by Amy Clipston
“Tobias?”
Startled, he dropped the hammer with a clatter, and it bounced off the workbench before falling onto the floor beside his foot. He spun. Mariella was standing in the doorway.
Her cheeks flushed bright pink as she clapped one hand over her mouth. She was beautiful in her green dress, bright beneath her unbuttoned black coat.
“Hi.” He chuckled as he sank back onto the stool, facing her. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I’m so sorry.” She held up her hand. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
“It’s okay. I was lost in thought.”
“I shouldn’t have intruded, but I wanted to say good-bye before I left.” She started to back out of the doorway. “I’ll see you—”
“Don’t go.” He popped up. “You’re not intruding.” He stood and pulled the extra stool out from beneath the workbench and set it next to his. “Please sit.”
She wound one tie from her kapp around her finger as she stared at the stool, as if debating.
“Please,” he pleaded, holding his hands as if to pray. “Just for a minute?”
“Okay.” She crossed the shop and hopped up on the stool.
“Danki.” He turned toward her and leaned against the workbench. “Did you get a lot of sewing done?”
“Ya, we did.” She smoothed her hands over the skirt of her dress and then hugged her coat against her body. “We’re almost done with the dresses. And we started that new quilt.”
“What pattern is the quilt?”
“It’s a wedding ring with different shades of blue and purple. It’s a custom order for one of your mamm’s customers.”
“That’s great.”
She pointed toward the workbench. “What were you doing before I interrupted you?”
“Just cleaning up my mess.”
“Are you going to make more birdhouses?”
“No. At least not now.” He shook his head as he looked at the unfinished project sitting on the corner of the workspace, as if awaiting his attention. “I need to concentrate on the farm, not on my hobby.”
“It’s okay to have a hobby if doesn’t interfere with your work.”
He turned back to her and frowned. “This hobby always interfered with my work, and that caused problems with mei dat.”
Mariella studied him for a moment. “What’s really on your mind?”
He lifted his eyebrows, surprised by the question.
Her eyes widened as she once again held up her hand. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“You’re not prying. I was just wondering how you knew I had something on my mind.”
“You sort of wear your emotions.” She pointed to his face. “Your brow is furrowed like you’re trying to figure out a complicated puzzle.”
He blew out a deep breath of air and rubbed his chin. “You’re right. I am trying to figure out a complicated puzzle.”
“Can I help?”
“I don’t think so.” He ran one finger along the edge of the workbench. “I’m trying to figure out how I fit into my family now that I’m back.”
“That’s easy.” She leaned toward him. “You already fit. Your mamm and Ariana talked about you almost nonstop today. They’re so grateful God sent you home to them. You’re their sohn and bruder, and that’s what you need to be.”
“Danki, but I don’t think mei dat sees it that way.”
Her golden-blonde eyebrows drew together. “I don’t understand. Your dat seemed fine at lunch.”
“I can’t get him to really talk to me. He was silent while we worked out in the barn together today, except when we discussed what work we had to do.” He picked at a loose piece of wood. “He won’t really talk with me about anything meaningful.”
“Hasn’t he always been sort of reticent?”
He shrugged. “I suppose so. Except when I provoked him to anger or frustration the last few years.”
“I imagine he’ll open up to you when he’s ready to talk. Don’t you agree?”
“You’re probably right. Mamm said the same thing.” He smiled. “Danki for listening.”
“Anytime. That’s what freinden are for, right?”
“Ya, they are. I guess I should let you go before your parents worry about you.”
“I was on my way out. I just wanted to check on you before I left.”
She wanted to check on me? Before she said she just wanted to say good-bye. He paused, stunned by her thoughtfulness.
She held her hand out to him. “It was gut seeing you. Gut nacht.”
He took her hand and, as he shook it, he enjoyed the softness of her skin. “Let me walk you to your buggy.” He climbed off the stool, lifted the lantern, and kicked the hammer. “Ouch.” As he leaned down to get it, his gaze focused on the wall behind the workbench. Something that resembled scratches caught his eye.
“What is that?” he whispered.
Mariella bent down beside him. “Is something wrong?”
He crawled under the bench and held the lantern next to the wall. “I’ve never seen this before.” It was a carving. He ran his fingers over it as he took in what it said:
Tobias John Smucker 1971–1977
A chill slithered up his spine as he read his own name. But what did the dates mean? Who had carved this into the wall and why? Was this a relative? If so, why hadn’t Dat told him about a Tobias John who lived in the seventies?
“Do you see a notepad and pencil on the workbench?” he called.
He heard rustling, and then Mariella’s voice sounded above him. “Ya, I found them.”
“Would you please write this down?”
“Ya.” She bent down again.
He read the name and dates aloud and then climbed out from under the bench and stood.
“What does this mean?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.”
After saying good-bye to Mariella, Tobias headed into the house with the notepaper in this hand. His sister and mother had started supper preparations, and his father was at the kitchen table, looking over paperwork.
“Dat, was there another Tobias John Smucker?”
The kitchen fell silent for a beat as Dat looked up, gaping.
