by Kyell Gold
“No, I'm done.” Fin stood, taking one last look out at the park. A few more people were hurrying through the snow. He put his phone in his pocket and walked to the door as Chantara sat down at the table and dialed on the speakerphone. He closed the door behind him and sat down at his desk.
“You okay?” Eileen called over to him.
Fin shook his head and perked his ears up, realizing he'd been staring at his computer without touching anything. “I'm good,” he said. He called up the next set of documents from Sacred Heart and started looking through them.
The doe kept looking at him. “I'm going to grab lunch from the deli. You want something?”
“No,” Fin said, and then, “Actually, sure. Tuna salad?” He fished in his pocket for a ten.
“I thought you liked their barbecue chicken.” Eileen got up and took the bill from him.
“I did, just sometimes it gives me indigestion.”
She raised an eyebrow, looking down. “Maybe this time it won't.”
He looked away from her, back at his screen. “Just the tuna salad.”
“Whatever you want.” She pulled her coat on and walked out.
Amir’s 'Perfect' stayed with Fin as he ate his sandwich, as he finished up his report, and as he started on his next project. When Chantara looked at his report and said, “This looks great,” he heard Amir's 'Perfect' echoing behind it. The sensation was a little confusing, like the feeling of his tail wagging for no apparent reason, like the occasional moment when he would snap back to his reports and realize he hadn't been doing anything on them for the last five minutes.
Silly, stupid, and completely unlike him. If he sat and thought about it, he could hear the whispers that it wouldn't last, the trembling of the foundations beneath him. Sure, now that he and Amir hadn't talked for a while, Amir was happy to hang out with him, even looking forward to it. But after they'd had their date, after the conversation had gone on longer than their coffee talks and stalled or become awkward, after they'd attempted to have sex without the comfortable intermediary of Hayward, then what? Hayward had always left early, and Amir had never stayed the night, and even though the pills gave Fin the ability to tell himself that Amir still liked him, years of habit made it difficult for him to believe deep down inside.
7. Do something good for someone else.
Between the crowded, slushy parking lot and the long lines, it took forty-five minutes for Fin to do the shopping for the casserole and pick up cherry pie at the bakery down the street from his house. The casserole took an hour to bake, so he wanted it to go in around seven. Amir would arrive at seven-thirty, and they'd eat at eight.
Only it took him longer to pull all the meat off the chicken than he'd anticipated, and by the time he'd chopped all the celery, it was already seven. Hurriedly, he scooped the pieces into the casserole dish with the chicken and measured out the noodles and water, but it was still ten after seven before he got it in the oven.
That left him twenty minutes to stress over the fact that dinner would be a little later than he'd planned, until 7:31, when he snapped at himself to stop being an idiot. That freed him up to worry about why Amir was late, but fortunately, he only had to worry about that for five more minutes.
“Sorry I'm late,” Amir said when Fin opened the door. They smiled at each other, hesitating on the edge of hugging, and then Fin leaned down to brush his muzzle to Amir’s.
“Let me get that,” he said as Amir shrugged out of his coat, but the fennec held on.
“I’ll get it,” he said, smiling. Beneath the coat he was wearing a short-sleeved silk shirt with red and gold patterns that hung loose over a pair of black jeans.
So Fin went to get wine while Amir was hanging up his coat in the closet. When Fin came out holding two glasses of wine, Amir was standing next to the couch. He looked deliberately down at the center cushion as Fin handed him the wine. There was a small grin on his muzzle. “No towel?”
Fin's ears flicked. “Well, Hay isn't here,” he said.
Amir's ears lowered. The grin faded, and he looked uncertain. “Yeah...”
Fin cleared his throat. “Thanks for coming anyway. I wanted to try this casserole recipe. I haven't cooked in a while.”
“It smells great.” Amir sipped the wine. “This is nice. As usual.” He sat down in what was becoming his customary corner of the couch.
“If nothing else, my folks gave me good taste in wine.” Fin took a seat in the opposite corner.
Amir cocked his head. “You drank wine with your parents?”
