Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon - Vol. 03

by Hirukuma,

  Our party… They’re facedown in the dirt, scattered about the outside edge of the crater. They’re not dead—at least, I hope not.

  They’ve probably just passed out, since most aren’t moving. The captain and Mishuel, though, are struggling to somehow get to their feet. Those two are alive, at least. No doubt about that.

  “Oh? To think there were some who could withstand my dark magic,” says a voice from above.

  I look up and see a skeleton about two sizes bigger than the King of Souls floating in the air. The silver skeleton is clad in a hooded robe, but the robe’s embroidery is more intricate than the King of Souls’s was, and despite being worn by a skeleton, it exudes a sense of nobility.

  He has four arms, and behind him I catch glimpses of something else—a tail made of bones?

  “Talentless disciple. I will have returned to me the dead one’s arm that clings to the light.”

  The floating skeleton points his palm downward, and the ground in the crater rises up. The buried King of Souls’s staff rises into his hand.

  “Superior magic items should belong to superior beings… Do you not think so, visitor from another world?”

  That glittery silver skeleton has figured out my identity? When he looks at me with those dark eyes, I feel a chill, as though he’s seeing through to my very vending machine core.

  I don’t know who he is, but he must be a higher-ranked being than the King of Souls we defeated.

  “Wh-who are you?!”

  “Hmm. My name has been lost to time, but I suppose most call me the Netherlord. I am also the one who rules over the filth you call the King of Souls.”

  I thought as much—he’s an upgraded version. In this situation, one wrong move will be our last. Among our comrades, we don’t know if the Band of Gluttons or the red-and-white twins are alive. Captain Kerioyl and Mishuel are the only ones managing to hold on to consciousness. What should I do to save them? What can I do?

  If I just want to save Lammis, all I need to do is hold out with Force Field. I still have a point surplus. Quite a few points flowed into me after defeating the King of Souls, so I’m confident I can defend against anything.

  But I couldn’t save the others. Should I forsake them…?

  “So this is the so-called coin of a stratum lord. Hmph. A worthless trinket.”

  With a simple finger gesture, the coin floats in front of the Netherlord. But then the coin falls, as if he’s lost interest in it, brought down by gravity.

  “Wh-why did you do this?!”

  “Why? Is there a problem with my hunt? You assaulted the King of Souls to fulfill your own ambitions as well, did you not? I had thought surprise attacks were the specialty of you lowly hunters.”

  “Y-you’re right, but—”

  “As I recall, there is an expression in the world of man that goes: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Even children know it.”

  “B-but that’s—”

  “That’s what? Are you saying this is any different? I would very much like to ruminate if you would tell me what about it is different. Well, human?”

  This bastard is teasing Lammis. He’s playing around. This is the kind of superfluity someone with absolute power shows to the weak. Normally, this would be our chance to strike back to some extent, but I can’t see any possible outcome where we win this.

  What I Can Do as a Vending Machine

  Isn’t there a way to overcome this situation using only my features?

  The enemy is descending from the sky to the ground. What will work on him?

  Lure him into the crater he made himself, then suffocate him with dry ice poured in beforehand… That would be pointless. Skeletons don’t breathe. Besides, he could just escape into the air like before.

  Nothing edible would have any effect. I can’t expect anything from ice or water, either. Maybe we do need to start thinking about giving up. Escape should be the number one idea in our minds.

  But how are we supposed to flee in this situation? If we can distract him, we might be able to do something, but…

  “Uwoohhhh!”

  With a cutting shout, a red flash appears to run from the crown of the Netherlord’s head to the ground—but it’s just Mishuel, who brought his greatsword down on him.

  He’s all right!

  “That was an illusion. But you were very close, black-armored young man.”

  “Hah…hah… So surprise attacks won’t work after all.”

  Mishuel’s breathing is ragged, and he’s barely managing to stay upright by using his greatsword as a staff.

  There’s no way he’s all right after that attack. He must be at his absolute limit to have gotten in a strike at all.

  “Well, well. Foul play against evil. Does it not sting your conscience? What is the true face of justice, I wonder? Hmph.”

  The Netherlord shrugs and swings his tail around. Mishuel, without any energy to dodge left, takes the hit in a defenseless state and crashes to the ground.

  “Oh. I suppose you can’t enlighten me.”

  “Quit trying to have a discussion with that talkative bastard!”

  Suddenly, I hear a voice— It’s Hulemy! That’s right, she and Shui were farther away in the buar cart, so they’re still unharmed.

  After her angry shout, several plastic bottles reach us. They’re flying in a straight line at the Netherlord.

  Immediately, I realize what she’s doing and erase just the plastic bottles, using the same trick as before to try to splash their contents all over the Netherlord.

  “The highly flammable oil? Hmph.”

  With only a small puff of air, the Netherlord creates walls of wind at his sides. He must intend to blow the diesel away.

  “Not yet!”

  With Shui’s words comes a fire arrow flying through the air, igniting the diesel— No, it’s gasoline. It explodes before hitting the wind wall.

  “Lammis, Boxxo, get out of there while you have the chance!” shouts Shui.

  “Hurry!”

