by Erin Trejo
“Look at that, Ruger. He wants to know what we want from him,” I say as I lean down closely to Burgess, “I want a name. I want to know who the little fuck is and I will let you walk.”
“Liar! You’ll kill me anyway,” Burgess yells.
“I’m a man of my word, Burgess. You should know that. Now tell me before you lose the pinky. Jackin’ off wouldn’t be the same without it.”
“Fuck you!” Burgess yells. I twirl my knife around in front of his face before bringing down. Cutting through his pinky, the sound of the bone being sliced in half sends a rush of adrenaline through my body. Everything else in the room is still and silent. Even the cries from Burgess seem at a distance. I open my mouth and inhale deeply. The world ceases to exist in this moment. There’s only me. Not the real me, the monster me. The one that hides in the shadows. The one that lurks in the darkness ready to pounce at any second. The one that can kill without a second thought.
Before I realize what happened, Burgess has gone quiet. My focus comes back. The fucking pussy passed out, no doubt from the pain. I slap his face a few times before he regains conciseness. His head wobbles, his eyes slowly open.
“What’s wrong? Can’t handle a little pain?” I ask before spitting in his face. Burgess’s head bobs trying to keep himself awake.
“Tell me,” I say as nicely as I can. Burgess looks up and smiles. I toss the knife to the ground and bring my fist to his face. Blow after blow, I take out my anger on him. The thought of losing her. Another blow. The thought of never seeing her again. Blow. The thought of him hurting her. I can’t stop myself, not until Ruger yanks me away.
“You want a name or you just gonna kill him?” He asks, pulling me a few steps away from Burgess. I nod my head, take a breath and grab the knife off the floor.
“You’re right,” I say as I walk back toward him. I plunge the knife into his stomach over and over as he screams in pain.
“Give me a fuckin’ name!” I thunder as I plunge stab after stab into his worn-out body.
“Tell me!” Over and over, the blood flows when he finally screams.
“It’s Ratt!” He says, gasping for air. I reach forward, grabbing his hair in my hand. I tip his head back so that he can look me in the eyes.
“You lyin’ to me?” I ask him in a soft growl. Burgess shakes his head rapidly.
“No. He’s their brother. He wanted all of it. He knew if he could get rid of the girls it would be his. She’s not a cop. They were informants. Shitty ones at that. They were to report back to us. Ratt and I were going to frame the murder of their parents on them or so they thought. It was a distraction to get Ratt into the club. Make friends. Get backup when the time came. He knew if he had brothers in the club, they would help him out. That fucking girl, Monica. She’s my kid. I always knew it. I didn’t want her. I didn’t want her whore of a mother either. I just wanted the goddamn money!” I grab his hair and slowly bring the knife to his throat.
“You tried to kill me. You tried to kill her. You were in on it, huh?” I ask him as I watch the life pump out of him with each beat of his heart.
“Yeah. I was getting a percentage.” I nod my head once before I slide the blade across his throat. Closing my eyes like I normally do, I let the sensation work its way through my system.
“We have an advantage. Ratt doesn’t know you’re alive or here,” Ruger says breaking my moment. I open my eyes, cocking my head to the side to take him in. The death, the blood that has now covered my hands.
“I want him,” I say.
“Figured as much. We need to keep you hidden. See what we can figure out with him.” I shake my head.
“What the fuck for? He’s a piece of shit. Why do we need to wait it out?” I grumble as I toss the knife onto the table. As I storm toward the door ready and hell bent on kicking his little scrawny ass, Ruger steps in front of me. His eyes dance with evil. I realize in this second what I’m seeing. I see myself in his eyes.
Chapter 33
“We gotta be smart about this, Draven. You go out there, it could blow it all. If the pig says that Ratt is workin’ with the cops, there are more. Lia could be at risk.” Reality slams its fist into my stomach. He’s right. There could be more than just this prick.
