“I always thought the will to live was so strong,” Gus muttered.
“I used to think that, too, back in the beginning, when Patrick was lost to me. I don’t think that way anymore.”
“Did Donald just have one son?”
“Yes. He had a daughter, but she was killed when she was eighteen. On a bus that was hit by a car. She was going to church. Her name was Lucia.”
“Jesus.”
“Everything is going to change now. Della is going to leave. When she comes back—if she comes back—it won’t be the same. I want to hang on to her, but I have to let her go. Ellie is going to move. It’s time for her to go out on her own. She’s been talking for a while about going to Los Angeles. She needs to have a life of her own, and I accept that. But what in the world will I do with this big, fancy house?”
“You don’t have to think about that now, Kate. Why don’t you take a shower, put on some clean clothes, and I’ll make some coffee and make these calls for you.”
Kate nodded. “I’m forgetting something. Damn. There’s something I need to do,” she said vaguely.
“It’ll come to you,” Gus said, measuring coffee into the little metal basket. “If you don’t dwell on it, it surfaces.”
“I suppose you’re right. You’re a reporter, you should know.”
Kate was about to step into the shower when she remembered. She pulled on a bright, lemon-colored terry robe and ran barefoot into the kitchen. “I remembered. I was going to call a greenhouse and ask them to deliver nasturtiums and all those other flowers so we could plant a ... a flower bed.”
“Kate, it’s September.”
“So?”
“Won’t they die at this time of year?”
Kate thought about it. “I don’t care. I want to plant them now. They have them in the greenhouse in little plastic things. I don’t care what it costs. All colors. Enough to ring the house. See if they can deliver them this afternoon. I want to start planting them when we ... when we get back. I need to do this, Gus.”
“That’s fine, Kate, but who are you doing it for? Betsy?”
“What does Betsy have to do with this? Betsy isn’t here. She couldn’t be bothered. She’s never been to this house. I’m doing it for Donald. It was one of the last things he said to me. He came up from that deep, dark place he was in just to ... It’s for Donald. How he loved that other garden. When he looks down, I want him to see it. I don’t care, I don’t care,” Kate said, holding up both arms. “I’m doing it.” Her face was so full of determination, Gus could only nod.
“I’ll call. How many plants should I order?”
“Enough to plant a ring around the garden. A lot.”
“Yes, but what’s a lot? Hundreds? Thousands? It’s going to cost, Kate.”
“Thousands, and I don’t care what it costs. Ohhhh, Donald is going to be so pleased.”
“Kate . . .”
She heard the worry in his voice. “I’m not losing it, Gus. But if you think I am, then humor me,” she said with a smile in her voice.
That was exactly what he was thinking, but only for a minute. He waved her away, reaching for the phone at the same time.
When they returned from the cemetery they walked in a huddle, close together as though for warmth, their eyes on the ground.
Gus saw the truck first. Finnegan’s Greenhouse. “Thank God,” he muttered. “This is what we’re going to do, ladies,” he said, taking charge, and marching them inside the house. “We are going to change our clothes, have a sandwich and some ice tea, and then we are going to garden.” He looked around the huge family room as he spoke. Everything was gone, the carpet vacuumed, the indentations from the hospital bed picked out. It looked like any other room. Even the sickroom smell was gone. The sliding doors to the deck were open, creating a warm, light breeze.
“What is it we’re going to do?” Della asked in a daze.
“We’re planting flowers,” Ellie said lightly. “The way I see it, we might be done two weeks from next Thursday if we get a move on.” She led Della from the room without a backward glance.
“I don’t know how to thank you, Gus,” Kate said, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek.
Suddenly he was embarrassed. He wanted to say, Just love me, just tell me you care about me. But he was afraid to say the words, afraid she would withdraw from him, send him away. “I’ll think of something,” he said. “Ellie’s wrong, we’re going to finish this project tonight, if we have to plant by moonlight. I called the placement counselor at the community college, and a dozen or so students will be arriving shortly to help us.”