“Yeah.” Fin's tail swished slowly. He looked down into his glass. “I was drinking wine with dinner from the time I was ten.”
“I didn't have a drink until I was twenty-two.” Amir smiled. “I would go to bars and order a Coke in a small glass, so people thought I had rum in it.”
“Didn't your friends take you out on your twenty-first?”
The fennec shook his head. “I didn't have the kind of friends you drink with. Or, really, many friends.” He laughed shortly. “I didn't say that to sound pathetic. I just don't make friends easily.”
“I know how that is.” Fin sipped at his drink.
The silence after that remark stretched on. “So,” Amir said. “How's the play going?”
And Fin told him about the rehearsals, about the continuing struggle to coax a passable performance out of Charisse, about his own excitement over his role. “It's just a supporting part, but I'm getting into it. I'm the rich guy that the older girl is going to marry. Where everyone else is making rash decisions about dating and running off together, I'm more logical. The lead character is an old college friend of mine who rushes into things without thinking. I have a song with him called 'Look Before You Sleep.'”
Amir laughed again. Fin smiled and sang, “Look before you sleep / with the first girl on the dance floor / There's no hurry; keep / on looking 'til you're real sure ...”
“That's nice.” Amir leaned toward Fin, his ears straight up. “I don't think you ever sang for me before. You have a really nice voice.”
“It's just a normal baritone.” But Fin's tail wagged against the couch at the compliment.
“I can't really sing,” Amir said. “I used to play violin in high school. Just got bored of it.”
“You know, if you're not in love with music, it becomes more of a chore...” Fin looked down at his wine. “There are a lot of things I gave up after high school.”
“Like what?”
Fin flicked his ears. “Girls.”
He'd said it secretly hoping to hear Amir's laugh again, and the fennec did not disappoint him. “Oh, I gave those up after middle school. I mean, I had a lot of good friends who were girls. We went shopping together.”
“You keep in touch with any of them?”
“Some.” Amir finished his wine. “They don't travel all that much. We chat online every now and then. But it's not the same as having someone to hang out with, you know.”
Fin nodded. He inhaled the sharp aroma of the wine, letting the sting of the alcohol fade so he could smell the fruit undertones. He lapped again and let the flavors roll over his tongue. “No, it's not,” he said.
Before the ensuing silence could turn awkward, the oven timer beeped. Fin got up and set his wine glass down. “I'll just...”
Amir had looked up at the beeping, and now was looking back down at his glass. His ears had lowered somewhat. He was clearly still thinking about his last remark. Fin stayed standing where he was until Amir's muzzle lifted and the fennec smiled at him. “Going to get that?”
The beeping did not get any softer, but it faded in his perception. “I'm glad you're here,” the character Fin said with a returning smile.
Amir's ears came up. His smile broadened. “I'm glad too,” he said. “Do you need help with dinner?”
8. Exercise.
“At least let me help with the cleanup.” Amir licked his lips. “You did all the cooking and it was really good.”
“You don't need to keep saying that.” Fin wagged his tail. “There's not much to clean up. I just throw stuff in the dishwasher.”
He did so with a little more haste than usual, while Amir continued their dinner conversation, telling Fin about the land use class he was taking. Fin put on some water to boil for tea, interrupting Amir to ask if chai was okay.
“Sure.” Amir's tail swung back and forth. He watched Fin take out two mugs, two tea pouches, and a container of chai tea.
“This'll take a little while.” Fin gestured for Amir to return to the living room, and followed the fennec back to the couch. When Fin sat in his corner, though, Amir sat closer, in the middle. That was hopeful. Fin hadn't been sure Amir would want to do anything intimate without Hayward. Even though they'd seen each other naked three times now, even though they'd seen each other climax, they hadn't actually touched each other. Not unless you counted them being inside the same fox at the same time, which Fin didn't.