“You’re right, brother. We need to find her. We need to find out where Hawk sent her.” Ruger shakes his head as he looks at me and says, “We didn’t keep tabs, Draven. We got them out and walked, man.” My heart rate picks up. They didn’t keep tabs on her? They didn’t see where the fuck they were sending her? Goddamn it! I grab Ruger by the cut, gritting my teeth as I lean into his face, “You better give me somethin’ to go on. I’m goin’ to find her and make sure she’s safe. Until I get my fuckin’ hands on Ratt, she’s my priority.” Ruger watches me for a long minute before he nods. Releasing the grip, I have on him, he steps back.
“Let me see where the fuck Ratt is. Stay here until I do,” Ruger says. I nod my head once but my heart is racing. I sent her away. I told Hawk to send her away and now she’s in more trouble than she was staying here. Ratt isn’t stupid. A bastard? Yeah, but he was smart enough to have a cover to get in here of all fucking places. In my home! The more I think about that the more I want blood. I glance back over at the pig dead in the chair and I wish I could kill him all over again. Instead I slide my phone out and dial James.
“Hey, Draven.” He answers after a few rings. I don’t like talking business on the phone. I don’t like talking business with my cop brother either.
“Got a problem I need to run past you.”
“That never sounds good. What’s going on?” He asks, sounding concerned about me. He always is.
“I got a cop, James. A cop on my compound.” James sighs into the phone before he says, “Don’t kill him, Draven,” I chuckle.
“A little late on that one,” I mumble.
“What the fuck does that mean? One? You said you had one. Is there more?”
“Kinda,” I grumble, sliding my hand over my face. I hear a string of curse words leave James’s mouth. I almost want to laugh. If the situation was different, I might.
“What’s going on, Draven?” Fuck! I don’t want to get James involved in this.
“Lia’s in trouble. I thought she was involved somehow with the shit that was goin’ on around here. I was wrong. Her brother is and before you ask, no, he isn’t dead. She was an informant but didn’t report shit back. She wasn’t given them shit. I’m handlin’ shit on my end. I need your help findin’ Lia. Hawk sent her and her sister outta here but didn’t keep up on where they were goin’.” I balance the phone on my shoulder, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. The blood staining my hands a menacing reminder of what I’ve done and what could happen to Lia if I don’t find her first. It’s a race against time. It’s a race against Ratt.
“If I put it out as an APB or a missing person, every cop around will have that information. I’m pretty sure that will get back to your guy. Fuck!” James roars into the phone. I smile a little knowing my brother cares that much about me.
“Don’t worry. If you think of anything, call me. I need to find out where this fucker is anyway. No one knows I’m alive. He was out on a run when I came home. I have the fuckin’ advantage there,” I tell him. My heart is still pounding in my chest. I’m on edge, filling with tension. I’m sure she hates me. I would hate me.
“What about the other cop? You need help with that?” I shake my head with a grin. Only James would offer to help me get rid of another cop’s body. That’s what brothers do.
“I got this. I’m not a hundred percent sure there is another one. Just know if they start annoucin’ an Office Burgess is missin’ you know shit,” I chuckle.
“Burgess? I hated that asshole anyway,” James laughs. We sit in an awkward silence for what seems like a long time.
“You care about her that much?” He asks, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, bro. I do. I don’t know how the fuck that happened but I do.
I just need to find her.” I admit to him. It’s strange admitting that to my brother. I’ve never been the type to tell him a lot about my personal life.
“Keep your phone on you. I’ll see what I can find out. I might be able to pull a few strings,” James says making me smile again. I don’t think I’ve fucking smiled this much in my life.
“Thanks, bro.”
Chapter 34
“Ratt’s on a run. We’ll figure this shit out before he gets back,” Hawk says as we walk back to the clubhouse. Once Ruger told him what was happening, he wanted to have church. The main players will be in there but the rest of them are out. We walk into the clubhouse and it’s far too silent. There isn’t more than a few club whores walking around. For some reason that makes my chest tighten even more. I want to see her. I want to see Lia walking around in here but that can never happen. I need to keep her safe but I also need to keep my distance.
