by Foster, Lily
I adjusted the boner that was now becoming painful before I answered, “I was afraid you’d regret it.”
“Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know, really. I was just afraid of hurting you. I didn’t want you to see me like you saw him…Henley…taking something you weren’t ready to give.”
“You’re nothing like him. I wouldn’t have regretted it.”
“I’m the one who was left with regret. You know how many times I thought about that night and imagined the alternate ending?”
“I was so mad at you, Jeremy. I was ready and I was mad that you wouldn’t…but then that next day, I remember feeling so…cherished. You said the sweetest things to me that night. You made me feel like I was special.”
“You were. You are.” I shifted her so that she was sitting across me, straddling my lap, moving slowly to make sure she was on board with this. “Carolyn, can I kiss you?”
It was all I could do not to press down right onto him. But I wanted to. I wanted him pressed right up against me, in me. I wanted his lips and his hands everywhere. I wanted him to fill my mouth, my sex. I wanted him to devour me.
Can I kiss you, he asks me? I’m sure I nodded repeatedly in my lust-induced fog.
He kissed the corner of my mouth, teasing, licking. His lips as full and soft as I remembered them. The sweet taste of the cannoli cream mixed with the wine leaving the most intoxicating taste on my lips. I needed more.
As his tongue swept gently into my mouth, I reached back and undid the clasp on my bra with one hand. Then both of my hands, seemingly with a will of their own, went to slowly pull my tank down to expose myself to him. My breasts felt heavy, achy with a need to be touched, kissed, sucked. His hands moved to my shoulders and he moved me back just slightly and then broke the kiss. He stared at my breasts, swallowing and then licking his lips. His heated gaze made my nipples pebble even tighter. Then he looked up to me. I knew what he was doing. He was looking for consent every step of the way. Protecting me. Making sure I was all right. Always taking care of me.
I didn’t take my eyes off his as I pushed my arms out of the straps and pushed the tank down around my waist as my discarded bra fell to the floor. Wanting him to know I was offering myself to him.
Jeremy’s mouth kissed mine again and then he lowered his head as his hands gently pressed my breasts together. His greedy mouth went from one nipple to the other, licking, nipping, sucking. My hands threaded through his hair, using the hold for leverage to push my body down. I couldn’t help moving, rocking against him for the friction I craved, that I needed. I could feel him large, thick, so hard, but the thin fabric was still too much between us. I moaned when his hand made contact, slipping between my belly and the waistband of my leggings, moving down and finally hitting me where I was begging him to. My lips locked onto Jeremy’s as my body responded of its own accord, rocking against his hand as he cupped me and then against his finger as he pushed inside of me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, I begged silently.
“Tell me what you want, Carolyn,” he whispered, urging me when I didn’t answer him right away, “Tell me.”
Breathy and desperate, I sighed as I said the words, “I need…I need—”
“I need you, Carolyn. I need to be inside you. That’s what I want. What do you want, baby, because once we do this,” he paused as he tweaked my clit with his fingers, making me cry out, “there’s no going back. I’m all in. Are you?”
“I want you. I want everything with you,” I breathed as I pushed his hand against me, riding his fingers and his hand, greedy for my release.
“Show me,” he gasped as he worked me until my sex clenched, my muscles tightening with my orgasm. “Sweet Carolyn, you’re so damn beautiful,” he murmured into my hair.
I slumped against him for a moment and breathed him in, my lips still hungry to kiss him, my tits still heavy in his hands. Wanting more, I stood and slowly hooked my fingers into the waistband, taking my leggings and panties down as I tugged. I swallowed as I stood bared to him, tentative but unashamed.
He stood as he took me in from head to toe, a look of pure reverence on his face. He moved closer and then two large, callused hands caressed my hips, slid over the globes of my ass and down the backs of my thighs before he grasped me there and lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I’m taking you to my bed. Is that all right?”
“Yes,” I answered, lowering my lips to his then and kissing him with everything I had.
