“What then?”
“I want to come back for you.”
“What? But I won’t be here in a billion years!”
“Oh, Daisy you will. Don’t forget, you are made of bits and pieces of the universe. Your very soul, Daisy, is made of stardust. You have always been here and what you are will still be here. But I won’t wait a billion years for my return.”
A humungous sensation, a feeling as big as a galaxy sweeps through me. “I’ll be part of that.”
“Daisy, what did you dream of last night?”
“Dream?”
“Yes, you dreamt, I know you did.”
I’m surprised at his insistent tone; he must have somehow eavesdropped again. “Well, I dreamt about the stars, actually.”
Quark nods, as though this comes as no surprise.
“It was incredibly vivid; like a ‘highlights’ tour of the universe. I saw the birth of stars; I saw strange worlds and extraordinary alien life. I saw planets, asteroids, moons and comets.” Once I start my description, I can’t stop. “Volcanoes the size of our moon. Planets with a dozen suns and others that were entirely made of water.” I couldn’t help it, the dream had been so real and my enthusiasm was gushing. “It was like the ultimate Grand Tour! And all so clear and … well, real — profound almost. It was like I lived it. As though I really experienced these things; it felt like a gift of some sort.”
“A parting gift,” Quark whispers, but I barely hear him.
“And at the end, just as I was waking, I saw I smiling old lady, with soft grey-green eyes and a full head of wavy white hair. I think she was me — irrevocably changed by time. Maybe a future me, or a version of me, anyway, with my mind expanded to encompass limitless possibilities. ‘See you again soon,’ she said.” I feel bit silly talking about the dream like this, but can’t hold back. “The vision of the little old lady faded and left behind an ancient, tarnished stone, with the date blurred, but still just legible. As I woke up, here in the reality of my head, in my own bedroom, I realised that if I lived to the date on that stone, I’d be ninety-six.”
The smile on my face in the mirror even reaches my eyes as Quark stares deeply into me. “A good life. A long life. And a great time to start a new adventure … if I read your dream correctly, that is.” And this time, I do hear him.
“What does that mean?”
“I feel such a close connection to you. I do not want that to end. You are correct — I cannot make you become. I do not want to lose the who of who you are.”
For once, Quark renders me speechless!
“I will leave you, but I’ll leave you knowing that I will see you again. One day, your molecules, your atoms, the essence of the being who is currently Daisy Jacobs will … travel with me.”
“What?!”
“I gave you the dream, Daisy. Like your TV show trick. I used the connection between us to show you what could be — in the, for you, distant future. We will wander from galaxy to galaxy — with strictly low-level becoming, just observing, experiencing life, not taking it. First you will live your life — your long and I am sure, happy life. Then we will set off on our adventures. And Daisy Jacobs will see the universe.
“I have learned a lot from you, Daisy,” Quark continues. “I learned to be ‘I’; to be alive. Not a mere entity. I will take some of your energy, some of your life-force with me.”
“Really?”
“You’ll still be you, in your entirety. But there will be an echo of you with me, wherever I go.”
“And then … I’m going to travel the universe?”
“Yes, but first you’ll grow and develop. And every atom will belong just to you. You’ll —”
“Stop!”
“What?”
“What did you just say?”
“Huh?”
“You were talking about growing and developing.”
“Yes, you are not ready. You are not mature.”
“I know that, I’m a teenager; still partly — sometimes, mainly — a child. But you say I’ve changed?”
“Yes, you are open-minded. Your mind is growing, like your body is growing.”
“Not quickly enough! Sometimes just I wish that my body would catch up with my mind.”
“You’re wishing your life away, Daisy,” Quark said in a perfect imitation of Mum’s voice.
“What? Was that a joke? Were you using my Mum —”
He smiles.
“See — you are learning too,” I say.
“Maybe.”
“And you say I’m changing?”
“Yes … ?”
“So, what’s another way of saying that?”