So it was a little awkward without a red fox between them. They didn't put on any movies, which Hayward would have insisted on. Fin played an old musical soundtrack for background, and just tried to be interesting enough that Amir wouldn't want to leave. Whether it was through his efforts or not, the fennec seemed perfectly happy to talk about his land use class, and the city planning book Fin had started reading. Then Amir was happy to listen to a story about one of Fin's customers from last year, and that led to a lively discussion about the bookstores in Gateway and whether the selection of books was more important than whether the bookstore catered to canids and their sensitive noses.
In the course of that discussion, Amir leaned forward, gesturing to make a point. Fin was just responding when the fennec seemed to slip, falling forward and just catching himself with a paw on Fin's leg, his muzzle inches from the swift fox's.
Fin's words died away. He looked into Amir's eyes, saw the hesitant smile, and returned it. Slowly, he set his wine glass down on the coffee table. Amir's paw firmed its grip on Fin's thigh. “Is this okay?” the fennec said softly.
“Yeah.” Fin wanted to say how glad he was that the fennec had made the first move, but that seemed silly. He reached up and brushed a paw down Amir's arm, from the elbow to the wrist, his blunt claws parting the soft desert fur. For the first time, it occurred to him how odd it was that the fennec had worn short sleeves, even with his thick winter coat. Then he understood why Amir had done it, that he had made the first move before even stepping into the apartment, and Fin had been too dense to notice it.
“It's just weird without Hayward here.” Amir's tail flicked at Fin's touch. “I mean, I'm glad...but we haven't really...”
“No.” Fin leaned forward to touch his nose to the fennec's. “It is a little weird. I mean, we've seen each other...”
“Yeah.” Amir's ears flattened, though he was smiling. He kissed Fin's nose lightly. “And you're...uh. Pretty hot.”
I don't really get into physical looks, Fin wanted to tell him. I don't care whether someone's hot or not. But he couldn't make those words sound like anything other than a polite way of saying, I'm willing to sleep with you even though you're not that hot. So he just said, “You're pretty great to look at, too,” which felt truthful and an acceptable compromise. Then he added, “That’s a great shirt.”
Amir leaned a little closer. “I kinda...want to see you again. If you're okay with it.” He teased a claw beneath Fin’s vest, pushing it further open. “Without the shirt.”
Fin almost laughed, that Amir was just as worried as he was. “I'm okay,” he said.
“Because you didn't put a towel down.” Amir rubbed the sofa cushion. “I wondered.”
“Well.” Fin reached up to the fennec's side. It wasn't so hard to do this, not so hard as he'd thought it would be. Partly it was that Amir had made the first move, twice. Partly it was him telling himself that he wanted this, pushing aside the doubts and worries that always dragged him down. But partly, too, it was that the doubts and worries were faded, weaker. Amir had stayed through dinner, Amir was leaning in close to him, the cute, sexy fennec wanted to make love. Fin could smell that as clearly as the residual smell of the chicken casserole. He curled his paw around Amir's ribs and pulled the smaller fox down against him. “It seemed forward.”
Amir came toward him eagerly, his chest against Fin's, his muzzle brushing the swift fox's. “Without Hayward.”
Fin nodded. The fennec's weight felt good against him, comfortable and safe. He put himself into the character of Fin again, determined to make up for missing the clue of the silk shirt. “Also,” he said, “I thought you might like to see the bedroom.”
Amir wriggled out of his clothes like a snake while Fin was still unbuttoning his shirt. The fennec lay on the bed, tail thwapping the sheets, already halfway out of his sheath and getting more erect as he watched Fin undress. “You're fast,” Fin said. He'd seen Amir before, but always over Hayward's shoulder, over Hayward's back. Never alone, never just for him.
“At some things.” Amir smiled. “It's kinda cool watching you like this. Without Hayward, I mean.”
Fin dropped his clothes in the hamper and wriggled slowly, starting out being the character Fin undressing for his lover. He pushed his boxers over his own growing erection and dropped them atop his slacks in the hamper, then turned to the bed.
The moment dragged on. Amir's tail thumped the bed a couple times and then stopped. His eyes met Fin's, a little bit of uncertainty in them. Fin felt it too; his own tail twitched. He tried to banish the specter of the red fox between them. After all, he told himself, Hayward only brought them on dates to bring them to this moment. He had confidence that they would be good together.
