by Lauren Dane
“I’ll talk to you later. I know you’re busy, and Todd is here . . . Yes, do you really think he’d leave me alone right now?” She laughed and he smiled as he moved to her front door. “Love you too.”
He was letting Ben in as she walked out from her bedroom into the main room.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Ben said, moving straight to her to give her a hug. “I know you’re pissed I sent Todd your way, but suck it up. We like taking care of you so you’re going to have to deal with it.”
She let Ben hug her, even as she made that little snorting sound. It made Todd smile.
Ben kissed her forehead and stood back. “Here.” He dropped keys into her hand. “All delivered. I can call Cope to get him to pick me up, or even cab it. I’m not too far.”
“Shut up and stay,” Erin said to Ben, touching Todd’s belly as she passed on her way out to the balcony.
“Guess you’re staying or she’ll kick your ass,” Todd said in an undertone.
Ben looked at him, serious for long moments. “Are you sure?”
“Do you want to be here?”
Ben nodded. “Yes.”
“So be here.”
Ben took his hand. Something passed between them and Todd sensed the immensity of it.
“She needs you. I need you. You’re still my best friend. That hasn’t changed, has it?”
Ben shook his head.
“I know you love her. I know you two have a relationship. But I love you, man, and I feel very deeply for Erin. My instinct just now was to kiss her on the lips. I want to be really clear.”
Todd stepped to him and put his arm around Ben’s waist. “Be here with us both. Be what she needs. She’ll tell you if it’s too much. I’ll tell you if it’s too much. But I don’t want you to be half a person with us. I don’t know what this means, but can it hurt to just let things go wherever they’re supposed to?”
The rich scent of a clove cigarette caught his senses. She stood on the balcony, her skirt swirling in the breeze, designer sunglasses on, smoking.
“There are times like right now when she looks like she stepped out of a magazine ad,” Ben murmured.
“It’s hot.”
Ben laughed and they went to her.
“I didn’t know you smoked, gorgeous,” Ben said as he took her free hand, kissing it.
“In times of stress. It’s an old habit.” She shrugged and Todd brushed the hair from her face.
“Seems like today’s gotta be a time of stress.”
“Yes, but not like you think. I’m not afraid this will happen to me. I mean, there was a time at the hospital . . . the smells, the sounds . . . I’ve been there and it wasn’t pretty. But I’m not there now. This isn’t about what happened before. Ella is my friend! I knew this guy was bad news. I convinced her to get a protection order and I paid for an attorney to go through the process with her and to help with the divvying up of their assets. They weren’t married, but they lived together. She hoped if she was more than fair, if she gave him their car and most of their belongings, he’d go away. I knew that wasn’t the reason he wouldn’t let go. When people stalk you, when they obsess on you, it’s not about fair. It’s about control. This asshole controlled her with fear and he got off on it.”
“She’s going to be all right.” Todd hated seeing Erin upset.
“Yes, on the outside. Thank god they never had kids.” She shivered, and this time it was Ben who wrapped her in his arms as he stood behind her. Todd watched, wondering why it didn’t bother him.
“Babe, it shouldn’t have happened. I can’t imagine hurting a woman that way. I hate like hell that you were involved in even an ancillary sense but I’m glad Ella has you as a friend.”
She took a drag off her cigarette and Ben brought it to his mouth and took one too. The sight took Todd’s breath away, so casual and yet sexy.
A phone rang inside and she sighed, easing from Ben’s arms. She brushed her mouth over Todd’s on her way past and both men watched her take the call.
A few moments later she hung up and turned to them. “Christ, when it rains.” She tossed her hands up in the air, frustrated. “Jeremy is in town. He’s at Adrian’s. I need to go over and sign some paperwork. Would you like to go too?” she asked Todd. “You might speak with him about the security stuff, so we can pretend you want to do that when you really just want to see him for yourself.” Erin fumbled through her stuff, sliding shoes on and smiling as she did it.
Todd laughed.
“You too, Ben, if you’d like,” she called over her shoulder as she got on her cell and began talking to Brody about something
“This is the ex? The one she had Adele with?” Ben asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Todd said.
“I’d like to take his measure.”
“And hear why he’s here so suddenly.” Todd didn’t like this little drop-in visit at all.
“You mind if I come?”
Todd turned to Ben and smirked. “Not at all.”
Erin stood there, the annoyance that Jeremy had shown up so randomly, after her phone call to him the day before about business stuff, flowing away. Instead, her body heated as she watched the sparks fly between Ben and Todd and had to stifle the need to go to them and lick them both from head to toe. Something had changed between the three of them, between each of them as well. She liked it even as it made her wary. She enjoyed the interplay between Ben and Todd. Always had. And now that the sexual charge had filtered to the surface, it made her nipples hard and her breath come short. Todd had accepted the connection, the more-than-friends connection, between him and Ben. She loved how he openly accepted affection, even as he’d yet to really initiate more than a kiss or a caress with Ben. When that moment came, and Erin was pretty sure it would, she’d need to back off and let it unfold.
Ben turned to her first, surprised she’d been watching, but then his smile hitched up a notch when he noted her nipples.