“I —”
“I’m growing — yes? I’m developing … ”
“Yes … ?”
“Quark, I’m becoming something more.”
“Yes?”
“Aagh! Quark, you don’t see it! Listen: I’m becoming.” I giggle. “Quark … “
“Yes, Daisy?”
“This is weird, but part of me wishes you could stick around. A very small part, admittedly.”
In the mirror, my face lights up and my mouth forms a huge grin. “Well, it’s funny you should say that …”
“But Quark! I thought you were going to leave me. To give me back my body.”
“And I will.”
“I’m sensing a ‘but’”.
“I cannot cope with your extraordinary life.”
“I wouldn’t say extraordinary.”
“It is and you are! You can cope with this chaos; with this life. And you held me at bay to save yourself — and save your planet. You have introduced the concepts of thought and observation, as well as the idea of self and of concern for others to a multi-billion year old, infinitely dense aggregation of matter. I’d call that quite an achievement: the very definition of extraordinary.”
“Well … thank you. And so … ”
“Can I observe you from your little room in your head, just for one day?”
“You’re going to stay?”
“For a single day. We change places and I get to see how it is really done. Teenage life, as lived by an expert. And this one day … I think this one day, and the energy you bring to it — if you give it your all, if you try to live your life to the fullest, to the very best you can — I think that will give me the boost I need to leave you.”
“And it’ll be just one a day?”
“I guarantee it.”
“No tricks?”
“Never! Your life is now yours.” He grins again, “this will be a scientific experiment under controlled conditions. I just want the chance to see how it is done. To see how you cope with family and friends and being bombarded by so many impulses and stimuli.”
“And then?”
“I’ll go. But I will come back — and not just for your atoms, but for you.”
“When?” I can’t help sounding anxious.
“Don’t worry, you will live your life. And a full life, I am sure.”
“So — why?”
“Wouldn’t you like to see more of the universe?”
“Yes, I think I’d like to be an astronaut, but —”
“Well, even if you do that, you won’t get further than Mars. Together, we can go much, much further.”
“And I’d be what?”
“You’d be Daisy. Or what was Daisy.”
“Mmm. ‘Essence of Daisy’.”
“Yes, that’s it; you’d retain the essence of who you were, who you are.”
“But in a smaller package.”
Quark smiles. “An even smaller package.”
“Are you casting aspersions on my height?”
“No! I wouldn’t dare insult my travelling companion!”
“When you leave … I’ll never be the same again.”
“Neither will I, Daisy Jacobs,” says Quark, “neither will I. And I can go now, I can leave yo
u, knowing I’ll see you again very soon. But meanwhile —”
“I get to live my life, knowing that each day that passes —”
“— will advance you toward your destiny.”
“We are all a part of that, aren’t we? All of us entwined —”
“— in the weave and weft of destiny. We are just —”
“— strands in the tapestry of stars that makes up the universe,” I continue.
“But once your thread on Earth is cut, I know that —”
“— there’ll be more to come. My ongoing existence will help to weave infinite new strands into that glorious tapestry.”
“So?” Quark says, my eyebrow quirking in the mirror as he looks back at my reflection for perhaps the last time. “Are you ready?”
“You promise?” If I had lungs of my own, I’d be breathless after that mind-meld or whatever it was. The link between us has been clear since the beginning, but with both ends of the link open, he really is me and I can see into the stars and beyond. I see forever through him! We stand together, one body, one mind, both occupying the exact same space in the universe.
My head nods and through the windows of my eyes, I can see there is a big, full, Daisy-like grin on my lips; I look — almost — like myself. “Yes, I promise I will not interfere; I will only observe. You can trust me.”
“And then … then you’ll return.”
“I will. But not before you have had your time. All of your time. Don’t forget, Daisy, your future — short and long term — is central to my plans. It is high time I had a travelling companion to share with me the infinite wonders of the universe. I will see you soon, but from your perspective, you will have lived a long life.”
