“So, you’re a school counselor?”
“Vocational counselor.”
It makes sense that she’d be specific. Baxter employs therapists and psychologists and has a psychiatrist on call. Counselor, in terms of Baxter, could be anything. “How long have you been there?” Another question I already knew the answer to.
“June.”
She isn’t even looking at me. Did I offend her so much in high school that she can’t stand me? “People can change, you know.”
She jerks and looks at me. “What?”
“I said, people can change.”
Sadness flashes in her soft brown eyes and she puts what remains of her sandwich on the plate. “I know.”
I hope I didn’t take away her appetite “How’s your grandmother?” I remember her from when I was a kid. She made the best cookies and would bring them to school on party days.
Jenna faces me, a false smile on her lips if I ever saw one. “Fine. Just fine.”
With that, she grabs her plate, glass and the bottle and goes into the kitchen. Maybe it’s not worth trying to get to know her.
Five
Cole Harper is the last person I want or need to see tonight. And why the hell has he noticed me all of a sudden? I would have given my right arm for him to even talk to me during my freshman or sophomore year of high school, but I didn’t exist back then. He was always with the jocks, cheerleaders and the popular kids and I had the biggest fucking crush on him.
Now, I’m on his radar. I don’t have time for his shit and I’m not about to be another notch in his bedpost. A ride home. Ha! When hell freezes over. Besides, he’s been with so many girls he probably has an STD named after him.
Okay, that was unfair. He strikes me as smart enough to play it safe, though he probably buys condoms in bulk.
I giggle as I pour my third glass of wine. I really should slow down but truthfully, I want to get drunk. I’ve never really wanted to do that before, but tonight I don’t give a damn. It was a rough week at school. I’m not finding enough money for these kids to go to college. That damn fire drill completely screwed up my schedule. Nana is off the deep end and I’m not sure how to rescue her. And, now Cole Harper has set his eyes on me.
I probably should just go home.
“Hey, is everything all right?” Alexia asks as she comes in the kitchen.
Shit. I didn’t want to bring her down, or anyone for that matter. This is a party. Her party. “Everything’s just peachy.”
She studies me with concern. “What’s going on?”
I blow out a breath. “Something’s not right with my grandmother.”
Alexia frowns and her eyes fill with sympathy. “Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just tired.”
“We can go in back and talk.”
That’s the last thing I want. “No,” I insist. “Enjoy your party. I am.” I lift the bottle and pour more wine into the glass. “Who’s in the basement?”
“Brooke, Tara, Kian, Joey and I think Dylan.”
Perfect. Well, it’ll be as long as Cole doesn’t go down there. Brooke and Tara both work at the school with me. I’ve known Joey and Dylan since kindergarten.
The five of them are standing around the pool table, ready to start a game.
“Great!” Tara says.
“Even numbers.” Brooke grins.
“Girls against the guys,” Dylan announces. “And, I can so beat my date.”
I laugh. Dylan hasn’t called me that in ages.
“Date?” Brooke Preston asks with a mischievous grin. She’s in charge of the theatre department at Baxter.
“Yeah, ever since prom, Jenna and I have had an agreement that we’ll be the others date in any situation that requires one, which is basically each time a cousin gets married, if we’re not in a relationship already.”
“How many weddings have we been too?” I ask, setting my wine glass on the bar.
“Five,” he grinds out.
“So, you two dated in high school?” Tara asks with interest.
“No,” we say at the same time.
“We were good friends and when prom came around, neither one of us were dating anyone so we went together,” I explain. Dylan was probably my best friend in school, and still is.
“We had so much fun, that we continue to non-date.”
I’m having a good time getting to know some of the employees at Baxter better, but I really want to know where Jenna ran off too. When she didn’t come back from the kitchen I chugged my soda so I’d have an excuse to go in there. But, the kitchen’s empty. Then I hear laughter from the basement right before the music gets turned up. It’s “With You” by Chris Brown. I haven’t heard that in a while. I make my way toward the stairs and yell down. “Who’s in charge of music?”
“Joey,” Kian calls up. “He found the prom mix he made.”
This’ll be a flashback. Joey was on the prom committee and determined there’d be a perfect mix of fast and slow music. Particularly slow and presented it to the DJ with specific instructions.
I make my way down the stairs. So this is where Jenna disappeared to. She’s leaning over the pool table, taking aim with the cue. Damn, how the hell did I miss such a nice ass back then?
She sinks the shot and stands.
“What are you doing with a playlist?”
“Joey gave it to me when I got home, so I didn’t miss out,” he laughs. “This is the first time I’ve actually ever listened to it.”
Kian wasn’t able to finish school with us and missed prom.
Dylan grins as “You and Me” by Lifehouse begins to play. “Shall we?” He holds his hand out to Jenna.
She curtsies and then takes his hand.
Shit! I’d forgotten those two went to prom together. They were in our group. There’s even a picture of all of us in my stuff somewhere. It’s easy to forget Jenna was there though. She was always so quiet and the only person she really spoke to was Dylan.
