Separation Anxiety

by Lisa Suzanne

  His lips moved down to my neck. He nipped my soft flesh and sent shivers through my whole body, causing me to convulse up into him. He pushed back into me, and it was like he was fucking me with clothes on.

  “Sweet fuck, I missed you,” he murmured against my skin.

  “I missed you, too,” I gasped through the pleasure he was driving into me.

  “How long until your divorce is finalized?” he asked between open mouthed kisses across my chest.

  “Three weeks,” I moaned, leaning my head back against the top of my car, giving him better access to my cleavage. He buried his face in it and breathed in deeply, and then set me down on my feet again, still holding me in his arms.

  “Jesus,” he said, his voice a throaty rasp. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” I panted.

  “I want you, V,” he said, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. His voice was low and raspy and set my blood on fire. “I need you. I need to be inside of your perfect body. I need to fuck you fast and hard and then take you slowly. I need to taste every part of you. I need to bury my hard cock in you. It’s all I’ve thought about for two months. Fuck, it’s all I’ve thought about for five goddamn years.”

  Holy. Fucking. Hell.

  His words shocked me and lit an inferno in my veins as tingles shot through every part of my body. I was putty in his hands. I would do anything, anything, for this man.

  “I need you too, Jesse,” I said, my voice hoarse. “I want everything you just said. I want you to fuck me. I want you to make love to me.”

  “I want it every single way that’s ever been invented, and then I want to invent a few of our own. But I know we need to wait, so we’ll wait.”

  “This is torture,” I said.

  “I agree,” he muttered. “But it will be worth it.”

  I knew it would be, too. But now we had pressure. We both wanted it so badly, and forcing ourselves to wait only added to that pressure.

  It had been a long time since sex had made me nervous. But I never had the pleasure of being with someone like Jesse. While I’d been attracted to every man I had been with, not a single one of them held a candle to Jesse’s appearance, intelligence, sex appeal, or modesty.

  We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Through dinner, Jesse took the chair next to mine so our legs could touch. He took me to Quinn’s to get my stuff, and we told her the story of what happened at Human Resources while his arm slung loosely around my shoulders and mine laced around his waist. When we got back home, we cuddled on the couch. He kissed me, held me close, and loved me.

  I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d felt so treasured by a man. I could literally feel how much he loved me just in the way he looked at me or in the way he gently tucked my hair behind my ear or in the way he pressed his lips to my forehead.

  Richard had intended to tear us apart and ruin our lives, but he failed. Yes, we had been apart for those two months, and those were two months we would never get back; but now we were back together, and our time apart had only managed to draw us closer, to bond us in a way that neither of us had ever expected. My feelings for him grew stronger every single day we had been apart, and now that we were back where we belonged, I felt deeper and more for him with every passing moment.

  As we lay in bed holding one another in the dark later that night, I sighed with pleasure. These quiet, intimate moments were the ones I had missed most during our time apart.

  “How’s Carly doing?” I asked quietly.

  I felt his fingers dig into my shoulder. He leaned over and kissed my forehead, but he didn’t answer my question. He just lay quietly beside me.

  He sighed a long, shuddering breath, and I knew without him saying a word that something bad had happened.

  I squeezed him a little tighter in my arms. He’d been dealing with his own personal hell all by himself because of Richard. I could’ve been there for him, held his hand, cried with him. But instead, he had to deal with whatever had happened alone. I hadn’t been there to help. He hadn’t been able to hold me in his arms through the night to ban the demons.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I whispered.

  He was still quiet.

  “You don’t have to, Jesse, but it might help for you to get it out.”

  “I know,” he murmured, his soft voice full of emotion. “She died about a month ago.”

  My heart broke for Jesse. He didn’t talk much about Carly, but I knew he had done everything he could to save her.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He didn’t respond. My words of apology weren’t going change what happened or make it any easier, anyway.

  “You have no idea how much just seeing you has helped ease the pain, V,” he said softly.

  I leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

  “Can I ask what happened?” I asked, smoothing his brow under my fingertips. I wished we had the light on so I could see his eyes.

  “She had issues with addiction. She’d been in and out of rehab for years. She was only nineteen, and I guess that’s why she reminded me of my sister. Her parents made her go to rehab, and she tried to kill herself. They brought her to the hospital so she’d have twenty-four hour supervision, and we all thought she was getting better. She even had me fooled. And then as soon as she was released, she was taken back to rehab, and this time when she tried to kill herself, she succeeded.”

  “That’s so horrible,” I said. I couldn’t imagine being in such a dark and lonely place. The saddest part to me was that Carly had people who cared about her, like her parents and Jesse, but she just couldn’t see it. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to hold your hand through it.”

  “I know, baby,” he whispered. “It’s not your fault. You’re here now.”

  We clutched each other a little closer before falling asleep.