“Let’s go then. Get this over with so we can all relax.” Todd looked at them both and laughed.
She drove, not wanting to deal with having to give directions. Plus she wanted to be in control right then as so many things in her life felt so distinctly out of control.
She didn’t know why Jeremy had just shown up in Seattle, but she knew she didn’t want him showing up at her condo or the café. She’d told him about Todd in detail the last time they’d spoken, which was just the morning before. She’d mentioned Todd before, but yesterday she’d told Jeremy straight-out that they were very serious. Erin was pretty sure that’s what had brought Jeremy up there. She dreaded it from stem to stern. She didn’t want to hurt Jeremy and she didn’t want Todd to feel anxious.
“Todd, I love you. There’s no need to feel jealous over Jeremy. You know that, right?” she asked as she punched in the code on Adrian’s gate and waited for it to slide open.
“I know you do, honey. But I want to see this guy face-to-face. I want to see how he looks at you.”
She did understand he’d want that. It was why she’d just told him, and invited him to come along. Todd was possessive and all manly-man and she knew he’d want to meet Jeremy. Funny, she had no desire to meet Sheila, the dainty ex-wife. And Ben had put his hands all over Erin, and Todd seemed not only unfazed but totally turned on. Men were a puzzle. But Todd was hers and she liked it that way. In the end, it would be good for Jeremy to see she’d moved on so he could too.
“This is some place.” They got out and Ben glanced around the house and grounds that overlooked the water beyond.
She’d helped Adrian choose this house. He’d mainly given her the task of finding him a house in Seattle to keep her occupied and keep her mind off the nightmare her life had been. But the place had always given her a sense of peace. The entrance that faced the drive and the gates down the hill made up the back of the house. The front faced a bluff and Puget Sound. Big trees kept the lot cool and shady and flowering plants and bushes gave lots of color. Working in Adrian’s
garden gave her solace.
“I love it here. Our studio is downstairs; the control room has a wall of windows out to the sound.” Erin walked to the door and then let herself into the house with a bracing breath. Moved down the hall to where it opened into the main, open room.
Jeremy had been sitting on one of the deep club chairs looking out the windows. She’d often found herself in those very chairs as Adrian puttered around. She was far lazier than her brothers were, so she lounged and they puttered. It worked.
He unwound himself, standing with a smile she still found beautiful. Jeremy was a handsome man. Elegant really, with his expensive haircut and his non-shine buffed manicure. He knew how to make the perfect pancake and cup of coffee. And he’d been a stellar father.
“Erin, you look beautiful as always,” he said in that slightly East Coast drawl even years in LA couldn’t erase totally.
She smiled, hugging him. “I’m surprised you’re here. You didn’t mention it when I spoke to you yesterday.” She touched his arm and turned to Ben and Todd, standing there like contradictions to the man she’d just hugged. “This is Todd Keenan. He’s the man I’ve been telling you about. And our friend, Ben Copeland. He and Todd run the security firm that’ll be handling all my personal security for the shows I do.”
Todd stepped forward, wearing a smile of a man who’d just been officially declared the winner, while still managing to look gracious. He shook Jeremy’s hand without a hard squeeze.
“Good to meet you, Jeremy. Erin speaks well of you.”
Ben followed with a handshake.
Adrian walked in before anything else was said and caught her eye with a what the fuck look of his own. He’d been surprised by Jeremy’s visit too, it seemed.
Time to just deal with it. “Jeremy, let’s take a walk.” Erin headed to the French doors leading outside and Jeremy followed. The rest stayed inside.
“You look sad today,” Jeremy said once they’d settled on a bench near the edge of the bluff the property sat on. “Is this guy making you sad?”
“No, not him. A friend was beaten severely by her ex. She’s in the hospital and I’ve only just come back from visiting her. Why are you here, Jeremy?”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
She didn’t look at Jeremy then. Instead she watched the water undulate, watched the boats, the seabirds, watched a ferry chug off toward Bremerton.
“Yes. I love him. I told you I was serious about him. You knew I’d move on. I know you will. That’s how life works.”
He sighed. “I miss you. I miss us. You never talked about me like you talk about him.”
She turned to him, taking his hand. “Don’t. I loved you very much. I still love you. I had the greatest joy in my life when we were together. We made a precious gift. But she was stolen and I lost part of myself. It’s over, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you then and it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you still. This guy is the real thing and I’m sorry if you’re hurt. I am, because I don’t want you to be hurt.”
Jeremy squeezed her hand and let go. “All right. I love you. I always will, and I’m sorry we lost each other after we lost Adele too. I wish I’d been better to you, given you what you needed. But you pulled into yourself like no one and nothing could touch you. God knows I tried. I failed.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked very sad.
“You didn’t fail. I just . . . I lost part of myself for a very long time. By the time I started to surface we’d fallen apart and I was different. I couldn’t love anyone anymore and I didn’t for four years. I failed. I failed her, I failed you. I failed a lot of people. But I’m working my way back to being human again. I’m happy. In love. It’s good.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Erin, you didn’t fail and I guess I didn’t either. It just wasn’t meant to be, I suppose. I want you to be happy and that you’re doing these shows just proves to me this guy is part of you coming back to live the life you were meant to. You were born to play live. I’m glad you’re doing it. I brought some contractual shit I need you to sign and then I’m going to go back home. I just had to know. I had to know if there was even a small chance for us. I can see now the truth of it.”
