by Sudha Murty
But he realized that Shrimati was an exceptional woman. She cared so much for her husband and respected his work that she never created any problem that would affect his career. He thought she was like the lady who carries a torch and removes all the obstacles on the road to success for her husband.
Shrikant had taken her for granted. He had a rare diamond in his hand but he was searching for a worthless glass of achievement.
TWENTY
Dear Shrimati,
Sorry for not having replied to your earlier letter. As usual I was in some part of the globe doing some work. I received your New Year card, and though late, Dorothy and I thank you very much. Our warm regards to you and Shrikant.
Shrimati, a long time ago you had talked about the historical and architectural monuments of your country. You may not remember it but I do. You had told me that one requires at least six months to take a tour of your country. Right now, I have three months’ time and I have decided to visit India. My heart yearns to see the places that you had described.
It would be a great pleasure if you could accompany me on my travels, but if you have any work, then can you please arrange my itinerary and accommodation? I am coming to Bombay directly.
I will wait for your reply.
Yours affectionately,
Mike Collins
Shrimati was delighted to receive this letter. Probably he was the only foreign guest whose company she enjoyed. Most of the guests she had to entertain were Shrikant’s business associates who looked at India from a very different angle.
For them, India meant cheap software. Their itinerary was to sunbathe in Goa, see the Taj Mahal, buy tonnes of silver jewellery, stay at The Oberoi—that’s all. They didn’t really understand what India meant nor were they interested in knowing.
Shrimati disliked people like that, but it didn’t bother Shrikant very much. When they were invited for dinner, the handsome Shrikant would smile charmingly and say, ‘Oh it was a great pleasure meeting you today’ or ‘You have made my day’. Shrimati would feel like walking out of the dinner party but she was aware that as Mrs Shrikant Deshpande, the wife of the company’s director, her presence was important.
Since Shrikant was going to be out of the country, Shrimati was happy that she could join Professor Collins on his trip. Suddenly she felt she had grown wings. Her spirits soared and she felt like singing with the koel in springtime. Enthusiastically she made all the travel plans and waited for Professor Collins’s arrival.
She went to the airport to receive Professor Collins personally. She was meeting him after five years. He looked a little older but was as energetic as ever. The pursuit of knowledge had kept him young.
Shrimati had planned for their journey to start at Delhi and end in Bombay. Their first destination was Fatehpur Sikri, Akbar’s capital city. When they visited the fort there, Shrimati described to Professor Collins several significant historical events that had taken place at that fort.
‘Sir, don’t you feel that there is a difference between the Agra Fort and this small fort? It seems the Mughals shifted their capital from here to Agra due to shortage of water. When Akbar the Great did not have a male child, he prayed to the Sufi saint Salim Chishti for a son. He did get a son and out of gratitude, named him Salim. Even today, people come and pray at the tomb for their wishes to be fulfilled. They make a knot with a piece of thread and tie it on the window grille and when the wish is fulfilled, they come back and untie the knot. This saint’s tomb is here, in the fort.’
From Agra they went to Ujjain in Madhya Pradesh. She explained the importance of this city to the professor.
‘Sir, Ujjain is a place with a very rich history. If one knows and loves Sanskrit, one cannot miss reading about Ujjain. It appears in all of Kalidasa’s plays. Kalidasa was a great Sanskrit scholar who belonged to Ujjain. Once upon a time this place was called Avantika. Goddess Avanti was the presiding deity of this area. This is also a place where the romance between Princess Vasavadatta and Udayana bloomed. In his younger days, Emperor Ashoka was the governor of this land. It seems his beautiful wife Vidisha was from the neighbouring town. His famous children Sanghamitra and Mahendra were born here. This place is extremely important for Hindus. The Mahakaleshwar Jyotirlinga’s shrine in Ujjain is one of the famous jyotirlingas of India. The myths say that there was a mysterious aura of light around the linga . . .’
