by M Koleosho
was my high school coach taking time out to come see me. Those few days he spent with me were as valuable as gold. My former coach/teacher /mentor/father figure was precisely what I needed at that point in my life. He was able to see through all the defenses I had put up around myself; get me to open up, and start the process of healing.
I began to realize Kanewa wasn’t the one I feared nor hated, in fact there was a lot of admiration for him when I delved further into my psyche.
He had conquered what I had found difficult to do. Whereas I was still struggling with success and the fame that came with it, Kanewa had no such problem. He had stayed pretty much the same guy, so he never had to compromise much. He avoided publicity despite being one of the most marketable names in the world. He remained humble despite all the accolades pouring in, and never sought to steal the spot light for himself. It shamed me to think that I had let some of my success get to my head.
I had let the spot light shape me, becoming something I was not. Of course when these same folks that had propped me up found someone new to ogle at, it bothered me deeply, hence the resentment. If there’s anything I know now, it’s the fact that life is ever changing. Just because something is one way today, doesn’t mean it will be like that tomorrow.
I am at peace now. I finally understand what my role is. Football has blessed me more than I could ever fathom. I have lived my dreams, and feel so blessed because many never get the chance or the opportunity to do so. I realize just how important Shinji Kanewa has been to my life and my success. Before he came along I might have taken certain things for granted. I got complacent and was swayed by all the success that rushed at me. I forgot just how fleeting these things are and if your grip isn’t strong enough, someone with a stronger hold and a more voracious appetite will climb past you. That person happened to be Kanewa. I had been spoiled by all I had achieved prior to his arrival, and when he came, I was caught unawares. Yes I panicked and faltered…but failure is meant to strengthen us.
It’s now a year and a half since he’s been gone. I heard he had some complications the first time he tried to come back. Something about the initial surgery not going the way it should have. I was told he was rushed back too soon and in the end both he and his team have suffered for it. It saddens me that the world of football has gone so long without one of its major stars, trust me when I say this, Shinji has been sorely missed!
Yet I am positive that he will get better and return to top form. I can’t wait to continue where we left off for I think I am a better man now. I don’t dwell in the shadow of his reputation anymore, I don’t fear it. I know we can coexist on the world stage without trying to rip each other‘s throat out. I recognize just how much of a blessing we are to the game. Two outstanding players coming into their own, elevating their games and showcasing just how great our sport is. It’s such a shame that I failed to notice this until he was out. We owe it to the world to push ourselves, to bring out the best, not just in each other, but also our teammates and opposition.
We have inspired many through our play, just like others before us have done the same. I can’t believe I am saying this, but there’s more to life than rivalries, it only cheapens the game when we focus on petty things.
Competition is great; enmity is not and as much as I love playing, I know I can only do it for so long. Something or should I say someone else shares my love now and I am beyond ecstatic just thinking about it.
I met Ailea a few months after Kanewa went down. Interestingly enough, she happens to be a Juventus fan. She was interviewing me for one of the sports magazines she works for, and I couldn’t help but fall for her. She’s everything I yearn for in a woman. Why I need to mention this I am not sure. But it adds to the fact that I am at peace with myself. My fragmented soul, torn between so many things, looks and feels more whole than it has ever been. Ailea being a major reason for that.
She’s thought me how to love, and how to enjoy the things I truly care about. There was a period in time when I felt I was playing catch-up to Kanewa. I didn’t like him one bit and I kept getting frustrated at how well he was doing. Through her, I saw the folly of my ways, along with my ever supportive family, agent and coaches. The darkness that could have gripped my soul is no more, banished to the distant reaches of my psyche never to be culled forth again.
Ailea deserves her own story and I won’t cheapen it by dedicating just a few lines to her here. She came in my life at a time I did not feel like I needed saving. Little did I know I was wrong. I was marooned on an island created by my own insecurities and doubts, too proud to ask for help. Of what use is winning accolades when you still see bogeymen at every junction. Even with Kanewa sidelined by injuries, I never could fully accept the fact I was winning awards based on my merit. Ailea changed all that, and I will forever be grateful to her.
I must thank my old Coach Manuel, my loyal agent Hector and of course my mother and siblings. Without them none of this would be possible. They have all played an integral part in my life and my story would never be complete without including them.
I feel like I have exhausted all I can say about this. Sometimes brevity is my foe. What started off as a mere journal chronicling my achievements has evolved into a time machine, one I hadn’t realized I needed. In these moments of reflection, I have learned a lot about the ties that bind us, how I got to this point and what’s ahead. For this I am grateful. What I aimed to gain from this was comprehension of which I can vouch I have finally attained.
I have tried to reach out to Kanewa, even tried visiting him in hospital. But I also know the media will turn it into some circus. The last thing both of us want is trying to blow this out of proportion. I was told by mutual friends that Kanewa is thankful for my well wishes and looks forward to us meeting on the soccer field again.
I will be eagerly waiting his return…I expect him to be nothing less than 100%, rest assured, I will be ready. Rearing to take him on, to set the world of sports on fire again. This time I will do so as an equal, not from his shadows, not struggling to catch up.