Ariana looked back and forth between their parents. “What is Tobias talking about?”
“How did you find out about him?” Mamm asked.
“His name is carved on the barn wall under my workbench.” Tobias set the piece of paper on the table and pointed to it. “Why does it say 1971 to 1977? Did he die when he was only six?” He looked up at his father, whose face had now clouded with a frown. “Am I named after him?”
Dat shook his head—not to answer Tobias’s question, but by the expression on his face, to signal he had no intention of answering it. He started for the mudroom. “I’ll be in the barn. Don’t wait supper on me.”
Before Tobias could stop him, Dat was gone, the back door clicking shut. Tobias turned to his mother. “What isn’t he telling me?”
Mamm sighed as she sank into a chair. “Sit.”
Tobias and Ariana exchanged confused expressions before sitting down across from her.
“What is Dat keeping from us?” Ariana asked.
Mamm rested her hands on the table and divided a look between them. “He’s not deliberately keeping anything from you. This is just too painful for him to discuss.”
Tobias’s stomach twisted as he waited for his mother’s explanation.
“You already know your dat was only ten years old when his dat died in a farming accident. He was the oldest, which meant he had to become the man of the haus.” She gestured toward the back door. “He had to be responsible for taking care of this very farm because his mamm had younger kinner to care for. That’s what it was like for him until she remarried when he was sixteen.”
“I know all that.” Tobias pointed to the piece of paper. “Who was Tobias John?”
“He was your dat’s bruder.” Mamm placed one finger
on the years. “Tobias died unexpectedly in 1977.”
Ariana gasped. “That’s so bedauerlich!”
“Ya.” Mamm paused to dab her eyes with a tissue from her apron. “He was healthy and froh one day, and then the next day he had passed away from meningitis. There was no sign he was even ill. Your mammi found him in his bed.”
She sniffed. “He died only a year after your daadi passed away, and it was crushing for the family. For a long time your mammi blamed herself for missing the symptoms of the illness, even though there were no symptoms. She always felt like she wasn’t a gut mamm because of that, but she was. She did the best she could, and she had her hands full with her other kinner—your onkel Titus and onkel Danny.”
Ariana blew out a loud puff of air and cupped her hand to her mouth as tears trailed down her face. Tobias swallowed against a swell in his throat.
“Your dat never forgot Tobias.” Mamm wiped her eyes.
“And I’m named after him.” Tobias nearly whispered.
“Ya, you are. When you were born, your dat wanted to name you in memory of his bruder.”
“What else did Dat tell you about Onkel Tobias? I don’t remember seeing a grave for him near Mammi’s,” Ariana said.
“Well, he had just turned six when he died,” Mamm began. “He was a sweet bu, and he loved to help out on the farm. He enjoyed taking care of the baby goats and the calves. And his grave is there, but the headstone is so small, I’m sure you kinner just never noticed it. And of course, we never pointed it out.
“In addition, the community understood how painful it was for the family to talk about him, so no one did. By this time, very few people remember him. Your onkels were too young to remember him, and they’ve never wanted to upset your dat by asking questions.”
As Mamm finished, Tobias slumped in his chair. Guilt flooded his soul. For years he’d disrespected and argued with his father, not appreciating how much weight he’d carried on his shoulders. Why hadn’t he acknowledged what a strong, intelligent man Dat had always been? He’d not only done all he could for Mamm and him and Ariana, but he kept his mother and brothers afloat, running the farm when he was only ten years old. How could he have even properly mourned his brother’s death with so much responsibility and a grieving mother?
He probably couldn’t. He was probably still trying.
And then a realization punched Tobias in the gut. This was why the farm meant so much to his father, why he had such a deep connection to it, and why it was so important that Tobias run it in the future. The farm had memories and a lineage Dat needed Tobias to protect and preserve. The farm was where his father had become a man and where his family had been born—and died.
And now it was Tobias’s turn to ensure the Smucker family farm carried that history into the future.
But am I worthy of such a legacy?
Chapter Five
Mariella shivered as she tied her horse to the fence at the top of the Smuckers’ driveway.
“Mari! Gude mariye!”
She turned to face the barn as Tobias walked toward her, smiling and waving. Her heart seemed to flip over in her chest as she took in his handsome face.
She hoped to have a chance to talk to him alone today. They’d spoken briefly at church, and she’d spent more time here helping Ariana with wedding tasks, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to really talk to him since he found the carving on the wall. Nearly three weeks had gone by.
She swallowed a groan. Tobias would never be interested in her, and she needed to stop entertaining the idea of ever being more than his friend.
“Gude mariye.” She fingered the hem of her short coat as he approached.
He jammed his thumb toward the house. “Are you looking for Ariana?”
“Ya. We’re going to finish up the wedding decorations today.”
“Oh. She and mei mamm went to the store, but they should be back soon. Come inside. I’ll make some kaffi, and we can talk while you wait for them.” He started toward the house.