Professor Collins interrupted her, ‘Shrimati, is Ujjain not a strange name?’
‘Yes, Sir. Some historians believe Utkarsha Jaya, that is, “the great victory” was the root name for Ujjain. Others believe it was Udatta Jain.’
From there they went to Mandu. There Shrimati related to Professor Collins the famous legend of Raja Baj Bahadur and Rani Roopmati. Their story is one of the greatest romances of Indian literature. Mandu also has beautiful palaces named after Hindustani ragas, she told him.
As they went along Shrimati explained everything from two perspectives, one from the local folk tales and the other from important historical events.
By the time they finished the north India tour, almost two months had passed. Meanwhile, Shrikant had returned to India and wanted Shrimati to come back home. He had some important guests and Shrimati was required to receive them, and be the hostess since they were important clients.
Shrimati was disappointed. She arranged for a proper guide and made sure all the arrangements for the remaining one month were in place so that Professor Collins would have no difficulties before he returned to Bombay.
When he came back to Bombay after an exhausting and exhaustive tour, Professor Collins was a little tired physically, but mentally felt fully charged. He declared that though he was seventy years old he was still young at heart.
Professor Collins had made extensive notes during his travels. He had some ideas about what he would do with them.
Shrimati had gone through all his notes and some of them she had appreciated and some others she had criticized. She was very happy about his visit but now she was sad that he was leaving. She would go back to being lonely once again.
Professor Collins was to leave for Karachi the next day but since Shrikant was in Bangkok, they were unable to meet.
After supper, Professor Collins and Shrimati sat in the balcony, watching the sea. Today, the sea did not soothe Shrimati. Professor Collins broke the silence.
‘Shrimati, what are you thinking of?’
‘My loneliness. Sometimes it is very depressing.’
‘Shrimati, may I give you some advice? Hope you will not mind. One should have the basic happiness within oneself. That happiness comes from confidence, and confidence comes from the kind of work one does whole-heartedly.
‘I have noticed that you have not lost your love for history. I have been observing you ever since I have known you. I remember how you described Badami and Sravanabelagola and Ajanta and Ellora many years ago. How you approached the monuments and places of historical significance on this trip was also commendable. You have become more mature. You are no longer as emotional about history, you have developed a critical and analytical approach.
‘I had thought that marriage, this kind of wealth, family responsibilities would have made you dull, lazy and arrogant. But you are still very sensible, your attitude to life has not changed. If anything, your thoughts seem to go deeper and have become clearer.
‘Shrimati, if you want to do a Ph.D even now, you can do it. Age is not a bar. I will get you a scholarship. A person like you can always pick up the threads.
‘But the decision has to be yours, your personal choice. I only wanted to tell you to think it over.’
Professor Collins paused and looked at her face. There was sadness and there was immeasurable helplessness.
He continued, ‘In life, everyone is not blessed with intelligence. People who have intelligence do not use it properly. I am surprised to see that you are leading such a fruitless life. If you hold water in your hand it trickles away. Your intelligence t
oo is trickling away with time. If Dorothy were here, I would have said the same thing to her. Maybe my culture is different so I view everything in that way. Living like this may be very common in your culture.’
Shrimati did not reply and Professor Collins did not continue.
Shrimati went to the airport to see off Professor Collins. When the security check announcement was made, she looked at him. He was old and tired but his life was pure and clean, like a hermit’s life. The thirst for knowledge was the breath of his life and there was no guile, deceit or manipulation or any other desire in him. That is why he could look at everyone with a compassionate heart.
Though he wasn’t related to her, nor belonged to her country, the kind of concern Professor Collins showed her reminded Shrimati of her mother Kamala. Unknowingly, tears filled her eyes. She opened the bag that she was carrying and presented Professor Collins with a beautifully embroidered Kashmiri shawl.
‘Sir, when you are working on your research, or whenever you feel cold, you can use this. Let it remind you of me though I stay thousands of miles away.’