“What we’re thinkin’ is bringin’ them back here when we find them. That way they have nonstop protection,” Smokey says as Hawk and I walk in. I shake my head instantly.
“She ain’t comin’ back here! What the fuck, Smokey!” I growl as the guys turn and look at me.
“Why the fuck not? She needs protected. You said that yourself,” Smokey says gesturing toward me. If he’s looking to get his ass kicked today, he picked the best fucking day of my life to get that accomplished.
“How about one, she thinks I’m dead and two, the motherfucker is one of us!” I roar. Crow shoves out of his chair and walks toward me, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder.
“We get that. That motherfucker isn’t one of us. He’s a fuckin’ rat. He’s an imposter. No way in fuck is he one of us,” He says, keeping his tone even. I look him in the eye before I remind him, “He’s gonna come back here. You think it’s smart to bring her back into this shit?” Crow looks away for a minute before he drops his head. His hand slowly follows before he says, “You’re right. We can’t bring her back here.”
“She can come back here. We need to get Ratt. We need to get him in the fuckin’ dungeon and we need to find those girls!” Hawk snaps, pulling our attention. We both glance over and I can tell right away that he’s pissed.
“Fine. Let’s find her. You know where Ratt is,” I say as I walk past Crow and sit at the table. The guys look around at each other before I ask, “What the fuck now?”
“Ratt never checked in. Thunder went down to see what’s goin’ on. As for the girls, I let them off at the goddamn bus station down south. No fuckin’ idea where they went after that,” Hawk announces as I huff.
“What the fuck! You can’t find Ratt and now you decide to tell me that? Get Mystic to fuckin’ find out what bus they got on!” I thunder loudly through the room. No one moves. No one blinks. They have me on edge and they know it. I’m about to explode. My body is tense and vibrating. My muscles ache from staying corded so tightly.
“Go get changed. We ride out in twenty. Ruger, call Mystic. Get him to text the information. Smokey, tell Gunny to clean up the fuckin’ dungeon,” Hawk says glancing around the room. I shove out of my chair, and head out. I need to find her. As much as I know I need to let her go, I can’t let her get hurt. It isn’t like me to care. It isn’t like me to chase a woman around either but she’s different. Fucking God help me, she is. She saw me. From that very first day. When our eyes locked with each other, I saw it. I saw the recognition in her. I didn’t want to. Not in the slightest but the more time I spent with that woman, the more of me she stole. She took pieces that belonged in the dark. She took parts that should have remained in hell and threw them into the fucking light.
I stomp up the steps and head inside, going straight to my room. I change quickly when I see a piece of paper on the night stand. I walk over and grab it, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Thanks for believing in me. See you later. ?? Lia
I wonder when she left this? It had to be the last night she stayed here. I crumble the paper in my hand before throwing it at the wall.
“What the fuck is happenin’ to me?” I ask myself. My world was in order or at least some resemblance of order. I knew who I was. I knew what I was supposed to do. Now I don’t know anything. I don’t know who the fuck I am. I don’t know where the hell I belong. And Lia? Where does she play into this life? She’s better than this. She’s better than me. I don’t deserve to have her. I don’t want her to be drug into my world. I just want her to be happy and safe. I want her to be the woman she deserves to be without the constant worry that someone is after her. Using her.
The more the thoughts run through my head, the angrier I become. I want that motherfucker to pay for hurting her. I want him to pay for trying to blame her. All the years she mourned her little brother, thinking he was dead and he was alive and working against her. The thought alone rips at a piece of my heart. How could he have done this to her? Why? What was the point of it? All for money? He would take money over his family? Fuck him! She doesn’t need him. She doesn’t need anyone.
“You have me, Lia. You don’t need that motherfucker. I’ll be your family,” I say as I look at the little note on the floor. I reach down and pick up the paper, carefully unfolding it before slipping it into my cut. Shoving off the bed, I have a new plan in mind. Get my girl and bring her home. A home where she’s cared about. A home where her family won’t fucking turn on her for money. A home where she’s safer than she ever has been.