  The last few days of school passed quickly. Between grading final exams, posting grades, and cleaning out my classroom for the end of the year checkout, I was busy, and so was Jesse. He had his own set of worries, most notably contacting the parents of seniors who failed classes and weren’t going to graduate. I was glad I wasn’t the one who had to make those calls. By the time we both got home, we were too exhausted to do anything other than lay in bed wrapped around each other.

  And then, finally, our summer was upon us.

  Freedom for over two months before it was back to the grind.

  Jesse had scheduled his trip to begin the day after school got out. He’d already made reservations and planned out a large part of his itinerary before I was even in the equation, and, unfortunately, I couldn’t go with him to Mexico.

  Fucking Richard once again was getting in the way of what I wanted – what I needed.

  The court date for our divorce was set for June 7, so I had about two weeks before I could join Jesse. We only needed a court date if we couldn’t agree on something, and I’d spoken to him three times about listing the house for sale. He hadn’t done it, and so I had to file for a court date for our division of property.

  Jesse prepared for his month-long getaway and I watched with a wineglass in hand. He went into the office to set up automatic payment on all of his bills, and I sat on the floor of the office and drank wine while he worked. I watched the way his eyes focused on his computer screen, the way his long fingers clicked the mouse, the way his lips pouted out as he concentrated. Everything about him was perfection, like I was watching a beautiful piece of artwork come to life.

  When he stood, he pulled me up with him. He carried a bottle of beer in one hand and clutched my hand in the other. “Want to help me pack my clothes?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I said as he led me into his bedroom and gestured to the bed. I looked at him in confusion.

  “Sit,” he commanded.

  “On your bed?” I asked.

  I knew we’d shared plenty of intimacy, but I still considered his room off-limits. It reminded me of when I was a
little kid and I wasn’t supposed to go in my parents’ room.

  “Our room” was the guest room, the one where I’d slept since Jesse invited me to stay with him. The room we had shared since two nights after I started crashing with him.

  But the next time I was going to be with Jesse in this house, our relationship was going to be completely different. We weren’t just going to be in love; we were going to be lovers. And maybe that meant we were going to start sharing his bed instead of his guest bed.

  He nodded. “Yeah, on my bed,” he said, a hint of shyness mixed with trepidation. I knew what a huge step this was for him.

  I perched gingerly on the edge of the bed, his eyes warm and full of lust as he gazed at me.

  “You have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now,” he murmured, his words washing over me and causing my cheeks to redden.

  “You have no idea how much I want to be fucked by you,” I whispered back.

  In what seemed like less than a second, Jesse attacked. He was suddenly hovering over me, his body covering mine, and I was on my back on his bed. His heated eyes locked on mine, and I knew without a doubt that the next two weeks were going to be as difficult as the last two months. Time away from Jesse was agony, but the light at the end of the tunnel was that we would finally, finally be able to be together in every single way that we’d wanted to be together for five years.

  He dragged his lips down my neck and then up behind my ear. He placed tiny kisses in his path as I shivered beneath him.

  I was more aroused than I’d ever been in my life, and from the solid hardness that he was pushing into me, I could tell that I was doing the same thing to him that he was doing to me.

  His lips found mine, and he held still, kissing me with his mouth closed for a moment as his hips bucked into mine. It was somehow sweet and erotic at the same time. I laid there and took it, arching up into him as my hands wrapped tightly around his neck.

  His mouth opened to mine and I grasped his hair in my hand. He groaned into me, and it was one of those raspy, feral groans that caused a deep throbbing ache inside of me. I held his head to mine, and his kiss deepened. His tongue battled against mine aggressively, exploring every corner of my mouth as he continued his thrusts with his hips. I was dizzy with need for him.

  He ended the kiss all too soon, driving into me one last time before pulling back and standing up.

  “Sweet fuck,” he muttered, heading toward his closet as he not at all discreetly adjusted his pants.

  I just lay back on his bed, woozy and dazed from that extraordinary kiss. I couldn’t move; I was breathless and lightheaded and shamelessly turned on.

  I heard him moving around in his closet, muttering under his breath. I wasn’t sure what he was saying, but in my own head all I could think about was just finally getting to the sex part.

  I tried to focus on the task at hand. We were going to have to say goodbye for two weeks. Granted, this time things would be different; we could talk on the phone whenever we wanted. We could Skype. We could text and email all day long. But none of it was the same as actually being in his strong and loving arms.

  Although I had to consider the one advantage: If we were spending the next two weeks together and didn’t have our daily responsibilities since we were on our summer break, we’d never be able to keep our hands off of each other. It would mean entire days together, and it was only going to get harder to wait if we had all of that uninterrupted time. And I knew in my heart that I would never regret waiting until I was a free woman to give myself to Jesse.

  The night before, we’d discussed his travel itinerary. He’d be in California by June 7, so I was going to fly into San Francisco on the redeye. We made a plan for him to pick me up from the airport, and then we’d crash before we drove through wine country together and the next night would be just for us. It sounded like the perfect kind of romantic getaway that would do justice to “our night.”

  I just wished I could go off the grid with him again, but this time in Mexico.