  Urged on by their words, Lammis kicks off the ground and jumps to the crater’s edge. I don’t forget to turn into a cardboard vending machine to lighten the load for it.

  “Captain, Mishuel, get on, quick. We’ve gotta scram!” cries Shui, stopping next to the two as they struggle to get into the buar cart to push them inside.

  “I’ll help, too,” says Lammis, leaping over in a single bound, easily tossing them in.

  “We’re running for now!” yells Hulemy.

  “But everyone else is—”

  Hulemy sets off before waiting for a response, and Lammis reluctantly follows.

  When I look behind me, the rest of our comrades are still lying on the ground. After blowing away the flames, the Netherlord, now floating in the air again, looks contemptuously at them, for some reason unmoving.

  What’s going on? Is he going to let them live, since it’s not worth killing them? Whatever the reason, if they survive, that’s fine. We just have to get away.

  “And where might you be going? You still haven’t told me.”

  The skeleton’s condescending speech speaks directly to my brain. It’s kind of like Telepathy, one of the Blessings.

  Everyone seems to have heard him, but they don’t turn around. They speed up.

  “My, my. Didn’t anyone ever teach you to look at someone when they’re talking and listen until the end? Young people these days know nothing of manners.”

  Now he’s talking like an old man from the countryside. If he was just an annoying old man complaining about courtesy, that wouldn’t be a problem, but when the Netherlord with all his ridiculous strength says it, it’s a different story.

  I don’t know how far Telepathy can reach, but if he’s just going to talk to us and not attack, then I don’t care how much he talks to himself.

  “You’re abandoning your comrades?”

  Suddenly, without any warning, the Netherlord appears in our way. I guess things are never that eas
y.

  This isn’t the sort of enemy we can kill in a hit-and-run way. Hulemy knows that, and she pulls the reins to try to change course.

  “If you can’t have a conversation, doesn’t that make you little more than animals?”

  For whatever reason, the staff he’s holding disappears, and he brings his empty hands out in front of him. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I have a bad feeling about it. I put up a full-power Force Field and watch closely, lest I miss even the slightest movement.

  His silver fingers, without a scrap of skin on them, close slightly—and then Hulemy and Shui appear in his hands.

  “Hulemy! Shui!”

  They were just in the driver’s seat— Why are they there? I look at the buar cart, but it’s empty now.

  The Netherlord is floating in the air, gripping their necks. They’re swinging their arms and legs, trying to resist somehow, but the Netherlord doesn’t react at all.

  “You, the girl with the amusing Blessing and the magic item with the soul of an outsider. You two are interesting. For that, I will let you live. You still have much growing to do, so I think I can expect great things from you in the future.”

  “Let them go!”

  Lammis, emotions flaring, jumps in. I want to stop her, but if I forced her to stop right now, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. Even though I know this is a taunt to lure us in, we have to go!

  “You’re aware of the overwhelming difference in our power, and yet, still you struggle. Good, good. I admire your resolve. I particularly enjoy the songs about the adventures of those called heroes. An evil-vanquishing hero’s road to power is paved with the deaths of comrades. And I must play the part of the villain!”

  “N-nooooooooooo!”

  The worst-case scenario unfolds in my mind. I’m currently a cardboard vending machine on her back, so I’m not weighing her down. She’s advanced the distance of several steps in just one jump. And yet—

  “Hearts dance in turmoil. Revel in death.”

  The instant the Netherlord says those words, darkness wraps itself around Shui’s and Hulemy’s bodies, and they both give a massive jerk.

  Then he lets them go, and they begin to fall to the ground upside down.

  “Uwaaaahhhh!”

  Lammis digs her heels in and explodes off the ground, dust erupting behind her. She crosses over thirty feet in a single leap, slides underneath them as they fall, and catches them before they collide with the ground.

  “You did well to make it in time. As a reward, I will return their corpses to you. I anxiously await your growth. I will remain in this stratum for a time. You may come for revenge whenever you like.”

  Leaving us with that, the Netherlord raises his staff and vanishes from sight.

  “Hulemy, Shui, answer me! Please, please…answer me…”

  Does she understand the danger of slapping them in the face with her Might? She simply stays next to them, tears falling, clenching her fists.

  The two girls look like they’re just sleeping, but given how disturbed Lammis is, I don’t plan on being enough of an idiot to think about it that optimistically.

  “Hulemy, you promised you’d always help me out… Shui, everyone…everyone at the orphanage is waiting for you… So please…please, seriously, please!”

  “That piece of shit… My comrades… You bastard!”

  “Not…not again…”

  The buar cart must have caught up. Mishuel and the captain cry out in grief.

  Mishuel is using his sword to barely stay up on one knee, but blood is dripping from his bitten lip.

  The captain, who can just barely move, gets off the cart and removes Shui’s and Hulemy’s armor and clothing.

  What is he doing at a time like this?! I want to yell at him, but I’m misunderstanding— He starts to do a cardiac massage on Shui.

  “Lammis! You learned basic hunter treatment for people whose hearts have stopped! Don’t just stand there!”

  “R-right!”