We entered his darkened room. Before going to the bed, Jeremy wrapped one arm around my back to secure me, using his free hand to whip open the curtains. The moon shone off the snow, casting a faint glow throughout the room. “I want to see you,” he said as he laid me in the center of the bed.
He undressed, never taking his eyes off my body. I fisted my hands in the sheets to keep from touching myself. The sight of him standing there, his hard cock upright against his belly, left me as achy as I was before. When he took one hand and stroked himself slowly, I gave in and let one hand roam over my breasts and down between my legs. I was wet.
“Fuck,” he blew out on a breath. “You’re so gorgeous.” As he climbed over me, he reached with one hand for the nightstand drawer and then tossed a foil packet onto the bed next to us. He lowered himself over me, taking each of my hands in one of his as he gently pinned them above our heads. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I answered, nodding my head, my chest heaving. “Yes.”
He kissed my lips, kissed along my jaw, kissed down my neck and along my collarbone. He kissed down along one side of my ribcage, leaving me moaning with need when his warm breath whispered over my breasts. He skimmed kisses across my belly and then looked up to me briefly, waiting for consent that I gave him with my eager, lust-filled eyes, before plunging his tongue between my legs.
Never felt that before.
Oh.
Dear.
Now I knew what all the fuss was about.
Kisses and nips along my inner thighs then. And kisses back up over my belly, my breasts, my nipples and my mouth. The idea that I was tasting myself on his lips made me hotter, more wetness pooling between my legs. Again…fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, I begged silently.
“Are you ready, my sweet Carolyn?” he asked me.
“Yes.”
“You sure you want this?” he repeated, his jaw clenched with the effort of holding back.
“Please,” I begged, my body writhing beneath his.
He kissed me once more, so tenderly, before he kneeled up to put on the condom. “I’m on the pill, Jeremy.”
He continued rolling it down over himself. “I know,” he said, his face pained, “but I need to protect you.”
If what he said had registered at that moment, it might have ruined it for me. But I was blissful and oblivious and just wanting him so very badly.
So goddamn tight. So slick and wet. Gripping me every time I moved into her body.
She flinched when I entered her the first time and I stilled, never wanting to be a man who hurt her. “No,” she urged me, gently digging her heels into my ass. “It’s good, Jeremy.”
“So good, Carolyn. So good, baby,” I panted. Words that were so simple, when really, I was overcome with the feeling of being inside of this woman. Being this close to her. Nothing could ever be as good as this. I love you, I love, I love you, I wanted to shout out with every thrust. But I didn’t.
I moved…pushed further into her, as I sucked, licked and kissed any inch I could claim with my mouth.
Heaven.
“Why did you say you had to protect me?”
“Hmm?” I hummed into her hair, lazy and sated and just so, so good after the best sex of my life. This girl. So beautiful. Her sexy little whimpers, the way she moved her body, the way she said my name, Jeremy. Me—like I was someone special and beloved.
“I mean, I get it. I’m all for being extra careful,” she said as she drew lazy circles onto my back, dragging he
r nails lightly across my skin. It felt so fucking good. “It’s not like I want to be a mom right now or anything,” she went on.
Shit. I did not want to have this conversation. No, I wanted just me and Carolyn in this room—nothing ugly, nothing stupid that I had done. But she had to know. So I raised my head. “Hear me out, ok?”
“All right,” she answered, her voice suddenly hesitant and wary.
“I was drunk and I had sex without protection. Recently.”
“Oh,” was all she said back.
“I’ve never done that before.”
“With Kenzie,” she said, her voice flat.
I rolled over onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I clasped her hand in mine. “I don’t want to bring all that into this room with us. I’m telling you…it meant nothing and I know that makes me sound like a shit. I was a shit to her.” A moment passed. “Say something, Carolyn,” I pled.
“I feel such hateful jealousy towards her, you know? I hate that there was someone else. And I know that’s ridiculous for me of all people to say.”