“Yeah. You’re comin’ home, Lia.”
Chapter 35
The thought of Lia having a home with me doesn’t sit well. I’m not exactly sure what it is that’s bothering me but something’s there. I ride behind the guys, watching the trees as we whip past them. The air seems thicker the closer we get to the border. If they were smart they would have crossed over into Mexico. I can feel my phone vibrate in my pocket when I notice Hawk pulling off on the closest exit. I follow behind him, hoping like hell that this message is from Mystic and he has a direction for us to go. I don’t have a problem fucking up the bus station to get the information I want but it’s easier if he found it first.
The bikes come to a stop, all the engines going silent. I climb off mine and grab out my phone noting the message when I look up at Hawk. His eyes are already on mine. Fury boils inside of me as I swallow hard, trying to reign in my anger. I slide my phone back into my pocket and replace it with a cigarette.
“They never got on a bus,” Hawk says as he looks around at the guys. Ruger curses under his breath before Crow steps up next to me.
“So, that means they are local. They wouldn’t have gotten far on foot.” He announces. That’s the part that makes my stomach churn. The thought of them remining too close for comfort. The thought of them out there on their own. Anything could happen to them. Anything!
“I’m gonna go see what they know,” Smokey says nodding toward the bus station. I watch him walk away as I smoke my cigarette. I close my eyes and pray to god that they know something or saw something. At least give us a little something to go on.
“We’ll find her, brother,” Crow says, slapping a hand on my shoulder. I nod once. I know we will but in what fucking condition? Ratt’s missing in action. Who the fuck knows where that little prick is. He could have already found them. He could have already taken care of the business he had with the two of them. The more I think about that sick little fuck putting his hands anywhere near her, the more I want to snap his no good neck. His own sisters! How the hell could you do that to your own family? I get that my mom is a piece of shit but James? I could never fuck him over that way. I watch Smokey as he walks back toward us, shaking his head. This isn’t going to be good, I can feel it.
“Said a guy on a bike came in earlier askin’ the same thing. The girls were on foot. Guy didn’t know which way they went. Said they came in and sat for a while before they just got up and left.” I close my eyes once more. He has to have them. How would he have found them though? If he was using his ties to the
cops, James would have heard about it and let me know. Maybe they got far enough that he didn’t find them.
“We break into groups. Hit every hotel around here. They didn’t get far,” Hawk says causing me to open my eyes again. They are all focused on me. Waiting on me to say the words. To tell them to go for it. I give it to them. I nod once letting them know that we’re good to move. I flick my cigarette to the ground and walk back to my bike. My body is strung too tight. My muscles ache needing to take out the anger on someone. I rev up my bike as Crow motions to me to follow him. I nod and pull out.
We ride for a while. The other guys all split to go their ways. My heads a mess. My heart is even worse. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. It would have been easier to let her walk. Let her handle her life on her own. Why didn’t I? Why didn’t I walk like the bastard they all know me to be? I’ve never given a shit about a woman. I’ve never given a shit enough to chase one around either, not since Taby. And being honest with myself? I didn’t even chase her when she left. I let her absence harden me. I let it make me into a monster. But Lia saw through it. She saw through the façade that I put up for her to see. She didn’t look at me like I was a monster. She looked at me like the man I am. The one that’s hunting down the woman that stuck herself in the middle of my chest and made a mark there. We pull off at a hotel and park around back. No need in Ratt spotting us if he happens to roll past.
“You watch back here. I’m gonna head in,” Crow says. I nod once and light up another cigarette hoping that it will help ease some tension. I run my free hand down my face wishing this ache in my chest would ease, if only a little. I don’t like the feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. It makes me nauseous. I blow out a ring of smoke when I hear a gasp. I spin around quickly, grabbing my gun as I do, the cigarette still hanging between my lips. I’m ready to fire. I’m ready to shoot when her wide eyes stop me in my tracks.