“And you won’t interfere? You’ll just let me live my life? And you’ll show just a little self-control?”
“Please — just show me how to do it.”
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
Tears flow freely down my cheeks — but who knows from whom they came. A multi-billion-year old heap of matter is not prone to sentimentality, after all.
“I will leave now,” I hear my voice say, faintly.
And I suddenly feel … lighter.
Chapter 59
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY
Amy!” Daisy Jacobs calls out to her friend. From this distance I see Amy Porter’s shoulders slump; but she stops and turns to look at Daisy. Then, in a matter of moments, I see the expression on her face change from near blankness, to surprise, to amazement as Daisy hurtles towards her and launches herself into Amy’s arms.
“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”
“Huh?” Amy frowns.
“I’ve been discombobulated for ages and ages. I’ve been a total artichoke, I know. But —“
“What did you say?” Amy interrupts.
“I’m back now, Amy. I’m me and I’m back.” Daisy hugs her bestie and each holds the forearms of the other as they dance around in what might be seen, in some circles, as an excessive show of emotional exuberance.
Amy giggles. “Flying slugs, Daisy! What happened to you — was it that bang on the head?”
“Kind of. I’ll tell you all about it another time. Maybe when we’re older, because I think we’ll both need a lot to drink for that story! But what matters is I’m here now and I love you and we have double Chemistry first thing! Yay!” Daisy lets go of Amy for a moment to punch both fists into the air and then pulls her back into a hug. And, finally, I understand what the big deal is with hugs.
My agreement with Daisy means my pass is ‘access all areas’. I’ve promised not to interfere, but I can utilise the full array of human senses, as well as the extra plug-ins I’ll leave for Daisy when I go. I feel Amy’s body in Daisy’s arms; I detect the delicate coconut fragrance of her cleanser and the raspberry and aloe of her shampoo; I hear the soft sigh uttered by both girls as they embrace properly for the first time in a month; I sense the release of oxytocin into Daisy’s bloodstream. All that’s true and I knew before — although I refused to truly feel them. But I realise that’s not what a hug is. A hug is warmth and — Look, this might not be science at its purest and most demonstrable, but Daisy’s right: I feel as though her heart has gone a bit squidgy and her head is utterly fuzzy!
“Hi.” The voice is deep and faintly husky. And that one syllable causes a similar reaction in Daisy’s body as did the physical contact with Amy.
She turns. “Hi, yourself.” I feel her lips form into a smile as she looks up at him and note how his pupils dilate as he looks down at her.
“You okay?”
“Mmm-huh.” She nods. “I’m just great, Connor.” She pauses and I nudge her, just a teeny bit. Not pushing, not interfering, just very gently encouraging. Daisy holds her hands out, palms down in a gentle ‘shushing’ movement that I know is aimed inwards, at me. She clears her throat. “Actually, I was hoping to run into you.”
“Yeah?” His head tilts as he stares deeply into my eyes — Daisy’s eyes, I mean. His cheeks are flushed and from half a metre away I sense the turbulence that being half a metre from Daisy Jacobs is causing in Connor Wheeler’s body chemistry. These two are a hormonal hotbed!
“Mmm-huh,” she mutters again. And then, in an instant, her heartbeat settles, her breathing moderates and her temperature returns to optimal. Calmness settles over her as though she’s donned invisible chain mail. Suddenly, there’s steeliness about her — a determination to get her own way. She’s serene. “I enjoyed our coffee the other day. Can we do it again — soon?”
“Yeah.” Connor’s flush increases. I can see he’s happy. He’s intrigued. Flattered. All of this is as readable on his face as if he were holding up cue cards. What’s more interesting is what’s radiating out from Daisy. It’s like she’s zapping him with pheromones and it’s chemical, sure, but it’s really even less tangible than that. It’s like he’s being charisma-ed!