I rolled towards her and leaned in over her body. “I told you this already, but for the longest time there was no one and…I never saw her as special to me in any way. There never has been anyone else. There’s no one but you.”
“Are you certain? It’s completely over between you and Kenzie?” There was no anger or accusation in her voice when she quietly pressed, “Just tell me.”
“One hundred percent over.”
“Okay,” she whispered. And to show me it really was okay, Carolyn laced her fingers with mine, lifted my hand up and kissed it tenderly.
“I meant what I said. I’m all in.”
“I know. No turning back. I am too,” she said as she rolled up and over, straddling me and draping her body over mine.
She felt so unbelievably good. I felt as if my heart would burst. I ran my hands over her back, her ass and back up again, cradling her close to me. “No one else. I’m yours, Carolyn. Always was, always will be.”
She raised her head slightly and looked down upon me, smiling tenderly. “I never stopped loving you. Never, Jeremy.”
“Are you happy now? Right now, Carolyn, are you happy?”
She punctuated each whispered word with kisses to my chest, neck, jaw and finally, my lips. “So…so…happy…happy…happy.”
Jeremy walked in with two steaming mugs. “Rise and shine, sweetness. The power’s back on, snow’s stopped falling and the trails are open. Don’t think I’m gonna let you off the hook or anything.”
I wasn’t asleep, just pretending to be. I’d been listening to him putter around as I lie in bed, praying with everything I had that there would be no morning-after awkwardness between us. I pulled the covers down slowly over my face to see him standing at the foot of the bed, his smile infectious, stretching from ear to ear.
“Good morning,” I murmured, unable to contain my own smile.
I yawned then and stretched my arms overhead, not realizing that the sheet was no longer covering me.
He wasn’t smiling anymore. “Don’t move,” he commanded, setting the mugs down on top of the nightstand. He shook his head. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked as his hands moved slowly to trace the outline of the sides of my breasts. Then he cupped them, gently running his thumbs over my hardened nipples.
I wanted him again. I shifted my thighs, rubbing them against one another, seeking some friction, some relief. “Good morning,” I murmured again.
“Love these,” he murmured as he lowered his lips to my breasts.
“You’re a boob man, huh?”
I said it in a lighthearted way but the comment only came to mind because, deep down, I was still jealous of that chick.
“I’m a boob man for Carolyn Harris’s boobs.” In between the kisses and licks he laid on each nipple, he reached his hands down and cupped my ass. “I’m an ass man for Carolyn’s ass.” He moved down the bed then and lifted one of my legs, tracing his fingers down to my foot. “I’ve even got a foot fetish for Carolyn Harris’s feet,” he said before popping my big toe into his mouth and sucking. I groaned. “But this,” he said, moving back up, “this is my heaven.” His mouth went right to my wet center, tongue delving in, lips sucking on my most sensitive places.
I writhed, gripping the loosened sheets in my fists. I didn’t know what to do with the sensation. It was overwhelming. He gripped my hips to still me as he worked me over, relentless. I wanted to grab the back of his head and press his face even closer into me but I wasn’t sure if that was wrong. I rocked my hips instead and once I started, I really couldn’t stop. My hands moved up to grasp my hair at the roots. I felt, I felt…I felt too much. He hummed against my flesh, “Let go, baby,” as he snaked two fingers inside of me. In between nips and kisses he whispered, “I can feel you, Carolyn. You feel that? So fucking good.”
I could feel it. I could feel my insides pulsing against his fingers, every nerve ending humming, tingling. As I came back down, my fingers twisted in his hair. He looked up to me with a satisfied, cocky smirk.
“You’re pretty good at that, huh?” I teased lazily.
“You seem to think so.”
I nodded, feeling so close to him in that moment that a sensation of warmth blanketed my chest, spreading all over my body.
I rose to my knees, completely exposing my nudity to him. “Now you. Let’s trade places.”