Dylan’s always been a good friend, but he’s close to Jenna too, yet the three of us never did anything together. Well, except prom. Dylan straddled the world between geeks and jocks. Jenna and I stayed where we were comfortable, which was at opposite spectrums of what makes up high school society.
While everyone else picks up their drinks and starts chatting, Dylan is slow dancing with Jenna in the middle of the basement. At first I think they’re just talking until I realize he’s singing to her. Shit! Were they going out? Dylan would’ve mentioned it, wouldn’t he have? I asked if she was seeing anyone and he said no.
The two are laughing when the song ends and they break apart. Jenna turns and sobers the minute she looks at me.
What did I ever do to her? I may not have talked to her, but I was never a jerk either. We just traveled in separate worlds.
Jenna drains her glass of wine. I’m tempted to retrieve the bottle for her, but I want to watch her and Dylan too.
The oddest feeling has knotted in my gut. Like jealousy. I don’t even know her. I shouldn’t have any kind of feelings for her.
She finally laughs when Tara and Brooke belt out the lyrics from “Misery Business” by Paramore. Jenna doesn’t join them, but she’s kind of bouncing to the music.
Mag, who has something to do with fund raising at Baxter, joins us downstairs. Jenna grows serious again and goes up, whispering in Mag’s ear. She nods and the two start for the stairs. I have to step back so they can pass. Jenna doesn’t even look at me.
“Hey, Cole, get us some more beer,” Kian hollers to me.
I might as well since the person I came looking for left.
Six
I probably should’ve waited to call Mag or one of the other administrators tomorrow, after I determine just what needs to be done, but my gut tells me that I need to take time for Nana now. The sooner the better.
“What’s up?”
“I need to take Monday off, if at all possible.”
“Sure.” Her e
yes narrow with concern. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Do I have to give my reasons when I want a day off? Maybe I should have just called in sick, but that wouldn’t feel right. Maybe her question is because I haven’t asked for a day off, or taken a sick day since I started last June.
“You’re being weird tonight.”
“Huh?”
“Not so much weird.” She scrunches her face as if trying to think of the right word. “Something’s bugging you. You’re acting like you’re having fun, but you aren’t. What’s wrong?”
I quickly tell her what’s going on with Nana and my discoveries tonight. “I know she’s made me her Power of Attorney, when and if it’s ever necessary.”
“You think it’s become necessary?” Mag asks.
“I won’t know until I go to the bank, talk to the utility companies, and see what else she’s let go.”
“Take all the time you need. You do have seven days of vacation built up.”
I blink at her. “I do?”
She laughs. “Yes. All the employees get a day of vacation for each month worked, after the first one.” She pauses and seems to think. “No, eight. You started in June and this is the end of February.”
Thank goodness. I didn’t really want to use sick time or risk losing my job. “I’ll just take Monday right now and go from there.”
“Do what you have to do and let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks.” Part of me is relieved that I told someone and I’d have Monday to deal with this stuff. Another part of me is scared to death of what I’ll find once I start digging deeper into what Nana has or hasn’t been doing.
My wine glass is empty but I really don’t want anything else to drink. I have a slight buzz and I’m already emotional. If I drink any more. I’ll be that sloppy girl crying in the corner.
Mag returns downstairs and I head back into the kitchen to grab a water only to find Cole pulling three beers out of the fridge. Why is he everywhere I go?
“Pour you another glass of wine?”
“No, thank you.” I set my glass on the counter and go into the dining room. I’d rather return downstairs but I assume Cole’s taking the beers to the guys down there. I was having fun, or what fun I could, playing pool and dancing with Dylan, until Cole came down.
He’s a reminder of the less than happy days in high school when I wanted to be noticed by him so badly and he looked through me as if I wasn’t even there. It still hurts, but should I really judge him on how he behaved when he was fourteen or fifteen? I’d hate to be judged on who I was at that age. Geek, nerd, awkward, ugly. Thick glasses and a mouth full of metal. Ugh! They were the worst years of my life.
Except for Dylan. He was always there for me. Since kindergarten. It’s a shame I couldn’t have developed a crush on him. He’s my best friend. Always has been. There’s just never been anything even remotely resembling a romantic spark between us.
And, it wasn’t as if Cole was even mean. He just didn’t notice I was around, So how can I fault him when I was doing my best not to draw attention to myself? My freshman and sophomore years were probably the most painful of my life and Cole is the symbol of that time. It wasn’t until my junior year that I finally got some confidence and felt okay in my own skin. It helped that I got contacts and the braces came off, but I really have nobody to blame the painful early years on except myself.
Cole could have anyone he wanted with a crook of his finger, and I assumed he did. It was the same through college. Not that I witnessed it much. Just the few times I visited friends. He always left the party with a different girl on his arm and I quickly decided that I was thankful he never did notice me. And, what I didn’t witness was told to me by friends. Cole’s never been without a female at the end of the night.
Man whore!
The conversation between Jenna and Mag has sobered me emotionally. Jenna’s words send me on a flashback to my childhood. Dad had left the Army when his contract was up to take care of grandpa after grandma died. Mom still had time on her contract so Dad, me and my brothers, moved here and in with grandpa. I watched his decline and how dejected my dad was. I didn’t realize at first that Grandpa had Alzheimer’s.