She hesitated, biting her lip. Why hadn’t she called before she came over? She’d just assumed Ariana would be here since they discussed getting together today. On the other hand, here was the opportunity she’d been hoping for.
Tobias spun around, his eyebrows careening toward his straw hat. “Are you going to join me? I make the best kaffi in Lancaster County. At least, I think it’s the best.”
His smile was wide and genuine, but was he being this nice only because she was his sister’s best friend? No, she realized he now thought of her as his friend too. But only a friend.
His expression clouded as his eyebrows pinched together. “Did I say something wrong? I wasn’t trying to be prideful about my abilities with a percolator.”
She laughed. “I didn’t think you were prideful, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to make me kaffi.”
“It’s just kaffi. I don’t mind making it.”
“I don’t want to impose. I can sit in the kitchen and wait by myself.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Are we really arguing about kaffi?” He made a sweeping gesture toward the porch steps. “It’s freezing out here. Let’s have some kaffi and sweet rolls. Mamm made them this morning. I know I said mei mamm and schweschder will be back soon, but I’m not sure how soon.”
“Okay.” She followed him into the house. He got the percolator going and then found the container with the rolls. She gathered plates, knives, and butter before they sat down at the table.
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to you in a few weeks. How have you been?” he asked as he buttered a roll.
“Gut. We have the dresses ready for the wedding, and like I said, we’re going to finish up the decorations today. I can’t believe the wedding is next Thursday. That’s only six days away. I’m thrilled for Ariana and Jesse. They’re going to be so froh together.”
He raised an eyebrow as he pushed the top back onto the butter container. “I didn’t ask you about mei schweschder’s wedding. I asked how you are.”
“Oh.” She paused for a moment, absorbing the warmth in his dark eyes. “I’m fine. I’ve been busy working on a couple of quilts and helping mei schweschdere with a few sewing projects at home. We’ve decided to make a quilt for mei dat for Christmas, so we’ve been working on that for a couple of hours every morning after he leaves for work.”
“That’s nice. What does the quilt look like?” He lifted the roll and took a bite.
“It’s going to be really schee with a large blue-and-gray star in the center.” She gasped, realizing how prideful she sounded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to brag. I hope it will be schee.”
He grinned and shook his head. “If you’re making it, then it will be schee. I’ve seen a couple of the quilts you sold to the store in town.”
“You have?”
“Ya. Mei mamm showed them to me. You’re very talented, and that’s not prideful. It’s the truth.” He sipped his coffee as she digested his compliments.
“How have you been?” she asked before taking a sip from her mug.
“I’m doing all right.” He broke the remainder of his roll in half as he looked down at his plate. “I’ve gotten into the swing of doing the chores on the farm again.”
“How are things with your dat?”
He shrugged. “I guess they’re fine.”
She leaned forward and leveled her gaze with his. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He scowled and leaned back in his chair. “We’ve been working side by side on the farm for three weeks now, but he still hasn’t opened up to me.”
“Has he talked to you about what you found in the barn?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Did Ariana tell you the story about the onkel we didn’t even know existed?”
“She did.” Mariella frowned. “It’s so bedauerlich that he died when he was only six years old.”
“I know. Dat wouldn’t tell us what the carving meant, but mei mamm did. She said it
was too painful for him to discuss.” Tobias shoved his hand through his hair. “I had no idea I was named after an onkel. Why did Dat never tell me?”
“I suppose it was because it was too painful, like your mamm said.”
“I just want him to trust me and treat me like an adult now.” He stared down at his mug as he gripped it. “But I guess I don’t deserve that since I’ve been a terrible sohn. I was argumentative, disrespectful, and difficult. I don’t deserve his respect, but I’d do anything to earn it.” He released the mug and pushed it away, the liquid sloshing in protest.
“You will earn it. This is a new start for you and for your relationship with your family and your community.” Without considering the consequences, she reached out and placed her hand on top of his. She felt a spark like electricity jolting up her hand, sending heat shooting up her arm to her neck. The feeling made her swallow a gasp.
His intense eyes locked with hers, and a moment passed as they stared at each other. Had he felt that spark too? Was it possible he did care about her as more than a friend? No, she had to be imagining this. The years she’d spent longing for him to notice her had clouded her judgment.
After a moment, she pulled her hand away and cleared her throat, but neither of them broke eye contact.
“Your family loves you, Tobias,” she began softly, hoping to calm the tremor in her voice. “Your dat will see how committed you are to the farm and the community now, but you may have to be the one to initiate an open and honest conversation. Tell him how you feel and see how he responds.”
“I think you’re right. I do need to try to talk to him and see what he says.” He dropped his eyes and then took a long draw from his mug before getting to his feet. “Would you like more kaffi?”
“No, but danki.” She bit into her roll.
As he brought the percolator to the table, they heard the back door open and close.
“Mariella!” Ariana exclaimed when she entered the kitchen. She dropped two large bags on the counter. “You have to see the ribbons I got for the table decorations. They’re so schee! They’re the same shade of purple as our dresses.” She began pulling ribbon and tulle out of one of the bags as Roseanne set another bag on the table.