by Lisa Suzanne
Nancy’s voice came back as a picture of Jesse and me came on the screen, and she spoke as I stared at the picture. It was from a walk we had taken several weeks before at the park in Jesse’s neighborhood. He was sitting on a swing, and I was straddling him. We were kissing, clearly wrapped in a hot embrace. It was dark and grainy, but it was definitely us.
I suddenly felt completely violated and totally nauseated as I listened to Nancy’s words. “Together a lot or not, I think we can all agree that having relations on a campus filled with high school students is definitely not okay. Reporting live from Central Valley High School, I’m Nancy Irvine.”
Jesse tossed the phone on my dresser as if it was hot to the touch and burned his skin. “Fuck,” he muttered.
“Jesse, we are not having an affair on school property!” I cried.
He gave me a strange look. “Believe me, if we were fucking, I’d know.”
I wasn’t sure why that was the thing that came out of my mouth. It seemed pretty dumb as soon as I said it, but I had to say something.
Jesse took a deep breath as I grew more and more hysterical.
And then the thought crossed my mind that if I was going to be accused of sleeping with Jesse, I might as well have been doing it. Lord knows I sure as hell wanted to.
“What are we going to do?” I asked, tears prickling behind my eyes. Jesse came to me and took me in his arms.
He rubbed my back in soothing strokes, somehow calming me and assuring me that we were going to face this crisis together without saying any words. Even though I was having a complete meltdown, just the feel of his arms around me soothed me immensely. “Bill texted me the number of the union lawyer. I’m going to call him to see what he recommends.”
I nodded, and Jesse picked his phone back up, still holding onto me.
“Hi Mr. Buchanan, it’s Jesse Drake. Bill Robinson gave me your information.”
I wanted to hear the entire conversation, but I could only hear Jesse’s side. As if he read my mind, he said, “Yes, she’s here. Do you mind if I put you on speaker?”
Mr. Buchanan must’ve agreed, because Jesse pulled the phone from his ear and clicked the speaker button while still managing to keep one arm around my waist, clutching me to him.
It was almost as if we both knew that this was almost the end, and we were clinging to one another as if our lives depended on it.
I heard the lawyer’s voice come through the phone. “First question: Are you both there?”
“Yes,” we responded in unison.
“Are the two of you having an affair?”
Jesse’s eyes locked on mine. “Not a sexual one.”
“It’s a yes or no question.”
“Then no,” he said.
“Veronica?”
“No, Mr. Buchanan.”
“Please call me John. So you’re going to deny the allegations that you’ve had sexual relations on school property?”
“Yes,” we both said in unison.
“Well, at least you’ve got a united front.”
“John, we haven’t done anything wrong,” Jesse said. “And we especially haven’t done anything wrong at school.”
All I could do was listen as the two of them spoke. I didn’t even know what to say. I could not believe that we were being accused of something so outrageously scandalous, and I still wanted to know where the hell the news had managed to get that photograph of the two of us on the swing in the park.
“Are you engaged in any type of relationship?”
“Yes.”
“Be more specific.”
“We are currently living together.”
“And not having sex? No one’s going to buy that.”
“Veronica is married.”
“Jesus. Gets better and better.”
And that’s when I put it together. Of course. Richard.
Somehow Richard had gotten his hands on that picture of the two of us. He said he’d find a way to ruin us both, and this was his way of doing it.
“For now, I need you two to completely separate,” John said. “I can’t have you living together. I can’t have you being together. I can’t have you even looking at each other.”
No. Mother. Fucking. Way.
There was no way I was going to agree to that.
I felt tears fill my eyes at just the mere thought of being away from Jesse.
“No,” Jesse said adamantly. “No, we won’t do that. We didn’t have sex at school. Check the videos. There are cameras outside the counseling office and outside Veronica’s classroom. There’s your proof. These allegations are fucking ludicrous and I’m not going to give up the love of my life because someone’s trying to fuck with us.”
The love of my life.
Jesse had just called me the love of his life.
He used the word “love” to refer to me.
Despite the hell we suddenly found ourselves in, my heart skipped a beat at that word dropping from those lips.
“These are serious allegations against you that could cost both of you your careers. I need to set up a meeting with each of you, but for now, one of you has to move out. No contact with one another.”
“Starting when?”
“You’ve got tonight.”
We wrapped up the call. Jesse set his appointment for the next morning, and I set mine for the next afternoon. Jesse tossed his phone when he ended the call, and it ended up on the floor somewhere. He wrapped his arms around me as I cried desperately into him.
John was right.
We didn’t have a choice.
And we both knew that as a truth as we clung to one another, not sure how long this separation was going to last, dreading it even though we both knew that there was nothing we could do about it for now.
We had one more night together, and then in the morning, we’d have to go our separate ways.
I sobbed into his chest, my ugly cry back with a vengeance, and Jesse soothed me by rubbing his hands in a slow rhythm up and down my back, touching me like he was trying to memorize what I felt like beneath his fingertips.