  He started to change his plans, but I didn’t want to be the reason he missed out on a vacation he’d already planned and paid for. I essentially forced him to go. Even though the time we had spent apart had been torturous, I knew that he’d be worth waiting two more weeks for. Besides, I had plenty to sort out while he was gone. For one, I needed to get back to the house I owned with Richard, get the rest of my belongings, and split up the rest of our stuff. While it would have been helpful to have Jesse there with me for that, I didn’t want to be the reason he changed his travel plans.

  So while Jesse packed for his month-long getaway and I spread out on his bed and thought about what was going to happen in two short weeks, I was full of lust, but I was also full of excitement.

  I was done feeling sad that my marriage hadn’t worked out. I was ready to move on with Jesse. I wasn’t sure where I’d come up with the idea that there needed to be some sort of waiting period between men, but I was over it. My marriage had been over for a long time, and I was ready to let go of the past, to be rid of the man who had held me back in so many ways, rid of the man who I knew had leaked that picture to the press that had nearly cost me both my Jesse and my career.

  Two long weeks all by myself in Jesse’s house and it would all be over.

  Jesse put all of the clothes he was planning to take with him into his duffel bag, and then he lay down on the bed next to me. We just fit like two pieces in a puzzle; the moment he stretched out on his back next to me, I turned into his side and he pulled me close. His arm laced underneath me and my head rested on his shoulder. I threw one arm across his waist. I could feel the muscles in that delightful washboard that he called a stomach under my arm. Good Lord, he was all kinds of sexy and I melted into another puddle of lust.

  I was lying on Jesse Drake’s bed. With Jesse Drake. And he was holding me in his arms.

  I was a little giddy at the thought.

  “I’m going to miss you, V,” he said, leaning his head down to plant a kiss into my hair. I tightened my grip around his waist as I felt a wave of emotion course through me.

  “I’ll miss you, too, Jesse.”

  “Two weeks?” he asked.

  “Two weeks,” I confirmed, and he sighed. “What?” I asked.

  “How am I supposed to concentrate on decompressing and enjoying Mexico when I know you’re here going through all of this shit with the asshole with two first names?”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I’ll be worried about you driving all over another country aimlessly.”

  “It’s not aimless. I do have a plan,” he mumbled.

  “I know,” I said, leaning up on my elbow and looking him in the eyes. I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his neck, taking in his scent that I had memorized so long ago. “I was just teasing you.”

  He shifted his arm and somehow managed to pull me on top of him so I was straddling him. I giggled at his move and shook my head, pursing my lips and narrowing my eyes at him.

  “What?” he asked innocently, holding his hands up in mock confusion as his dark eyes stared up into mine.

  I grabbed his hands and laced my fingers through his. He pushed his hips up and once again I felt his rock hard erection pulsing beneath me. I was hit with a need for him stronger than ever.

  “Promise me something,” he said softly, his eyes darkening with lust as we drank each other in.

  “Anything,” I whispered, knowing it didn’t matter what he asked me because of course I would do it for him.

  “When we get back home at the end of June, we’ll move into this room.”

  The flutters that were always in my belly were suddenly out of control as I realized the implications of his request. Not only did it mean that he wanted me to continue living with him, but it also meant that he wanted to share his bed with me. This trip was going to mark a huge transition in our relationship, and he wanted to start living together like a couple in love when we returned home. We wo
uld no longer be two people sharing a bed in the guest room for comfort. We’d be two people sharing a bed in the master bedroom because we were in a serious and committed relationship.

  And for someone who was afraid to get close to people, I knew what an enormous step it was for him to ask me that.

  “I would love that,” I said. “And I love you.”

  It was the moment when I said it that I realized he hadn’t said it to me since before “The Scandal,” that one night when we lay in bed together when we knew that we would need to separate the next day. It was the one and only time he had ever said the words to me, and I realized that I hadn’t said it to him, either, since that night.

  He just stared up at me for a moment, and then he sat up with me still on top of him and pulled my head to his, our lips meeting for another one of those ridiculously hot kisses.

  He pulled back and leaned his forehead to mine. “I love you, too, V,” he whispered, and then he pressed his lips to mine twice in that sexy way he had, somehow making me even hotter for him than I already was.

  The next morning, I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and watched as Jesse moved gracefully around the kitchen. As refreshed as I felt after a good night’s sleep in Jesse’s arms, I was miserable. I didn’t want him to go, but I wasn’t going to stand in the way of the vacation he’d planned months earlier, so I masked my misery with a smile while he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

  “Want some?” he asked, shaking the cereal box in my direction.

  I shook my head. I wasn’t hungry yet; I was still half asleep, and I was probably going to crawl back into bed after he left to get my sleep count up to ten or twelve hours, but I didn’t want to miss out on the few precious minutes I had with Jesse before he left.

  He sat at the table next to me instead of across from me.

  “So what are your plans for the next two weeks?” he asked, shoving a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth as his knee came to a rest against mine.