saw no reason to reply. He was stating the obvious.
“He’s been with girls, and you’ve never been with a guy.”
“So what? There has to be a first time for everyone.”
“I know. But he might assume things and go too quickly. You’ll think you have to . . .”
“I’m not stupid, Reece!”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. Chris is—he’s been kind of obsessed with you. You should know that.”
“Obsessed?”
“Yeah. For a long time. Didn’t you see it?”
“No.”
“Well, we all did. He knew we thought he was too old for you, so you know what he did? He waited for your birthday to ask you out. You turned fifteen—which sounds a lot older than fourteen—and he won’t be eighteen until August. So numbers-wise, you’re only two years apart. How ridiculous is that? He actually thought that made a difference.”
“It’s not ridiculous.”
The Light Through the Leaves Page 20