“Let’s not waste tonight with tears,” he said quietly, his voice breaking with emotion that only caused my pain to sharpen as he ran his fingers through my hair.
I sniffled as I nodded into him, knowing he was right.
Maroon 5’s song “Daylight” started playing on repeat in my head, especially the refrain: “And when the daylight comes, I’ll have to go, but tonight I’m gonna hold you so close, cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own…”
I didn’t want to be on my own. I’d come to rely on Jesse for his protection, his care, and his love in the short time we’d been together. We truly enjoyed spending time together. With us, there was no drama, no competition. Just hardcore attraction and strong feelings that only deepened the more time we spent together.
He kissed my forehead and then kissed my cheeks where my tears still fell. His lips found mine and he kissed me softly, and then he leaned his forehead to mine.
“We’ll figure this out, V. Crying is letting them win.”
He was right, of course, and I knew that. I didn’t want Richard to win, and I was certain that it was him. I wouldn’t let him win.
“Where am I going to go?” I asked on a shaky breath.
“Stay with Quinn until we get it worked out.”
“Okay,” I agreed glumly.
He hugged me hard and then went to the kitchen to get us each some water while I called Quinn.
I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my forehead, trying to get rid of the headache that was already forming as I pulled up her contact.
She answered immediately. “Where the fuck have you been?”
“We went off the grid for a few days.”
“Are you fucking Jesse? At work?”
“No. And no.”
“Jesus, Veronica. There’s this huge investigation. HR called me in to talk to me about what I know.”
“What did yo
u say?” I asked, suddenly alarmed.
“I told them what I knew. I said that you were staying with him, but as far as I knew, the two of you have been living as friends since you’re still married.”
“Thanks, Quinn.”
“Don’t thank me for telling the truth.”
“Can I stay with you?”
“Of course. When are you coming over?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Are you going to work?”
“I can’t. I’m suspended.”
“Paid vacation,” she said, always looking at the bright side.
“Ruined reputation,” I countered. Usually I wasn’t one for cynicism, but this was a pretty dark situation I’d suddenly found myself in.
“It’ll pass,” she said, and deep down I knew she was right. The problem was that I’d worked hard to earn the respect of my colleagues and students and to build a good reputation as a teacher, and it hurt to know how easily it could all be ripped away. Even if our names were cleared, we’d always have that cloud hanging over us. People would believe what they wanted to believe regardless of the truth, and most people tended to believe the gossip anyway. The juicier the story, the better.
I hung up with Quinn and met Jesse in the kitchen. He was leaning on the counter, arms straight and supporting him as he leaned forward. His shoulders were tense, and his posture reminded me of a brief moment when he’d obviously been lost in a world of Carly and Allison and painful memories the night we’d made chicken marsala.
When he heard me come into the room, he glanced up at me. His eyes had taken on the haunting again, and my heart broke for him.
I knew that my presence alone calmed his nerves. I knew that my love for him helped him to cast his demons aside. What I didn’t know was how I was going to be what he needed when I couldn’t have any contact with him. And knowing that I couldn’t be there for him hurt just as much as knowing that he couldn’t be there for me.
“I just want to hold you. I just need to feel you against me,” he whispered, his eyes locked and heated on mine.
Fuck it. For the second time that night, I truly felt like if we were being accused of having an affair, we might as well actually be having one. I wanted nothing more than to feel Jesse’s skin on mine, to savor his entrance into my body, to writhe in pleasure beneath him, to taste every part of him under my tongue.
But I didn’t want my first time with Jesse to be based in some scandal. I wanted it to be based in our mutual love.
So we climbed into what had become our bed together for the last night until we could be together again. The worst part was just not knowing when that would be.
Jesse stripped down to his boxer briefs. Typically I wore a t-shirt and pajama pants to sleep, but I wanted to feel as much of Jesse’s skin against me as I could, so I wore a silky, skimpy tank top and matching silk panties.
When I exited the restroom after getting ready for bed, Jesse was already there, leaning back against the headboard. His perfectly sculpted washboard stomach called my name.
“Jesus,” he murmured. “If you’re going to wear shit like that, I’m not going to be able to control myself,” he said, not hiding a quick readjustment under the sheets.
I chuckled, the first sign of a smile since we’d arrived home and turned on our phones.
“I miss being off the grid with you,” I whispered.
“Come here,” he commanded softly.
I obeyed.
I turned off the light and then got in bed beside him, and he pulled me close as we both lay back. My head was on his chest, and his fingertips found the hem of my tank top and pulled upward so his hand rested on the bare skin of my back. He stroked my skin with a rhythmic pattern that was reassuring and soothing.
“No matter what happens, V, promise me something.”
“Anything,” I whispered.
“We’ll still have our night. In June, when school’s out and none of this shit matters anymore, and your divorce is finalized, we’ll still have our night.”
“I promise,” I said.
