by Ellie Wade
“Uh, oh. What are we doing today?” I raise a brow.
“Fractions,” she grumbles. “It’s so stupid, too. When in my life am I ever going to have to know how to multiply a stupid fraction? Never.”
“Fractions come in handy with cooking and recipes,” I offer.
“I hate cooking. I’m just going to get fast food for dinner every night or pizza when I’m older. So, I’ll never need fractions.”
I sit down beside her. “Well, I’m not sure how much you’ll use them when you’re an adult, but you’ll definitely need to understand them for the next five years of school until you graduate, and more if you go to college.”
“I’m not going to college.”
“You might, Jez. You’re a smart girl. You have time to decide what you want to do when you’re older, but I can guarantee that the next five years will be a lot easier if you grasp these concepts now. Seventh-grade math is all about learning the fundamental skills that will help you in future math classes.”
“I’m stupid. I can’t do it, Alma.” She drops her forehead to the desk.
“You are anything but stupid, Jezebel. You are so smart, but your brain thinks in words and colors. You have an artist’s brain. You’re creative. Math is more analytical thinking. There are set steps, and once you understand the steps, you’ll get it. Plus, you know all of your multiplication facts and fact families. Right?”
“Yeah.” She sighs.
“Well, that’s basically all you need to know to multiply fractions. Here.” I open the dry erase marker on the table and start writing on the board in front of us. “Let me show you the tricks.” I shoot her a wink. “You’ll have this down in no time. I promise.”
Jezebel and I work on fraction multiplication until she has to go. She hugs me before she leaves, a beautiful smile present on her face.
“I knew you could do it,” I whisper as I hug her back. “See you tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Alma.”
“Have a great day, Jez. I’m so proud of you.”
She waves and runs out the doors to catch the bus.
Jen informs me of my next appointment. “Simon is a no-show.”
“Really?” I sigh. “That makes me worried. I better go call to make sure everything is okay. Ring down if he comes in late.”
“Will do.”
“Thanks, Jen.”
Just as I finish leaving a voicemail for Simon’s mother, Amos steps into my office.
“How’d it go?” I ask.
“Great. They’re giving us double what we thought they would.” He grins.
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not. The money is in the account. I input our banking info right there at the meeting, and they initiated the transfer.”
I jump up from my desk chair and run over to Amos. He wraps me in a hug. “That’s amazing, Amos. I don’t know how you pulled it off.”
“I told ya, I saved them a lot of money when I worked with the firm. They owed me. Plus, it’s a great write-off that will help them with their taxes this year. So, it’s a win-win.”
“That money will cover everything that Alivia took, pay for all of our legal fees dealing with her, and still leave a large sum to put toward the Lair. This is incredible, Amos.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty pleased.”
“Ecstatic more like.”
“Ah, you’re the best. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I rock back and forth, hugging him tight.
“It is my job,” he says.
Taking a step back, I stare up into his big brown eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“For running upstairs and leaving you alone after that moment and for not contacting you yesterday. I’m sure you were worried all day. I shouldn’t have made you go through that, and I’m sorry. I just needed…”
“Time,” he answers for me, complete understanding in his eyes. “I get it, Alma, and you have nothing to apologize for. It’s me who should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue like that. I’m sorry. Let’s just forget it happened and move on. Not a big deal.” His mouth tilts into a meek grin.
I shake my head. “It’s a big deal to me, and I can’t forget it.”
“Alma,” he pleads, dropping his head.
Lifting my arms, I cup his face with my hands. His expression is one of hesitant confusion. My heart hammers against the walls of my chest, and my mind works in overdrive as I try to calm my racing nerves. I pull in a fortifying breath and stand on my tiptoes. Eyes closed, my lips press against his. He’s still, his body tight and assessing, but his lips are soft and warm. I push down the impending panic and concentrate on this moment, this kiss, and this connection. Nothing else.
I focus on Amos. I lean against him, my hands splayed across his chest. The hurried rhythm of his heart plays a song of love and desire against my palms. Electricity jolts through my body, bringing me to life. When I block out the noise and live at this moment with these lips and this man, it’s perfection. Every cell in my body fills with an energy I haven’t felt in years. I want to cry and scream and cartwheel around my office all at once. I feared I’d never feel this—desire—again, but here it is.
I moan into his mouth as the kiss deepens. His tongue dances with mine as if he’s been waiting his entire life to do so. I grasp the base of his neck and pull him toward me, wanting to take the kiss deeper. I need more.
“Alma, Simon’s mom is on line three.” Jen’s voice sounds from the phone’s speaker, startling Amos and me. We jump apart, eyes wide.
I swallow hard. “Okay, tell her I’ll be with her in one minute,” I call out.
Pressing my hand to my mouth, I look at Amos.
His lips tilt up at the corners. “That should’ve been our first kiss,” he says with a satisfied smile. Words fail me as my heart continues to beat wildly in my chest. “Alma, will you go on a date with me tonight?”
I nod. Just once.
He steps toward me and wraps his pinky finger around mine before leaning down and kissing my forehead. “I’ll pick you up at seven,” he whispers against my skin, and then he walks out.