Kate kissed him again, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “I like raw onion on my liverwurst,” she said.
“Oh, God! Don’t tell me, let me guess, with a dab of tangy mustard?”
“More than a dab. I like to smear the whole slice of onion with it.”
“Me too,” Gus said in awe.
“Skip the iced tea, I like beer with my liverwurst. So do Ellie and Della.”
“Jesus,” Gus said.
Kate grinned. “And I like mustard and butter on my bagels.”
“I don’t believe this. If I searched the whole world over, I couldn’t have found anyone with tastes so like mine. I think we were meant for each other.” Gus drew a deep breath, expecting her to back off, to run and say something that would squelch any hopes he had of a more meaningful relationship.
“Do you think so?” Kate asked seriously.
“Yeah, I do,” was all he could think of to say.
“Imagine that,” was all Kate could say.
Gus literally danced a jig in the kitchen as he smeared honey mustard with a bite to it over the large slices of sweet white onion. The rye was only a day old and still fresh, the liverwurst slices stuck together. He made a mess of the meat, then finally gave up and pressed the onion firmly into the liverwurst. Hopefully no one would look beneath the top slice of bread.
It had been a hell of a day so far, yet it was one of the best days of his life. He had so much to tell Kate, things he hadn’t wanted to discuss with her over the phone or put on paper. Things that were important to him, and maybe to her, too. He wondered if he was wrong to feel as if he belonged here, to want to be a part of this small family. If it was wrong, someone would enlighten him soon enough.
“Soup’s on!” he bellowed.
They ate and drank, two beers apiece. Gus showed his approval by cleaning off the table. “I hate to be the one to mention this, but our planting crew has arrived, I can hear them. Let’s order in for dinner. Kentucky Fried. Mashed potatoes, coleslaw. My treat,” he said magnanimously.
“You are a kind, generous man, Gus Stewart,” Ellie said with a devilish grin on her face.
“Tell that to your mother,” Gus grumbled.
“She already knows. She’s the one who told me.” Ellie winked. “She told Della, too.” Kate blushed furiously.
They worked and worked, and then they continued to work, with a ten-minute break on the hour. They took turns handing out iced tea, beer, and cold water. The only ones to complain about aching backs and sore knees were the college kids, who slaved to the tunes of Bruce Springsteen and Rod Stewart, who Gus said was no relation, thank God.
“What time is it?” Kate asked, taking a swig from her beer.
“Three-thirty in the morning,” Gus said wearily. “I had no idea gardening was so tiring. My back hurts so bad I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stand up again. How about you, Kate?”
“We’re all pretty tired. Don’t forget, we really didn’t get any sleep to speak of the night before. We can use the hot tub when we’re done. That should ease some of the ache.”
“I’ll drown,” Gus groaned.
Kate grinned. “I’ll save you.”
“Because I’m worthwhile or because you don’t want me drowning on your property?”
“Both. I haven’t thanked you, have I?”
“Several times.” She didn’t wan
t him to drown, she’d save him. She’d wrap her arms around his neck and then he’d kiss her and they’d swim off into the sunset or sunrise, whichever happened first.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Kate said quietly.
He told her his thoughts.
“We have a wonderful friendship. Anything more would spoil it,” Kate said, her bottle drained.
“Will our friendship ever change?” Gus asked seriously.
A lump settled in her throat. “I don’t know, Gus. What I do know is I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’ve become very important to me, very dear to me. I’m not ready for anything else. I can’t promise more than that.”
He was important to her, dear to her. “For now,” he said.
“For now.” Kate smiled.
“I can accept that. For now.”
Kate’s stomach muscles contracted. If this man walked out of her life, she would miss him terribly. I would grieve, she thought.
“A penny for your thoughts,” Gus said.
She told him.
Gus strutted. She cared about him. She just didn’t know how much. Yet.