  Lammis puts me to the side. Then, being careful not to put too much strength into it, she begins to massage Hulemy’s heart.

  Please be all right!

  She’s got a bad mouth, but she’s been supporting Lammis like a big sister. She understands me, too. She’s important to me.

  And Shui—bright, eats a lot, giving her all to the hunting life for the sake of an orphanage.

  And now their bodies lie before me.

  “No good! I can’t get her to breathe!”

  Lammis’s cry of anguish echoes through the wastelands.

  Do we have to give up? Do we really have to accept their deaths without doing anything…? No, not yet! It’s too early to give up!

  He said, Hearts dance in turmoil. Revel in death. Their corpses have no external wounds—it’s like they’re sleeping. If I’m to trust Captain Kerioyl’s judgment, their hearts have just stopped. Which means there’s still hope for saving them!

  I immediately select a feature I’ve had my eye on and acquire it.

  A clear door attaches slightly off-center on my vending machine body, and orange objects appear inside it. After they materialize, a red-heart pattern and the letters AED appear next to them.

  The feature I chose is the ability to dispense an AED. An AED is an automated external defibrillator, a medical device that gives an electric shock to someone in cardiac arrest to revive them.

  With the onset of so many earthquake disasters recently, vending machines that you can attach simple toilets and AEDs to for emergencies are on the rise. Thanks to that, I was able to get the feature now.

  In their state, I have faith that using this can revive them!

  “Huh? What’s this? What?”

  Noticing my change, Lammis stops her work and looks at me—the tears still streaming down her face. But she doesn’t understand what it is. I don’t blame her. Nobody in this other world would immediately figure out what it is just by seeing it.

  Few Japanese people would recognize it at a glance. And even if they knew it was an AED, they’d hesitate to actually use it.

  Reviving someone from cardiac arrest is a race against time. There’s no room for hesitation!

  I don’t have a way to explain it to Lammis, so leaving it to her is impossible. There’s a manual with diagrams inside the case, but it would still take some time to figure it out.

  How many points do I have left…? About 1,220,000! That’s enough!

  As a result of helping kill the King of Souls and my laborious saving until now, plus the Flame Skeletitan Coin reward, I was able to save up this much.

  The skill I should learn now—Telekinesis.

  This Blessing’s ability is “You can control objects within a radius of three feet. However, there is a weight limit, and you can only use it on your products.”

  I don’t know whether the AED falls into the definition of “product,” but I don’t have any other choice. There’s no reason to waver!

  I spend one million points to acquire Telekinesis, then focus on my AED and will it to move. Sure enough, the clear door opens, and the AED comes out. Now it’s floating through the air.

  Good, good, good, good, we’re past phase one! The next step is to open the case and take out the contents. Then, to place the yellow device on the ground and put the electrode pads on their chests… Damn, I can’t reach. The three-foot limitation is getting in the way now?!

  “Huh? The item is floating… Are you doing this, Boxxo? You’re trying to do something, aren’t you? Could it be, could it be that you can bring them back to life?”

  “Welcome.” I respond affirmatively to her question spoken without hope.

  Lammis’s eyes go wide. “R-really?! Um, you want to do something with that boxy thing with the string on it, right? Um, uhhh, do you need to get closer to them?”

  “Welcome.”

  “Okay, got it!”

  She’s responding in a pretty quick-witted manner, but since I’m panicking, even that almost seems
like it’s wasting time. Calm down. Lammis is nearly in an actual panic, so I have to think carefully and take action.

  I need to deal with this calmly. I understood everything about how to use the AED when I chose it. Now I just have to execute.

  “You’re here!”

  She lays their bodies down basically right on top of me.

  I’ll reach them like this. Now… Sorry, Shui, but I’m reviving Hulemy first.

  The electrodes go on her upper right chest and a little below her left side. I place them in those two locations. With only that, the AED automatically takes an ECG and decides whether or not electric shocks are necessary.

  “Please do not touch the body. Now running ECG.”

  It has voice guidance built in, so any Japanese person would be able to use it.

  “Electric shock required.”

  “Who’s that voice? …I can’t understand what they’re saying.”

  This one doesn’t get translated from a Japanese voice? It must be because it’s not actually a voice. After the voice speaks, it begins to charge electricity, and when it’s done, it says, again in Japanese, “Please press the shock button.”

  Now I just have to push the red button on the device. There’s no time to hesitate. I have to do Shui after this, too. The longer a person is in cardiac arrest, the lower their chances of revival are… Here I go. No, wait—there’s still something else I can do to increase the possibility of success.

  Betting on a slim possibility, I increase my dexterity stat. I still don’t know what it’s for, but if it does anything at all to improve this feature’s effects or capabilities, I’ll spend as many points as I have to.

  I increase it by ten, twenty, thirty, then forty, spending a hundred thousand points, but it’s still tolerable. Okay, I’m pressing the shock button!

  “Electric shock delivered. You may now touch the body.”

  Her body gives a twitch from the electric shock, but I can’t rest easy yet. It only happened because the electricity ran through her. Here’s where the problem starts.

  “Hulemy… Ah, you’re breathing—you’re breathing again! Hulemy, Hulemyyyy!”