“You don’t have to, Carolyn,” but he did ease back down onto the bed, so I’m guessing, yeah, he wanted this.
I looked down at him as I sat up on my knees, settled between his thighs on the bed. “Yes, I do. I want to,” I said as I lowered his sweats. The waistband caught on his stiff erection. As I tugged, he literally sprang free. Long and hard, silken skin covering his shaft. I lowered my head to him and moved my hair over one shoulder so that I could concentrate on the task at hand. I didn’t feel that confident but, really, how hard could this be? From the little I knew about sex, I knew that just looking at a guy could get them excited.
Just me kissing the tip had Jeremy moaning, “Holy fuck.” So I went with it, licking and sucking, but never taking him too deep. He was watching me, I could feel his eyes on me. After a few minutes he took my shoulders and gently guided me back up.
“No good?”
He shook his head. “So good…but I want in.”
I moved up more and straddled him, lowering myself to grind back and forth along his cock. It felt so good.
He grasped my hips, moving me back and forth, his head thrust back. I wanted so much for him glide into me, to fuck me, skin on skin. I moved up so the head of his cock lined up with my opening. He held my hips tight in his grasp then, stilling my movement. “Grab one. That drawer,” he said, tipping his chin towards the nightstand.
He was right—I knew that. I ripped a condom off the strip and once I had it out, I fumbled trying to roll it down over his shaft. His hands covered mine, trembling too as he helped me to finish the job. “Inside of you, Carolyn. I always want to be inside of you.”
I raised myself up a bit and held him, guiding him into me. I felt powerful in this position and sexy. I liked the feel of my breasts bouncing gently as I moved up and down, taking him in over and over again. I loved hearing him moan, his head thrown back in ecstasy, knowing I was doing this—I was making it good for him. And watching him come down from it—his heavy breaths slowing, his lips curving into a smile, shaking his head just slightly. “You’re killing me, baby.”
He pulled me down to him, hugging my chest close to his, part of him still inside of me. “I love you, Carolyn.”
“This is real then? You and me?” I couldn’t look at him. All of a sudden I was nervous, afraid this would all change once we were back in Westerly.
Jeremy lifted my chin so we were face to face. “Hey, listen carefully. I’ll tell you how I want this to go, ok?” I nodded, needing to hear the words. “I want to be your boyfriend.” He smiled for a mom
ent and then the lighthearted air was gone and he was serious again. “I want you to be my girl. Every day, Carolyn, I want to call you whenever something funny happens, or something crappy happens, or when I’m thinking about you and just want to tell you. I want you to sneak over to my place after your Saturday night shift and climb into bed with me so I can wrap my arms around you. I want you to come with me when I hang out with my Grandpa and I want to sit with your family and have dinner on Sunday nights like I used to.”
“I want all of that too. I want you, Jeremy.”
“You’ve got me.”
“You got this? You sure?”
Carolyn rolled her eyes. “I’ve been driving around for the past two years without your help. Yes, I’ve got this.”
It had taken us over half an hour to clear the snow from her car and to clear the ice from her windshield. Now she was sitting in the driver’s seat, rubbing her hands together, looking impatient.
“I mean the roads look decent but I’m sure there are still some slick spots. Is your phone fully charged?” She ignored me, busying herself by adjusting her mirrors. “I’ll be right behind you.”
She shot me a look. “You’re following me home? Uh…no. It’s Monday, you have to be at work.”
“I told them I’ll be on site late today.”
“So you’re going to follow me all the way home and then turn around and drive back up to New Haven? Why?”
“I just want to make sure you get back safe.”
Carolyn’s teasing smile turned into a frown. “You can’t do this.”
“What?”
“You can’t follow me, protect me, make…make me feel like I can’t do things without help.”
I took in her words and her disappointed expression. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Maybe it is.” Carolyn gripped the steering wheel, avoiding my eyes. “I don’t want this if you’re in it to take care of me, or fix me, or to make me better.”