Before they resumed their planting, Gus pierced her with his summer-blue eyes. “I’m not falling in love with you, Kate, I am in love with you.” Kate felt her knees start to buckle. Gus reached for and eased her down on the ground.
Across the garden, Ellie nudged Della. “I don’t think either one of us has to worry about Mom. That guy is gonna take real good care of her. If she lets him. You don’t think she’ll do something dumb and let him get away, do you?” Ellie asked anxiously.
Della shook her head. “Your mother’s no fool. She may be a little mixed up in her mind when it comes to love and marriage. She may have buried your father’s belongings and for a while thought of herself as a widow, but there’s another part to your mother, that obsessive loyalty she has to Captain Starr. Then there’s your sister. Your mother is going to be forced to make some hard decisions soon.”
“You mean do it or get off the pot, that kind of thing?”
“Yes, that kind of thing. Why are we doing this, Ellie?”
“You mean planting the flowers?”
“Yes, why are we doing this?”
“Because Mom has it in her head that Donald is going to wake up in the morning in the Hereafter, look down, and see this ... whatever the damn hell it is. I thought you understood. It’s not for Betsy, it’s for Donald. She told you, Della, I heard her,” Ellie said gently.
“I guess I didn’t hear her. I was so wrapped up in my grief, I didn’t hear much of anything. I can’t even remember what was said at the cemetery. I’m going home, Ellie,” the older woman said sadly.
Ellie jabbed at the dark brown earth. “When will you be back?” She could feel her stomach start to chum. Della was like a second mother to her.
“I don’t think I’ll be coming back.”
The plant in Ellie’s hand lost its petals as she squashed it with her thumb and index finger. She looked at it, stuck it in the ground, and said, “This one is going to die.”
“Everything dies sooner or later,” Della said.
“I don’t understand. Why don’t you think you’ll come back? What will Mom do without you? What will you do without Mom? You’ve been together so long, you’re my other mother, Della,” Ellie said, wiping the tears forming in her eyes.
Della pointed to Gus. “You said it yourself. He’ll look out for her. You’re moving to Los Angeles. Donald’s gone. He told me to take the money and go home. I have many family members I haven’t seen in a long time. I can make their lives easier with the money Donald left me. There’s no place at the cemetery for me. I saw it with my own eyes. Donald’s first wife is buried there. And it’s supposed to be that way. The family, they belong together. That’s why Donald said I should go back to Mexico. That’s why he ... he paid me off.”
“Oh, no, Della, you mustn’t think like that! That wasn’t what Donald meant. I don’t think Mom knew anything about his first wife. Donald never talked about her, and Mom isn’t one to ask questions. You never talk about her, either.”
“That’s because I didn’t know. I thought ... she left him when the children were young. He never talked about her to me. I didn’t know she was dead or buried there with his son and daughter. He should have told me. I had a right to know. I thought I was going to be buried with him.”
“Oh, Della,” Ellie said, taking the older woman in her arms. “We can buy another plot next to theirs. You can still be buried there.”
“No I can’t! They’re a family. I don’t belong there,” Della cried. “The last words out of Donald’s mouth were to tell me to go back where I came from. So I’m going. One should always grant a dying person’s last wish. Your mother is planting these flowers, and I am going back to Mexico.”
Out of her depth, Ellie said, “I think you need to talk to Mom about this. Nothing is either black or white, you know.” Soothingly, she added, “We won’t be able to get along without you.”
“I’m seventy-three years old, Ellie, an old woman. I’m not much good for anything anymore. Your mother thinks she fooled me. At first she had someone come in to do the heavy work, then the work that wasn’t too heavy, and finally someone to do the light work. One lady irons and does laundry. A different lady to clean the windows, someone cleans the pool, someone else does everything.”
“Mom was trying to make it easy for you, Della. You had all you could do to take care of Donald. It was her way of helping, paying you and Donald back for all the care you’ve given us over the years. Please don’t break her heart. If you want to go back to Mexico for a visit, go, but come back.”