My dad was a soldier, Army Strong. They didn’t cry. But, I caught him a few times when he thought he was alone. Sometimes it was just too hard for him and looking back, I’m surprised he didn’t cry more. I don’t think I could watch a parent go through that without completely breaking and I hope my dad never succumbs. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with it.
Now, Jenna’s experiencing it with her grandmother. She didn’t come out and say exactly what was wrong with the woman, but I know the symptoms. I saw it in Grandpa and I’ve seen it in patients at the nursing home. I’ve certainly transported enough of them back and forth to the hospital. Often confused and sometimes combative, and rarely making any sense. I wonder if their entire lives are a mass of confusion, not recognizing people or remembering how to do things. Is there any awareness that their forgetfulness is more than what everyone experiences? Is the functional person trapped inside, unable to get out, but aware of what’s happening around them or too them, and unable to coherently communicate? How fucking scary would that be?
And families, they’re helpless. As helpless as anyone can be because there is so little that can be done. You can visit them every day, bring pictures, talk to them, but there’s no guarantee a child, spouse or sibling will be remembered the next day. It’s painful to watch. It’s painful to live through. I’ll never forget the day that my grandpa looked at me without a spark of recognition. He had no idea who I was. He disappeared while his body continued to live on.
I hope Jenna’s grandmother has a mild form, or at the beginning stages, and that there are drugs that will work in slowing her illness. Regardless, Jenna has some very painful days ahead of her and I’m not about to let her go through them alone.
Jenna stops at the top of the stairs and calls down to Dylan. “Can you give me a lift home?”
“Why?” He yells up. More curious than upset.
“I need to go but I’ve had too much wine.”
“I’ve had too much beer.”
“Shit,” I hear her whisper to herself.
“I’ll drive you.”
She whips around and pierces me with a glare. “I’ll call a cab.”
“I’m sober.”
She arches an eyebrow and I glance at the clock.
“I’ve only had one beer and that was over an hour ago and I’ve been eating.”
“I don’t want to inconvenience you.” She fishes her phone out of her pocket. It’s lighting up and she answers. “Hey, Nana.”
I can hear a loud voice on the other end but I can’t understand her.
“Yes. Tomorrow. At ten.”
I do hear the goodbye, which Jenna returns and ends the call. “Why do you want to leave so early?”
“I have to be at work at seven.”
She nods and looks back at her phone, typing something in. She’s probably looking for the number of a cab company.
“Really, I can take you home.”
“Why do you even want to?”
“I’m a nice guy.”
She snorts and goes back whatever she’s doing on her phone.
Did the guys warn her about me? Is she judging me by what others have said? “Of all people, I never thought Jenna Ferguson would believe all those rotten rumors about me.”
This gets a reaction and her eyebrows shoot up. “There’s usually a lot of fact in rumors and I witnessed you in action enough times.”
“Really, you don’t think I’ve changed since high school?”
“You didn’t change in college.”
I pull back. “College?”
“I had friends at Mercy.” She smiles at me, as if she knows something I don’t, or that I can’t fool her. I’m not trying to. “When I visited them, I saw you at a few parties.”
&nb
sp; Jenna Ferguson attended some of the same parties I did in college? How the hell hadn’t I noticed her? “It’s not what you think.” Why am I defensive all of a sudden? I never cared what anyone thought before, but I sure as hell care what Jenna thinks for some crazy reason. “Let me give you a lift. I’ll be on my best behavior. I promise.”
She sighs and puts her phone away. “Fine.”
Seven
I can’t believe I’m sitting in Cole’s pickup and allowing him to drive me home. Actually, I’m surprised he even has a pickup truck. This thing may be as old as we are, but it’s in good condition. I just always assumed he drove a sleek sports car. All the better to pick up babes. Guess I was wrong.
Now, I’ll just have to figure out how to get my car tomorrow before I go see Nana.
I blow out a sigh. Nana! What am I going to do? Maybe it’s not as bad as I think. I mean, we’ve all let things go bad in the fridge, right? Hell, I’ve thrown out containers because I was afraid to open them. This isn’t a sign that anything is wrong with her.
But, the average person doesn’t throw away bills, convinced that they don’t need to pay them anymore.
Am I fooling myself about her mental state? In May I took her car away and it was horrible. I’ll never forget the day that Kian followed us home in his squad car. He didn’t give Nana a ticket but pointed out her tags were expired. Nana laughed it off. Her birthday was the next day and that got me wondering about her license. If that was up for renewal, we could take care of both in one day. Except, her license had expired two years earlier. I’m just glad she never had an accident.
Maybe if I would have visited more, spent time with her, I would have noticed. But, it never occurred to me that she wasn’t taking care of things, like getting her driver’s license renewed. Hell, most the time she was calling and reminding me to do things. Or, at least she used to. She hadn’t really done that in a couple of years. Why hadn’t I noticed? Have I been so caught up in my own life that I didn’t have time to notice something was wrong with the most important person in my life? What kind of granddaughter did that make me?
Shadows of Memories (Baxter Academy) Page 3