This is the ‘easy’ target I saw when I arrived in this chaotic place! Daisy Jacobs: the vulnerable one. The puny alone-form in which I’d planned to seed the becoming of the entire planet. What was I thinking?!
Connor’s smiles. “Tonight?”
“Don’t push your luck, mister.” Daisy grins. “It’s a special occasion and I’m having dinner with my family.”
“Oh? What’s the occasion?”
“You don’t know?” Her surprise is feigned. She punches Connor lightly on the arm. “It’s Tuesday!” Why did she punch him? I want to ask her, but don’t dare interrupt when she’s in full flow. In any case, he doesn’t seem hurt by her assault; instead, he simply laughs.
“Tomorrow, though?” She suggests.
“Yeah. Sure. Great.” The tables have turned. I’m not sure how she did that, but he’s the flustered one now. Daisy’s the one who’s in the driving seat. This relationship thing, this courting stuff, it’s like a dance with one person leading and the other following and then there’s a change of beat and the partners continue but with roles reversed. That’s how it is with Daisy’s parents, I realise. Are all relationships like this? Or maybe just the one that work well? The true partnerships.
We arrive at the classroom. Connor and Daisy exchange another look, full of the meaning that feels a bit like the hug with Amy, only without the touching.
“Pop quiz,” says the chemistry teacher. I hear the groans from around the room even as my host lets out an exuberant “Yes!” and punches the air again. Really, this girl is simply fizzing with energy! I sense the release of yet more happy hormones from within the body of Daisy Jacobs. She actually wants a surprise test! She wants to be pushed to the limit. The challenge energises her. She thrives on the pressure these situations bring.
Daisy looks around the classroom as the questions appear on the whiteboard. Her eyes meet those of Ellie Watson and I lipread Daisy mouthing, “go for it,” at Ellie. Ellie nods and mimes rolling up her sleeves, which Daisy dovetails into a quick one-two of shadow-boxing. Ellie’s grin
meets Daisy’s.
As Daisy’s father would say, “Of all the gin joints in all the world, she walks into mine.” I had close to eight billion people to choose from to begin the take down of the planet, and this is the one I selected? Through Daisy’s eyes I look around the room and then out of the window at the copper beech swaying in the breeze and the brilliant blue sky with softly scudding clouds. Thank goodness! This omnishambles of a planet, with its confusion and its teeming masses, its beauty and its endearing chaos would have been rubble by now, had it not been for this particular collection of atoms. And what a mistake that would have been!
“A*! Well done, Daisy!”
“Sorry, Mrs Griffin?” Daisy’s taken aback by her head teacher’s effervescing enthusiasm.
“Dr Theobald came to me at break to give me the good news. You scored full marks in today’s test. Outstanding, Daisy. I’m so pleased for you. It’s great to have the real Daisy Jacobs back with us!” She beams at Daisy and continues down the corridor.
“Well, I’ll miss you, Quark,” Daisy says inwardly to me, “even if Mrs G won’t!”
I tinkle a laugh in imitation of the one I’d heard so many times.
“Oh, and Quark?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for the boost; I got 100%, not just top marks.” She pauses and grins. “I think you might have been worth at least a couple of marks!”
Luke blows a raspberry at Daisy.
Daisy looks sadly at her brother, then at her mum and dad. “Really, young people today.” She tuts and shakes her head. “So immature,” she continues, as she settles back into her chair at the dining table. Then she laughs, propels herself up and launches herself at her brother, who screams, leaps up from the table and races away. Daisy takes a shortcut, leaping over the back of the sofa and landing next to Luke, where she begins to tickle him.
“This, Quark, is how to relax at the end of the day,” she says in a voice only I can hear.
“By torturing your brother?”
“No, by being with your family, or your friends or loved one. By opening your heart and letting them in.”
“And not just trying to be the best all the time? Or worrying about what someone else thinks?”
Daisy Jacobs Saves the World Page 26