“I cannot, my sweet Ellie. I made a mess of things. I didn’t do the one thing Donald wanted me to do. I couldn’t let him go. I was selfish. I was wrong. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s going to be light soon, so we must work now to finish, for your mother’s sake. I understand what she’s trying to do now. And you must understand what it is I must do. Don’t cry, Ellie, you’ll soak the plants and they will die.”
“I don’t care,” Ellie blubbered.
“I care, so stop,” Della said.
Ellie reacted to the authoritative voice she remembered from her younger days. “You’re a meanie,” she said, as she had when she was little.
“Among other things,” Della replied.
“You’re going to break Mom’s heart,” Ellie said stubbornly.
“Enough already. If her heart breaks, that man will mend it for her. Look at them. He loves her very much. I see this. Do not concern yourself with her heart.”
The stubbornness stayed in Ellie’s voice. “You don’t know everything, Della.”
“This is true, almost everything. Dig.”
“What about my heart?”
“You’re young, you’ll mend. Dig!”
What seemed like a long time later, Kate said, “In another twenty minutes or so it’s going to be light. We still have a quarter of the way to go. I was so certain we’d be done. The kids have worked hard. You were right, Gus, it was an impossible, foolish task. What’s the use?” She rocked back on her heels. “We might as well quit now. Everyone is dog-tired. Tell everyone to stop, Gus, I simply don’t have the energy.”
“You’re quitting!” Gus said, stupefied.
“Yes.”
“Then tell them yourself,” he said, continuing with his planting. “I never much liked quitters.”
“To each his own,” Kate snapped. A moment later she was on her feet, shouting for the others to stop and listen. When she had their attention, she said, “The sun will be coming up shortly, so we’re going to stop. I really appreciate your efforts here, working through the night and all. I had hoped by some ... miracle we could finish. I just want to thank you all. If you give me a few minutes to wash my hands, I’ll pay you. I’ll even treat you all to breakfast if you’re not too tired to eat.”
She watched as one student left the group
and stepped forward, a young man with weary eyes, wearing a straggly gray USC sweatshirt. “Ma’am, would you mind telling us why you’re doing this?” he asked.
Half a dozen responses flew to Kate’s mind, but she knew none of them would satisfy the young man in front of her. They had worked hard and diligently, she told him with tears in her eyes.
The young man looked at the others and then at the grayish dark sky. “If we move the flats according to color, we can finish it. After the sun comes up we can continue planting. The object here is to plant a rainbow. I don’t think the plants actually have to be in the ground. From up there it will look complete. Move! Move! We have about eight minutes.”
In her life Kate never saw such a concentrated effort. She heard shouts of, “More pink, I need a blue, purple, no, no, yellow goes here, the pink there, hurry, faster, more purple, the red goes at the end. Move! Move! Three minutes, more blue, the daisies go there, two minutes, it’s almost up, come on, Beasley, you’re on the goddamn track team, move it! That’s it, one more minute ... all purple here. Thirty seconds, you got it!”
“Oh, my God!” Kate said, smiling through her tears.
“I’ll be damned,” Gus said.
“It’s beautiful,” Ellie said in awe.
“Heavenly,” Della said.
“Guys, we do good work,” said the kid in the USC shirt. To Kate he said, “Now what?” He looked uncomfortable when he added, “Shouldn’t you sort of point, say something, you know, maybe a prayer?”
Kate licked her dry lips. Her tongue felt swollen and thick. She raised her eyes, palms upward. “Hey, Donald,” she shouted as loud as she could. “This is for you! For your son, Bobby! For your daughter, Lucia!”
“And now I’m going to make breakfast for everyone,” Della said. “Ellie, you will go to the store to buy eggs and bacon.”
“Thank you, thank you so much,” Kate said, walking among the boys to shake their hands. “If you want to go for a swim, go ahead. We’ll make breakfast. This is going to be a long break, and you each get a bonus.”
Kate’s eyes were moist but full of stars when she looked at Gus. “I never would have thought about lining up the flats, would you?”
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