It wasn't Hay that was important, though. It was Amir. Fin knew, just knew, that the fennec was hesitating because he felt he'd already pushed to have this date, that he was waiting for Fin. And Fin did want him, with his mind and his heart as well as the heat between his legs. He'd already made the decision, so all he had to do was act on it. He took a step forward and saw Amir's eyes light up. From there, it was easy for him to get up on the bed, kneeling facing the fennec.
The fennec looked up at him and then rolled up to his knees, his smile wide. “Hi there, hotness,” he said softly. He brought a paw up between Fin's legs, cupping his sac, and kept it there as he lowered his muzzle. His small tongue lapped at the swift fox's erect shaft, sliding gently up the length and along the tip, making Fin inhale and close his eyes.
“Hay really should have left us alone before,” Fin said, reaching a paw down to cup Amir's cheekruff.
“He did.” Amir pressed his nose into Fin's hip and inhaled, then breathed out slowly. “Just we were all worn out by then.”
“Uh-huh.” Fin lifted his muzzle as Amir's tongue washed up his shaft again, curling around the tip. “You don't seem worn out now.”
“Uh-uh.” Amir moved his paw around to Fin's rear, cupping it and holding it as he licked. “I'm...full of energy.”
Fin arched his back, lowering his muzzle and opening his eyes. Amir's dusty-furred muzzle was moving up and down in warm, tingling waves, and the fennec's eyes were half-closed. His tail swung back and forth. Fin didn't feel the urge to say anything more, not then, not when Amir tugged his shaft forward, not when Amir's muzzle slid down over Fin's length, not even when the fennec's warm tongue and lips made Fin's shaft tremble, made his toes and tail curl, made him gasp out loud.
It wasn't until Amir had lifted his muzzle off that Fin spoke. His fingers were pressed into the fennec's cheek fur still, but as Amir leaned back, Fin loosened his fingers and rubbed through the thick, soft fur. “You're good at that,” he said. “Better than Hay.”
Amir giggled, and gave Fin's shaft another lick. “You're just saying that. I can't believe it.”
“Hay's pretty good,” Fin admitted. “But you feel different.”
“I'd hope so.” Amir's large ears flicked backwards. “You taste good.”
Fin dropped to
a crouch, touched his nose to Amir's, and pushed the fennec backwards onto the bed. What would the character Fin say? Ah. “Let's see how you taste.”
The words came easily, and brought another smile from Amir as he lay back, letting his erection flop onto his ivory white belly fur. Fin took the base of it and tilted it upwards, lowering his muzzle at the same time. He breathed in Amir's thick musk, and lowered his tongue.
Hay was big, but Fin had never had the red fox in his muzzle. Amir felt almost as big, certainly bigger than anyone else Fin had ever put his lips around. He didn't have a lot of experience, but he knew he'd never worried about getting a sore jaw with any of the others. He didn't remember any of the others wriggling and moaning breathily quite so delightedly, either. Amir's whole body twitched, his paws clenching around the sheets, and when Fin rubbed his tongue hard along Amir's tip, the fennec actually squealed.
Fin was smiling when he looked up Amir's fluffy chest, letting the fennec's large shaft drop gently to his stomach. The fennec was staring up at the ceiling, but tilted his head downward. “You're pretty good, too,” he gasped.
“Nah.” Fin shook his head. “I, uh, need more practice.”
He winced. That wasn't something the character Fin would say. It was goofy and kind of self-deprecating and kind of forward. But Amir curled his tail around so it brushed Fin's chest, and said, softly, “You can practice on me whenever you want.”
That was goofy and forward too, and it made Fin smile, brought a warmth to his chest that matched the one between his legs. He rested a paw on Amir's stomach, feeling the warmth underneath. His claws ruffled the fur. “So,” he said. “Um. You looked pretty good last time.”
Amir flicked his ears. “I think anyone would look good behind Hayward.”
“Yeah, well.” Fin rubbed, pushing his paw up and back down. “If you want to, um. I don't need to top.”