I head over to my desk, where Leo’s picture is staring up at me. Hysteria builds within, but I will it to stay down, deep where I can ignore it. I shake my hands out to my sides and rotate my head around in a circle, blowing out a long breath.
Picking up the receiver, I hit line three. “Hello, Ms. Fredericks. I’m so glad you called,” I say. I swivel my chair around so my back is to the desk.
I can’t look toward Leo right now because I don’t have the time to deal with the fall that will inevitably come.
14
Amos
The day at the Lair was jam-packed with appointments and activities as most Mondays are. I only saw Alma in passing and from a distance the rest of the day, but that was probably for the best. I know this is difficult for her. She’s still in love with Leo, and I can’t fault her for that. She’ll need time to process our relationship every step of the way. She’s never been one to leap into anything without thinking it through.
For me, I’m done deliberating because I’ve been thinking about what it’d be like to be with Alma for years, and it’s something I want, something I’ve always wanted. There was a moment when I thought I pushed too far, too fast, and lost my chance. But the kiss in Alma’s office proved the opposite.
It’s time.
A part of Alma will always love Leo, and that’s okay. She loves me, too. We’ve loved each other for twenty years, maybe not in the same way that she loved her husband, but it was a true and deep love nonetheless. The foundation has been laid. We’re already friends, partners, and family. I’m ready for more, and I think with time, she’ll realize that she is too.
I pull into Alma’s driveway and turn off the car. She pays a boy in her neighborhood to cut the grass in her front yard every Monday, and I’m pleased to see that he was a no-show today. There are dozens of round white dandelion flowers p
eppered across the grass. I pick a handful before stepping onto the front porch and ringing the doorbell.
This is new. I’ve always just walked right in. A nervous and excited energy takes over me. This is our first date. I’ve been out with Alma thousands of times but never like this.
Alma opens the door, a shy grin present on her gorgeous face. She’s wearing a light yellow sundress. Her skin has darkened a shade with the summer sun. She’s never been one to wear a lot of makeup because she’s never needed to. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She looks like a goddess with her golden dress, shiny long chestnut locks, and big brown eyes. Her full lips have a light layer of lip gloss that I’m dying to kiss off, but I don’t.
“Hi,” I say instead, a short, sweet, and simple greeting. No pressure.
“Hi.” She grins.
Lee-Anne stands a few feet behind with Love on her hip. They are both grinning wide. Love waves wildly.
“Hi, Love Dove,” I say to her and wave back.
“Hi, Cookie!”
“Mrs. Weber.” I nod, greeting Alma’s mom.
“Have fun, you two.” She smiles.
“Bye!” Alma waves before closing the door behind her.
“Why does it feel like we’re in high school and your mom is seeing us off?” I chuckle.
“Because she didn’t get the normal mother experiences back then, so she’s making up for it now.” Alma shakes her head.
I hold out the bouquet of dandelions in my hand. “For you.”
She presses a hand to her chest. “You brought me a bouquet of wishing wands?”
“It was a selfish move, really.” I raise a brow. “I was hoping to sneak in a wish for us.”
She nods with a small smile on her face and hands me a dandelion. She pulls another one from the group and holds it in her other hand. “Make a wish,” she says.
She closes her eyes to think of her wish. I stare right at mine. We both blow the tiny little seeds into the summer air.
I extend my hand, and her fingers slide through mine. It feels natural and right—a perfect fit. When we’ve reached the car, I open her door and close it once she’s seated. The drive to the restaurant is a short one. It’s a local fondue place where the meals are dipped in cheese and the desserts are dipped in chocolate—a dream come true for Alma. Another draw to the restaurant is the secluded seating. The restaurant is darker than most, and each round booth is set back into the wall, hidden from view. When seated, it feels like you’re the only ones at the restaurant. Given there’s going to be some deep conversations tonight, I thought it’d be perfect.
Alma extends her skewer with steamed broccoli and dips it into the creamy cheese pot in the center of the table. The flickering of candlelight dances against her skin, making her even more beautiful.
“This is amazing. I mean, a whole meal dipped in cheese.” She plops the cheese-covered vegetable into her mouth.
“Right?” I agree.
The dinner conversation is light, and more or less, normal. Alma and I talk about work, and Love, and Lee-Anne. If it weren’t for the kiss in her office earlier, this would feel like any other meal we’ve shared together over the years. Yet the vibrations from that kiss are still being felt. So, though sitting here with Alma is the same as always, it’s also vastly different. The air between us is buzzing with newness and excitement despite the fact that we’re both pretending it’s not.
When the server brings out the pot of melted chocolate and tray of cake squares and fruit for dipping, something changes. The dessert is a signal that the night is nearing a close. It’s a catalyst to the conversation that we need.
“We should talk,” Alma says. Her tone has morphed from casual dinner conversation to concern.
I nod. “Okay.”
“First, what is it that you want to happen here? Where do you see this going? What do you want?” she asks.
“You,” I respond simply. “In all the ways I can have you. I just want you.”