‘Shrimati, I don’t require a shawl to remember you by. Whenever I see any student who is bright and sharp, I think of you.’
There was a final call for passengers to go to security. Suddenly Shrimati bent down and touched his feet. It was a spontaneous gesture, showing all the respect and regard she felt for him.
Professor Collins was taken aback. He patted her shoulders and said, ‘May god bless you, my child,’ and walked away.
TWENTY-ONE
Jacob and Dolly Lynes were coming to India. Jacob was the president of an American company with a business interest in Shrikant’s company. Most of the revenue that the company earned came from America. So Shrikant was very careful in the way he treated his American clients. He was aware that a software project that was designed in India would fetch much more profit than it would if it was done in America. Shrikant’s company had to set a good track record if it wanted to be listed on the New York Stock Exchange.
Shrikant had decided to host a dinner in honour of Jacob and Dolly Lynes in one of the restaurants at the Oberoi Towers at Nariman Point. To such parties, Shrikant would invite leading businessmen, industrialists, government officials—all the who’s who. The purpose of these dinners was not to eat, but to develop contacts.
Normally, the invites were printed in the names of Shrimati and Shrikant. Shrimati had to play the dutiful hostess, welcome everyone with a smile and see that all the guests were comfortable. She had to talk to everybody and make them feel important.
A week had passed since Professor Collins had left India. Shrimati started thinking more and more about history. She realized that she missed studying the subject. At home, searching for some important papers she came across Ravi’s letter once again. That disturbed her even more. Ravi had written that Shrimati was clear in her thinking. Was she really clear? If that was so, why was she getting so upset of late? She felt a vacuum within herself, that the work she was doing was against her wishes, that she wasn’t enjoying it. She asked herself the reason for feeling this way. Then she suddenly realized that she had never enjoyed attending parties. But she could not stay away from them either. Like that evening’s dinner. The thought made her even more unhappy. It was a difficult situation. If she refused to attend, Shrikant would get upset, and if she went she would be upset.
That day, for the first time, she decided not to go for the dinner. She called up Shrikant’s office. Priya answered the phone.
Priya, Shrikant’s secretary, was extremely efficient. She loved her job and worked as hard as two people. ‘Priya, will you put Shrikant on the line please, I want to speak to him.’
Shrimati was aware that personal messages should not be passed through the secretary as it could lead to gossip.
‘Sorry, madam, sir is on a video conference.’
‘All right, Priya, but inform him that I had called.’
Shrimati was angry. Was his wife’s call not important enough for him? He could have excused himself and come out for a minute. There were others there who were also part of the conference. For a minute she was upset with Priya, but she soon realized that she had just been doing her duty.
Shrimati was so used to doing whatever she was told that being obedient had become a habit. It often upset her greatly, yet she could not disobey instructions.
Shrimati was exhausted—mentally and physically. She felt she had to get out of the house.
She took her car out and was about to drive off when her driver, smoking a beedi with the other drivers in the basement, came running towards her. She waved him off, saying she wanted to drive herself.
She did not know where she was going. Without thinking she found herself on the road to Juhu beach. Once there, she parked the car and decided to take a walk along the shore.
It was afternoon and there were hardly any people on the beach. Had it been evening there wouldn’t have been any place to stand! She saw a few teenage couples who had obviously bunked college. Probably it was the best time of their lives. Shrimati too remembered her college days and she became even more upset. Shrikant would make up excuses to tell his mother and come to meet her at the botanical gardens. They would walk up to the Taiwac watch company compound. Shrimati would have her classes only three-times a week, but when Shrikant was in town, she would come to college all the six days. When Shrikant was in town he would not miss going to the University even on a single day. They would talk endlessly. Though they did not have money at that time, they had so much to talk about. Shrikant did all the talking and she listened to him. Shrikant would tell her about his college, his friends and professors, his studies, the extracurricular activities and all about his life at IIT. Though Shrimati hadn’t met any of the people he talked about, she felt she knew them because she had heard so much about each person.