They hugged and she felt, for the first time in a very long time, that things were okay between them.
They went back inside and Erin tried not to smile at the way Ben scowled at Jeremy.
She signed papers and Jeremy gave her some forms showing the deposit of royalties into her account. She’d need to deal with her accountant now and she’d have to hire another part-time person to sub for Ella for the next several months at least. Erin had already assured Ella’s mother she’d pay her insurance contribution and not to worry.
There was no way Erin would simply leave Ella to sink or swim. Her music and songwriting made her very comfortable, and it wouldn’t hurt at all to continue to pay Ella a salary until she could come back. When she did come back, Erin wanted her on full-time so she could have days off.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll get you copies of all this stuff. It was good to see you.” He turned to Todd and Ben. “It was nice to meet you, Todd. Take care of her. I’ll have the security guy at the label contact you in a month or so.”
She hugged him.
“I’m just going to go now. See if I can’t get on the next flight back.”
“Stay, Jeremy. Don’t rush off on my account.” Erin didn’t want him to feel chased off or kicked out.
“I need to get back. This was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I have work to do back home. I need to call you soon anyway. I’ve received several offers I think you may be interested in.”
Adrian grabbed her wrist as she started to leave, to stay her. “I’ll walk you out, Jeremy.”
“Come on, you guys want to see the studio?” she asked Ben and Todd. Ben’s eyes lit up as he nodded.
She led them down the spiral staircase and through the doors into what she considered the heart of the house. She’d slept on the couch in the corner more times than she could count.
“Is everything all right?” Todd asked quietly.
“Yeah. It was hard for him, but he needed to see it. He’ll be all right.”
“This is amazing!” Ben looked around.
“It is, isn’t it? We’ve done the last two CDs here. There’s some postproduction stuff we’ve had to go down to LA to do a time or two, but I’d way rather record here. Once we recorded in New Orleans, which was awesome. But the studio was destroyed by Katrina. The new space is nice, I hear.”
“It’s not haunted though,” Adrian said as he joined them. “The old one was magical. I was down in the new space to do some work with Mia Long, it’s not the same. Ben, I don’t think we’ve officially met, although we’ve seen each other in passing.” Adrian offered a hand and Ben took it. “You two want to hear a track or two? Top secret and stuff?”
“No, it’s okay! They don’t need to.” Erin wasn’t sure why she was so nervous, but Todd and Ben were important to her.
“They want to.” Ben rolled his eyes. “We’d love to,” he said to Adrian, and Todd put his arm around her shoulders.
Todd listened to the tracks and fell for her all over again. Adrian did the singing—it was his CD after all—but she did backing vo cals. He recognized the lyrics, knowing she’d written them a few months back.
He hadn’t much liked the way Jeremy had looked at her, but he’d liked the way she’d looked back. Like a woman who cared about the guy but not at all the way she looked at Todd.
She blushed as she stood in his arms.
“This is amazing. This CD is going to fly off the shelves,” Ben said to Adrian. “And you, that’s some top-notch songwriting.” He had turned to Erin and she grinned.
“I totally agree. I can’t wait to hear this stuff live. The Gorge in the spring will be great,” Adrian said.
“Long as it doesn’t rain and shock me over and over. I hate that.” Adrian laughed, and Todd and Ben listened
as the siblings began to trade stories about touring and recording. Todd liked their connection. Brody’s connection to her was more paternal than brotherly. He had a way of taking her in hand that would have seemed dangerous coming from anyone else. But she and Adrian were friends as well as siblings.
Adrian had voiced his concerns to Todd some weeks before. Had laid it out that Erin needed stability and a man who loved her and would protect her while understanding she didn’t need managing. He saw Todd as a man who would protect her but worried that Todd would try to control her, even if it was done for her own good.
That sort of honesty was refreshing and Todd had reassured Adrian he respected Erin as a whole person and understood she’d never allow anyone to manage her anyway.
They’d reached a place Todd liked to think was that of friends, and he appreciated her connection to her family.
“Can you guys stay for dinner? Brody and Raven are going to swing by when he’s done with his last client.” Adrian led them back upstairs. “I’ve got salmon and steaks for the grill.”
“Yeah, that sounds good. Can you guys swing it?” She turned to Ben and Todd, who both nodded.
Todd took another step into her life, one more in a series that brought them closer each day. And Ben was there too, which meant something to him and Erin both, he knew.
26
They left Adrian’s well after midnight. Ben had enjoyed watching Erin with her brothers and her friend Raven. She was softer with them, less guarded. He liked that side of her. Raven freaked him out a little and he could tell Todd wasn’t a big fan either. She was free-spirited like Erin, but far more so. Brody was totally in love with her, that much was obvious, but Erin had explained that Raven just didn’t commit to people that way. She loved many men and women, but Brody would never have what he wanted from Raven, so they were close friends who had sex and left it at that.