She stares at her plate as she stabs a piece of pound cake. “What if we don’t work out, Amos?”
“We will.”
She raises her doe eyes to meet mine. “But what if we don’t? I can’t lose you. I need you in my life, forever. I’d never risk our friendship.”
“I promise that you will always have me in your life. We’ve been inseparable for all these years. Nothing will change that.”
“You’re absolutely positive?” She chews on her bottom lip. “Because I cannot live my life without you in it. I need you. Love needs you. Romantic relationships don’t always work, Amos. As much as we may want it to. What if we fail and can’t get back to where we were as friends?”
I set my elbow on the table and hold my smallest finger out to Alma. She wraps her pinky around mine. “I am yours forever in whatever way I can have you. You will never lose me. Pinky promise.”
Our hands remain connected in the center of the table. I slide the rest of my fingers through hers. Hands clasped together, she nods. “Okay. There’s something else.” Her voice is barely a whisper now. “I still love him.” She shrugs, and tears fill her eyes. “I’ll always love him, and I know that’s not fair to you, but I can’t help it.”
I squeeze her hand in mine. “It’s okay. I understand. Of course you’ll always love him. There’s room in your heart to love us both.”
She moves her head from side to side, and a tear rolls down her cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to ever make you feel less than or second best, and I’m afraid I will without meaning to. You deserve so much. You deserve an epic love, Amos.” She looks down at the table. “I had an epic love.” She sighs. “It’s not fair of me to take that from you because I’ll never be able to give you that.”
“It’s okay. I know what I’m getting into, Alma.”
“When Leo died, a part of me did, too. I’m broken…I mean, you know. You’ve seen me. Surely, there’s someone whole who could give you everything that I can’t.”
“She wouldn’t be you.” I release her hand and scoot around the booth until I’m beside her. She twists to face me. “I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m not making you promise me forever. I’m just asking you to try. One date, one day at a time. Here, let’s try something. I need you to clear your mind. Don’t overthink anything. Just be here with me. Can you do that? Look at me.” I tilt her chin up. “It’s just you and me. Okay?”
She nods.
I cradle her jaw, drawing her lips to me, and kiss her softly. Her lips move against mine, and she sighs. I pull away. “What did you just feel?”
She licks her lips. “Good.”
“What else?”
“I felt…desire.”
“Okay.” I lean forward and plant a soft kiss on her collarbone. She releases a small gasp. My lips move up her neck, peppering kisses against her skin. She tilts her head to the side, allowing me access. “Does this feel good?” I whisper when I reach her lips.
She bobs her head in affirmation.
“There’s something here, Alma,” I say before kissing her lips. “I feel it, and you do, too. There’s never going to be a perfect time. There’s never going to be a moment when you don’t love him, so we can’t keep waiting for that. It’s been almost four years. Your heart is big enough to love us both, and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with anything as long as I have you. You say you’re broken, but to me, you’re perfect. You always have been.”
Dragging my thumb across her cheek, I wipe an errant tear. “Can we try?”
“Yeah,” she says quietly, chewing on the side of her lip.
“Yes?” I chuckle. “You’re sure?”
“I said yes.” She scoffs. “I’ll give you today.”
“And maybe tomorrow, too?”
“Okay, tomorrow too.” She circles her arms around my neck. “Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“I’m not scared,” I say.
“God, I am.” She laughs, and the sound is beautiful.
She swallows. “I know you will.”
I kiss her. It’s a short kiss, but it’s everything because she’s mine. She may not see it yet, but she’s mine forever.
Finally.
15
Alma
Amos takes my hand as we leave the fondue restaurant. I rub my stomach with my free hand. It hurts, it’s so full, but I might’ve been able to fit a few more bites in. The food was fantastic.
“So, where are we going?” I ask.
We stroll through Ann Arbor past many of the University of Michigan campus buildings. This place was Amos’s stomping ground for four years during his undergrad. I’m actually not too familiar with U of M’s campus. As close as it is to Eastern’s campus, where I went to college, I didn’t spend much time here. Amos always came to me.
“We’re just walking,” he says with a grin.
My hand in his feels nice, comfortable. Amos has always made me feel safe.
We veer off the sidewalk when we reach a small park. It’s quaint with a handful of old oak trees, some bushes, and a bench.
The sun is setting as Amos leads me across the grass. “I always passed this place on the way to econ sophomore year. Out of all the parks in Ann Arbor, it’s not usually a very populated one. It’s kind of tucked away from the busyness of campus,” Amos says.
We reach the back of the park, and he leads me around a huge old oak, the width of which is at least two of me standing shoulder to shoulder.
“I used to come here to read or study on nice days,” he continues. “There was always a couple back behind this tree kissing. Every day, a different pair. It was annoying at the time because leaning against the base of this tree would’ve been the perfect reading spot. Besides annoyance, I can’t deny that I felt a little jealous, and to be completely honest, I pictured you and me here, together. The thought was fleeting, and I pushed it away the moment it surfaced because you were taken and happy…but it was there—for a moment.” He pauses and steps toward me.