Those had indeed been beautiful days.
What had happened to Shrikant now? The love, affection and sharing of ideas and dreams had disappeared. He hardly talked to her about the company or other business matters. The only time he spoke to her was to assign a list of chores for her to do. For him she had undergone so much opposition, criticism and nastiness from her in-laws. She had even given up her career, only because she really loved him. But Shrikant was not the same person she knew before their marriage. This Shrikant Deshpande was only interested in name, fame, position and status. In building up his business, he had forgotten his dear wife. This Shrikant appeared a stranger to her. Where could she find her old ‘Shri’?
Shrimati sat on a wooden bench and gave vent to her grief. She sobbed uncontrollably, unmindful of the people around her. But this was Bombay. Nobody would come and ask her what the matter was, or try to console her. Shrimati realized that her memories were making her unhappy, instead of soothing her. She felt she could not sit on the beach any longer. She wanted to go somewhere else. She wiped her tears and went to the car. It was like a heated oven. She felt like going to meet Vandana. But she did not want to go unannounced. She realized that Pramod might have taken casual leave from work to be with his family. She did not want to disturb them. Shrikant never used his casual leave. He worked all the days of the week. Even his earned leave was hardly ever taken.
Heaving a deep sigh, Shrimati decided to go back home.
When she walked in, her maid Champa told her, ‘Madam, there was a phone call from saab.’ She was in no mood to talk to Shrikant. But her duty-conscious mind did not allow her to ignore the message. Maybe he had some important work for her. Otherwise he would not call her from the office.
When she called, Shrikant was not there but he had left a message with Priya. ‘Sir wants you to bring his wallet, which he has forgotten at home.’ Hearing that made Shrimati more upset. When she did not say anything, Priya asked, ‘Madam, are you there? Is everything all right?’ Quickly, Shrimati replied, ‘Yes, Priya, thank you,’ and disconnected the phone.
TWENTY-TWO
; By the time Shrimati reached Oberoi Towers, some of the guests had already arrived. Shrikant looked very annoyed because Shrimati was late. It was her duty to come early and receive the guests. Shrimati noticed his expression but ignored it. She looked pale and tired. And unenthusiastic. That made Shrikant even more angry, though he did not show it. He introduced her to some new guests. Instead of shaking hands as usual, that day Shrimati folded her hands, said ‘Namaskar,’ and smiled. Shrikant added, ‘We are pleased to meet you.’ Shrimati was very tempted to say, ‘I am extremely unhappy at meeting people like you and wasting my time.’ But she could not say that. She was, after all, the wife of the director of the company. She smiled artificially and said, ‘I am glad to meet you.’
Waiters with drinks were doing the rounds amidst the groups of conversing men and women. Dining was a mere formality. After her first such party, Shrimati was taken aback at seeing the bill.
‘Isn’t it too much, Shri?’ she asked. ‘The food wasn’t very good either.’
Laughing at her ignorance, Shrikant had replied, ‘Don’t apply your Hubli norms to such a party. The amount of money we spend at these parties is a pittance compared to the business we get.’
Every dinner, every conversation, every relationship was based on profit and loss. What a way to live, she had thought!
Shrimati was reminded of that conversation once again. She was lost in deep thought when Harish’s wife Prabha came and tapped her shoulder. ‘Shrimati, where are you lost?’ Prabha, an MA in sociology, was from Agra. She had a six-year-old son, Amol, who was in a boarding school in Kodaikanal in Tamil Nadu.
‘Oh hello, Prabha, I didn’t see you,’ Shrimati said. ‘How is Amol? Do you miss him?’ she asked.
She had managed to evade Prabha’s question. The talkative Prabha replied, ‘To be very frank with you, Shrimati, I am happy that he is in boarding school. It is a very disciplined life, and he has lots of company. As an only child he gets bored and was beginning to get a little stubborn. Besides, we only talk in Hindi at home. There he will learn to speak excellent English.’