“I promise, too.” He sealed his promise with a kiss to my forehead. I leaned up and his lips found mine, and suddenly we weren’t talking about June anymore as his tongue swirled against mine and he deepened our kiss. It started out innocently, and then he moaned and I almost lost control as my body ached for him. We shifted on the bed, and I found myself beneath him. His hand ran down my side, past my hip, to my thigh as he hovered above me, kissing me like his life depended on it. His fingertips stroked the skin of my leg and moved around toward my ass, and then he ran his hand back up and landed on my hip as our mouths collided. He pushed his hips down into mine just as I arched mine up into his.
When our time finally did come, it was going to be incredible.
I felt his hot hardness against my hot wetness, and I wanted him inside of me in that moment. The throbbing between my legs was unbearable as every part of me wanted every part of him. I craved that skin to skin contact with him, for our last barrier of clothes to be removed so we could make love slowly and sensually until we were both satisfied and then go at it again and fuck until we were both screaming out in pleasure.
June, I reminded myself. It was only three months away. We could do this.
He groaned into me and abruptly stopped our kiss.
“God dammit,” he muttered, lying back on his pillow and panting as I fought to catch my own breath. His arm was back around me as he pulled me closer into him, and I cuddled into his side with my head in the crook of his neck, my lips millimeters from his warm skin.
Neither of us moved for a moment, and then in the stillness and darkness with both of us breathless, Jesse whispered, “I love you so fucking much.”
His arm tightened around me, and I kissed his neck, filled with love for this man that Richard was tearing from me. The devastation of knowing that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep in his arms the next night, or the night after that, for who knew how long, filled me with dread.
“I love you, Jesse,” I whispered back to him.
“I know,” he said. “And that’s what’s going to get me through this.”
And despite Maroon 5’s reminder from that song, I fell asleep knowing that I’d have to leave him in the daylight.
CHAPTER 15
The next morning, we were both quiet. I caught him staring at me while I packed up my essentials. We both agreed that I wasn’t “moving out.” I was just “relocating” for awhile. And I stared at him as he made me scrambled eggs for breakfast.
“I’ll swing by Quinn’s later tonight to see you,” he said.
“John said we can’t have any contact.”
“Fuck that. You know that’s not going to happen.”
I appreciated his determination, but I just didn’t feel as certain as he seemed to. These were our careers, our livelihoods, and I had a terrible gut feeling that the lawyer was going to reiterate that we couldn’t have any contact with each other or it could cost us both our jobs.
Turns out I was right.
Apart from random chance encounters where we merely passed by each other at school or sat at the same meeting trying to avoid eye contact when all I wanted was to leap across the table and pull his body against mine, that morning in the kitchen as we said goodbye was the last time I held him in my arms for over two months.
They were the two longest months of my life, but for some unknown and completely ridiculous reason, that’s how long the investigation took.
Both of us had only been placed on leave for three days, and we were able to return to work with the warning from Human Resources that we could have no contact with each other. If I had a senior who I needed to discuss with a counselor, I was required to meet with someone other than Jesse. I was even taken off of the prom committee so we wouldn’t run into each other.
John advised us each separately, but the message was clear: We were being watched, and anything that looked suspicious would be reported. The picture
that had been taken of us at the park and then leaked to the press proved that someone was watching us, and not only watching us, but out to get us. So that meant no phone calls, no texts messages, and no secret meetings.
I was completely miserable, and I was developing a terrible anxiety just from being separated from Jesse.
We spoke on the phone only once, and it was that first night we were apart. Jesse had called Quinn’s cell and asked to talk to me. He told me how much he missed me, and I could already hear the desperation in his voice. I held my tears at bay until we hung up, not wanting to make things harder on both of us. The moment we hung up, a text came through while I still held Quinn’s phone in my hand. It was from an anonymous number, and it said, “Quinn’s phone is bugged, too. That’ll be your last call to Drake.”
One would think that the fact that I was getting divorced from my husband was what was putting me into a constant state of despair, but that wasn’t true. Sure, it was difficult; it was painful and uncomfortable and complicated, but the pain from the divorce was nothing compared to the pain of separation from Jesse, and the fact that I knew that Richard was the one who set this whole thing in motion made me sick to my stomach. It made me hate him with an unbridled passion that I didn’t even know existed within me, and I couldn’t wait until our divorce was finalized. Separation with him was one thing, but to be completely rid of all ties from him was what I needed so I could move on with my life with Jesse.
I longed to hear Jesse’s voice.
I prayed for meetings where we’d both be there, but they were few and far between.
I just wanted a quick glance into his office to check on him, to see how he was doing.
The few times I’d caught a glance at him, I saw the haunted Jesse that I’d always been able to comfort without even knowing how. I saw fatigue and loneliness and misery. And I knew that my own expression reflected exactly the same emotions.
It was reflected in my work, too. I was assigning independent work and projects that would allow me to wallow in my misery. I managed to keep the tears at bay while I was at work, but the moment I arrived “home” to Quinn’s apartment, I curled up in bed and hugged my pillow, wishing it was Jesse as I sobbed at the loss.